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Transfer Cycle 2024-2025 - Handjob Helobious Is the Man!


closetojumping

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Guys, you'll be shocked to know that someone has slipped into my DMs to call me a meanie. I'm not goint to say who, becuase that would be mean and I don't want to be known as a meanie online. But it's super serious and they wanted me to know I'm a little person on the internet and they're super succesful and an actual graduate from UT, which apparently I'm not. 

I might need a hug. And some more lube for this dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article A dildo, never MY dildo

Sorry, I felt you needed to know.
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1 hour ago, SydneyCarton said:

Ah, resorting to personal attacks and homophobic slurs. The true sign of a poster with the intellactual horsepower to handle criticism and think critically. 

I also enjoyed your unintentional self-owns, which of course you wouldn't know typing, becuase you seem to be that breed of poster that talks more than takes account of the actual posters on the 995 board, what they've said, and what they've done. 

It's spelled logorrhea, not "logarehia" you fucking twat. And yeah, the unentiontal comedy of ME allegdly shitting on someone else for posting a lot, as well as having to correct their spelling, is high fucking comedy. You won't get it, but everyone else here will get it. 

Until I saw the non-edited post quoted where the dildo comment was made, I didn't understand where the "homophobic slur" reference was pointed. I read your quote of his 3 times trying to understand what I was missing. "Great, is there some new way of using an old word that I now have to stop using?" Phew. 

27 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

Guys, you'll be shocked to know that someone has slipped into my DMs to call me a meanie. I'm not goint to say who, becuase that would be mean and I don't want to be known as a meanie online. But it's super serious and they wanted me to know I'm a little person on the internet and they're super succesful and an actual graduate from UT, which apparently I'm not. 

I might need a hug. And some more lube for this dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article A dildo, never MY dildo

You might as well be kicking the old guy's walker out from underneath him. Just put him on ignore and he can verbally vomit all over this board with impunity as the septuagenarian version of spyder2yguy. Trust me, it's an easy fix.

16 minutes ago, irishtexan said:

Can any one person really own a dildo? I thought all dildos were common property in the trust tree? 

I'm not sure about the dildo part of this as I'm admittedly happily inexperienced, but I do know I apparently feel this way about sunglasses and umbrellas, as I seem to lose 20+ of each product to the public domain each calendar year. 

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2 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Until I saw the non-edited post quoted where the dildo comment was made, I didn't understand where the "homophobic slur" reference was pointed. I read your quote of his 3 times trying to understand what I was missing. "Great, is there some new way of using an old word that I now have to stop using?" Phew. 

You might as well be kicking the old guy's walker out from underneath him. Just put him on ignore and he can verbally vomit all over this board with impunity as the septuagenarian version of spyder2yguy. Trust me, it's an easy fix.

I'm not sure about the dildo part of this as I'm admittedly happily inexperienced, but I do know I apparently feel this way about sunglasses and umbrellas, as I seem to lose 20+ of each product to the public domain each calendar year. 

Fun context I've learned, the gentleman in question claims not to be old, but 51. 

And in a follow up has asked for my help in deleting their account. 

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22 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

 I do know I apparently feel this way about sunglasses and umbrellas, as I seem to lose 20+ of each product to the public domain each calendar year. 

 

 

 

CTJ - in full sartorial splendor, and with his favorite accoutrements - summering in Galveston ... 

 

image.png.bad391d7fb7bc8f5c159e0c7b4aed8f2.png

 

 

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1 hour ago, SydneyCarton said:

Guys, you'll be shocked to know that someone has slipped into my DMs to call me a meanie. I'm not goint to say who, becuase that would be mean and I don't want to be known as a meanie online. But it's super serious and they wanted me to know I'm a little person on the internet and they're super succesful and an actual graduate from UT, which apparently I'm not. 

I might need a hug. And some more lube for this dildo. Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article A dildo, never MY dildo

Nice Fight Club reference, sir. 

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2 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

I think Ztejas is like 29. Helobious might be like 25, which explains his inexhaustable energy for tug jobs. 

Are you drawing those conclusions because they're 2 of the most idiotic posters on this site? They're not idiots due to inexperience. They're idiots because they've got room temperature IQs. At least Helobious is entertaining with his absurdly stupid takes. 

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1 minute ago, closetojumping said:

Are you drawing those conclusions because they're 2 of the most idiotic posters on this site? They're not idiots due to inexperience. They're idiots because they've got room temperature IQs. At least Helobious is entertaining with his absurdly stupid takes. 

I met ztejas once at a tailgate dropping of beers for Immamac, and I think I've seen stuff referenced elsewhere. 

But make no mistake, in no way was I suggesting their idiocy is based on inexperience. 

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19 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Jesus Christ was only 33. I doubt there is a poster on this site younger than JFC.

 

16 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

I think Ztejas is like 29. Helobious might be like 25, which explains his inexhaustable energy for tug jobs. 

As much as I’d like to distance myself from those 2, I’m 31

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1 hour ago, SydneyCarton said:

Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article A dildo, never MY dildo

Never, ever say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.

A dildo activated itself and created an emergency situation that required evacuating your DMs.

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12 minutes ago, Vito Andolini said:

hornlife is gone? 😢

He was a big part of this board for about three hours. What the hell we ‘sposed to do now?

image.gif.128ceebb389df4e4e9cb257517ec7989.gif

I mixed him up with “horn4life”, who may be part of the Surly Rainbow Crew 🌈, so this was all quite confusing. 

But I should be 255 years old… and at that age, one is easily confused. 

image.jpeg.1ab0b1e6847ffa8c74907ef8dcb1fdb9.jpeg

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3 hours ago, MuellerHorn said:

Awkward Season 4 GIF by The Office

Ditto...

This explains a lot about the lack of insight on this board. If y’all are 31yo you were wearing pull ups when we won our last NC? You missed a lot of football. I’m so old Greg Abbott was in my fraternity and was running the San Jacinto block. Holy shit I’m old. 

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6 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

Oglaf is almost always good.

And... almost always NSFW.

Yeah, I need to make sure it didn’t open a new tab. I’m working with a few born again women currently - would not be good. Two thumbs down. 

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19 minutes ago, Knewk210 said:

This explains a lot about the lack of insight on this board. If y’all are 31yo you were wearing pull ups when we won our last NC? You missed a lot of football. I’m so old Greg Abbott was in my fraternity and was running the San Jacinto block. Holy shit I’m old. 

It's true. All of the old people bitching about Playoff teams "not being our standard" sound astonishingy pompous when Texas has been floating around average for most of our lives. 

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10 minutes ago, Bevo said:

Yeah, I need to make sure it didn’t open a new tab. I’m working with a few born again women currently - would not be good. Two thumbs down. 


Born again women are the best kind of sluts. Oh so I have heard. 

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5 hours ago, closetojumping said:

Jesus Christ was only 33. I doubt there is a poster on this site younger than JFC.

I'm not even 30 yet, bitches

Jason Derulo Performance GIF by NBC

 

 

Someday ctj and SC will be among the geriatrics that we bully off the board. Then me and my fellow youths will finally be able to instill our culture of love, acceptance, patience, natties, and just asking questions.

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12 minutes ago, Bodacious Bevo said:

I'm not even 30 yet, bitches

Someday ctj and SC will be among the geriatrics that we bully off the board. Then me and my fellow youths will finally be able to instill our culture of love, acceptance, patience, natties, and just asking questions.

                            Proudfootscowling.jpg.a4073f371b2eadcf0af5cab486a99918.jpg

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7 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

I met ztejas once at a tailgate dropping of beers for Immamac, and I think I've seen stuff referenced elsewhere. 

But make no mistake, in no way was I suggesting their idiocy is based on inexperience. 


Make no mistake: my idiocy is based on my inferior genetic makeup, an inferior education, a substandard IQ, and approximately 127,000 beers consumed over several decades. My idiocy is experienced.

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8 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

I think Ztejas is like 29. Helobious might be like 25, which explains his inexhaustable energy for tug jobs. 

I’m 31 since it seems to matter to several on here, and please don’t compare me to that idiot. A year or two ago Derka tried to goad us into a 1v1 basketball game after ztejas posted some video of himself taking jump shots and I made fun him for it. But I wasn’t going to drive all the way up to Austin just to fucking dogwalk some internet guy at a public court. That was the most extensive exchange I cared to have with him.

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I’m 27 and I’ve been observing you olds for quite some time. I think my first recruiting thread was the 2012 class thread. Might have been a freshman in HS. I remember landing Dalton Santos late and you guys crying about how fat he was. I also remember you guys posting the strangest built women to celebrate commitments. Like the letter “P”, but flipped. 

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2 minutes ago, CastHorn said:

I’m 27 and I’ve been observing you olds for quite some time. I think my first recruiting thread was the 2012 class thread. Might have been a freshman in HS. I remember landing Dalton Santos late and you guys crying about how fat he was. I also remember you guys posting the strangest built women to celebrate commitments. Like the letter “P”, but flipped. 

Fucking hell. I literally have t-shirts in my closet older than you. I feel old.

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6 hours ago, Bodacious Bevo said:

I'm not even 30 yet, bitches

Jason Derulo Performance GIF by NBC

 

 

Someday ctj and SC will be among the geriatrics that we bully off the board. Then me and my fellow youths will finally be able to instill our culture of love, acceptance, patience, natties, and just asking questions.

Sir, we’re Gen X, not boomers. We’ve never had the numbers to create any kind of culture. And in already old. 
 

that being said your culture sounds turrible. 

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