JD Vance Fucked 5 couches as a hillbilly

[South Austin 52521]

You think JD fantasized about getting a blowjob from Chairry while watching Pee Wee's Playhouse as a kid?

[aggie08 21505]

5 minutes ago, South Austin said:

You think JD fantasized about getting a blowjob from Chairry while watching Pee Wee's Playhouse as a kid?

I'll be...on my couch.

[Underdog 28716]

JD’s Aunt knew…

 

[Hank Kingsley 20975]

"Anyway, like I was sayin', the couch is the lady bits of furniture. You can rub it, grind on it, make love to it, massage it, lick it, play with it. There's um, sectional couches, love seats, modular couches. Camelback, Chaise, Divan, Mid-Century Modern, Chesterfield, Lawson, English Roll Arm, Daybed, Serpentine, Recamier. That's- that's about it." 

 

 

 

[Nicole44 22063]

[C-Man 27231]

[C-Man 27231]

[Covri 6249]

Guys he didn't fuck a couch, he fucked an inside out latex glove shoved in a couch. Totally different and totally normal. The glove is what makes it no homo.....sectional.

[C-Man 27231]

I posted this on the Election thread but now that we have a JD thread, I feel it needs to be here as well.

[Mittens 8286]

 

[Prepuce of Doom 21084]

[YGIFS 19452]

9 minutes ago, Covri said:

Guys he didn't fuck a couch, he fucked an inside out latex glove shoved in a couch. Totally different and totally normal. The glove is what makes it no homo.....sectional.

I can't help but wonder how many times it took him to realize to turn the glove inside-out?  For a week or two, he was Ole' Chalky Chafe Chaise dick.  

['stache 21821]

2 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I really, really, really hope they eventually have to issue a formal denial of this, will be fucking hilarious!

[SydneyCarton 48111]

2 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

I can't help but wonder how many times it took him to realize to turn the glove inside-out?  For a week or two, he was Ole' Chalky Chafe Chaise dick.  

Ribbed for his pleasure. 

[Handcruser 2805]

What happened. What did I miss?

[South Austin 52521]

Just now, Handcruser said:

What happened. What did I miss?

Couchgate.

[YGIFS 19452]

8 minutes ago, Handcruser said:

What happened. What did I miss?

This is how it started:

 

Edited July 24 by YGIFS
And this thread is how it's going now...

[Mittens 8286]

 

[DixonHur 11341]

2 hours ago, Covri said:

Guys he didn't fuck a couch, he fucked an inside out latex glove shoved in a couch. Totally different and totally normal. The glove is what makes it no homo.....sectional.

Yet he wants to deprive you of your contraception.  

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20444]

Holy shit! "Polyfurniamorous" is one of the best words I've ever read. 

 

 

 

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20444]

By the way, even though this story is completely contrived, I want to see J.D. Vance deny that he ever had sexual relations with a couch.

[HornOnTheBayou 8934]

[Nicole44 22063]

1 hour ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

By the way, even though this story is completely contrived, I want to see J.D. Vance deny that he ever had sexual relations with a couch.

I mean he’s a Buckeye. There is a built in couch angle already. 

Edited July 25 by Nicole44

[BamaATL 16593]

Just now, Nicole44 said:

I mean he’s a Buckeye. There is a built in couch angle already. 

At least the hillbillies from West Virginia have the decency to burn these.  

[ultimaton 2982]

[Hugo Stiglitz 23367]

I feel bad for JD, like fucking a couch is among the more normal, victimless, sexual behaviors when compared to the more malicious deviance of his GQP colleagues.  If only all violent perverts could assuage their carnal temptations via living room furniture, the world would be a better place. 

[Dutchrudder 11141]

[burntorangebongos 10747]

 

Edited July 25 by burntorangebongos

[ultimaton 2982]

[BamaATL 16593]

I'd just like to point out that somewhere in Indiana right now, there is a better than zero chance that Mike Pence is busy molesting an ottoman.  

[seven 1367]

When the speaker of the house fucks a couch does it notify his son? 

[6th Street 6421]

 

 

 

[ultimaton 2982]

[Horn Dog 9875]

[tchookem 3902]

When you see JD Vance entering your store.
 

He's Vance's Epstein.

[TexArcher 37980]

It's kind of a miracle that JD Vance was able to fuck all those couches and not get his dick lit on fire when he was at Ohio State.

[Mez2 4024]

JD Vance: Sofa King

[ultimaton 2982]

[C-Man 27231]

[Hmbre97 6316]

55 minutes ago, tchookem said:

8 hours ago, Ted Lange said:

When you see JD Vance entering your store.
 

He's Vance's Epstein.

McIngvale's Island

Spoiler

 

[YGIFS 19452]

I mean, c'mon.  That Avocado pit hole isn't just asking for it?  They're all asking for it, all the time Joey! 

[MrBig 5414]

 

[Dutchrudder 11141]

39 minutes ago, MrBig said:

 

I think we all know that when JD Vance enters the upholstery, it's no longer a couch and it becomes a loveseat. 

[Hugo Stiglitz 23367]

So this family did a JD Vance song to the tune of “Dancing Queen” and I gotta say, it kinda kicks ass.

 

 

[South Austin 52521]

Grammy-worthy.

[DixonHur 11341]

9 hours ago, Horn Dog said:

He wishes, that hole is way to big.

Oh wait, now I see it, you must be talking about the hole the right... ok, that makes more sense.

[dcbc 14491]

Every orgy needs a witness.

[Horn Dog 9875]

3 hours ago, Hugo Stiglitz said:

So this family did a JD Vance song to the tune of “Dancing Queen” and I gotta say, it kinda kicks ass.

 

 

So this couple gets 6 votes right?

[Brisketexan 105159]

Every orgy needs a witness.

“Let the divan watch…”

[DixonHur 11341]

29 minutes ago, dcbc said:

Every orgy needs a witness.

Once you go black... am I right?