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Posted
14 hours ago, Marfa Low Crown said:

Doubled down this evening at Subway and ordered the exact same combination that ruined my pants except this time with penne pasta. 
If there is a portent of things to come, let it be the belabored squirting, farting, and heaving noises of the sauce bottle as she liberally applied it to my pasta.
It was enough to make any poster on this thread or child under 12 laugh spontaneously with no saving throw. 
Obviously I deserve whatever happens next but now that I suspect an enemy camped at the gate, I won't get surprised again. 

SMH. The crazy things people will do to create content and get likes.

(teasing)

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Posted
22 minutes ago, 'stache said:

Hate to always be a stickler but language matters. That ain't a shart that's full on shitting your pants.

You're not wrong, but it's a spectrum. 

If you thought it was a fart but you pooped a little or a lot, it's still a shart. 

Posted
On 3/28/2025 at 3:04 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

You're not wrong, but it's a spectrum. 

If you thought it was a fart but you pooped a little or a lot, it's still a shart. 

I suppose, but with that much poop, I’m not sure how it could be misjudged for gas. The magma pressure should be identifiable. This person needs better judgement and awareness of their own body.

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Posted

I went camping with the dad & daughters group. The food is always ridiculously good, and there is always plenty of it. There was steak with chimmichurri sauce for dinner, and nachos with birria pork for later night snack.

I ripped a few rotten farts, but the tent has good ventilation.

One of the dads however, came up to me and told me he shit his pants. Why he told me? I have no clue. But apparently he loved the chimmichurri so much, the steak was just a vehicle to move the sauce from the plate into his mouth. I guess all that olive oil lubed him up pretty good and he made a big ol’ mess. Ended up throwing away his underwear. 

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Posted
8 hours ago, Superhero said:

 

One of the dads however, came up to me and told me he shit his pants. Why he told me? I have no clue. 

You think that was a coincidence? You're a microcosm of this thread; a beacon for the hopelessly distressed who've shit their pants and have no one to turn to. You're now a confidant and protectorate. Think of this as equity earned from participating in these threads over the years now channeled into a benefit for mankind.
Username checks out. 🤘
 

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Posted
4 hours ago, Marfa Low Crown said:

You think that was a coincidence? You're a microcosm of this thread; a beacon for the hopelessly distressed who've shit their pants and have no one to turn to. You're now a confidant and protectorate. Think of this as equity earned from participating in these threads over the years now channeled into a benefit for mankind.
Username checks out. 🤘
 

Are you saying I'm the lube / conduit for real-life shart experiences onto this thread?

Not sure if I should be flattered...

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Posted (edited)

Let me try putting it another way:

People who use drugs are really good at picking off other people on drugs. 
Alcoholics can spot other alcoholics from a mile away.
This dude shits his pants and something in him said, "Hey, tell this guy. He'll understand."....and you did. 
Perhaps it is something in your aura, but it looks like people know you're a sharter and they come to you. 
 

Edited by Marfa Low Crown
Had to add the aura thing about sharting
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Posted
On 3/16/2025 at 11:13 AM, Js1 said:

But what were the toppings 

I used to kind of like Subway, dating back to my days at Castilian when the offered menu was no bueno.  Because I am an old, there was a Subway on the corner of 24th and San Antonio.

YGIFs got me off the Subway train pretty effectively, but I'd probably still eat a BMT in a pinch, or ham n cheese.

Now my first thought about pizza at Subway is "who dares wins," or loses as it were.

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Posted
39 minutes ago, Marfa Low Crown said:

Let me try putting it another way:

People who use drugs are really good at picking off other people on drugs. 
Alcoholics can spot other alcoholics from a mile away.
This dude shits his pants and something in him said, "Hey, tell this guy. He'll understand."....and you did. 
Perhaps it is something in your aura, but it looks like people know you're a sharter and they come to you. 
 

Real recognize real. 

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Posted
1 hour ago, Marfa Low Crown said:

Let me try putting it another way:

People who use drugs are really good at picking off other people on drugs. 
Alcoholics can spot other alcoholics from a mile away.
This dude shits his pants and something in him said, "Hey, tell this guy. He'll understand."....and you did. 
Perhaps it is something in your aura, but it looks like people know you're a sharter and they come to you. 
 

So... like a gaydar, but for people with liquid shits?

 

In all seriousness, my last shart was a few decades ago. January 1, 1998 to be exact. Kind of a grey day with rain threatening . My ex and I at the time were eating at Kirby Lane Cafe. I stepped outside to fart. I was wearing green boxers, and it just ran down my khakis. Luckily I was able to get my ex's attention (no cell phones back then) so we could leave.

I drove home sitting on a stack of weekly newsletters. It was squishy.

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Posted
13 minutes ago, Superhero said:

 

In all seriousness, my last shart was a few decades ago. January 1, 1998 to be exact. 

nocountry5-8068_200x200.jpg.902c1181ddc3b6f81b83d4a648d340b0.jpg

In case anyone wonders about the talent on this thread, I present the Carson Wells of sphincters.
 

Posted
22 minutes ago, Superhero said:

So... like a gaydar, but for people with liquid shits?

 

In all seriousness, my last shart was a few decades ago. January 1, 1998 to be exact. Kind of a grey day with rain threatening . My ex and I at the time were eating at Kirby Lane Cafe. I stepped outside to fart. I was wearing green boxers, and it just ran down my khakis. Luckily I was able to get my ex's attention (no cell phones back then) so we could leave.

I drove home sitting on a stack of weekly newsletters. It was squishy.

Sound like you're due. 

 

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Posted
30 minutes ago, Superhero said:

So... like a gaydar, but for people with liquid shits?

 

In all seriousness, my last shart was a few decades ago. January 1, 1998 to be exact. Kind of a grey day with rain threatening . My ex and I at the time were eating at Kirby Lane Cafe. I stepped outside to fart. I was wearing green boxers, and it just ran down my khakis. Luckily I was able to get my ex's attention (no cell phones back then) so we could leave.

I drove home sitting on a stack of weekly newsletters. It was squishy.

 

On 3/28/2025 at 2:40 PM, 'stache said:

Hate to always be a stickler but language matters. That ain't a shart that's full on shitting your pants.

 

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