Official Bitch about your Family Thread 2024: Holiday Edition

[Sam Lin 3,606]

Bunch of lit houses in my neighborhood already.

[Sandman 3,435]

Sunday morning, I asked my wife if she wanted to go out anywhere, or would she rather just chill at home. I told her I'm in the mood to stay home and she agreed. An hour or so later, she proclaimed that she wanted to put up the christmas decorations. I don't care what she puts out and let her have free reign of the decorating, so she doesn't mind that I go in the other room and leave her to it. But it never fails: "Can you come move this?" "Can you carry this?" "Can you hold this up?". Fuck, I just wanted to watch ONE football game. 

[Bevo&Pevo 5,527]

On 11/4/2024 at 1:09 PM, GhostOfTomJoad said:

I asked my wife if we have any Thanksgiving obligations this year and she replied "no. Should I text mom and ask?"

She held a straight face for a good 5 seconds before bursting out with laughter.

So far we're in the clear, but I'd give it 50/50 we end up spending a night in Kerrville over that weekend. I know this thread will deliver over the next 8 weeks.

 I married your wife's sister.  

[Dnaguy 12,708]

MIL will be recovering from heart surgery and wifey will be on the mend from a hysterectomy.

Thanksgiving is going to be the tits 

[Parliament 14,616]

10 hours ago, Dnaguy said:

MIL will be recovering from heart surgery and wifey will be on the mend from a hysterectomy.

Thanksgiving is going to be the tits 

ISWYDT

[Longboard Horn 41,382]

14 hours ago, Sandman said:

Sunday morning, I asked my wife if she wanted to go out anywhere, or would she rather just chill at home. I told her I'm in the mood to stay home and she agreed. An hour or so later, she proclaimed that she wanted to put up the christmas decorations. I don't care what she puts out and let her have free reign of the decorating, so she doesn't mind that I go in the other room and leave her to it. But it never fails: "Can you come move this?" "Can you carry this?" "Can you hold this up?". Fuck, I just wanted to watch ONE football game. 

They gotta know. Tell her like I've told every woman I ever dated: don't ask me to go anywhere, do anything, help around the house/apartment or anything until after the game is over. Texas is on and I want to watch the game. If that's a problem, then that's on you. How fucking difficult is it to give me a few hours of football time once a week?

Hell at my dad's place my youngest sibling knows better than to ask to go somewhere or do any other activities during a game. Example: *when she was a little girl*  Her: "Momma can we go to a movie?" or "can you take me to my friends house?" My mom: "Is Texas playing right now?" or if it's Sunday "are the Packers on? Then the answer is no. Not until the game is over." Then she either watches the game with us or finds something else to do. 

[Js1 87,269]

8 hours ago, Parliament said:

ISWYDT

Only if he said T-Day will be the uterus

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,779]

We are hosting this year.  The weird family members asked to bring their dog for the long 45 minute trip.  Said no so now they aren't coming.  3d chess here and I love dogs.  

The bourbon and assorted booze will be flowing.  Dad's wife ain't coming so it will be a good day at my house.  

[Iceman 2,981]

22 hours ago, Dnaguy said:

MIL will be recovering from heart surgery and wifey will be on the mend from a hysterectomy.

Thanksgiving is going to be the tits 

The tits…and pooper. 

[Dnaguy 12,708]

3 minutes ago, Iceman said:

The tits…and pooper. 

The internet being what it is, I have to think that if hysterectomies led to middle aged women getting freakier and suddenly into butt stuff like a Mormon teen girl then I would have heard about it.

[Iceman 2,981]

The point being that meat wallet is out of commission and you said wife, so a beej is out of the question…

I’m not a fucking rookie. 

[Sam Lin 3,606]

I'm sure his right hand will be available.

[Beau Vine 55,883]

Wife and I talked about Christmas plans last night.  

I told her that I wouldn't mind coming back to Texas earlier than usual so that I can watch the TxHSFB championships.  She got out the calendar and I agreed to travel on the 18th.   

I actually mentioned that we could drive in that previous weekend, and she said, "You can't last that long at my parents' house."  I considered that comment to be progress after only 32 years of marriage.  

[Longboard Horn 41,382]

16 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Wife and I talked about Christmas plans last night.  

I told her that I wouldn't mind coming back to Texas earlier than usual so that I can watch the TxHSFB championships.  She got out the calendar and I agreed to travel on the 18th.   

I actually mentioned that we could drive in that previous weekend, and she said, "You can't last that long at my parents' house."  I considered that comment to be progress after only 32 years of marriage.  

While you're watching the TX High School Championships I can hear your MIL now: "what bowl is this?" And after you tell her it's not a bowl game, "Oh, then what game is this?"

[Beau Vine 55,883]

3 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

While you're watching the TX High School Championships I can hear your MIL now: "what bowl is this?" And after you tell her it's not a bowl game, "Oh, then what game is this?"

You almost nailed it.  She will know they're not bowl games because my wife will tell her that I want to watch the HS championships, so MIL will tell everyone she knows that her daughter is coming back early because I want to watch HS football.  The "WHOT BOWLLLLLL IS THIS???" questions won't start until the next week.  

Instead, every 5 minutes, she'll walk in the room and ask, "WHOT'S THE SCOOORE?!!" followed soon after by, "WHO'S PLAYIN'?"

[thunderlounge 8,460]

4 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

You almost nailed it.  She will know they're not bowl games because my wife will tell her that I want to watch the HS championships, so MIL will tell everyone she knows that her daughter is coming back early because I want to watch HS football.  The "WHOT BOWLLLLLL IS THIS???" questions won't start until the next week.  

Instead, every 5 minutes, she'll walk in the room and ask, "WHOT'S THE SCOOORE?!!" followed soon after by, "WHO'S PLAYIN'?"

 

 

[Longboard Horn 41,382]

So I have some family coming to Austin for the Kentucky game next weekend. I'm excited to see my uncle and younger cousin since he's never been to Austin. The only bitching I have is that one of my older cousins(who I attended the SMU vs Louisville game with) can't come now due to his worthless bitch girlfriend/baby mama. My aunt and uncle hate her and her parents are well aware of it. Long story short, they had my nephew, broke up, then she had her daughter with another guy (who isn't in the picture) and her mother basically tricked my cousin into giving her another chance and got them back together. He told me that while he loves her, he feels like sometimes he's raising 3 children instead of two. I can tell he's starting to check out. My uncle and I also suspect that she's been lying to him about her job status saying that she works part time, but my nephew said they only call her in to work when they need her....

Anyways, getting back on track, the bitching is because of her. With my cousin practically having to take care of the kids and pay for everything himself he didn't have any extra money to buy a couple plane tickets to fly down. We had plans for them to come down early and we were gonna show the nephew all around Austin(since he's never been to Texas) and take him to places like the Inner Space Cavern in Georgetown, the Texas History Museum, the football game, fishing on Lake Travis and having him try all the epic food trucks in the city. Then my mother was going to watch him while my cousin experienced the night life on 6th Street since he hasn't been. But, because of the bitch baby mama that's now all up in smoke and the nephew is bummed out. 

[statsman 5,698]

I love this thread. I’ve never contributed because my fucking bitch of a SIL causes more anger than humor. She’s never had kids, never had a career, got her folks to waste their retirement savings to fund her night clubbing and gig attending in Austin from her 20s to her mid 40s, when she married an older guy (no kids) with a decent job and pension. 
 
Now that she doesn’t need her folks for funds, she really has little to do with them. She’ll have flowers sent for gifts. 
 
The opposite of love, they say, is indifference, not hate. Why can’t I just never think about her? Because my nieces will occasionally drop how Aunt —— and Uncle _____ will take them to dinner or to do something. My SIL has not one bit to do with my daughter. Maybe it’s because my daughter is adopted (which would be really shitty of her, but is not outside of the bounds of reason), maybe it’s because my SIL is too lazy to leave Austin (or to call), maybe it’s because she just doesn’t want anything do with us. I just know that my 14 year old daughter has asked a couple of times, “Why doesn’t Aunt —— ever see me?”  That’s when I get really pissed off at SIL  

We live in Arlington. So does her aging mom.  SIL can’t be bothered to help with time or money.  She doesn’t come up here. She’s got her own deal going. 
 
I hope to dance on her grave someday. I’m sorry this wasn’t funnier. I have hopes for that. If it takes a zany turn, I will update

Edited- we will see BiL and his crew on Thanksgiving, but not SIL. Her own MIL and FIL are long passed, but she wants to do her own thing. What you have to understand is- my MIL is a saint. She has and would make any sacrifice for her kids. SIL isn’t moved. She has made it clear that she has affection for her own MIL, even more than for her mom. A few years ago, her Christmas gift to her own mother was a couple of teacups that her own MIL had painted. SIL made it clear that she thought they were so fucking amazing. 

Edited November 15 by statsman

[Dnaguy 12,708]

On 11/13/2024 at 12:11 PM, Sam Lin said:

I'm sure his right hand will be available.

 

[Longboard Horn 41,382]

18 hours ago, statsman said:

I love this thread. I’ve never contributed because my fucking bitch of a SIL causes more anger than humor. She’s never had kids, never had a career, got her folks to waste their retirement savings to fund her night clubbing and gig attending in Austin from her 20s to her mid 40s, when she married an older guy (no kids) with a decent job and pension. 
 
Now that she doesn’t need her folks for funds, she really has little to do with them. She’ll have flowers sent for gifts. 
 
The opposite of love, they say, is indifference, not hate. Why can’t I just never think about her? Because my nieces will occasionally drop how Aunt —— and Uncle _____ will take them to dinner or to do something. My SIL has not one bit to do with my daughter. Maybe it’s because my daughter is adopted (which would be really shitty of her, but is not outside of the bounds of reason), maybe it’s because my SIL is too lazy to leave Austin (or to call), maybe it’s because she just doesn’t want anything do with us. I just know that my 14 year old daughter has asked a couple of times, “Why doesn’t Aunt —— ever see me?”  That’s when I get really pissed off at SIL  

We live in Arlington. So does her aging mom.  SIL can’t be bothered to help with time or money.  She doesn’t come up here. She’s got her own deal going. 
 
I hope to dance on her grave someday. I’m sorry this wasn’t funnier. I have hopes for that. If it takes a zany turn, I will update

Edited- we will see BiL and his crew on Thanksgiving, but not SIL. Her own MIL and FIL are long passed, but she wants to do her own thing. What you have to understand is- my MIL is a saint. She has and would make any sacrifice for her kids. SIL isn’t moved. She has made it clear that she has affection for her own MIL, even more than for her mom. A few years ago, her Christmas gift to her own mother was a couple of teacups that her own MIL had painted. SIL made it clear that she thought they were so fucking amazing. 

Just remember this and cut her out of your life. Trust me you’ll feel better and so will the rest of the family. Also instead of dancing, piss on her grave. 

[nnm 37,994]

[Underdog 29,211]

Technically, Bill does decorate after Halloween since Dec 1st falls afterwards. 

[Iceman 2,981]

and most of all, who gives a fuck???

[NorthLoop 14,510]

2 hours ago, Iceman said:

and most of all, who gives a fuck???

Attention whores on Facebook 

[Goofyboy 3,438]

Looking forward to the crazy this year.

[nnm 37,994]

From a tweet that I’m not linking because some of the author’s other tweets may be considered CR by some on here. Try this and report back. Lulz. 

A good icebreaker for Thanksgiving dinner, especially if you have a mixed group of friends and extended relatives with different beliefs and backgrounds:

Who did you vote for and why?

[BearSchlong 8,252]

Not a bitch per se, but my mom (Fuck cancer!) ran through the chemo wringer at MD Anderson this week. It kicked her ass hard. Nausea, lethargy, etc - we can't get her to eat.

My kid is on a plane from ORD with a few bags of gummies, so we are looking forward to getting mom some side effect relief, which might prove interesting.

[Covri 6,374]

3 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Not a bitch per se, but my mom (Fuck cancer!) ran through the chemo wringer at MD Anderson this week. It kicked her ass hard. Nausea, lethargy, etc - we can't get her to eat.

My kid is on a plane from ORD with a few bags of gummies, so we are looking forward to getting mom some side effect relief, which might prove interesting.

Hometown hero makes disposable vapes and edibles in the Austin area that will also give you the needed munchies. Look for thc-a or delta 8 or 9 edibles and find what works. Legal in Texas still for now.

[thunderlounge 8,460]

Avoid delta8 like the plague. 

[Covri 6,374]

37 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

Avoid delta8 like the plague. 

Any reason why? I haven’t had it in a while, but it seemed like an ok version and had effects if taking enough which seemed to be around 25mg for me.

[thunderlounge 8,460]

It's a bit of a rabbit hole, but d8 specifically on its own (in concentrations enough to work) can cause some unpleasant physical withdrawal side effects, along with some of the issues with processing to get enough quantity, and thus the lack of true laboratory testing of the end product to ensure consumer safety.

 

[Covri 6,374]

7 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

It's a bit of a rabbit hole, but d8 specifically on its own (in concentrations enough to work) can cause some unpleasant physical withdrawal side effects, along with some of the issues with processing to get enough quantity, and thus the lack of true laboratory testing of the end product to ensure consumer safety.

 

That’s good to know. I haven’t used them in a while because like many edibles the delay and timing of when they kick in is not easy to time. I know you know your shit so appreciate it.

[thunderlounge 8,460]

Just now, Covri said:

That’s good to know. I haven’t used them in a while because like many edibles the delay and timing of when they kick in is not easy to time. I know you know your shit so appreciate it.

 

It's been a bit since I've read up on it, but I assume it's as bad (or worse) of a money grab than it was not too long ago.

Akin to all the bullshit "breeders" and sellers of seeds that have popped up in recent years. Only in it for the money, product or consumer be damned.

[BearSchlong 8,252]

Sounds complicated. I'm glad I got clean and sober back when weed was weed. Just looking for some indica to induce the munchies. Chemo sucks.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,520]

Alright. It's go time here. Thanksgiving week is officially upon us. For those of you traveling be safe and remain calm. Update us on the insanity/hilarity that ensues. But above all, just get back home in one piece.

 

We're officially homebodies this year. I'm gonna smoke a small turkey for the two of us (we may have another couple over depending upon whether she thinks our 13 year old tabby will be too much for her cat allergies). Either way it will be chill as we navigate the holidays and getting estimates for the bathroom renovation we're pulling the trigger on in January. Plus, Tuesday's my b'day so all signs point to happy time w/ Mrs GOTJ.

Cheers y'all.

[usmc0331horn 997]

I'm a day and a half away from driving the 12ish hours to Kansas City with a car full of cats, a dog and a wife who hates to drive long distances. Pray for my sanity. She's also about to blow up at anyone who even mentions the election and much of my family there definitely voted for Trump. Luckily we are staying at a hotel all week so we can escape if need be. A Kansas basketball victory over Duke, a Kansas football victory over Baylor and a Texas victory of the fuckwads in College Station will make everything as perfect as it can be.

[freyguy 4,368]

cats?  Dear lord, man...tell us what happened to you to bring you to this point?

[Parliament 14,616]

9 hours ago, freyguy said:

cats?  Dear lord, man...tell us what happened to you to bring you to this point?

#undefeated

[Jerry Callo 8,968]

I offered to pay my UT kid to stay at the house Wednesday and Thursday night so there will be no rooms at the inn for the in-laws.  

[freyguy 4,368]

11 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

I offered to pay my UT kid to stay at the house Wednesday and Thursday night so there will be no rooms at the inn for the in-laws.  

real men of genius...

[WithoutAClue 16,200]

[BrazilHorn 6,855]

SIL/BIL and three nieces coming. Wife is asking what we can do Saturday. 
 

I let her know there is no “we” on Saturday. 

[MissingInAction 25,582]

I was invited to the game against the sheep fuckers. Haven't said no yet.

[utee94 16,091]

Love this thread every year, just remembered to check in on it.

I never have anything to contribute because my parents and inlaws are awesome and so is the entire extended family.  But I do enjoy reading all of your horror stories and laughing at all of you less fortunate folks!

 

 

[dcbc 14,645]

We are hosting this year.  Originally, it was only supposed to be our family of four plus my mom, sister, and niece.  My mom has late stage Parkinsons; so for the last few years, we have reserved the clubhouse at her assisted living facility (we refer to it as "Green Grove").  It's nice, spacious, and ten minutes away.  So I cook everything, and then we just drive it over.  Makes clean up a breeze.  Well, my wife invited her family, but we figured they wouldn't come (it's a long drive), but other circumstances have resulted in her dad and his wife, as well as her sister (family of 5) joining us.  Great by me.  I cook the same amount each year regardless of numbers.  I upped the size of the turkey, and stuck to the plan. 
 
My sister usually brings a few items.  Last year, I trusted her with mashed potatoes, which I figured she'd whip up on site.  But she decided to cook the potatoes the night before and try to reheat them and mash them on site.  They sucked, and she's been relegated to green bean and toasted pecans duty.  
 
This whole group is pretty well-mannered.  So there won't be much overt drama.  The SIL's family has rented a house about 45 minutes from us (in between us and her dad).  About a week ago, she floated an idea that we should come out to their rental the night of Thanksgiving, whereupon they would prepare another Thanksgiving meal.  My wife squashed that out before I ever caught wind of it. They are good cooks and generous hosts, but who wants a second Thanksgiving meal the same day (sorry to the young kids of divorced parents who, in fact, do this each year).  When I did hear about it, I was a bit offended (what, my cooking isn't good enough), but I decided to just up the butter in a few dishes to ensure that no one in her family would be moving quickly, much less want to eat anything for the rest of the day. 

It will all be fine.  We tend to enjoy each other's company, and I appreciate the fact that everyone gets their own space after the big event.

[Jerry Callo 8,968]

Much like @dcbc we host and I take on the lion's share of cooking.  Last week, the in-laws said that they'd bring dessert.  I had my wife send a list of Thanksgiving food items in case anyone wanted to bring a few of the items we aren't preparing.  Pecan pie and pumpkin pie are on the list - I'll be damned if I am leaving dessert up in the air for the in-laws to get right.  Bring whatever dessert you want, but I'm not learning on Thursday that you've decided on an acceptable substitute for pecan and pumpkin pie.

[thunderlounge 8,460]

Same thing here. We host, and I cook (most of it), for a gathering of 12-15. My mom does the pies and rolls. Usually a drama-free event. Repeat same setup for Christmas.

Smoked a turkey for this one last weekend and froze it, and also picked up a honey baked ham. Plus the usual fixins.

Christmas, that's different. Brisket, tamale dressing, smoked chicken and dumplings, mashed taters, etc.

But, there's always a chance of minor shenanigans. We'll see. Really wishing it was Christmas this week. Want. Brisket. The SRF box showed up this past week, so it's been staring at me every time I get in the deep freeze.

[Post Oak 20,577]

We did our family Thanksgiving yesterday at my folks house because my bro and sis and their families aren't around for Thanksgiving. It was great and we came home with a bunch of left over turkey my wife is gonna use for gumbo on Thanksgiving. We are gonna invite my parents over to our house for gumbo, and Miracle on 34th Street.

[Kennythetiger 9,653]

24 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

Christmas, that's different. Brisket, tamale dressing, smoked chicken and dumplings, mashed taters, etc.

I thought that several years ago, someone on here or on Shaggy posted a tamale dressing recipe. Was that you?  
I searched and was given three pages of results but no recipes. 

[nnm 37,994]

We had our first thanksgiving dinner last night. Our middle daughter (and my in-utero grandson) and her husband spent the weekend with us before leaving this morning for his family’s place in methlahoma. Very nice meal with one oven-baked turkey, one Greenberg smoked turkey, and all the usual dishes. In my family, we’ve always had extra people around our thanksgiving table, and this year was no exception, and we had a South African, a Kiwi, a Dutchie, a Venezuelan, and five Texans at the table. 
 

Our son and his wife will be coming Wednesday and we’ll have a second full traditional Thanksgiving meal. I’ll smoke that turkey myself. We’ll go do the local Turkey Trot in the morning (one of our non-negotiable family Thanksgiving traditions), and have a nice, relaxed day.

We don’t have any family drama.  However, we have a significant amount of disruption around the house.  We are renovating two bathrooms, and consequently half of the house is draped off with plastic (including three bedrooms), and the various tradesmen (tile, cabinets, plumbers, electricians) are traipsing in and out.  The general contractor is a good friend, and has a small family company composed of him and his two sons.  We’ve identified a bunch of drywall and similar cosmetic repairs all around the house that they’re working on.  So at any given time I’ve got about 5 guys in the house, sawing banging, sanding, taping, etc., etc.  My office is a glass-walled room in the middle, which means it’s impossible to work.  So I’ve retreated down to our guest cabin, which my daughter and SIL vacated this morning.