Tipping a valet

[Parliament 14,610]

Staying at a nicer hotel in downtown Chicago on my way home to (grits teeth) Ohio for Christmas.

This place has valet parking which is a new concept to a lower class rural Ohioan like myself.  I have NO idea what decorum is here, but I know that a civilized man will tip my guy Sal.

How much?  $10?

[RDCanecutter 26,909]

Summon all the varlets together to attend to you. Then cast a handful of Sacagaweas in their direction. They'll sort it out.

[Zepol87 9,343]

Don't carry cash if they have a qr code I pretend to send something as I get in the car

[Nice Guy Eddie 13,741]

$10 sounds cool to me

[South Austin 53,243]

Really hard to tip valet and similarly-situated workers these days since I rarely carry cash.  At least businesses like airport shuttles now have a QR code on the bus that let's you tip via online.  I'm guessing most valet services will start doing the same if they haven't already adapted.  

[Fat Bastard 670]

If the hotel charges me $50 for hotel valet/day there’s no other tipping involved

 

similarly, if at a restaurant, valet has a cost associated with it, I take that to be their tip. No extra cash is transacted. 

[Hate 20,250]

I tip $5 each time.

[thunderlounge 8,450]

I think I’m going to print up some business cards, 3 or 4 versions. 
 

Top left corner a “pro tip:” graphic, with some good advice. 
 

don’t eat yellow snow

don’t stare at the sun

avoid the clap

 

etc

 

Then drop them in “tip” jars wherever non-traditional places have them. 
 

[royiv 9,837]

1 hour ago, Fat Bastard said:

If the hotel charges me $50 for hotel valet/day there’s no other tipping involved

 

similarly, if at a restaurant, valet has a cost associated with it, I take that to be their tip. No extra cash is transacted. 

You’re a dick. Don’t stiff people providing you a service. You’re not making some sort of statement fucking over the little guy.

[luke duke 6,453]

2 hours ago, Fat Bastard said:

If the hotel charges me $50 for hotel valet/day there’s no other tipping involved

 

similarly, if at a restaurant, valet has a cost associated with it, I take that to be their tip. No extra cash is transacted. 

I was a valet in college. We didn’t get a cent from the fee. Hotels may be different. I only worked at restaurants. 
 

I’d say that today $5-10 is a solid tip. Not enough to remember you the next time, for either good or bad reasons. 
 

The high-rollers tipped $20 in the late 90’s, so that’s probably $50 today. 

[Fat Bastard 670]

1 hour ago, royiv said:

You’re a dick. Don’t stiff people providing you a service. You’re not making some sort of statement fucking over the little guy.

A “complimentary” valet or one that does not have an upfront fee, gets standard $10 from me or if they park my car up front, $20. U upfront charge me? Nothing. That’s not going to change. 
 

The hotel $50/day definitely gets nothing. 

[royiv 9,837]

2 minutes ago, Fat Bastard said:

A “complimentary” valet or one that does not have an upfront fee, gets standard $10 from me or if they park my car up front, $20. U upfront charge me? Nothing. That’s not going to change. 
 

The hotel $50/day definitely gets nothing. 

Are you under the impression that the fee goes to the guys doing the work? You stuffing some kid is a dick move. That five bucks you’re saving doesn’t move the needle for you.

[Native Horn 3,581]

18 minutes ago, royiv said:

Are you under the impression that the fee goes to the guys doing the work? You stuffing some kid is a dick move. That five bucks you’re saving doesn’t move the needle for you.

Phrasing.

[Parliament 14,610]

I was ready to go $5.  Had the money ready when the guy handed me my keys and immediately walked away.  Guys it’s not in their culture here to give/take tips?  Dunno

Edited Friday at 07:13 PM by Parliament

[Fat Bastard 670]

2 hours ago, royiv said:

Are you under the impression that the fee goes to the guys doing the work? You stuffing some kid is a dick move. That five bucks you’re saving doesn’t move the needle for you.

Don’t care. Take it up with management. They’re the ones fucking u out of your tip

[MonkeyDoughnut 10,809]

Reading through this and now I'm wondering how much am I supposed to be tipping the Amazon/UPS/FedEx drivers?

[Kennythetiger 9,648]

6 hours ago, Hate said:

I tip $5 each time.

Same. 

[Brisketexan 106,988]

30 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Same. 

That's long been my habit, regardless of circumstance.   I should probably up it to $10.

[Sbbruin 22,145]

$3.50.  Obviously.

[Gil Bang 26,247]

any grown-ass man that is advanced enough to use valet parking needs to carry cash to tip the mofo doing the parking.  same with bellman, etc. 

"I don't carry cash"?   What the fuck, do you expect the guy with the taco cart to take Amex? 

[Sbbruin 22,145]

2 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

any grown-ass man that is advanced enough to use valet parking needs to carry cash to tip the mofo doing the parking.  same with bellman, etc. 

"I don't carry cash"?   What the fuck, do you expect the guy with the taco cart to take Amex? 

No shit.  I rarely ever have less than $100 cash on me.

[Brisketexan 106,988]

40 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

any grown-ass man that is advanced enough to use valet parking needs to carry cash to tip the mofo doing the parking.  same with bellman, etc. 

"I don't carry cash"?   What the fuck, do you expect the guy with the taco cart to take Amex? 

[troph 25,245]

6 hours ago, luke duke said:

I was a valet in college. We didn’t get a cent from the fee. Hotels may be different. I only worked at restaurants. 
 

I’d say that today $5-10 is a solid tip. Not enough to remember you the next time, for either good or bad reasons. 
 

The high-rollers tipped $20 in the late 90’s, so that’s probably $50 today. 

We have a good friend that is in restaurant management in Colorado, she says the high rollers from Texas tip $100 for a quick table, and they don’t look like it. The douche canoes try to tip $20 she takes it and puts their name on the list. 

[HOOKEM4 5,178]

[TonyTexas 10,785]

Fat Bastard probably shouldn’t even valet. Based on his username, he could probably use the steps. 

[TonyTexas 10,785]

2 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

any grown-ass man that is advanced enough to use valet parking needs to carry cash to tip the mofo doing the parking.  same with bellman, etc. 

"I don't carry cash"?   What the fuck, do you expect the guy with the taco cart to take Amex? 

I only carry crypto 

[RDCanecutter 26,909]

2 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

any grown-ass man that is advanced enough to use valet parking needs to carry cash to tip the mofo doing the parking.  same with bellman, etc. 

"I don't carry cash"?   What the fuck, do you expect the guy with the taco cart to take Amex? 

This times fucking 100. It's a paper bill. You gloried in them most of your life. Now you're just too advanced?

I feel like a little side-note. Don't wanna read it, don't. I have run into vendors at shows, people who have maybe 5 hours to hoover up enough money to make it a week, and heard "I don't take cash." (Usually pronounced "cosh," I don't know why.)

I'm like you fucking WHAT? This is economic combat, bitch. I take cash, card, Paypal, Venmo, [extend list to every app], Pesos, Euros, earrings of sterling or higher value, like, almost anything. But I guess since you rolled up in a new BMW to set up a tiny table selling artisanal soap for NOT cosh that I am not enough of an advanced being composed only of light to be able to comprehend your sensibilities.

Honest unrelated question: do most valets know how to drive stick? Or is there an old guy on every crew who does it? Does he get extra pay? Dude should.

[Brisketexan 106,988]

This times fucking 100. It's a paper bill. You gloried in them most of your life. Now you're just too advanced?
I feel like a little side-note. Don't wanna read it, don't. I have run into vendors at shows, people who have maybe 5 hours to hoover up enough money to make it a week, and heard "I don't take cash." (Usually pronounced "cosh," I don't know why.)
I'm like you fucking WHAT? This is economic combat, bitch. I take cash, card, Paypal, Venmo, [extend list to every app], Pesos, Euros, earrings of sterling or higher value, like, almost anything. But I guess since you rolled up in a new BMW to set up a tiny table selling artisanal soap for NOT cosh that I am not enough of an advanced being composed only of light to be able to comprehend your sensibilities.
Honest unrelated question: do most valets know how to drive stick? Or is there an old guy on every crew who does it? Does he get extra pay? Dude should.

I once did a volunteer valet shift 30+ years ago. I had to park a Saab, standard. That wasn’t a problem at all. But I had to drive back to the venue to get someone TO TELL ME WHERE THE FUCKING KEY WAS.
It was on the fucking floor, by the way.

[RDCanecutter 26,909]

9 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

I once did a volunteer valet shift 30+ years ago. I had to park a Saab, standard. That wasn’t a problem at all. But I had to drive back to the venue to get someone TO TELL ME WHERE THE FUCKING KEY WAS.
It was on the fucking floor, by the way.

Svenska djävlar.

[Brisketexan 106,988]

Svenska djävlar.

Dude, my mother’s dead, you prick!

[Gil Bang 26,247]

28 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

This times fucking 100. It's a paper bill. You gloried in them most of your life. Now you're just too advanced?

I feel like a little side-note. Don't wanna read it, don't. I have run into vendors at shows, people who have maybe 5 hours to hoover up enough money to make it a week, and heard "I don't take cash." (Usually pronounced "cosh," I don't know why.)

I'm like you fucking WHAT? This is economic combat, bitch. I take cash, card, Paypal, Venmo, [extend list to every app], Pesos, Euros, earrings of sterling or higher value, like, almost anything. But I guess since you rolled up in a new BMW to set up a tiny table selling artisanal soap for NOT cosh that I am not enough of an advanced being composed only of light to be able to comprehend your sensibilities.

Honest unrelated question: do most valets know how to drive stick? Or is there an old guy on every crew who does it? Does he get extra pay? Dude should.

That's another thing that defines "grown-ass man".  Has money in his pocket and knows how to use a fucking clutch.

[RDCanecutter 26,909]

4 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Dude, my mother’s dead, you prick!

That was my late Danish mother-in-law's standard comment about Swedes. The "Svenska etc" one. Not "Dude, my mother's dead, you prick!"

[RDCanecutter 26,909]

5 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

That's another thing that defines "grown-ass man".  Has money in his pocket and knows how to use a fucking clutch.

And puts the tools back where they fucking go, and doesn't leave wet grass all up inside the lawnmower.

[Gil Bang 26,247]

5 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

That was my late Danish mother-in-law's standard comment about Swedes. The "Svenska etc" one. Not "Dude, my mother's dead, you prick!"

My GF is 100% danish.  Both sets of grandparents from Denmark, her mom born over there, her dad born here. 

Her dad, long passed, hated swedes.  

[RDCanecutter 26,909]

1 minute ago, Gil Bang said:

My GF is 100% danish.  Both sets of grandparents from Denmark, her mom born over there, her dad born here. 

Her dad, long passed, hated swedes.  

My Danish mother-in-law's dad was a German who gtfo of Germany between wars, found work and pretty wife in Denmark, and got citizenship there, which saved his life.

After the Krauts invaded, and after they started drafting their own people to the Eastern Front, in split-personality Natsy-fashion they tiptoed around the Danes because in their thought patterns the Danes were more of whatever it was the Germans wished they themselves were. 

Until he got betrayed by an informer for hiding a resistance fighter. Then it was off to Peenemünde to labor in Dr. Werner von Braun's slave empire.

Except then the RAF, in all its wobbly-toothed glory, bombed the living fuck out of the V2 launching pads, and also burned up lots of the records. Including my mother-in-law's dad's records.

[pause for drums and bagpipes]

So then, because the Germans, though shitheel bastards, were very correct shitheel bastards (with Danes,) and no longer had his case on file,

They just

let

him go.

They probably shot lots of the others.

[RDCanecutter 26,909]

On 12/19/2024 at 10:17 PM, Parliament said:

Staying at a nicer hotel in downtown Chicago on my way home to (grits teeth) Ohio for Christmas.

This place has valet parking which is a new concept to a lower class rural Ohioan like myself.  I have NO idea what decorum is here, but I know that a civilized man will tip my guy Sal.

How much?  $10?

For a serious answer to your original question, looks like your answer is to acquire a bunch of fives, and give 1 or 2 of them out as the spirit takes you.

Extra cred if you fold them inside your hand and give them out as a handshake like a Big Cigar buying Bear Bryant another running back.

Edited Saturday at 12:04 PM by RDCanecutter

[Kennythetiger 9,648]

8 hours ago, RDCanecutter said:

And puts the tools back where they fucking go, and doesn't leave wet grass all up inside the lawnmower.

According to my dad’s 91-year old friend, the measure of a man is whether you roll the air hose back up when you’re done with it. 

[RDCanecutter 26,909]

15 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

According to my dad’s 91-year old friend, the measure of a man is whether you roll the air hose back up when you’re done with it. 

Well he didn't get to 91 being no dummih, obviously.

[Hook1997 5,517]

$5 minimum if they are professional, cordial and maybe funny.  From someone who has done it before, it’s not always easy if a busy place.  That was years ago and I’d bet they make much less now with people not carrying cash.