Cooking stuff you suck at

[Mo Horn 8,937]

I consider myself to be a pretty good, self-taught, cook. Pretty much anything I do tastes pretty damn good, give or take a failure or two. However, I have zero artistic talent so most of my dishes aren't lookers. I love to do desserts, but could never be a pastry chef. It just doesn't come out looking all fancy. Even so, I've come to grips with that. Mrs Mo, and others, say the taste outdoes the appearance, which is fine. But the thing that pisses me of the most is that I cannot boil eggs and have them peel cleanly. I've watched every video, read every technique, tried every method, but every time I lose a ton of the egg because it doesn't peel. They are my kryptonite.

[Gil Bang 26,229]

I hear air fryer boiled eggs are pretty good.  Maybe I'll try it and report back.

[Mo Horn 8,937]

Don't have an air fryer, but curious. I could sous vide them, but that would take a while I think

[Js1 87,171]

When I cut an onion, it looks like someone with Parkinson’s was given a knife. Can’t figure it out to save my god damn life 

[Jerry Callo 8,958]

5 minutes ago, Mo Horn said:

Don't have an air fryer, but curious. I could sous vide them, but that would take a while I think

Don't boil fresh eggs.  Give them a couple weeks and the air sac gets a little larger and makes them easier to peel.  You can also cut them in half and use a spoon to take off the shell, in one piece.

[jimmyjazz 47,108]

I can't bake.  At all.  Never mind that I have zero patience for the ridiculous level of precision required -- even when I try to stick to a recipe, it comes out bad.  Really bad.  I've only gotten close on some pizza crusts at this point, but even they are a dicey proposition.

[Mo Horn 8,937]

1 minute ago, Jerry Callo said:

Don't boil fresh eggs.  Give them a couple weeks and the air sac gets a little larger and makes them easier to peel.  You can also cut them in half and use a spoon to take off the shell, in one piece.

We get ours at Costco and usually have them for several weeks, and hasn't made a difference. I've heard fresh ones are harder, but ours aren't fresh. 

[Anastasis 23,715]

2 hours ago, Js1 said:

When I cut an onion, it looks like someone with Parkinson’s was given a knife. Can’t figure it out to save my god damn life 

My wife can straight up bastardize an onion like no ones business. But she boils exquisite eggs, a skill I simply cannot master. Baking is witchcraft to me. 

[dcbc 14,644]

3 hours ago, Js1 said:

When I cut an onion, it looks like someone with Parkinson’s was given a knife. Can’t figure it out to save my god damn life 

 

[Texzilla588 772]

I can make a very good chicken fried steak. I can make killer fried shrimp. I can’t fry chicken for shit. Not tenders. Not chicken fried chicken (my usual dish surrender). I mean real fried chicken, on the bone, with a perfect crackly crust that stays on the meat which is perfectly done yet still moist. I got the recipe and the prep. I marinate in buttermilk seasoned with chili paste, and then dredge I. Seasoned flour then egg wash then seasoned flour again. I dry in a rack. I have a cast iron pot to fry it in. And oil thermometer. And invariably I either end up with burned crust and perfect meat or perfect crust and undercooked chicken.

I know I’ll never be able to play a guitar like Freddie King, so I think I could master decent fried chicken. But so far miserable fails.

[Butch Had Not 3,059]

I'm gonna give a prime rib a shot tomorrow.  I have no idea what I'm doing. 

[Blotto 24,010]

Hard boiled eggs are fucked. I have one method I use every time. Sometimes they peel great and sometimes they don't, so I used to assume it was just due to the freshness of the eggs in question. But the last time I boiled up a batch, half of 'em peeled great and half didnt. Fuck if I know. 

[gofuckyourself 9,065]

4 hours ago, Mo Horn said:

I consider myself to be a pretty good, self-taught, cook. Pretty much anything I do tastes pretty damn good, give or take a failure or two. However, I have zero artistic talent so most of my dishes aren't lookers. I love to do desserts, but could never be a pastry chef. It just doesn't come out looking all fancy. Even so, I've come to grips with that. Mrs Mo, and others, say the taste outdoes the appearance, which is fine. But the thing that pisses me of the most is that I cannot boil eggs and have them peel cleanly. I've watched every video, read every technique, tried every method, but every time I lose a ton of the egg because it doesn't peel. They are my kryptonite.

Got this from the Salt Fat Acid Heat book. Works every time for me:

Boil them to desired doneness then roll them lightly under a towel to gently crack the shells. Place them in a bowl of ice water and let them soak for a few minutes. The ice water gets under the shell and then they peel easily. 

[South Austin 53,219]

[Mo Horn 8,937]

6 hours ago, gofuckyourself said:

Got this from the Salt Fat Acid Heat book. Works every time for me:

Boil them to desired doneness then roll them lightly under a towel to gently crack the shells. Place them in a bowl of ice water and let them soak for a few minutes. The ice water gets under the shell and then they peel easily. 

Did exactly this last night. Nope 

[Celery Man 21,093]

11 hours ago, Js1 said:

When I cut an onion, it looks like someone with Parkinson’s was given a knife. Can’t figure it out to save my god damn life 

Prime meridian, chop an end off, peel the first couple layers off, chop the other end off, radial longitudinal cuts and then rotate and cut straight latitude. Repeat with other side. Skip the latitude cuts if you just want to julienne the onion.

 

wife gives me shit because I take forever cooking new recipes. I just can’t hold anything in my head with confidence for very long, I’m constantly double checking my steps. If it’s something I make a lot, at some point I just know it and am quick.

 

I’ll say the other thing - I blame watching kids while I’m trying to grill but I have a much lower success rate on the grill than the stove. I think I’m bad at understanding the heat management of my Weber spirit, stuff doesn’t get cooked as thoroughly as I’m hoping. 

Edited August 14 by Celery Man

[South Austin 53,219]

11 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

wife gives me shit because I take forever cooking new recipes. I just can’t hold anything in my head with confidence for very long, I’m constantly double checking my steps. If it’s something I make a lot, at some point I just know it and am quick.

That’s me. Whenever a recipe gives a prep time, I usually add about 10 more minutes for South Austin time. 

[baboso 6,105]

11 hours ago, Mo Horn said:

I consider myself to be a pretty good, self-taught, cook. Pretty much anything I do tastes pretty damn good, give or take a failure or two. However, I have zero artistic talent so most of my dishes aren't lookers. I love to do desserts, but could never be a pastry chef. It just doesn't come out looking all fancy. Even so, I've come to grips with that. Mrs Mo, and others, say the taste outdoes the appearance, which is fine. But the thing that pisses me of the most is that I cannot boil eggs and have them peel cleanly. I've watched every video, read every technique, tried every method, but every time I lose a ton of the egg because it doesn't peel. They are my kryptonite.

You tried using an Instant Pot?  5 minutes high pressure, 5 more minutes after that release the pressure and put them in an ice water bath for 10 minutes or so.

[Mo Horn 8,937]

7 minutes ago, baboso said:

You tried using an Instant Pot?  5 minutes high pressure, 5 more minutes after that release the pressure and put them in an ice water bath for 10 minutes or so.

Don't have one, so not an option, but thanks anyway. 

[gofuckyourself 9,065]

1 hour ago, Mo Horn said:

Did exactly this last night. Nope 

What the...?

And these are eggs you're using? Not rocks or those big egg shaped rounded crystals?

[Woland 755]

My technique for hard-boiled eggs is to buy the pre-cooked and -peeled at Costco.

[locodos 5,590]

 

[Blotto 24,010]

2 hours ago, South Austin said:

That’s me. Whenever a recipe gives a prep time, I usually add about 10 more minutes for South Austin time. 

I hope you wash your hands  when  you're finished.

[Jimbaround 987]

I make omelets all the time and I’ve gotten mental block where I am incapable of flipping them. Used to be a quick wrist flip and good; now when I try I get half in the pan and half in the sink (yes, I flip over the sink as I have no confidence in success).

[idigTexas 2,330]

13 minutes ago, Jimbaround said:

I make omelets all the time and I’ve gotten mental block where I am incapable of flipping them. Used to be a quick wrist flip and good; now when I try I get half in the pan and half in the sink (yes, I flip over the sink as I have no confidence in success).

Why flip them?  Let them slowly cook until desired doneness then fold them as you plate them.  I just tilt the pan, let it slide halfway onto the plate then flip the back half on top of the front.  No utensils or touching required.  

[gsoda3 3,362]

14 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Don't boil fresh eggs.  Give them a couple weeks and the air sac gets a little larger and makes them easier to peel.  You can also cut them in half and use a spoon to take off the shell, in one piece.

my sister had chickens in high school and we'd get fresh eggs daily, never had a problem peeling them (soft boiled).  

[Jerry Callo 8,958]

7 minutes ago, gsoda3 said:

my sister had chickens in high school and we'd get fresh eggs daily, never had a problem peeling them (soft boiled).  

Maybe you can go over to @Mo Horn's house and show him.

[Baboontyme 2,882]

I break yolks too much for my liking when making over easy eggs

[Da Fino 2,820]

6 minutes boiling. 6 minutes covered off heat. 1 minute drained. 3 minutes in ice bath. Peel by hand, spoon, or shake in Tupperware with water.  

[Mitch Cumsteen 18,962]

4 hours ago, baboso said:

You tried using an Instant Pot?  5 minutes high pressure, 5 more minutes after that release the pressure and put them in an ice water bath for 10 minutes or so.

 

3 hours ago, Mo Horn said:

Don't have one, so not an option, but thanks anyway. 

I found Instant Pot to be the best for hard boiled eggs as well. The shell comes off very easily, even on fresher eggs. I would advise investing in one. I don't really like cooking full meals in them, but it's great for speeding up things like potatoes and beans, or cooking frozen chicken breasts. And I couldn't imagine doing hard boiled eggs any other way now.

The one thing that I can't seem to get right is homemade pasta. I have an attachment for my stand mixer, but I can't seem to fold it right and run it through the different thicknesses with any sort of symmetry or consistent shape. It gets wonky and I invariably make a huge mess and it doesn't taste great. I probably need to experiment with different dough recipes and practice, but I've kind of given up on it. The reward doesn't merit the labor when I can just dump dry pasta into a boiling pot of water.

[sidis 10,011]

16 hours ago, Mo Horn said:

I consider myself to be a pretty good, self-taught, cook. Pretty much anything I do tastes pretty damn good, give or take a failure or two. However, I have zero artistic talent so most of my dishes aren't lookers. I love to do desserts, but could never be a pastry chef. It just doesn't come out looking all fancy. Even so, I've come to grips with that. Mrs Mo, and others, say the taste outdoes the appearance, which is fine. But the thing that pisses me of the most is that I cannot boil eggs and have them peel cleanly. I've watched every video, read every technique, tried every method, but every time I lose a ton of the egg because it doesn't peel. They are my kryptonite.

spoon method is best but don't beat yourself up, there is no perfect solution that works for every egg.

16 hours ago, Mo Horn said:

Don't have an air fryer, but curious. I could sous vide them, but that would take a while I think

you're just boiling them really slow. not going to make a difference vis-a-vis peeling a boiled egg.

16 hours ago, Js1 said:

When I cut an onion, it looks like someone with Parkinson’s was given a knife. Can’t figure it out to save my god damn life 

it really doesn't matter but it is all about practice. practice practice practice.

and a properly sharpened knife.

16 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

I can't bake.  At all.  Never mind that I have zero patience for the ridiculous level of precision required -- even when I try to stick to a recipe, it comes out bad.  Really bad.  I've only gotten close on some pizza crusts at this point, but even they are a dicey proposition.

sure you can. you just need to take a dose of south austin and celery man's deliberate mis en place routine. baking is 90% about preparation and measurement. more science, less art.  and becoming extremely familiar with the unique idiosyncracies of your oven relative to standard recipes.

12 hours ago, Texzilla588 said:

I can make a very good chicken fried steak. I can make killer fried shrimp. I can’t fry chicken for shit. Not tenders. Not chicken fried chicken (my usual dish surrender). I mean real fried chicken, on the bone, with a perfect crackly crust that stays on the meat which is perfectly done yet still moist. I got the recipe and the prep. I marinate in buttermilk seasoned with chili paste, and then dredge I. Seasoned flour then egg wash then seasoned flour again. I dry in a rack. I have a cast iron pot to fry it in. And oil thermometer. And invariably I either end up with burned crust and perfect meat or perfect crust and undercooked chicken.

I know I’ll never be able to play a guitar like Freddie King, so I think I could master decent fried chicken. But so far miserable fails.

your oil is 15-30 degrees too hot regardless of following your thermometer. dial it down and add just a bit more time. also make sure to get your chicken to room temp before doing all the dredging, etc...

12 hours ago, Butch Had Not said:

I'm gonna give a prime rib a shot tomorrow.  I have no idea what I'm doing. 

easiest thing in all of cooking. the cow did all the hard work for you.

2 hours ago, Jimbaround said:

I make omelets all the time and I’ve gotten mental block where I am incapable of flipping them. Used to be a quick wrist flip and good; now when I try I get half in the pan and half in the sink (yes, I flip over the sink as I have no confidence in success).

100% no need to flip. follow the thomas keller approach for fool-proof perfect omelette every time. whisk them smoooth, butter the dish, low heat, let it just sit until the edges are starting to rise, put it in the oven at 250-275 for 4 minutes. pull it out, throw all your shit inside, do a three-way fold inside the pan using a fish spatula, slide it out on to the plate.

24 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

The one thing that I can't seem to get right is homemade pasta. I have an attachment for my stand mixer, but I can't seem to fold it right and run it through the different thicknesses with any sort of symmetry or consistent shape. It gets wonky and I invariably make a huge mess and it doesn't taste great. I probably need to experiment with different dough recipes and practice, but I've kind of given up on it. The reward doesn't merit the labor when I can just dump dry pasta into a boiling pot of water.

lots of variables at play here that may be leading to less than desirable results for you but one thing that a lot of people don't do with the kitchenaid attachment is run it through the biggest size a few times and then fold and do it again to get everything nice and consistent before working your way down slowly in size. also, you don't have to do it all at once. people tend to just run it through the most open setting once and then try to rush to get it down.

[RPM 26,614]

Put a few tablespoons of vinegar in the water when you boil eggs. Shell peels right off.

I can't bake shit. My Mom was a baker for a living and I watched her do some amazing shit from scratch. Me? I buy muffins at WalMart.

[jimmyjazz 47,108]

10 minutes ago, RPM said:

Put a few tablespoons of vinegar in the water when you boil eggs. Shell peels right off.

Never heard that one.  Might give it a try.  I do that when poaching eggs and it does seem to help them hold together better, there's obviously some chemistry going on there.

[SimonBolivar 11,062]

The bane of my existence is Mala Chicken ala China Family in Austin or Mala Sichuan in Houston which is my favorite dish on the planet with some steamed rice.

 

China Family:

 

 

Mala Sichuan:

 

 

 

SimonBolivar:

 

Ends up looking like CFA nuggets with an obviously wrong mixture of heat and numbing.

Edited August 14 by SimonBolivar

[52-80 19,377]

I cant bake worth a shit and i dont particularly care for baking that much except i would love to be able to make nice rustic bread at home because there isnt a good bakery around

[locodos 5,590]

9 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

I cant bake worth a shit and i dont particularly care for baking that much except i would love to be able to make nice rustic bread at home because there isnt a good bakery around

This is about as easy as it gets

https://www.bowlofdelicious.com/dutch-oven-bread/#recipe

[Underdog 29,161]

18 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

I can't bake. 

Put this on you Xmas list… 

 

[hornmpa96 2,655]

15 hours ago, Texzilla588 said:

I can make a very good chicken fried steak. I can make killer fried shrimp. I can’t fry chicken for shit. Not tenders. Not chicken fried chicken (my usual dish surrender). I mean real fried chicken, on the bone, with a perfect crackly crust that stays on the meat which is perfectly done yet still moist. I got the recipe and the prep. I marinate in buttermilk seasoned with chili paste, and then dredge I. Seasoned flour then egg wash then seasoned flour again. I dry in a rack. I have a cast iron pot to fry it in. And oil thermometer. And invariably I either end up with burned crust and perfect meat or perfect crust and undercooked chicken.

I know I’ll never be able to play a guitar like Freddie King, so I think I could master decent fried chicken. But so far miserable fails.

Have you tried not drinking when frying chicken?

Over the years, I’ve learned that I need to be stone-cold sober to fry chicken. You have to watch the oil thermometer like a hawk.

[smoothlonghorn 85]

Cooking stuff I suck at: everything sidis is apparently proficient at (much pos rep for taking the time for so many suggestions/help!)

After several thousand, however, I can whip up a few batches of jell-o shots fairly efficiently....

[Js1 87,171]

6 hours ago, SimonBolivar said:

The bane of my existence is Mala Chicken ala China Family in Austin or Mala Sichuan in Houston which is my favorite dish on the planet with some steamed rice.

 

China Family:

 

 

Mala Sichuan:

 

 

 

SimonBolivar:

 

Ends up looking like CFA nuggets with an obviously wrong mixture of heat and numbing.

Ummmmm but would smash 

[TornACL 7,792]

The next pot of beans I make that are worth a fuck will be my first.

[jimmyjazz 47,108]

10 minutes ago, TornACL said:

The next pot of beans I make that are worth a fuck will be my first.

Got a crock pot?  1 lb pintos, 9 cups water, 5 tsp salt, whatever onion/garlic/pork you want to add.  8 hours on low.  Voila.  (Wallah.)

[Celery Man 21,093]

9 hours ago, SimonBolivar said:

Ends up looking like CFA nuggets with an obviously wrong mixture of heat and numbing.

Uh so I’ll make a lot of Chinese fried chicken recipes (sesame, orange, etc) by just buying chick fil a and giving them a quick toss in the sauce.

[dcbc 14,644]

On 8/14/2024 at 8:36 PM, jimmyjazz said:

Got a crock pot?  1 lb pintos, 9 cups water, 5 tsp salt, whatever onion/garlic/pork you want to add.  8 hours on low.  Voila.  (Wallah.)

Or an Instant Pot.  1 lb pintos, 6 cups of water, 1 T salt, 3 tsp coarse pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, paprika, chili powder, cumin, (I like a little curry powder), and a bullion cube.  About 1 hour 10 minutes under pressure and as much time after that as you can spare (hour or so). 

[huge 3,831]

I cannot get cream gravy right the first time.  It always takes a second shot.  And usually is mediocre.

Grandmothers all over the tri state area roll over in their graves when I start up a batch, usually after frying some backstrap chunks.

[Celery Man 21,093]

I'm sure you've got the basics down, but this video is the first interaction I had with Kenji Alt-Lopez and him and this format have done more than anything else to help me feel more comfortable understanding things and just kinda cooking rather than rigidly following a recipe.

 

[next2naus 439]

2 hours ago, huge said:

I cannot get cream gravy right the first time.  It always takes a second shot.  And usually is mediocre.

Grandmothers all over the tri state area roll over in their graves when I start up a batch, usually after frying some backstrap chunks.

try sifting the flour

[sidis 10,011]

6 hours ago, huge said:

I cannot get cream gravy right the first time.  It always takes a second shot.  And usually is mediocre.

Grandmothers all over the tri state area roll over in their graves when I start up a batch, usually after frying some backstrap chunks.

what outcome are you getting that is coming up short? what is it about your product that is making it "mediocre?' texture? flavor? visual?

this is probably an easy fix.

[huge 3,831]

after watching that video above I was rushing it, not allowing it to thicken as it simmers, then it would get overly thick.

Then I would add more milk, and finally getting too much gravy that wasn't as flavorful

[SydneyCarton 49,475]

On 8/13/2024 at 7:17 PM, Mo Horn said:

I consider myself to be a pretty good, self-taught, cook. Pretty much anything I do tastes pretty damn good, give or take a failure or two. However, I have zero artistic talent so most of my dishes aren't lookers. I love to do desserts, but could never be a pastry chef. It just doesn't come out looking all fancy. Even so, I've come to grips with that. Mrs Mo, and others, say the taste outdoes the appearance, which is fine. But the thing that pisses me of the most is that I cannot boil eggs and have them peel cleanly. I've watched every video, read every technique, tried every method, but every time I lose a ton of the egg because it doesn't peel. They are my kryptonite.

 

On 8/14/2024 at 7:17 AM, baboso said:

You tried using an Instant Pot?  5 minutes high pressure, 5 more minutes after that release the pressure and put them in an ice water bath for 10 minutes or so.

 

On 8/14/2024 at 11:30 AM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

 

I found Instant Pot to be the best for hard boiled eggs as well. The shell comes off very easily, even on fresher eggs. I would advise investing in one. I don't really like cooking full meals in them, but it's great for speeding up things like potatoes and beans, or cooking frozen chicken breasts. And I couldn't imagine doing hard boiled eggs any other way now.

The one thing that I can't seem to get right is homemade pasta. I have an attachment for my stand mixer, but I can't seem to fold it right and run it through the different thicknesses with any sort of symmetry or consistent shape. It gets wonky and I invariably make a huge mess and it doesn't taste great. I probably need to experiment with different dough recipes and practice, but I've kind of given up on it. The reward doesn't merit the labor when I can just dump dry pasta into a boiling pot of water.

Echoing all these guys. The Instant Pot is the way to go for eggs. The only gripe is that with the release it's impossible for me to get soft boiled yolks. They just cook. But whatevs, hard boiled eggs are the best with a 'Pot. I would highly suggesting buying one, as I use it for that and for shredded chicken breasts regularly. It's a great tool. 

On 8/14/2024 at 12:17 PM, RPM said:

Put a few tablespoons of vinegar in the water when you boil eggs. Shell peels right off.

I can't bake shit. My Mom was a baker for a living and I watched her do some amazing shit from scratch. Me? I buy muffins at WalMart.

Before I had an instant pot, the vinegar in the boiled water was my go to to get my hard boiled eggs to break easily. I second this reccomendation. 

On 8/14/2024 at 9:35 AM, Woland said:

My technique for hard-boiled eggs is to buy the pre-cooked and -peeled at Costco.

Those things are fukcing disgusting. In fact, every pre-cooked hardboiled I've ever had tastes like carboard covered in dogshit.