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JD Vance Fucked 5 couches as a hillbilly

Fudge Nuggets

By Fudge Nuggets
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12 hours ago, BamaATL said:

So out of curiosity I did a google search, JD Vance couch fucker.  The entire first page is priceless.  After years of Republican nonstop bullshit and falsehoods, this level of insanity is great.  

That search is amazing.... 

"JD Vance didn't have sex with a couch, but he's still extremely weird" 

"JD Vance couch sex rumors: are they true, where did they start?" 

"Did JD Vance smash a couch?" 

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TexasHooch

TexasHooch 4994

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The chef's kiss to it all is that he's getting burned by the MAGA playbook.  The whole ethos being that the truth doesn't matter- just keep repeating the lie or insinuation. It doesn't matter that he (probably) never fucked a couch or did a keyword search for "dolphin porn".  

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mdmost

mdmost 42316

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2 minutes ago, Hugo Stiglitz said:

 

Ah the well played Trumpian idea that you can't take what I say literally. Things like "parents should get more votes because they have more at stake" aren't to be taken seriously. It's all sarcasm. Like Project 2025. Pure sarcasm. Trust us, we don't even like Project 2025. 

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C-Man

C-Man 26617

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Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, mdmost said:

Ah the well played Trumpian idea that you can't take what I say literally. Things like "parents should get more votes because they have more at stake" aren't to be taken seriously. It's all sarcasm. Like Project 2025. Pure sarcasm. Trust us, we don't even like Project 2025. 

It’s hilarious that he thinks the cat part is the most horrific — and the one he needs to most distance from. I don’t really like cats either JD. It’s your feeling that parents should have more votes than non-parents that is completely batshit insane.

Edited by C-Man
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Blotto

Blotto 23245

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On 7/24/2024 at 9:37 PM, BamaATL said:

I'd just like to point out that somewhere in Indiana right now, there is a better than zero chance that Mike Pence is busy molesting an ottoman.  

I guess there's an outside chance his yardboy is named Otto. 

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UpperWestside

UpperWestside 6017

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I recently posted about the site I read and also subscribe to called Defector. The woman that wrote this, Kelsey McKinney, is one of the writers/co-owners of the site. She’s also a published author (2nd book due out next February), has a wildly successful podcast called Normal Gossip and is a graduate of The University of Texas. She is one of my favorite reads on Defector. I would highly suggest thinking about a subscription. 
 

https://defector.com/a-list-of-words-that-do-not-appear-in-hillbilly-elegy-so-stop-asking

Spoiler

It takes so little to create a news cycle: a rumor, maybe, and it doesn't even have to be a good one. Rumors are always outside in the wind being picked up and cast about, being swirled, flying, spreading. One tweet gets cast out into the universe—a whisper of drama, a promise of misbehavior—and suddenly there are memes everywhere, and the AP is weighing in, and Snopes has to publish a fact-checkover whether or not Republican vice presidential candidate JD Vance has ever fucked a couch.

On July 15, the day Donald Trump announced Vance as his running mate, Twitter account @rickrudescalvestweeted: 

can't say for sure but he might be the first vp to have admitted in a nytimes bestseller to fucking an inside-out latex glove shoved between two couch cushions. (vance hillbilly elegy, pp. 179-181)

 

This is a perfect fabrication. There are so many details: "nytimes bestseller," "latex glove," "shoved." It's so descriptive! The faux-academic reference citation to Vance's career-making 2016 memoir Hillbilly Elegy makes it even stronger. But it is absolutely made up. @Rickrudescalves (who has since gone private) immediately tweeted the "go on the internet and tell lies" meme after this one.

That didn't stop it. Some wildfires spread too fast to be stopped. The tweet was the spark that caught, and now it's everywhere. The Associated Press published an article yesterday titled "No, JD Vance Did Not Have Sex With a Couch." As of this morning, that post has been deleted. According to Semafor's Maxwell Tani, an AP spokesperson told him that "this story didn’t go through the wire service’s standard editing process, and the AP is looking into how it was published."

Fact-checking is a complicated, beautiful art. It would make sense for the AP to remove the article in question, because a claim as broad as "JD Vance did not have sex with a couch" cannot be fact-checked. The AP can report with authority that Vance does not write about fucking a couch in his book Hillbilly Elegy. It can even assert that Vance has not publicly announced that he fucks couches. But we cannot verify that he has never fucked a couch. We would have to take him at his word—which, based on all his other words, would be a very bad idea—and couches cannot speak.

The word "couch" appears eight times in Hillbilly Elegy. Vance writes that his grandfather sleeps on the couch, that Bob sits on the couch, that Mamaw retires to the couch, that Mom collapsed onto the couch, that Mom spent a few months on Mamaw's couch, and that someone was found unconscious on their couch. On page 78 he writes, "I was exhausted and wanted only to lie on the couch and watch TV." It is not my business how you choose to interpret that.

What I can tell you for sure is that none of these words appear in Hillbilly Elegy: 

  • sofa
  • chesterfield
  • pull-out
  • settee
  • love seat
  • loveseat
  • sectional
  • futon
  • chaise
  • divan
  • daybed
  • sleeper
  • latex
  • glove 
  • gloves
  • honesty
  • mid-century
  • Ashley
  • cushion
  • upholstery
  • davenport
  • Basset Southwest
  • La-Z-boy
  • Restoration Hardware
  • IKEA
  • intersectional

There is an old (unverified) legend about President Lyndon B. Johnson that I grew up believing: Once, in a race that LBJ felt was closer than it should have been, he told his campaign manager to start a rumor that his opponent was fucking a pig. As the story has it, the manager balked, saying that no one would believe this man had fucked a pig. But that wasn't the point. "I know," LBJ maybe said. "I just want to make him deny it.” It's a political play on the illusory truth effect. The more people hear a lie, the more they believe it. Repeat something enough, and people will believe you. This play later definitively worked against former British prime minister David Cameron. As people say in D.C.: If you're denying, you're losing.

As of publication, JD Vance has not yet denied fucking a couch.

 

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MrBig

MrBig 5163

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27 minutes ago, 27-25 said:

No one is more excited to attend the next Coachella than JD Vance.  Anyone want to break it to him?

He surely won’t be sitting on a fancy couch with Trump in the suite of a Dolphins game.

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Sawbonz

Sawbonz 26808

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, UpperWestside said:

none of these words appear in Hillbilly Elegy: 

  • sofa
  • chesterfield
  • pull-out
  • settee
  • love seat
  • loveseat
  • sectional
  • futon
  • chaise
  • divan
  • daybed
  • sleeper
  • latex
  • glove 
  • gloves
  • honesty
  • mid-century
  • Ashley
  • cushion
  • upholstery
  • davenport
  • Basset Southwest
  • La-Z-boy
  • Restoration Hardware
  • IKEA
  • intersectional

Nice

Edited by Sawbonz
Missed intersectional
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