JD Vance Fucked 5 couches as a hillbilly

[Fudge Nuggets 19279]

let's fucking go!!!

[G650 14302]

#JDF5C

[tx ind 7014]

[Hank Kingsley 21118]

One of his neighbors at Yale said every time JD would blast "When You Wish Upon a Star" in his room they knew he was about to begin and finish a couch fuck session.

[Doc Sam Beckett 5807]

If he holds a press conference and says he doesnt fuck couches, I'll believe him, but he better come off as sincere 

[DanTheHorn 4971]

 

[DixonHur 11619]

JD Vance names all his couches Eileen.

[Macanudo 13099]

I bet J.D. likes lots of cushion for pushin' when he's making love to his couch.

[Vegas64 678]

 

[Pam Cummings 9700]

1 minute ago, Vegas64 said:

 

On....not with!

[South Austin 52735]

This is begging for an SNL skit to really put this shit on blast.

[aggie08 21592]

7 minutes ago, Doc Sam Beckett said:

If he holds a press conference and says he doesnt fuck couches, I'll believe him, but he better come off as sincere 

It worked out great for Mike Piazza.

[SydneyCarton 48320]

I guess this goes here now

[YGIFS 19453]

Furniture Salesman, "And folks, for just $89.95...would you like the premium upholstery warranty that covers any and all stains, spots, rips, or tears for 10 years?" 

Usha, "J.D., those things are scams.  And besides....."

Vance, "I'll take it!" 

[skipmcgee 258]

Don’t leave him alone with the IKEA catalog

[YGIFS 19453]

Just now, skipmcgee said:

Don’t leave him alone with the IKEA catalog

That awkward moment when your mother knocks on the door and says, "Son, I found another one of sticky catalogs while vacuuming under the sofa.  Why can't you look at Victoria's Secret like the other boys?"  

[Mittens 8384]

 

[Ted Lange 16158]

When you see JD Vance entering your store.

 

[DixonHur 11619]

1 minute ago, Ted Lange said:

When you see JD Vance entering your store.

 

Sorry, Mack, JD ain't in the market for a mattress

[Chips O'Toole 1341]

Is it true that JD Vance injected his hillbilly Santorum between the cushions of his wife's new couch?

Disgusting, but fair, if true.

[Mittens 8384]

[Firemans4Horn 18312]

[Radical Larry 28676]

If they get Project 2025 going, he’s going to end up with an illegitimate loveseat. 

[G650 14302]

4 minutes ago, Mittens said:

[Horn Dog 10045]

[DixonHur 11619]

1 minute ago, Horn Dog said:

Hey now, let's not get hasty...

[RDCanecutter 26559]

All ye who touch yourselves stand tall in your false pride as ye condemn another man.

Yet JD did not touch himself. The couch did.

[RDCanecutter 26559]

Say you really need some change, and there sits JD Vance's unsearched couch, do you or don't you?

[immamac 43577]

32 minutes ago, Mittens said:

This is pathetic. (not from Tony)

How fucking warped are these people's brains?

[DixonHur 11619]

2 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

Say you really need some change, and there sits JD Vance's unsearched couch, do you or don't you?

[Brisketexan 105614]

4 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

All ye who touch yourselves stand tall in your false pride as ye condemn another man.

Yet JD did not touch himself. The couch did.

JD is a good Christian man.  Thus, I presume that he will promptly condemn the underage couch for acting like a jezebel temptress and leading a good man of God astray.  But then he will tell us that he prayed over it, and he has forgiven the couch for its evil, beguiling, pre-pubescent ways.  And any further mention of this unfortunate incident will clearly be an act of Satan himself to distract JD from accomplishing his godly mission here on earth.

Pretty sure I've got all of that spot-on.

[DDD Dad 14376]

OK someone tell me how we got here?  Apparently I missed the memo about the couch.

[royiv 9424]

59 minutes ago, skipmcgee said:

Don’t leave him alone with the at IKEA. catalog

Fixed.

[G650 14302]

Just now, royiv said:

Fixed.

Those poor meatballs

[RDCanecutter 26559]

4 minutes ago, immamac said:

This is pathetic. (not from Tony)

How fucking warped are these people's brains?

Usha, with family roots in thousands-of-years-old caste-based civilization, deeply concerned about fairness.

[South Austin 52735]

1 minute ago, Brisketexan said:

JD is a good Christian man.  Thus, I presume that he will promptly condemn the underage couch for acting like a jezebel temptress and leading a good man of God astray.  But then he will tell us that he prayed over it, and he has forgiven the couch for its evil, beguiling, pre-pubescent ways.  And any further mention of this unfortunate incident will clearly be an act of Satan himself to distract JD from accomplishing his godly mission here on earth.

"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy couches." Ephesians 5:3.

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your couches." 1 Corinthians 6:18-20.

"Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with couches nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

[SydneyCarton 48320]

56 minutes ago, Ted Lange said:

When you see JD Vance entering your store.

 

Mac is about as MAGA as it gets, he'd let JD in after hours without blinking. 

9 minutes ago, immamac said:

This is pathetic. (not from Tony)

How fucking warped are these people's brains?

She's probably just being a good, supportive wife. So, in for the grift. 

[Nicole44 22197]

This thread is Sofa King great. 

[Schulz2.0 29061]

11 minutes ago, DDD Dad said:

OK someone tell me how we got here?  Apparently I missed the memo about the couch.

It's not true, allegedly.

[Hank Kingsley 21118]

 

JD Vance: "Sweet Jesus. Let's do this."

Videographer: "But the girl isn't here yet."

JD Vance (taking off suit jacket): "Time waits for no one. Lock the door on the way out, will ya?"

 

[aggie08 21592]

11 minutes ago, DDD Dad said:

OK someone tell me how we got here?  Apparently I missed the memo about the couch.

[South Austin 52735]

Quite the Michael Dukakis moment he's having.

[That Guy 976]

Then they came for the couch fuckers, and by that time no one was left to speak up. 

[wildcat09 29453]

I move for a thread title change to add "at least," because we don't know how many couches he's actually fucked.  

[DixonHur 11619]

4 minutes ago, Hank Kingsley said:

 

JD Vance: "Sweet Jesus. Let's do this."

Videographer: "But the girl isn't here yet."

JD Vance (taking off suit jacket): "Time waits for no one. Lock the door on the way out, will ya?"

 

[Nicole44 22197]

[Celery Man 21028]

Honestly it’s wholesome compared to the other guy on the good Christian ticket.

['stache 21915]

I can’t photoshop but I’m surprised this hasn’t made the rounds with JDs face. Maybe it has, I googled, but maybe it’s outside the algorithm, lol.  
 

 

Edited July 24 by 'stache

[DixonHur 11619]

As an aside, just how much eye make-up does JD wear?

Gotta admit, the 80's Club kid Dixon is a bit jealous.

[Viking 301]

I withhold judgement until we know how old the couch was that he fornicated with.