Legal help for changing stepsons last name

[NaTeWHO 852]

My stepson will start 9th grade next year and he wants to change his last name to mine.

Background:

His biological father is a loser (shocker) and an idiot. We cannot get him to respond to us after a month of multiple attempts. We've called and texted, as well as had others who know him try to get a response on our behalf and have had no luck. He answered the phone when my wife called and then hung up when she said who she was. My stepson came into my life when he was 5. He's now 14 and there has been no contact with the real father since a few months before my stepson and I met. 9 years with zero attempted contact. Biological father's name is not on the birth certificate, but from what I've read, that doesn't matter as his rights were never terminated. My wife and stepson left an abusive situation shortly before my wife and I met. I am wondering how to proceed. He has not said no, he's just ignoring everyone who tries to contact him.

This would be really easy if he'd just sign a couple forms for the court and I've made that clear. Now we're getting angry and Momma bear is getting fired up. She wants me to try one more time with an ultimatum of sign the papers or we will be coming after 9 years of child support. I don't even know if that's possible or even care about the money per se, but she thinks that might scare him into signing. I guess it would recoup legal fees should we have to get lawyers involved. Seems like an easy decision to me. Either take a couple minutes to sign papers or pay 50k (estimate) in back child support and still lose when the name change is approved regardless.

Is that a bad idea? Any advice on how to proceed? Anyway to get this done without his involvement?

[NeverMarryAStripper 21996]

I’m no lawyer, but the first step should be to review the divorce decree and see what your wife’s rights and her ex’s obligations are under it

[NaTeWHO 852]

Quote

I’m no lawyer, but the first step should be to review the divorce decree and see what your wife’s rights and her ex’s obligations are under it

No divorce. She was never married to biological father.

Edited May 21 by NaTeWHO

[TwiceHorn 31646]

Don't believe this is a "name change."  It's a step-parent adoption.  There are ways to force the termination of parental rights, but you need a lawyer.

https://texaslawhelp.org/article/stepparent-adoption-in-texas-answers-to-common-questions

[NaTeWHO 852]

12 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

Don't believe this is a "name change."  It's a step-parent adoption.  There are ways to force the termination of parental rights, but you need a lawyer.

https://texaslawhelp.org/article/stepparent-adoption-in-texas-answers-to-common-questions

That's the site I've been using. Here is where I've been reading on changing a child's name.

https://texaslawhelp.org/guide/i-want-to-change-my-childs-name?tab=1

Pushing for the 1st option, "Instructions & Forms for Child Name Change: Both Parents Agree to File Together." If we can get him to sign the forms listed, we all move on and leave it behind us. Kind of expecting the 2nd option, "Instructions and Forms for Child Name Change - One parent filing - Other parent will be served," where I'll have to get lawyers and courts involved and drag this shit out.

I'd like to force his hand with the child support ultimatum, but don't know if that would somehow damage our case should option #2 be our path forward.

Something like, "Apparently you want to take the difficult route. We want to make this easy, but if you refuse to respond we will be seeking 9 years of back child support and also succeed in changing (stepson's) name in court. If you are uncomfortable meeting with me, we have provided a mediator to meet you with the documents to sign. If neither she nor I hear from you by this Friday, we will move forward without you."

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

Username checks out. 

[troph 24916]

@hornian ?

[hornian 5230]

A name change can be denied by the court, even if all the parties agreee, so be aware of that. Some judge’s won’t want to change your stepson’s last name unless you are also adopting him. 

[shakahorn 1650]

Is he capable of scaring up anything close to $50k?  If not, then that's kind of a red herring.

[TwiceHorn 31646]

1 minute ago, shakahorn said:

Is he capable of scaring up anything close to $50k?  If not, then that's kind of a red herring.

Actually, once you get a judgment for child support arrearages, it can wreak all kinds of havoc.  No license renewals, I believe it is actually a valid lien on homestead, etc.

[orange dream 1256]

So, sperm donor (SD):

1. not on the birth cert

2. never married to mom

3. never provided support for the child

Why does the kid have his last name? Was that last name given at birth even though SD not listed as father?  Basically, how is he legally recognized as the bio dad other than your wife "mistakenly" thinking so?

Is there an end-around to somehow legally acknowledge that the SD is NOT the father and then it negates the requirement to have SD "sign-off" on name change?  If SD somehow proves (DNA test) that he is the father, hit him with 'child support' demand.  Does he have an ability to pay for years of child support?  If he crawfishes, like the cockmunch he sounds like, and disappears then you get what you want.

 

Obviously I'm not a member of the Surly Legal Cartel, nor did I sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

 

 

[DallasHorn26 586]

My youngest was a private adoption (basically surrendered to us by birth mother). SD was not in picture. If i recall, our attorney had us run ads in local paper looking for him and the non-response was considered is surrender of rights. 

[deadshank 24653]

Is his first name "Sue?"

[thunderlounge 7979]

Sue Mai Ashoff, esq. 

[NaTeWHO 852]

3 hours ago, orange dream said:

So, sperm donor (SD):

1. not on the birth cert

2. never married to mom

3. never provided support for the child

Why does the kid have his last name? Was that last name given at birth even though SD not listed as father?  Basically, how is he legally recognized as the bio dad other than your wife "mistakenly" thinking so?

Is there an end-around to somehow legally acknowledge that the SD is NOT the father and then it negates the requirement to have SD "sign-off" on name change?  If SD somehow proves (DNA test) that he is the father, hit him with 'child support' demand.  Does he have an ability to pay for years of child support?  If he crawfishes, like the cockmunch he sounds like, and disappears then you get what you want.

 

Obviously I'm not a member of the Surly Legal Cartel, nor did I sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

 

 

1. SD was on drugs when Mom signed the birth certificate and didn't participate. Then never did it. He was at the hospital during birth, but was on Xanax and other drugs, so there, but not there.

2. They were living together for 4 years and then off and on the first 4 years of stepson's life. She was very young and faithful. He was much older and not faithful.

3. Never offered any support and when wife left, she just wanted to get away and move on. Never tried to get support. Before she left, the guy used to sell stepson's birthday and Christmas gifts for drugs.

As mentioned, she was young and naive. Hoped by having the same name, the guy would change and be a Dad. This was before she learned he has multiple kids with different women. All of which he abandoned.

I'd love for him to not be the father, but he is.

 

2 hours ago, DallasHorn26 said:

My youngest was a private adoption (basically surrendered to us by birth mother). SD was not in picture. If i recall, our attorney had us run ads in local paper looking for him and the non-response was considered is surrender of rights. 

I've heard of similar situations. May be something we try.

[NaTeWHO 852]

Well, this just got more interesting and probably a lot more entertaining.

The coward wouldn't respond to me, my wife or their mutual friend, but decided to send an almost undecipherable message to my mother-in-law.

This reminds me of the messages @blacklab used to get on shaggy when people would talk big game about suing him for posts on the site.

So, if I'm deciphering this correctly, he claims his life was ruined. Meh, if we're lucky, I guess. Then some rabble rabble about stepson being an uncle now or something? I don't know.

Then we get some private investigator and attorney threat. Last we heard, the guy was living with his Mom in his 40s. His current "job" is a handyman.

Then some nonsense about brainwashing him and a property (ha) investigator who apparently is INSIDE his attorney. Lulz. NTTIAWWT.

I might as well give up, because this specimen of intellectual acuity claims he will win this battle.

Now the fun part. According to this douche nozzle, my wife stole her son and his whole family witnessed it and we're gonna pay! You know who never has money, people who say we have so much fucking money.

They are coming for us, but only now after we've attempted to make contact and not the 9 years prior when his son he cares about so much was stolen from him.

Then some made up insults thrown at my 60 year old mother-in-law instead of anyone who can defend themselves.

So, now I want to have fun with it. This guy needs a reckoning and what better place to brainstorm than here. I am open to suggestions.

[UTPhil2006 3821]

I will be working the phrase iron Clyde into several emails this week

[ztejas 43604]

No offense, but, why does it matter so much? He can change his own name when he's 18. He knows his dad is a PoS either way and has had his name for 15 years already. 

[NaTeWHO 852]

1 minute ago, ztejas said:

No offense, but, why does it matter so much? He can change his own name when he's 18. He knows his dad is a PoS either way and has had his name for 15 years already. 

 

Because I love him and it's what he wants. His family, us (me, mom and brother), all have the same last name. Highschool can be a bitch and he's tired of having to explain his last name to people. Highschool is when all the other middle schools come together, so he wants to start next year new. It is a constant reminder of being abandoned by someone he thought was supposed to always be there for him. He's good at football and hates hearing that name announced over the PA at games. He hates coaches calling him by his last name. He doesn't want it on his jersey. He hates writing it. To be honest, I don't care why. It matters to me because it matters to him.

[Post Oak 20310]

Good job @NaTeWHO.  Hope it works out for you and your family.

[immamac 43373]

43 minutes ago, NaTeWHO said:

 

Because I love him and it's what he wants. His family, us (me, mom and brother), all have the same last name. Highschool can be a bitch and he's tired of having to explain his last name to people. Highschool is when all the other middle schools come together, so he wants to start next year new. It is a constant reminder of being abandoned by someone he thought was supposed to always be there for him. He's good at football and hates hearing that name announced over the PA at games. He hates coaches calling him by his last name. He doesn't want it on his jersey. He hates writing it. To be honest, I don't care why. It matters to me because it matters to him.

I mean can't you guys just go to the school and tell them what's up and the only time this is an issue is first day of class at new school? People have preferred names and alias all the time. 

I'm not saying this isn't important and the reason isn't valid. I'm just trying to splash some reality on the situation. 

[ztejas 43604]

1 hour ago, NaTeWHO said:

 

Because I love him and it's what he wants. His family, us (me, mom and brother), all have the same last name. Highschool can be a bitch and he's tired of having to explain his last name to people. Highschool is when all the other middle schools come together, so he wants to start next year new. It is a constant reminder of being abandoned by someone he thought was supposed to always be there for him. He's good at football and hates hearing that name announced over the PA at games. He hates coaches calling him by his last name. He doesn't want it on his jersey. He hates writing it. To be honest, I don't care why. It matters to me because it matters to him.

Ahhhh yeah I bet the brother dynamic is weird. 

[Foosters 17896]

You need to hire an attorney. Personally, if I were in your shoes, and I got a bizarre, threatening missive sent to others in my family, I'd lawyer up, pursue any and all owed child support, and try to make that motherfuckers life a living hell. But that's just me.

[HornOnTheBayou 8957]

1 hour ago, immamac said:

I mean can't you guys just go to the school and tell them what's up and the only time this is an issue is first day of class at new school? People have preferred names and alias all the time. 

I'm not saying this isn't important and the reason isn't valid. I'm just trying to splash some reality on the situation. 

Dude, read the fucking room. School is not the issue. School is just where the issue manifests itself. 

Bottom line, the kid doesn't want to share his name with a POS. And on a practical level, in the next five years or so, he's probably going to be getting a driver's license, taking the SAT, applying to colleges, and getting a job. All of those have a ridiculous amount of bureaucratic red tape that will be much easier to deal with if the name issue is taken care of. 

[immamac 43373]

Just now, HornOnTheBayou said:

Dude, read the fucking room. School is not the issue. School is just where the issue manifests itself. 

Bottom line, the kid doesn't want to share his name with a POS. And on a practical level, in the next five years or so, he's probably going to be getting a driver's license, taking the SAT, applying to colleges, and getting a job. All of those have a ridiculous amount of bureaucratic red tape that will be much easier to deal with if the name issue is taken care of. 

Yeah, and you saw the email. It's not happening. 

[HornOnTheBayou 8957]

28 minutes ago, immamac said:

Yeah, and you saw the email. It's not happening. 

Since neither of us are lawyers, I'll leave it up to the surly ambulance chasers to figure out the best way to change a minor's name. 

In the meantime, @NaTeWHO, I am a high school teacher and I do have experience in navigating name changes in a school environment. Hit me up if you need guidance there. 

[orange dream 1256]

20 hours ago, NaTeWHO said:

1. SD was on drugs when Mom signed the birth certificate and didn't participate. Then never did it. He was at the hospital during birth, but was on Xanax and other drugs, so there, but not there.

 

So, SD is listed in the "father" field on the birth certificate, he just never signed it?

[hornian 5230]

Are people here actually parents? You don't "sign" a birth certificate. The only one who signs the birth certificate is the state official who issues it. 

And only one parent needs to sign the application / verification of birth facts. And that parent has to swear all the info is correct. So if the mom knows who the dad is, she is legally obligated to put that person on the application/verification or she commits a crime of knowingly providing false information. 

[orange dream 1256]

When you put it that way, maybe not...

 

[troph 24916]

On 5/21/2024 at 6:06 PM, UTPhil2006 said:

I will be working the phrase iron Clyde into several emails this week

I was about to say it needs to be canonized into the surly lexicon.

Texas softball is gonna skull fuck the aggies tonight, it’s iron Clyde.   

[troph 24916]

On 5/21/2024 at 7:52 PM, Foosters said:

You need to hire an attorney. Personally, if I were in your shoes, and I got a bizarre, threatening missive sent to others in my family, I'd lawyer up, pursue any and all owed child support, and try to make that motherfuckers life a living hell. But that's just me.

This could work or at least she might get paid, though maybe marriage eliminates child support can’t remember, I know my decree says remarriage ends it. Leverage is always the thing you need to get what you want.

[Brew 3049]

If you have the means, go consult with a family law attorney and see what the options are. I don’t know shit about the legal system, but I remember at that age sitting in front of a judge and telling him which parent I wanted to live with and that’s who I lived with. The kid is old enough that there should be a way around the issue. Getting dad to relinquish his parental rights sounds like a problem, but at some point the circumstances of his upbringing should carry some weight. Doesn’t mean it will though.