Terrible White People Baby Names

[woohorn 1,130]

I'm gonna name my first son Scotch. Whadda ya think?

[NorthLoop 13,954]

I bet Kru is the coolest of the 3. And Kendal didn't think it was spelled weird or anything. 

[Stoogey 219]

2 hours ago, woohorn said:

I'm gonna name my first son Scotch. Whadda ya think?

My wife named the cat Ginger. When the cat got lost, she walked around the neighborhood. "Gin! Gin Gin!"

Sounded like a girl on a bender.

When my wife got back home I was on the porch with an extension cord and the electric can opener and Ginger and about fifteen other cats. 

[52-80 19,000]

6 hours ago, woohorn said:

I'm gonna name my first son Scotch. Whadda ya think?

better alternatives:

 

Bruichladdich

Bunnahabhain

Uigeadail

Corryvreckan

[Post Oak 20,114]

7 hours ago, woohorn said:

KENDAL BRILES. Hometown, Abilene, Texas. College, Houston, 2006. Family, wife, Sarah children, Jaytn, Kru & Kinley.

Doesnt his sister have some fucked up rape excusing name too?

[Post Oak 20,114]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Prepuce of Doom 20,906]

7 hours ago, woohorn said:

KENDAL BRILES. Hometown, Abilene, Texas. College, Houston, 2006. Family, wife, Sarah children, Jaytn, Kru & Kinley.

I really hope that "Kru" rhymes with "duh." 

[Murfdogg21 4,398]

Baby naming is out of control and we will be lucky to live through it. The 2000’s were the era of “any name that rhymes with -ayden”. We considered naming our our son in 2017 Jack (not Jackson, Jaxon, Jacksyn, etc.) or Elijah but these assholes have trendi-fied and corrupted many of the old school names. Henry, George, Oliver, etc. I’m guessing 20% of males in his graduating class will be some form of Jackson or Jack though. 

I am good friends with a girl in her 30s named Maude and her sister is named Ruth. Her mom was a hippie. 

 

“Why has Shaggy forsaken me?” - Jaxon. 

[52-80 19,000]

40 minutes ago, Murfdogg21 said:

Baby naming is out of control and we will be lucky to live through it. The 2000’s were the era of “any name that rhymes with -ayden”. We considered naming our our son in 2017 Jack (not Jackson, Jaxon, Jacksyn, etc.) or Elijah but these assholes have trendi-fied and corrupted many of the old school names. Henry, George, Oliver, etc.

if you want to take it back, you have to take it back-back.

 

Yaqoob.  Yousuf.  Ishaq.  Ishmael.  lest we not forget... nebuchadnezzar

[Jerry Callo 8,631]

54 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

if you want to take it back, you have to take it back-back.

 

Yaqoob.  Yousuf.  Ishaq.  Ishmael.  lest we not forget... nebuchadnezzar

The boy name we picked was Jacob.  I would have pronounced it Yaqoob just to annoy my wife.  We had two girls and she would go with naming the second one Jacob.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,962]

11 hours ago, Stella Link said:

No.  Strippers will always be named Brandy, Crystal, Tiffany, Amber, Candy, Cherry, Bambi, Star, Diamond, Lexie, Roxy, Chyna and Trixie.

There was a girl in my freshman orientation camp in our small group thing named Bambi. Not sure if she ended up being a stripper, but she was exactly the kind of girl who you would expect to be one.

[Trey3216 15,308]

26 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

There was a girl in my freshman orientation camp in our small group thing named Bambi. Not sure if she ended up being a stripper, but she was exactly the kind of girl who you would expect to be one.

Must be one of those girls that follows Jason Aldean around the country on tour.  

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4,962]

Maybe. Jason Aldean wasn't even on the scene at the time though. But he apparently released his first album a year later, so that is a strong possibility. Given the girl's personality and large breasts, the stripper option was probably more likely.

[52-80 19,000]

23 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Must be one of those girls that follows Jason Aldean around the country on tour.  

 

 

[clapclapclap 8,998]

1 hour ago, Murfdogg21 said:

“Why has Shaggy forsaken me?” - Jaxon Shipley. 

"Bear Claw" would have been perfect.

Edited August 17, 2018 by clapclapclap
Kolache is actually pretty cool for anybody out west.

[clapclapclap 8,998]

Upon further review, "Kolache Nimrod" has become my choice for any future mistake.

[MaybeACoordinator 8,349]

3 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I really hope that "Kru" rhymes with "duh." 

Somewhere a body spray for roid ragers with iced tips is looking for its name.

1 hour ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

There was a girl in my freshman orientation camp in our small group thing named Bambi. Not sure if she ended up being a stripper, but she was exactly the kind of girl who you would expect to be one.

Beaumont Kelly had twins on their cheerleading team named Fantasy and Ecstasy. I was shocked when A) they got into UT; and B) they were able to join a top five sorority. 

What's not so shocking: they was pure smoke. It was even more worth taking a detour through the cheerleaders if you got run out of bounds against Kelly than other teams. 

 

EDIT: Googled her up and it looks like I made up the Ecstasy part. Her twin's actual name is Dynasy. Not Dynasty, apparently. 

Edited August 17, 2018 by MaybeACoordinator

[bolverk 29,095]

On 8/15/2018 at 1:12 PM, Chilly Water said:

I know a Maude....wait no I don’t because I would never associate with someone named Maude

Harold takes offense at this opinion.

[elfenix 34,123]

2 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

EDIT: Googled her up and it looks like I made up the Ecstasy part. Her twin's actual name is Dynasy. Not Dynasty, apparently. 

where are the pics, asshole

[hayden_horn 11,311]

5 hours ago, Murfdogg21 said:

Baby naming is out of control and we will be lucky to live through it. The 2000’s were the era of “any name that rhymes with -ayden”. We considered naming our our son in 2017 Jack (not Jackson, Jaxon, Jacksyn, etc.) or Elijah but these assholes have trendi-fied and corrupted many of the old school names. Henry, George, Oliver, etc. I’m guessing 20% of males in his graduating class will be some form of Jackson or Jack though. 

I am good friends with a girl in her 30s named Maude and her sister is named Ruth. Her mom was a hippie. 

“Why has Shaggy forsaken me?” - Jaxon. 

yeah, and i gotta tell you, fuck all these people who took my shit and made it super popular. how did i get caught up in all this?

[Digger 2]

 

A good read on baby names:

https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/12/how-to-name-baby.html

[Quagmire 2,139]

Kid in my sons class is named Ryker , he will definitely be a douche

[hornian 5,166]

20 minutes ago, Quagmire said:

Kid in my sons class is named Ryker , he will definitely be a douche

One he grows a beard he'll be fine. 

[NWBuck 8,534]

24 minutes ago, Quagmire said:

Kid in my sons class is named Ryker , he will definitely be a douche

Wait... I thought no man was an island?

[El Diablo 4,232]

Gillette.

[MaybeACoordinator 8,349]

2 hours ago, elfenix said:

where are the pics, asshole

Public flickr, pic from 1994. Dynasy is on the left, Fantasy is the bride. Dynasy isn't quite as hot as I remember her being. Dude in the white coat's name is Ash, which was kind of a forerunner to this current plague of names. 

 

 

['stache 21,589]

49 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Gillette.

Definitely gonna be gay, cause he's the best a man can get.

[elfenix 34,123]

1 hour ago, Quagmire said:

Kid in my sons class is named Ryker , he will definitely be a douche

 

[Murfdogg21 4,398]

8 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

Public flickr, pic from 1994. Dynasy is on the left, Fantasy is the bride. Dynasy isn't quite as hot as I remember her being. Dude in the white coat's name is Ash, which was kind of a forerunner to this current plague of names. 

 

 

Sure that wasn’t short for Shadynasty?

[MaybeACoordinator 8,349]

1 hour ago, Murfdogg21 said:

Sure that wasn’t short for Shadynasty?

Fantasy and Dynasy they wear them cut off britches and those skinny little halters
And they're second cousins to me
Man I don't care I want to get between 'em
With a great big ol' hard on like a old bois d' arc fence post
You could hang a pipe rail gait from 
Do some twisted sisters 'til the cows come home 
And we'd be havin' us a time

[Stunns38 3,275]

Public flickr, pic from 1994. Dynasy is on the left, Fantasy is the bride. Dynasy isn't quite as hot as I remember her being. Dude in the white coat's name is Ash, which was kind of a forerunner to this current plague of names. 
 
 

Grandpa on the left looks like a former mobster in the Witness Protection program. Beaumont resident with a Bronx accent.

Carry on

[MaybeACoordinator 8,349]

28 minutes ago, Stunns38 said:

 

Grandpa on the left looks like a former mobster in the Witness Protection program. Beaumont resident with a Bronx accent.

Carry on

 

Lots of Sicilians in Beaumont. My grandmother believes they ruined her hometown. #noracist #maybealittle #butonlymygrandmother

[Stunns38 3,275]

Lots of Sicilians in Beaumont. My grandmother believes they ruined her hometown. #noracist #maybealittle #butonlymygrandmother

She was talking about her in-laws. #yourgrandpaissicilianbtw

[MaybeACoordinator 8,349]

She was, and is, a snobby Catholic convert from Whiskeypaliniasm. She went to St. Anthony's school with those Sicilians and I think they terrified her. And now she is wreaking vengeance by speaking ill of them.

[Buzzrock 14,785]

Arwen Atreyu is the name of one of my artist uncle’s wacky girlfriend’s sons.

[Doc Reeves 6,434]

For a girl: Tova 

 

such a shame

[Nice Guy Eddie 13,317]

I love her hearing a mom discuss how she can't believe that her son or daughter shares a name with 3 other kids in their classroom of 30.  Shatters the mom's plan of such an unique name.   But he's the only one that spells Jackson as Jaksun so he's still a precious snowflake.

[Guest Lobo]

Linda is now among the most popular three names.  I blame Titus.  

[Stoogey 219]

17 hours ago, Doc Reeves said:

For a girl: Tova 

 

such a shame

If Ernest Borgnine wasn't dead he'd kick your ass.

[CHIEF 5,045]

My first cousin's first cousin (opposite side of the family) was named Zebulon William Williams. Was close enough to attend his funeral a couple of years ago, died from a heroin overdose in Cleburne, Texas. Daughter picked the music for the funeral and played Guns and Roses' Mister Brownstone, I shit you not. 

 

CHIEF

[Trey3216 15,308]

31 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

My first cousin's first cousin (opposite side of the family) was named Zebulon William Williams. Was close enough to attend his funeral a couple of years ago, died from a heroin overdose in Cleburne, Texas. Daughter picked the music for the funeral and played Guns and Roses' Mister Brownstone, I shit you not. 

 

CHIEF

JoCo MoFo.  Lots a shit happens in JoCo 

[Nivek 16,688]

For a girl: Tova 
 
such a shame

Tovah is a Hebrew name.

[Pato del Muerto 52,114]

2 hours ago, CHIEF said:

My first cousin's first cousin (opposite side of the family) was named Zebulon William Williams. Was close enough to attend his funeral a couple of years ago, died from a heroin overdose in Cleburne, Texas. Daughter picked the music for the funeral and played Guns and Roses' Mister Brownstone, I shit you not. 

 

CHIEF

Now he gets up around never

he used to get up on time

[Bigbend1812 12,870]

These names are turrible.  Turrible.  Just turrible. 

[SuingToGetAMessageBoard? 3,861]

9 hours ago, Nivek said:

Tovah is a Hebrew name.

That’s what makes it terrible!

[Doc Reeves 6,434]

10 hours ago, Nivek said:

Tovah is a Hebrew name.

So it a Hebrew horrible name instead of a white person horriable name? 

My runner up was Ruth

[Kringelbert Fishtybuns 942]

I have met a 3 yo named Kal-El.  At first I kept on thinking it was Khalil or some variation, but it was not.  I kind of hope he gets a brother and they name him Doomsday.

[High Plains Drifter 10,937]

On 8/15/2018 at 10:52 AM, RDCanecutter said:

Ruby.

Daughter has a friend named Ruby.

 

Great grandmother was named Mae.

Both grandmothers were named Betty--  one was Betty Jo (or "Bet Jo" to her friends) and the other just Betty.

Dad was Joe Dale. No, he was not serial killer, but he was a redneck.

[MaybeACoordinator 8,349]

12 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

JoCo MoFo.  Lots a shit happens in JoCo 

A good friend of mine was a Cleburne dude. He died an absolutely raging opioid addict. His daily intake could have killed a rhino, from the acetomenophen alone. 

[MaybeACoordinator 8,349]

21 hours ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

I love her hearing a mom discuss how she can't believe that her son or daughter shares a name with 3 other kids in their classroom of 30.  Shatters the mom's plan of such an unique name.   But he's the only one that spells Jackson as Jaksun so he's still a precious snowflake.

It's a weird hive mind phenomenon. People seem to spontaneously pick names they think will be unique from baby name books and keep on believing they are unique until the first day of pre-K and then bang: a dozen Roses, a herd of Jacobs. Ex and I barely avoided that with both of our kids -- pretty much all our rejected shortlisted names were the ones everyone else wound up using, so we were always relieved to have named our daughter Hortense and our son Cnut.