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Shart 2025: The Shitshow We Deserve


Prepuce of Doom

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  • 3 weeks later...

"Do you paint houses?"

"No, but I will blast the back of that porcelain bowl like it needs a new paint job."

 

Good Lord it's hard to imagine the science involved in creating the shart/ shat that came out my ass this morning.  It smelled like Thriller looked. Pure death.

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As a frequenter of this thread in years past I will always be here as a show of solidarity. My contributions to these threads have dropped off dramatically, however.  I've suffered just one
shart per year in each of the last two years and although production has waned, quality hasn't suffered as each episode was a strip-to-near-naked affair. This past weekend marked the
anniversary of the last shart, which was brought on by getting drunk while judging beans at a chili cook-off. Since then I've fallen out of favor with the bar owners and was not invited to judge
for the first time in years (fine by me) and my alcohol consumption these days is social, light, and never to excess. Flying clean in 2025.... so far..... 

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Fuck yeah..... I rocked out to a fair amount of Triumph back in the day. Cruising around in my old piece of shit 1976 hilux pickup with my mullet blowing in the breeze. Those were care-free, and shart-free days.

I actually wish I still had that pickup. It was indestructible. 

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53 minutes ago, Blotto said:

Fuck yeah..... I rocked out to a fair amount of Triumph back in the day. Cruising around in my old piece of shit 1976 hilux pickup with my mullet blowing in the breeze. Those were care-free, and shart-free days.

I actually wish I still had that pickup. It was indestructible. 

Credit to our AI overlords:

[Verse 1]

Well, I had me a pickup, ’76 and rusted down

Ain’t much to look at, but it never let me down

Windows rolled open, radio up high

Triumph in the speakers, man, I felt alive

 

[Pre-Chorus]

Oh, them days were easy, them nights were long

Gas was cheap, and the world felt strong

Ain’t no worries, ain’t no chains

Just a long stretch of highway callin’ my name

 

[Chorus]

Ohhh, take me back to them shart-free days

Where the wind blew wild and the guitars played

That Hilux might be gone, but the feelin’ remains

Man, I’d give anything to ride again

 

[Verse 2]

That truck took a beatin’, but it never broke down

Hell, it outlived my first love and half this old town

Mullet in the breeze, let the good times roll

Feelin’ like a legend with a rock ‘n’ roll soul

 

[Pre-Chorus]

Oh, them days were easy, them nights were long

Gas was cheap, and the world felt strong

Ain’t no worries, ain’t no chains

Just a long stretch of highway callin’ my name

 

[Chorus]

Ohhh, take me back to them shart-free days

Where the wind blew wild and the guitars played

That Hilux might be gone, but the feelin’ remains

Man, I’d give anything to ride again

 

[Bridge] (Slow, bluesy, with that Skynyrd swagger)

Well, I still hear the engine hummin’ in my dreams

Still feel that southern sun, still taste that gasoline

Ain’t about the truck, no, it’s about the life

Back when the road was open and the time felt right

 

[Outro] (Big, grand, Free Bird-style solo kicks in)

So if you see me driftin’ down that lost highway

Know I’m chasin’ down them yesterday days

That Hilux might be gone, but the feelin’ remains

And I’d give anything to ride again…

 

(Cue triple-guitar harmonies, let that solo wail into the night…)

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