JD Vance Fucked 5 couches as a hillbilly

[South Austin 52373]

You think JD fantasized about getting a blowjob from Chairry while watching Pee Wee's Playhouse as a kid?

[aggie08 21480]

5 minutes ago, South Austin said:

You think JD fantasized about getting a blowjob from Chairry while watching Pee Wee's Playhouse as a kid?

I'll be...on my couch.

[Underdog 28539]

JD’s Aunt knew…

 

[Hank Kingsley 20900]

"Anyway, like I was sayin', the couch is the lady bits of furniture. You can rub it, grind on it, make love to it, massage it, lick it, play with it. There's um, sectional couches, love seats, modular couches. Camelback, Chaise, Divan, Mid-Century Modern, Chesterfield, Lawson, English Roll Arm, Daybed, Serpentine, Recamier. That's- that's about it." 

 

 

 

[Nicole44 22050]

[C-Man 27172]

[C-Man 27172]

[Covri 6244]

Guys he didn't fuck a couch, he fucked an inside out latex glove shoved in a couch. Totally different and totally normal. The glove is what makes it no homo.....sectional.

[C-Man 27172]

I posted this on the Election thread but now that we have a JD thread, I feel it needs to be here as well.

[Mittens 8233]

 

[Prepuce of Doom 21044]

[YGIFS 19449]

9 minutes ago, Covri said:

Guys he didn't fuck a couch, he fucked an inside out latex glove shoved in a couch. Totally different and totally normal. The glove is what makes it no homo.....sectional.

I can't help but wonder how many times it took him to realize to turn the glove inside-out?  For a week or two, he was Ole' Chalky Chafe Chaise dick.  

['stache 21786]

2 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I really, really, really hope they eventually have to issue a formal denial of this, will be fucking hilarious!

[SydneyCarton 47994]

2 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

I can't help but wonder how many times it took him to realize to turn the glove inside-out?  For a week or two, he was Ole' Chalky Chafe Chaise dick.  

Ribbed for his pleasure. 

[Handcruser 2805]

What happened. What did I miss?

[South Austin 52373]

Just now, Handcruser said:

What happened. What did I miss?

Couchgate.

[YGIFS 19449]

8 minutes ago, Handcruser said:

What happened. What did I miss?

This is how it started:

 

Edited July 24 by YGIFS
And this thread is how it's going now...

[Mittens 8233]

 

[DixonHur 11288]

2 hours ago, Covri said:

Guys he didn't fuck a couch, he fucked an inside out latex glove shoved in a couch. Totally different and totally normal. The glove is what makes it no homo.....sectional.

Yet he wants to deprive you of your contraception.  

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20387]

Holy shit! "Polyfurniamorous" is one of the best words I've ever read. 

 

 

 

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20387]

By the way, even though this story is completely contrived, I want to see J.D. Vance deny that he ever had sexual relations with a couch.

[HornOnTheBayou 8896]

[Nicole44 22050]

1 hour ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

By the way, even though this story is completely contrived, I want to see J.D. Vance deny that he ever had sexual relations with a couch.

I mean he’s a Buckeye. There is a built in couch angle already. 

Edited July 25 by Nicole44

[BamaATL 16592]

Just now, Nicole44 said:

I mean he’s a Buckeye. There is a built in couch angle already. 

At least the hillbillies from West Virginia have the decency to burn these.  

[ultimaton 2966]

[Hugo Stiglitz 23367]

I feel bad for JD, like fucking a couch is among the more normal, victimless, sexual behaviors when compared to the more malicious deviance of his GQP colleagues.  If only all violent perverts could assuage their carnal temptations via living room furniture, the world would be a better place. 

[Dutchrudder 11128]

[burntorangebongos 10710]

 

Edited July 25 by burntorangebongos

[ultimaton 2966]

[BamaATL 16592]

I'd just like to point out that somewhere in Indiana right now, there is a better than zero chance that Mike Pence is busy molesting an ottoman.  

[seven 1367]

When the speaker of the house fucks a couch does it notify his son? 

[6th Street 6373]

 

 

 

[ultimaton 2966]

[Horn Dog 9788]

[tchookem 3900]

When you see JD Vance entering your store.
 

He's Vance's Epstein.

[TexArcher 37745]

It's kind of a miracle that JD Vance was able to fuck all those couches and not get his dick lit on fire when he was at Ohio State.

[Mez2 4023]

JD Vance: Sofa King

[ultimaton 2966]

[C-Man 27172]

[Hmbre97 6304]

55 minutes ago, tchookem said:

8 hours ago, Ted Lange said:

When you see JD Vance entering your store.
 

He's Vance's Epstein.

McIngvale's Island

Spoiler

 

[YGIFS 19449]

I mean, c'mon.  That Avocado pit hole isn't just asking for it?  They're all asking for it, all the time Joey! 

[MrBig 5356]

 

[Dutchrudder 11128]

39 minutes ago, MrBig said:

 

I think we all know that when JD Vance enters the upholstery, it's no longer a couch and it becomes a loveseat. 

[Hugo Stiglitz 23367]

So this family did a JD Vance song to the tune of “Dancing Queen” and I gotta say, it kinda kicks ass.

 

 

[South Austin 52373]

Grammy-worthy.

[DixonHur 11288]

9 hours ago, Horn Dog said:

He wishes, that hole is way to big.

Oh wait, now I see it, you must be talking about the hole the right... ok, that makes more sense.

[dcbc 14455]

Every orgy needs a witness.

[Horn Dog 9788]

3 hours ago, Hugo Stiglitz said:

So this family did a JD Vance song to the tune of “Dancing Queen” and I gotta say, it kinda kicks ass.

 

 

So this couple gets 6 votes right?

[Brisketexan 104918]

Every orgy needs a witness.

“Let the divan watch…”

[DixonHur 11288]

29 minutes ago, dcbc said:

Every orgy needs a witness.

Once you go black... am I right?