Salespersons -- cold emails

[jimmyjazz 45880]

I'm an engineer at a startup.  We've begun to get a lot of press.  Over the past 6 months or so I have been receiving a massive amount of cold emails from "vendors", any one of which may or may not be legit, but regardless, I don't want to talk to anyone about external services we already have locked down (machining, board design, project management, etc.).

The thing is, they all have the same chatty style, which makes me think they're either (a) malicious or (b) boilerplate outreach that legit companies contract out.  Here's an example.  Any thoughts on the legitimacy  of these messages?  I send them all to my Outlook junk folder, but it doesn't seem to reduce the daily volume hitting my inbox very much.  I'm always tempted to respond "there will never be a good time for a quick call", but I'm not about to open Pandora's box.

=====

Good afternoon jimmyjazz,

Dealing with production inefficiencies or increased operational costs? We at xxxxx specialize in enhancing contract manufacturing processes

using a blend of modern technology and seasoned expertise.

 

Let's talk about how we can aid within your contract manufacturing needs. When would be a good time for a quick call?

Mike

[Slacks 6819]

Pretty standard with no value... I get multiple of them daily. As a sales leader, I try to keep my team from sending anything like that.

Cold email is part of the business, so expect to get them. I either block them or just tell them i'm not interested or have no budget/authority and to unsubscribe me. You're never going to stop getting these.

[Incredulity 11646]

9 minutes ago, Slacks said:

You're never going to stop getting these.

This.

I used to just delete them, but 5 or so years ago it got so bad I started adding to junk and blocking sender.  They still come through at a ridiculous rate.

[Rex Kramer 1331]

I get these daily. I mark them as Junk and never see them again. I imagine a good portion are bots. They try and sell me all kinds of shit I don’t manage - HR services, banking operations software, and bank-specific AI. 

And they’re always so presumptuous. When would be a good time for a call?    Never, fuckface. 

20 minutes ago, Slacks said:

As a sales leader

Gray slacks alert

[Pato del Muerto 52485]

And then they come at you on LinkedIn 

[Celery Man 20931]

if i think back on my life there are a lot of moments where I'm able to appreciate how much of a dumbass I was (and how much of a dumbass I must still be). One of those moments was shortly after getting my first management position I found myself in a meeting with some dipshit explaining to me how they were going to help us do I can't remember what cloud thing. It just didn't really occur to me that this meeting invite that landed in my inbox was a sales pitch, and I cringe remembering the look on a coworkers face when I asked her who the fuck these people were.

Yeah ignore. And yeah this 95% of what lands in my linkedin inbox.

[jimmyjazz 45880]

I'm obviously ignoring 100% of them.  I'm just curious as to why they all look and read the same -- same font, same closing offer to chat (slight variations).

Are they all malicious or are they all bot services hired by legit companies trying to reach the widest possible audience?

[Captainant 27625]

2 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

I'm obviously ignoring 100% of them.  I'm just curious as to why they all look and read the same -- same font, same closing offer to chat (slight variations).

Are they all malicious or are they all bot services hired by legit companies trying to reach the widest possible audience?

Thats advertising spam, likely written by a large language model at this point

[jimmyjazz 45880]

I wonder what their hit rate is?  What reasonable person would respond to any of them after the first few came in?

I guess it works from a value perspective, or they wouldn't be doing it.

[Slacks 6819]

1 hour ago, Rex Kramer said:

I get these daily. I mark them as Junk and never see them again. I imagine a good portion are bots. They try and sell me all kinds of shit I don’t manage - HR services, banking operations software, and bank-specific AI. 

And they’re always so presumptuous. When would be a good time for a call?    Never, fuckface. 

Gray slacks alert

[Rex Kramer 1331]

43 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

I'm obviously ignoring 100% of them.  I'm just curious as to why they all look and read the same -- same font, same closing offer to chat (slight variations).

Are they all malicious or are they all bot services hired by legit companies trying to reach the widest possible audience?

They’re bots. That’s why. I don’t think they’re malicious (some may be); I think they’re universally a waste of your time.

I get them all the time on LinkedIn. I used to accept a lot of invitations to connect. I’ve now got to know you to accept. If I mistakenly accept and then get popped with inappropriate pitch, it’s an instant disconnection. 

[Rex Kramer 1331]

39 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

I wonder what their hit rate is?  What reasonable person would respond to any of them after the first few came in?

I guess it works from a value perspective, or they wouldn't be doing it.

Very very low. They have bots working for them on their behalf probably sending thousands or tens of thousands of emails per day. If the hit rate is .05%, it’s worth it. 

Edited May 22 by Rex Kramer

[RDCanecutter 26378]

Good afternoon jimmyjazz,

Dealing with never-ending cold-call sales emails generated by bots?? We at Canecutter World Empire specialize in enhancing annoying-ass bot removal using a blend of modern technology and seasoned expertise, plus a dash of cold malice.

Imagine servers humming in a rickety building where the food is spicy and the insects are the size of pizza slices. These are the servers housing thousands of bots specifically annoying the shit out of you. Then look, here on the closed-circuit camera footage, do you see them? Several large Rugby types, bursting in with crowbars and cricket bats? That's probably "Iron Nigel" and his mates, swiftly taking care of an entire data center, just for you.

Let's talk about how we can aid within your bot removal needs. When would be a good time for a quick call? Because, trust me, it's better if we talk by phone, otherwise we'll have to send over Iron Nigel in person to make sure you understand.

RD

[Rimbo 25910]

What astonishes me isn't the tone, but just how bad most of them are. Even the ones that might be useful, the sales pitches suck.

Being more persistent isn't going to help your cause.

Some asshole tried to do something like "of the Milwaukee Bucs win in the tournament, I'll get you a deal!"

1. I don't give a rat's ass about the NBA

2. I don't now, nor ever have, lived near Milwaukee, and TJ Ford retired

It gets worse right after the it's press releases for new funding go out. Look, bitches, that money's going to therapists and to keep the lights on, it's not open season on Rimbo buying new SaaS products.

Cold calls, email, LinkedIn spam. LinkedIn's the easiest to deal with, since I'm only "friends" with people I've actually worked with; they come in as new contact requests and I ignore them.

But yeah, @jimmyjazz, welcome to engineering management, and the saas spam firehose!

[jimmyjazz 45880]

17 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

But yeah, @jimmyjazz, welcome to engineering management, and the saas spam firehose!

Well, I've managed teams as far back as two decades, but this startup has one manager -- the CEO.  All the rest of us are flat (a whopping 10 or so).

[Celery Man 20931]

Your mom is flat 

[Rex Kramer 1331]

21 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Your mom is flat 

You haven’t seen her since Jimmy went into management. Some high earners buy their mom a house. Jimmy went for the tits. 

Edited May 22 by Rex Kramer

[jimmyjazz 45880]

28 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Your mom is flat 

Well, she is now.

[Fudge Nuggets 19187]

3 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

I wonder what their hit rate is?  What reasonable person would respond to any of them after the first few came in?

I guess it works from a value perspective, or they wouldn't be doing it.

There are still a lot of boomers in the workforce that refuse to retire. I figure the hit rate is pretty high among them. 

[dieucla98 2942]

I don't know about cold emails, but cold calls working off a lead list would convert anywhere from 2-5% depending on the industry in my experience. Most of these cold emails require 0 human effort - it's just boilerplate templates, sent to a bank of leads (paid for or farmed/scraped), loaded into a CRM marketing module where the CRM does all the work. 

[Larry T. Spider 1746]

Cold emails that a very general like in the OP hit at less than 1%. On the flip side I sent 5 very specific ones last Friday and got 4 responses that day. If you do some research ahead of time and can quickly explain why your product solves a likely problem they have, it’s a game changer.

Anybody that writes cold emails should follow Josh Braun’s free advice. When I got hired at my new job they said don’t bother with emails because they only get business through connections and conferences. Good thing I didn’t listen!

[jimmyjazz 45880]

13 minutes ago, Larry T. Spider said:

Cold emails that a very general like in the OP hit at less than 1%. On the flip side I sent 5 very specific ones last Friday and got 4 responses that day. If you do some research ahead of time and can quickly explain why your product solves a likely problem they have, it’s a game changer.

Anybody that writes cold emails should follow Josh Braun’s free advice. When I got hired at my new job they said don’t bother with emails because they only get business through connections and conferences. Good thing I didn’t listen!

I could imagine it working if the format were more professional.  Instead of

Can't wait to chat.  Friday good?

try

I would appreciate the chance to speak with you about our services and show you how we might add value to your business.  If you're interested, please let me know some good times for a short phone call and I'll make it happen.

[dieucla98 2942]

7 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

I could imagine it working if the format were more professional.  Instead of

Can't wait to chat.  Friday good?

try

I would appreciate the chance to speak with you about our services and show you how we might add value to your business.  If you're interested, please let me know some good times for a short phone call and I'll make it happen.

Most of the ones I get are like your more "sophisticated" example, very few of the former. Regardless, they get ignored all the same. And it's still boilerplate.

[Nice Guy Eddie 13508]

I can’t imagine having the time at work to address all of the emails that I receive from sales people/bots. I guess the people that do respond are managers who just have everything running on cruise control (great for them), or their world is burning down which requires that they need some wins.

i also don’t understand why so many salespeople want to invite me to dinners, golf afternoons or pro sport games. I’m sure they’re nice people to be around but I can’t imagine locking myself into 3-4 hours with them. I’d rather pay for my own way to spend the time with friends. Of course, they very well don’t want to spend the time with me either but they need me there so they can expense it.

[Armybrat 40821]

It appears the Nigerians have upped their game in recent years - instead of picking on us gullible olds, they are branching out to ensnare the millennials.

[Blotto 23487]

1 hour ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

i also don’t understand why so many salespeople want to invite me to dinners, golf afternoons or pro sport games. I’m sure they’re nice people to be around but I can’t imagine locking myself into 3-4 hours with them. I’d rather pay for my own way to spend the time with friends. Of course, they very well don’t want to spend the time with me either but they need me there so they can expense it.

Way back in the day I had a sales gig in the Bay Area, and as our company was headquartered in Sunnyvale, they sprung for a box at the old candlestick park. For the limited 49ers games, all the executives would hoover up tickets and invite their buddies or executives from our biggest customers, and it was impossible to ever get space there. But for the  giants games (of which there were 82), it was amazing how many times the box would sit empty.

I would invite customers all the time, but Candlestick was such a pain in the ass to get to from anywhere with traffic, it was rare they  could make a weekday game. And most engineers were busy as fuck and didn't care about the shitty Giants anyway. My boss knew I lived in SF and drove past Candlestick on the way home, so he would occasionally (5-6  times a summer) drop  me the tickets in the afternoon and I'd just call my roommates/friends and we'd live it up. We were all transplants so nobody gave a fuck about the Giants either, but we were united in our fandom of free food and booze. 

  

 

 

[Nice Guy Eddie 13508]

34 minutes ago, Blotto said:

Way back in the day I had a sales gig in the Bay Area, and as our company was headquartered in Sunnyvale, they sprung for a box at the old candlestick park. For the limited 49ers games, all the executives would hoover up tickets and invite their buddies or executives from our biggest customers, and it was impossible to ever get space there. But for the  giants games (of which there were 82), it was amazing how many times the box would sit empty.

I would invite customers all the time, but Candlestick was such a pain in the ass to get to from anywhere with traffic, it was rare they  could make a weekday game. And most engineers were busy as fuck and didn't care about the shitty Giants anyway. My boss knew I lived in SF and drove past Candlestick on the way home, so he would occasionally (5-6  times a summer) drop  me the tickets in the afternoon and I'd just call my roommates/friends and we'd live it up. We were all transplants so nobody gave a fuck about the Giants either, but we were united in our fandom of free food and booze. 

  

 

 

I hear ya. I used to jump at the chance of box tickets but that has changed as I've gotten older. My employer has Astros luxury boxes and they offered me weeknight tickets the other week and I passed. Had zero desire to hit up a weeknight game even with free food and drinks.

Of course, I know someday especially when I'm retired, I would love to get offered free luxury box tickets but its doubtful my phone will ring.

[RDCanecutter 26378]

You got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them. You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close shit, you are shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out.

I can go out there tonight, the materials you got, make myself 15,000 dollars. Tonight. In two hours. Can you? Can you?

[UTPhil2006 3802]

Mark as spam is about the best you can do. You can try and remove/unsub etc pretty much to no avail 

[Pescado_Rojo 19413]

16 hours ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

There are still a lot of boomers in the workforce that refuse to retire. I figure the hit rate is pretty high among them. 

We had a guy. Mid 60s, been with the company 30 years. The last 20 IN THE SAME JOB. Guy was probably worth high 7 figures having been in a mid six figure job for 20 years plus stock, etc. Any time you asked him about retirement, he'd say something like "oh, I'd get bored in a week" or "My customers are my friends! I get to work with my friends every day!". Anyway, dude failed 3 phishing tests in 6 months, and they gave him a nice package next time we had a rif. 

[jimmyjazz 45880]

1 hour ago, UTPhil2006 said:

Mark as spam is about the best you can do. You can try and remove/unsub etc pretty much to no avail 

I figured unsubscribing would just tip them off that I read it.  I just block the sender, which works for that particular email address, but they keep coming.  At least I don't see the blocked senders.

[StassneyHorn 6573]

Hi StassneyHorn,

This is our third time reaching out. You haven’t met with us yet to discuss your production environment’s inefficiencies. Should we go up the ladderor are you just timid in decision making? Cause we can help with that too.

Send a response back by 3pm to get put on our list.

[fattyflattie 4639]

9 hours ago, StassneyHorn said:

Hi StassneyHorn,

This is our third time reaching out. You haven’t met with us yet to discuss your production environment’s inefficiencies. Should we go up the ladderor are you just timid in decision making? Cause we can help with that too.

Send a response back by 3pm to get put on our list.

I would take the time for  a Surly reply for some shit like that.   In the last month or so, they've been offering to go to TopGolf and Pappadeax and similar places.  The algo must be changing.  Typically i just delete without reading, but read a few when they started getting specific.  Oh yeah, one was offering Yeti cups.  Like everyone hasnt had 20 too fucking many for the last decade already.   

[DalTxHornFan 3097]

I've had some of these that act like they are offended and hurt that I haven't responded to their last 4-12 "personal" messages to me.  Fuck that shit.  Read the room.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2731]

On 5/22/2024 at 4:13 PM, Rex Kramer said:

They’re bots. That’s why. I don’t think they’re malicious (some may be); I think they’re universally a waste of your time.

I get them all the time on LinkedIn. I used to accept a lot of invitations to connect. I’ve now got to know you to accept. If I mistakenly accept and then get popped with inappropriate pitch, it’s an instant disconnection. 

Yep.  I set up an AI script that has about 6-7 steps in it.  This was when I was working Buy Side PE last year in my efforts to connect with business owners that might consider selling.  

[gurt 748]

Salespeople should be launched into the Sun

[Amanda Hugginkiss 0]

On 5/22/2024 at 3:26 PM, jimmyjazz said:

I'm obviously ignoring 100% of them.  I'm just curious as to why they all look and read the same -- same font, same closing offer to chat (slight variations).

Are they all malicious or are they all bot services hired by legit companies trying to reach the widest possible audience?

Probably bots and/or AI. I get them all the time, pitching stuff that I'm not even qualified to make a decision about, and the volume tends to go up for a few days after I poke around on LinkedIn.

[Pato del Muerto 52485]

They have these email programs like Constant Contact. You feed it an address library and tell it how often to reach out, what the script is each time(or choose from a list), how to handle replies.  
 

The hurt feelings ones are the best.  Have I done something to offend you?  
 

They play on different emotions, like the above calling you out as either not the decision maker (pride) or indecisive. 
 

Hit all the psychological stress points and see which works on you. 

[Captainant 27625]

3 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

The hurt feelings ones are the best.  Have I done something to offend you?

These are always funny from recruiterbots on LinkedIn 

[3adays 454]

I like the ones where the salesperson says they’re flying in from out of town for “several meetings” and just so happen to have an open time slot for me. 

[Armybrat 40821]

On 5/22/2024 at 6:55 PM, Fudge Nuggets said:

There are still a lot of boomers in the workforce that refuse to retire. I figure the hit rate is pretty high among them. 

They are sopping up the penis enhancement emails.

[TreatyOak 16311]

On 5/22/2024 at 3:26 PM, jimmyjazz said:

I'm obviously ignoring 100% of them.  I'm just curious as to why they all look and read the same -- same font, same closing offer to chat (slight variations).

Are they all malicious or are they all bot services hired by legit companies trying to reach the widest possible audience?

I get both types.

I get the turgid, email business ones that drone on and on. What's funny is I get the same exact ones on LinkedIn. LinkedIn provides a platform where anyone can learn about my business in around ten seconds. Sending cold call emails on LinkedIn without learning anything about my business is exactly the opposite of how to use the platform. Ignore. 

The second type are the malicious ones. They're getting harder to spot, but there are some telltale clues:

Weird gmail address
Person has no title
Scammers are notorious for using two last names as their "American" name. "Davis Smith"

P.S. NEVER unsubscribe to these emails. Always block sender and file as junk. 

 

Edited May 26 by TreatyOak

[TreatyOak 16311]

I had a funny conversation on TikTok. I followed a guy whose tag is something like 'Life After Corporate.' He gave pretty good insights. Recently, he direct-messaged me and asked if I had time to hear about an 'exciting opportunity.' He wanted to help me invest in Bitcoin, lol. Even better, he said he was recruiting investors for a third party! I told him I didn't invest like that, and he finally left me alone. Just another scammer. Life has gotten so weird! 

[TreatyOak 16311]

And speak of the devil. Scam alert: gmail, hopelessly general services, the 'exclude me' trope. 

[Bozo_Casanova 26434]

Ok, I agree with a lot of this. But what's the alternative? Nobody likes cold prospecting or would do it if they had a better option.

[TreatyOak 16311]

6 hours ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Ok, I agree with a lot of this. But what's the alternative? Nobody likes cold prospecting or would do it if they had a better option.

I don't have a problem w the legitimate cold prospecting, although I think it's their outreach is behind-the-times, as they make no effort to learn ANYTHING about my business. The scammers, of course, are awful. 

[Reagan1k 3024]

On 5/22/2024 at 7:55 PM, Fudge Nuggets said:

There are still a lot of boomers in the workforce that refuse to retire. I figure the hit rate is pretty high among them. 

My old partner (retired) still comes to the office 2 days a week for a couple hours each.  He has no business even looking at emails but out of respect and to help keep him mentally engaged, he still has an account.  Nothing of any importance but he gets to tell people he’s still working/consulting.  Harmless!

At least twice a month he asks if my assistant will call xxxx  and tell “him” to quit bothering retired partner with emails. He can’t wrap his head around bots and spam.  He’s convinced someone is typing an email TO HIM.

So yeah/ they get the attention of and some hits from that generation. 

Biggest volume I get lately is SEO and someone found an error on my website they want to fix and demo their capabilities…… that a construction takeoff services using AI.  Dozen a day - all get block sender and into junk, but they change the url so even that is really a waste or time. 

 

 

 

[Reagan1k 3024]

16 hours ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Ok, I agree with a lot of this. But what's the alternative? Nobody likes cold prospecting or would do it if they had a better option.

 Virtually no cost to it relative to return on just one hit. Not spending human capital. Pressing play and executing a run on a program daily. 
If it’s even a semi legit operation, they probably have other & better marketing running simultaneously and email blast is just picking up loose change. 

[Bozo_Casanova 26434]

59 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

If it’s even a semi legit operation, they probably have other & better marketing running simultaneously and email blast is just picking up loose change. 

I think you'd be surprised. There are a ton of companies that rely almost exclusively on networking and prospecting by their sales teams as their primary source of new business. Every sales guy I know in tech and finance below the Fortune 500 level who doesn't work with channel partners sources a plurality of their own deals if not a majority.

[Spaulding Smails 1552]

My favorites are the ones that stack up on the same thread.  Either going down the path of hostility or the path of self-loathing.  Then, they finally culminate with a, "Well, I guess all of my efforts aren't paying off.  And you're not the kind of person that's interested in reducing costs and boosting profits.  So, this is my last email to you.  So long..."  

Then a week later, "One last chance.  This is my last email.  I mean it this time."

A few other favorite lines that are often used:

"Looks like you went to The University of Texas.  Go Longhorns!"

"I'm quite impressed with what you've been able to accomplish at company X"

"I've been watching you from afar for quite some time now.  Pretty amazing what you've done at company X"