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I start chemotherapy monday and I don't have cancer


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I'm feeling really down about this and just want to vent to some strangers. I've been in really poor health since going back before covid lockdown, unfortunately. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease in 2020, but unfortunately the medicine I need is prohibitively expensive even with insurance, and the payment assistance programs they offer are no help. I've been fighting to try and get my medicine down to an actual affordable level -- they told me even with insurance it'd be like $900 a dose, and I'd need like 6 doses in the first two weeks followed by a single dose every two weeks for the rest of my life. This has been going on since last october, everything is still being fought. However, in the meantime, the disease is started to affect my liver, so my doctor said I need to begin treatment for it immediately, and the old school low cost solution is chemotherapy. Apparently this is what they used to do with autoimmune diseases in the 70's?

Due to the nature of my illness, I'll be on chemo indefinitely, until the payment dispute over the medicine I need is resolved. Could take months, could take years, might never be resolved. Unfortunately despite not being cancer, chemo will still fuck me up according to my doctor. I'll lose all my hair and I should experience the nausea cancer patients experience.

All my life I've tried to avoid these kinds of problems, I've always been deathly afraid of needles and things of that sort. For example, I gave up sugar and sodas in my 20's because I thought I'd have to be stupid to willingly contract diabetes when it could be prevented, all so I could avoid injections. Don't smoke, don't drink, I'm basically a teetotaler. I've always been afraid of cancer and chemo, I've lost several friends to cancer and saw the chemo eat up their bodies and watched them wither away. I'm so worried this is going to happen to me now.

My doses are starting low, then after a month they're going to start increasing the dosage. I'm going to have to go in for blood work like every 3 weeks to check my vitals while on chemo for this stuff. I'm still a little in shock that my doctor is putting me on a chemotherapy treatment. This fucking sucks.

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4 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

Damn dude I’m sorry. I wish for the best for you. PM me a Zelle cashapp or Venmo I can’t send a dose worth of money but a few dinners or lunches maybe. Sorry man 

I appreciate the offer but honestly that makes me feel worse, I don't want to beg for money. I know that's not what you meant, it's just how I've felt growing up. I have insurance, I own my own business, it shouldn't have to come to me feeling like a charity case, you know? It makes me feel like I'm a failure somehow, like somehow this is my fault if I'm resorting to taking strangers money. I just needed a place to say shit outloud, because I've been bottling it up since talking to my doctor last week.

It's been starting to hit me that I'm going to be a chemo patient. Like I guess I was shrugging it off before, like "it's not cancer so it's nothing to be concerned about" but as it's getting closer I'm getting more and more nervous and anxious. I had a friend who died of brutal brain cancer when I was 20 at UT. I remember going and seeing him with some friends in Houston, and we saw him immediately following one of his last chemotherapy sessions before he passed away. He was so incredibly weak and frail, nothing at all like I had remembered him before when he was well. I know it's not just the chemo that did that to him, but I can't get it out of my mind. It really has me wound up and nervous, like I can't calm down.

Edited by WelfareBuysMyWeed
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Some dark humor in all of this: before my doctor told me that we needed to go on chemo, I was worried about the biologic shots I'd be taking. Like, stupid me, I was worried about the needle above all else, like "how on earth will I be able to give myself shots in the belly on my own?" Always been afraid of needles, even as an adult I have to look away when they give me shots. Like that was the worst thing I thought I could possibly deal with. Staring down chemotherapy, I feel so dumb for worrying about the shots now, like this is ten times worse in my head. I fucking wish I was just taking shots now instead. Funny how perspective changes like that quickly when you're sick.

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Have you looked into whether you can get those shots overseas for far less money? Perhaps you could relocate offshore for a few years and run your business that way? Maybe doesn’t make sense but thought id throw that out there. 

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20 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

Have you looked into whether you can get those shots overseas for far less money? Perhaps you could relocate offshore for a few years and run your business that way? Maybe doesn’t make sense but thought id throw that out there. 

I dont think i could do that, at least not yet. I take care of my elderly parents in my free time, part of owning my own business means working from home which grants me a ton of flexibility. They live just 15 minutes away, both are in their 70s and are slowing down. I like to be around to help them if they need it, which they increasingly frequently do.

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2 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

serious: have you checked the price at Mark Cuban Pharmacy?

yes, I asked my doctor about this because I had heard about it recently, and unfortunately it's not an option for me. They don't offer the precise biologic I need.

Edited by WelfareBuysMyWeed
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