Fuck Cancer, again

[DallasHorn26 586]

I just got back from a 2 week work trip to the UK to find my mom (55) laid up in the hospital. There drained 6+ liters of fluid from around her lungs over the past 3 days. Not 100% sure until she gets a pet scan, but looks like stage 4 in her lung and they believe it started in either her pancreas or stomach. This just adds to a deeper pile of shit I've been through this past year (divorce, job being phased out).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[RiceOwl 74]

Sorry to hear man.. My mom has had stage IV neuroendocrine cancer for 16 months now and will be 55 in October. Luckily she’s doing well right now and they’ve been able to beat it back a bit... But when you’re stage IV it’s a ticking time bomb. Definitely important to find out where the primary tumor is... If it’s a lung primary, there’s some “pretty good” targeted therapies they can throw at it. In the Pancreas, definitely some clinical trials out there that have shown some promise... Less sure about stomach cancer but that’s just because I haven’t read as much on the topic.

If there’s anything I’ve learned through the process so far:

-Your time horizon shortens. It’s cliche but you really do appreciate every day more. I used to talk on the phone with my mom 2-3 days a week, now every day without fail. 

-There’s always someone who has it worse. This is kind of shitty coping mechanism probably in a number of ways, but it’s kinda sorta helped me. I think of all the people who lost their mom as a little kid whereas my mom has seen me graduate college, get my first job, etc... Sure she won’t live till she’s 80, but hey could be a lot worse.

 

[Paper_jam 831]

That's a terrible thing to hear; best of luck to you and your mother. Lung cancer killed my mother a little over 10 years ago. Fuck cancer.

[DallasHorn26 586]

Just wanted to share an update as I need a place to vent. Found out just a week ago that the cancer most likely originated in her colon and aggressively spread to her lung and bones. Chemo/radiation would only give her a few additional months, so she chose to go home on hospice care. I've watched my mom fade away into a vegetative state in the matter of days. I'm currently by her side holding her hand. This is just a reminder that life is precious and short and sometimes defintely not fair. She raised me to be a Longhorn, and even through thos shes a fighter. Let's see the boys win one for her today.

[Eastwood 4,394]

Very sorry to hear. This kind of stuff is nightmare fuel. This thread didn't get a lot of traction out of the gate. I've noticed that trend in these threads over the last couple of years. I think it is because the core demographic of this board has now aged to the point where your mother's scenario is now a real possibility, and in truth, the coming reality for at least a fifth of us over the next couple of decades. All the best to you and your family.

[destroya 380]

Damn. That’s a hard blow. My heart goes out to you and your family. She’s raised you right and I’m sure she couldn’t be prouder of the man you’ve become. 

[LongestHorn 759]

Fuck you, fucking cancer fuck.

[Newdoc 3,448]

Ughh. Hoping she’s pain free and strength for your family.

[pch 1,259]

Prayers for your mom's comfort, your peace of mind, and serenity to deal with some of life's harshest moments like those you mention.  To have three relationships in one's life change so drastically is almost unthinkable and emotionally draining I'm sure.  Hang in there.

[Brisketexan 105,251]

Sorry to hear this, man.

I wish you both peace, and strength.

[Caver60 396]

Man, sorry that you are going through all of this. Divorce, job stuff, and your mother passing. Wow.

There are rarely any words, especially from a stranger, that can offer much solace in dark times. Nevertheless, my former father in law offered me some one time, and they have always held true for me. He said, "Something terrible happens and you feel empty, like you might die. And then the next day you get up again and that feeling goes away a little bit. And then you get up weeks after that and the feeling is a little less still. And then months and years go by and you might still have that pit in the bottom of your stomach when you recall those days, but you can live again, and enjoy things, and love again."

I strongly believe that we are put here to love each other and help each other, even when that means helping each other along to the next good place. You are doing that for your mom. Mad props.

[DallasHorn26 586]

Thank you everyone for your kind words.  She passed Sunday evening peacefully at home.  In true Mom fashion, she seemed to wait until a moment when my sister, step-dad, and I had left the room.  Up until that point, someone had been beside her holding her hand 24/7.  For some reason or another, the 3 of us stepped out of the room for a split second, and that's when the hospice nurse hollered for us to come back into the room.  

It's been a tough few days, but I'm at comfort knowing she's now at peace and she did not suffer very long from this awful disease.  My step-dad is having a tough go at it and is trying to adjust to an empty house after 22 years of marriage, so I've kind of had to step-up with the planning.  I hope that we've created a beautiful service and will celebrate her life tomorrow afternoon.

[Hanrahan 1,306]

Sorry for your loss. The disease sucks. I’ve had it and am grateful for every day I continue to have.

[UTEX90 589]

As someone who has to do this with a loved one last year.  I can't tell you how sorry I am for your loss.  Prayers for you and your family.   Fuck Cancer.

[ChickenSandwich 9,849]

Sorry for your loss. Be strong. T&P

[Bevo 13,596]

I'm kind of worried about my upcoming colonoscopy next Monday. I've had stomach problems (IBS) for a couple of decades and had a sigmoidoscopy probably 19 years ago where they saw an area of irritation but no disease. I'm sure they'll find something and take a biopsy and then I'll have to wait a couple of weeks to find out the results. Kind of sucks getting old. I'm wondering if I should increase my disability and life insurances before the procedure.

[Texas St. Armadillos 1,381]

Sorry to have to add to this thread.

Family member (male, 63) just got diagnosed with bladder cancer.  He had a tumor removed a couple weeks ago, and they just found out it was malignant.  Going to have to have his bladder removed, and begin treatment.

I know nothing about how treatable this is, the options, or quality of life.

I heard that they can "rewire" your plumbing and you can urinate through your kidneys, but that's all I heard yesterday.

I would appreciate if anyone has any experience with this particular form of cancer and can share their knowledge and/or experience.

 

And obligatory:  Fuck Cancer

[Bama Chick 28,596]

My dad had bladder cancer.

His treatment was the one where they kill the tumor with the tuberculosis virus. He was lucky in that he didn’t have to have his bladder removed and now two years from his diagnosis he’s cancer free.

He goes in every three months for his doctor to look in his bladder. I think that will drop to every six months soon.

PM if you have any questions or want to chat. From my understanding it’s very treatable and the treatments aren’t as debilitating as other cancer treatments can be.

Good luck to your family member! He’s got this!

[bluto 4,940]

67 y.o. dad had a sarcoma on his shin last year. Numerous docs/checkups dismissed the lump as a cyst during other visits throughout the yr until they finally biopsied. 

 

After surgery, chemo (killed his kidneys off entirely and almost got him overall), and radiation it came back in his pleura/lungs over summer and just got officially diagnosed. We don't expect him to make it through the winter. Happens fast. We're hoping his heart gives out, resting bpm is avg'ing 120, before the pain sets in and morphine is required. 

Edited October 31, 2018 by bluto

[Hate 20,130]

That's awful news Bluto.  67 is way too young.  Hopefully his last few months can be as peaceful as possible.

[Sbbruin 21,866]

Sorry brother.  That's awful.

[Texas St. Armadillos 1,381]

Sorry to hear that, Bluto.

[pch 1,259]

Lost a brother in law to cancer in May last year.  Now his widow was diagnosed in April with a tumor on her tongue that caused half of her tongue to be removed and rebuilt.  Found out yesterday she has an inoperable tumor behind her right eye and it is the most aggressive form of this disease.  Man, just wish that a cure for this life destroying disease could be found.

[deter 314]

On a more positive (miracle) note, my sister in law had her esophagus removed 8-9 years ago.  Stomach removed 4-5 years ago. July of this year only had radiation for lunch cancer. She is one of Mayo's prize patients. 

[Stella Link 534]

I have read through this thread, and my prayers are with all of you.  Cancer totally sucks.  Lost both of my parents from cancer.

Unfortunately, I have more to add to this thread.  Cancer has recently struck three incredible friends in my neighborhood.

I happen to serve on a volunteer board with another neighbor.  One of the sweetest gals you could ever meet.  A couple months ago on the evening of a board meeting, she called me to tell me she wouldn't be making it to the meeting.  She had a splitting headache and felt feverish, and that she came home from work.  I just told her to stay at home and get some rest.  A few days later when I called to check up on her, I found out she was in the hospital with terminal brain cancer, and the doctors gave her 90 days.  A few weeks later, the doctors cut that time down by 30 days.  Last weekend she came home from the hospice because she wanted to pass at home.

Three weeks ago I was talking with another neighbor, and he showed me his forearm where he had some skin cancer removed.  He told me he had a small growth on his arm, but didn't think anything about it, but it didn't go away, so he went to the doctor to have it removed.  A couple days after I spoke with him, he learned the cancer had spread to his side and throughout his lungs.  He died two weeks later.

This same guy's daughter who also lives in the neighborhood, just a few doors down from her parents was feeling ill after her father passed from the skin cancer.  She thought it was stress from the death of her father, and went to the doctor.  She found out it was her liver, and needed a transplant.  She is now at Memorial Hermann waiting for a donor, but doctors now don't think she may live until a donor is found.  The mother is beside herself at the possibility of losing her husband and daughter within 30 days of each other.

Two weeks ago (Saturday), I ran into my neighbor who lives behind me.  He usually walks the neighborhood every day, and I see and talk to him most every day.  But that day he looked terrible.  He even complained he felt tired and was going inside to lay down and rest.  Apparently, he didn't feel much better, and by Sunday, his neighbor next door to him took him to the hospital.  They found out he had cancerous lesions throughout his liver.  The following Tuesday he went to his doctor and they ran more tests.  The cancer had spread to his lungs.  The next Friday he went to an oncologist.  Found out the cancer was Stage IV, and there was nothing they could do for him.  He went downhill very fast, and he is now in The Woodlands at a hospice, and expected to pass within the next 24-48 hours.  All within 2 weeks!

 

We all have lost wonderful people in our lives.  But FOUR wonderful friends and neighbors within 2-3 months??  I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and this was all a terrible dream.  I cry every time I think about each of them.  But I am involved with helping each of the families with what ever they need and what I can do for them.  It is going to be tough living in this neighborhood for a long while because I will be constantly missing my friends.

 

I agree with all of you.  Cancer totally sucks.  And it sucks even more that is has to destroy lives around the holiday season.  On the positive side, my life is so much richer from knowing them.  I pray for all of you who have had to endure this terrible disease, and who have lost friends and family.  I guess it's a part of life, even though it totally sucks.

 

 

 

 

 

[Hate 20,130]

Cancer does indeed suck and I'm very sorry for your losses.  It's crazy to hear how quickly these people all went from feeling ill to dying.  Also, I'm glad I don't live in your neighborhood.

Edited November 15, 2018 by Hate

[jimmyjazz 46,079]

I don't want this to sound glib, because I completely understand the pain of losing a loved one to cancer.  My father died from the most aggressive form of brain cancer (glioblastoma multiforme).  We went from "hey, Dad sure is banging his car up in parking lots, and he's fallen a couple of times" to "shit, he has a couple of months to live", and that's about how long he made it.

But I will say that I had some amazing conversations -- some not spoken -- with Dad in his last few weeks.  We were always close, so nothing had necessarily gone unsaid, but I learned some things.  Not long after than my next door neighbor, a former UT prof, was afflicted with the exact same cancer.  His spirit was undeniable.  He virtually embraced his disease, and we had long talks about life, kids, God, career aspirations, his snark looking back on those goals (and this was a guy who had taught at NYU and UT), whatever.  I really enjoyed my time with him and I think he enjoyed those moments with me. 

Short version?  Be with your family and friends and neighbors as they battle this shitty disease.  On balance, it's no "gift", but it doesn't have to isolate everyone, either.

[Stella Link 534]

51 minutes ago, Hate said:

Cancer does indeed suck and I'm very sorry for your losses.  It's crazy to hear how quickly these people all went from feeling ill to dying.  Also, I'm glad I don't live in your neighborhood.

Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind to drink more bottled water....

[4th_and_18 687]

Just found out someone in my family has Polycythemia Vera. Blood has turned to molasses. Lots of weight loss already. No strength. I've never heard of this type of cancer until now. Hoping that weekly visits to the phlebotomist and lots of medication can allow him to return to "normal" but there's a good chance he'll need a bone marrow transplant at some point. The weekly visits to the phlebotomist are going to get old, but I guess he doesn't have much of a choice.

tldr\ fuck cancer