Bidet Meta Threas

[tigol 2,383]

I just ordered 3 Brondells.  Should have scrolled up.  

[High Plains Drifter 10,970]

Finally got around to perusing this thread.

From the OP:

operate the anus sprayer while the toilet bowl is refilling. If you do so, and the toilet bowl stops the refilling process, you are going to have a surge in water pressure which will give you quite a surprise, and you may harm your sphincter.

Some people pay extra for that.

[luke duke 6,383]

Currently on sale for $25.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CGVBZGL/

Perfect white elephant gift...

[Hate 20,103]

I have finally decided to get on the bidet thread and placed an order for the Luxe Bidet Neo 185 (Elite Series) this morning.  It should be here tomorrow.  I am strangely excited for its arrival. 

 

[AM Wood 335]

52 minutes ago, Hate said:

I have finally decided to get on the bidet thread and placed an order for the Luxe Bidet Neo 185 (Elite Series) this morning.  It should be here tomorrow.  I am strangely excited for its arrival. 

 

Welcome to team clean hole. 

[Baboontyme 2,807]

Nuthin strange about it. If it doesn't change your life within 10 days I don't even want to know you. 

[Zone Read 298]

I can't think of any purchase I've made recently that the cost to benefit ratio is that good.  

[Hate 20,103]

My wife is skeptical, which is why I went ahead and purchased the one with the "woman" setting. I figured it would make her feel special and she would be more apt to use it if it had a setting just for her.  I kind of want to hold out shitting for as long as I can tomorrow just so I can use it for the first time tomorrow.  Maybe I should eat a bunch of cheese tonight?

[Zone Read 298]

The other day the feature that warms the water accidentally got turned off.  That first shot of water about 50 degrees lower than I expected hitting my turdcutter was quite the shock.

[MissingInAction 24,807]

15 hours ago, Zone Read said:

The other day the feature that warms the water accidentally got turned off.  That first shot of water about 50 degrees lower than I expected hitting my turdcutter was quite the shock.

That's how I start every day. Invigorating.

[Quagmire 2,146]

So those that have the heated ones do you have a cord that runs out of your shit closet into the bathroom?

[Zone Read 298]

2 hours ago, Quagmire said:

So those that have the heated ones do you have a cord that runs out of your shit closet into the bathroom?

Had an electrician put an outlet in next to the throne.

[Hate 20,103]

I’m up and running now. Whomever put in the fill mechanism before had crossed threaded the connection, so when I tried to install the bidet, I could t get a good connection on the T joint. I had to replace the fill mechanism as well. Gave it a try this morning and I can say is wow...and also that I don’t knew why anyone would ever need more than the low pressure setting. I don’t even want to imagine needing the high pressure or imagine what the high pressure would do to a bunghole.

[The Royal We 3,065]

The heat and the pressure on mine go up way beyond what I can imagine anyone being comfortable with. 

Welcome to the party Pal.

[chikin23 384]

Any good recs on a travel model?

[AM Wood 335]

4 minutes ago, chikin23 said:

Any good recs on a travel model?

Yes. Travel to Europe. They have them all over the place. 

[MissingInAction 24,807]

Without the high pressure I just dont get the desired polished sparkling feel. I want to hear a squeegee sound when checking for cleanliness.

[Hate 20,103]

Without the high pressure I just dont get the desired polished sparkling feel. I want to hear a squeegee sound when checking for cleanliness.

 

This is what I fear might happen if I use the high pressure.

 

 

It’s going to blow the water back through my body and out my nose, ears, and mouth.

[PhillyD 1,257]

I have no use for the heating feature.  I find myself looking forward to winter when the water is colder and more refreshing.

[cabowabo 4,452]

6 hours ago, PhillyD said:

I have no use for the heating feature.  I find myself looking forward to winter when the water is colder and more refreshing.

Agree. I don’t get the allure of the warm water feature. It’s always so warm and humid around my butthole. A shot of cool water is just very refreshing.  I’ll go so far as to say it’s invigorating. 

[AM Wood 335]

it's like frollicking around in the alps like that jewish family did in the sound of music.

[luke duke 6,383]

I don’t even want to imagine needing the high pressure or imagine what the high pressure would do to a bunghole.

Just wait until you build up a callus. You’ll be upgrading to the Binford 2000 that doubles as a sinus cleanser.

[Deej 76,528]

On 1/14/2020 at 5:40 PM, chikin23 said:

Any good recs on a travel model?

 

[Mappable 37]

I switched out the nozzle today on a Kohler seat we just had installed.

Like a dumbass, I grabbed the handle to test out the new nozzle and shot water high in the air directly on my shirt and and pants.  

 

[Sam Lin 3,540]

For anyone who was on the fence and missed the Black Friday deal at Costco, the Bio Bidet is on sale there again for even cheaper than Black Friday:

 

https://slickdeals.net/f/13803272-bio-bidet-uspa-6800-luxury-bidet-seat-179-99?src=frontpage

[drifter379 1,106]

That was fast.

[Hate 20,103]

I’ve had the bidet for a couple of weeks now and I’m not sure how I ever lived without it. I wish I’d had one when I had to do my colonoscopy prep a year ago. I’ll never not have one on my throne again.

[JSB 677]

Between work and other travel, I’ve been away from home for 2 months now. I cannot wait to get back home to mine.

[Felix 599]

Installed my Bio Bidet USPA 6800 Luxury Bidet Seat yesterday.  I've had the Lux cheapies for a while and they are fine but this is the shit!  On sale this month at Costco for $199 (normally $369) while supplies last.  Between the oscillating stream and the dryer, my butt hole is feeling quite pampered. 

My wife is skeptical but I think the warm water stream will bring her around.  She wasn't a fan of the cold water on the cheap ones.  I never had a problem with it.  I also think the adjustable pressure will be a sell for her, but I really don't give a shit.  This is my baby all the way.

[MissingInAction 24,807]

I really wish someone would invent a bidet with a fleshlight attachment.

[Zone Read 298]

37 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

I really wish someone would invent a bidet with a fleshlight attachment.

As a patent attorney, I'd love to write the detailed description in the application for this invention

[MissingInAction 24,807]

1 hour ago, Zone Read said:

As a patent attorney, I'd love to write the detailed description in the application for this invention

[Guadaloopy 10,917]

[OWLVIS 557]

We are all looking like Eisenstein's at this point

[MissingInAction 24,807]

1 hour ago, OWLVIS said:

We are all looking like Eisenstein's at this point

Just came here to comment on how smug I have been when friends ask me where I have been purchasing TP.

"Peasants!"

Edited March 12, 2020 by MissingInAction

[Guadaloopy 10,917]

This TP shortage is like Pentecost for the Gospel of the Bidet.  There is a lost world in need of salvation.  Go witness in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.  

[midtown 3,341]

They laughed us.  Called us weird.  Well enjoy wiping your ass with leaves

[CHIEF 5,067]

Amazon should pay me a commission. I've had at least a dozen people that have been to a party at my place, who have hit me up asking where to get one.

CHIEF

[Zepol87 9,168]

11 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

Amazon should pay me a commission. I've had at least a dozen people that have been to a party at my place, who have hit me up asking where to get one.

CHIEF

Same with my friends. They thought it was a joke at first then came over a few times and now they all bought one. 

[cabowabo 4,452]

https://www.businessinsider.com/coronavirus-bidet-sales-increase-panic-toilet-paper-shortages-brondell-tushy-2020-3

 

 

Edited March 13, 2020 by cabowabo

[luke duke 6,383]

You’re welcome everyone. Please think of me every time you use your bidet.

Please note that I am entitled to 20% of all bidet use fees that you make from your unprepared friends, family and neighbors. PM me for my Venmo.

[Zone Read 298]

3 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Same with my friends. They thought it was a joke at first then came over a few times and now they all bought one. 

Same with me as well.  I've been preaching the gospel of the Bidet for a while now.  

[AM Wood 335]

I’ve been a bidet aficionado for many years and it was this thread that brought me to the light. 

[Hate 20,103]

I feel so enlightened these days while watching the TP rush going on.  Morons.

[fluff 87]

Lulz. Like you guys just hop off with water running down your ass cheeks...

[Hate 20,103]

No, but I use maybe two squares to dry off. A roll of TP lasts a while.

[Prepuce of Doom 20,982]

I'm also bidet proselytizer. My score is at least six. 

[cabowabo 4,452]

I took a shit at my mom”s house this afternoon with no bidet. It’s wasn’t fun, nor was it one of those fortunate one wipe style shits. 

[luke duke 6,383]

I really wish someone would invent a bidet with a fleshlight attachment.

It would also need to include a refrigerator and a TV attachment so there would never be a reason to leave the bathroom.

[Hate 20,103]

1 hour ago, cabowabo said:

I took a shit at my mom”s house this afternoon with no bidet. It’s wasn’t fun, nor was it one of those fortunate one wipe style shits. 

I went golfing yesterday and for some reason couldn't work one up before I had to leave the house. I got to the golf course and had to drop a deuce before I teed off.  Of course they had the one ply sandpaper toilet paper that one would expect at such a place. I ended up with swamp ass by #17.  It sucked.