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Why Ohio State Stomps a Mudhole In Texas' Ass


closetojumping

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1 minute ago, closetojumping said:

 

Well, it's been a good run during the 2024 CFB season for Texas. A year of mostly highs, with only a shitty home game versus GA and an OT loss to GA standing in the way of what's been perfect. I'm thankful for the memories and experiences, personally. Unfortunately, all of that comes to an end this weekend on Friday night in the bowels of the DFW metroplex. Watching this season die at the stale, beer-soaked, cheese curd-smelling fat fingers of the sweating, mouthbreathing giant Ohio State football team is an inevitability. It's going to be demoralizing to witness, but we should continue to hold our heads high irrespective as Texas fans. 

"But closetojumping, this same Ohio State team lost less than 6 weeks ago to a mediocre Michigan team at home. We blew those same assholes out, while they still had Will Johnson, in Ann Arbor even, earlier this year!"

I realize that Texas and Ohio State have actually played the same opponent this year and the results might be revealing in some ways, but that is apparently irrelevant to the current situation. I've yet to hear or read any analysis in the public domain of that situation mattering. Apparently both rosters have completely turned over and it no longer matters. Or maybe the notion is that Ohio State takes pleasure in getting publicly buttfucked every year by their arch nemesis, but will not play the bottom in any other match-up. I don't know, but I've been told that we've got to throw it all out. 

I wish Texas would petition to play OSU this weekend in their famous alt-unis colored maize and blue, but they're apparently not doing that. 

"But CTJ, Will Howard has the tendency to become a turnover machine in big games and he's never beaten Texas!?"

I get it. I realize that Will Howard appears to be a spare to Texas fans as we've watched him on numerous occasions attempt to lose ball games on his own at KSU and even this year against Oregon and Michigan. However, Texas fans are the fucking blind morons here. The fatass, jort-wearing, gravy-splattered experts from the Ohio State fanbase and the talking heads in the media have seen a different Will Howard. Things have gotten so distorted compared to what we've experienced that draft ranking services now have Howard listed above Ewers on the boards. So, yeah, we're the idiots here, folks. 

There's simply no way to envision a scenario in which one of the nation's leading turnover defenses could force a turnover prone QB with a history of choking under pressure to go on a turnover spree. Bucknuts has convinced me so. 

"closetojumping, this Ohio State OL has lost 3 OLs, is playing true freshman, playing their star guard at OT, and barely fields a two deep. Texas has one of the best front 7's in all of college football with elite LBs, OLBs/Edges, and DTs. Ohio State hasn't faced a front like this all year!"

I'm sorry to inform you guys, but none of that matters. Ohio State is hot! They've got the hot hand and those OL have magically transformed from their November embarrassments to looking like a Joe Moore trophy-winning unit. Plus, Ohio State has the aforementioned Will Howard, who has obviously turned a corner in his like, and 5 or more elite skill players guaranteed to go to the NFL in Henderson, Judkins, Egbuka, Tate, and, of course, Jeremiah Smith. Texas can try to play sound gap integrity on the early downs while bracketing Smith all they want, this OL is apparently too robust. 

"Texas has elite skill guys, a Joe Moore finalist OL group, and a resurgent Quinn Ewers, who always shows his best in big games on the road, ctj. Ohio State's D doesn't know what's coming!"

Listen, by all national accounts and according to the room temp IQ wizards at Eleven Warriors, the Ohio State defense has "elite" players at every level of the defense. 

Ohio State sports multiple potential 1st rounders (whenever they're eligible to declare) on defense, for sure. JT Tuimoloua is a projected early round guy and he's usually a terror about twice a season. Maybe he shows up against Texas and does something? We'll let Kelvin Banks figure that out, I guess. The guy has been playing lately for a contract, but he was irrelevant against Michigan and Oregon the first time. 

Tyleik Williams is well regarded inside but he's got all of 12 tackles on the year. Jack Sawyer can prevent an opponent's flag from being planted at the 50 yard line like a motherfucker, and no one can talk more Ohio State meatheaded shit than this blowhard, so maybe that leads to something game-changing on Friday. Denzel Burke has blown harder this year than a meth-ed out OSU sorority girl, but maybe he can hang with Matthew Golden unlike anyone else this season. Sonny Stiles has run past more tackles this season than Danny Stutsman, but I've heard he's also super good. 

Caleb Downs is actually the real deal, so hopefully Ewers is decisive in the pocket this week. The rest of the secondary has been beaten more this season than Zach Smith's wife, but never mind that.

I realize that even the adjusted stats love the OSU defense. That said, don't look at who they've played in posting the numbers they've posted. Don't consider that IU was a paper tiger or that Oregon did what they wanted in the first game, or that PSU pissed down its leg when it sees the Scarlet and Grey or that they played no one else worth a fuck on offense all year. No, those things don't matter, their defense is an unrivaled beast and the Texas offense stands no chance. 

"Fine. We get it, closetojumping, you're giving us no shot. But what about Ryan Day folding in big games as though he's being grilled under a heat lamp by suspecting police officers of his role in numerous pedophile rings?"

I realize that Ryan Day appears to be a violently aggressive groomer of catamites and that he probably feeds off the blood of small children to maintain a solid coif and a 68-10 career record, but you can't argue with success. 

I don't care if the guy had his pants pulled down on national tv by Steve Sarkisian in the 2020 title game. Day going into the fetal position and sucking his thumb while crying for mommy against Michigan shouldn't matter to us. 

The guy is 4-4 in the postseason with the wins coming against:

-a Utah team that lost their QB to a devastating knee injury early in the game

-a good Clemson team in 2020

-a 2024 coelenterare in Tennessee

-a revenge game against Oregon in 2024

I don't know, maybe he's able to find something new to fire up his team this week against the underdog Longhorns. There's no way that Texas will find motivation from being counted out all week and being told they have no chance. 

Hell, I don't think they've got a chance myself, and I know I'm notoriously one of Longhorn netdom's biggest Pollyannas. So give me Ohio State in a runaway, 55-14. 

Thoughts?

Hook'em

 

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9 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

 

Well, it's been a good run during the 2024 CFB season for Texas. A year of mostly highs, with only a shitty home game versus GA and an OT loss to GA standing in the way of what's been perfect. I'm thankful for the memories and experiences, personally. Unfortunately, all of that comes to an end this weekend on Friday night in the bowels of the DFW metroplex. Watching this season die at the stale, beer-soaked, cheese curd-smelling fat fingers of the sweating, mouthbreathing giant Ohio State football team is an inevitability. It's going to be demoralizing to witness, but we should continue to hold our heads high irrespective as Texas fans. 

"But closetojumping, this same Ohio State team lost less than 6 weeks ago to a mediocre Michigan team at home. We blew those same assholes out, while they still had Will Johnson, in Ann Arbor even, earlier this year!"

I realize that Texas and Ohio State have actually played the same opponent this year and the results might be revealing in some ways, but that is apparently irrelevant to the current situation. I've yet to hear or read any analysis in the public domain of that situation mattering. Apparently both rosters have completely turned over and it no longer matters. Or maybe the notion is that Ohio State takes pleasure in getting publicly buttfucked every year by their arch nemesis, but will not play the bottom in any other match-up. I don't know, but I've been told that we've got to throw it all out. 

I wish Texas would petition to play OSU this weekend in their famous alt-unis colored maize and blue, but they're apparently not doing that. 

"But CTJ, Will Howard has the tendency to become a turnover machine in big games and he's never beaten Texas!?"

I get it. I realize that Will Howard appears to be a spare to Texas fans as we've watched him on numerous occasions attempt to lose ball games on his own at KSU and even this year against Oregon and Michigan. However, Texas fans are the fucking blind morons here. The fatass, jort-wearing, gravy-splattered experts from the Ohio State fanbase and the talking heads in the media have seen a different Will Howard. Things have gotten so distorted compared to what we've experienced that draft ranking services now have Howard listed above Ewers on the boards. So, yeah, we're the idiots here, folks. 

There's simply no way to envision a scenario in which one of the nation's leading turnover defenses could force a turnover prone QB with a history of choking under pressure to go on a turnover spree. Bucknuts has convinced me so. 

"closetojumping, this Ohio State OL has lost 3 OLs, is playing true freshman, playing their star guard at OT, and barely fields a two deep. Texas has one of the best front 7's in all of college football with elite LBs, OLBs/Edges, and DTs. Ohio State hasn't faced a front like this all year!"

I'm sorry to inform you guys, but none of that matters. Ohio State is hot! They've got the hot hand and those OL have magically transformed from their November embarrassments to looking like a Joe Moore trophy-winning unit. Plus, Ohio State has the aforementioned Will Howard, who has obviously turned a corner in his like, and 5 or more elite skill players guaranteed to go to the NFL in Henderson, Judkins, Egbuka, Tate, and, of course, Jeremiah Smith. Texas can try to play sound gap integrity on the early downs while bracketing Smith all they want, this OL is apparently too robust. 

"Texas has elite skill guys, a Joe Moore finalist OL group, and a resurgent Quinn Ewers, who always shows his best in big games on the road, ctj. Ohio State's D doesn't know what's coming!"

Listen, by all national accounts and according to the room temp IQ wizards at Eleven Warriors, the Ohio State defense has "elite" players at every level of the defense. 

Ohio State sports multiple potential 1st rounders (whenever they're eligible to declare) on defense, for sure. JT Tuimoloua is a projected early round guy and he's usually a terror about twice a season. Maybe he shows up against Texas and does something? We'll let Kelvin Banks figure that out, I guess. The guy has been playing lately for a contract, but he was irrelevant against Michigan and Oregon the first time. 

Tyleik Williams is well regarded inside but he's got all of 12 tackles on the year. Jack Sawyer can prevent an opponent's flag from being planted at the 50 yard line like a motherfucker, and no one can talk more Ohio State meatheaded shit than this blowhard, so maybe that leads to something game-changing on Friday. Denzel Burke has blown harder this year than a meth-ed out OSU sorority girl, but maybe he can hang with Matthew Golden unlike anyone else this season. Sonny Stiles has run past more tackles this season than Danny Stutsman, but I've heard he's also super good. 

Caleb Downs is actually the real deal, so hopefully Ewers is decisive in the pocket this week. The rest of the secondary has been beaten more this season than Zach Smith's wife, but never mind that.

I realize that even the adjusted stats love the OSU defense. That said, don't look at who they've played in posting the numbers they've posted. Don't consider that IU was a paper tiger or that Oregon did what they wanted in the first game, or that PSU pissed down its leg when it sees the Scarlet and Grey or that they played no one else worth a fuck on offense all year. No, those things don't matter, their defense is an unrivaled beast and the Texas offense stands no chance. 

"Fine. We get it, closetojumping, you're giving us no shot. But what about Ryan Day folding in big games as though he's being grilled under a heat lamp by suspecting police officers of his role in numerous pedophile rings?"

I realize that Ryan Day appears to be a violently aggressive groomer of catamites and that he probably feeds off the blood of small children to maintain a solid coif and a 68-10 career record, but you can't argue with success. 

I don't care if the guy had his pants pulled down on national tv by Steve Sarkisian in the 2020 title game. Day going into the fetal position and sucking his thumb while crying for mommy against Michigan shouldn't matter to us. 

The guy is 4-4 in the postseason with the wins coming against:

-a Utah team that lost their QB to a devastating knee injury early in the game

-a good Clemson team in 2020

-a 2024 coelenterare in Tennessee

-a revenge game against Oregon in 2024

I don't know, maybe he's able to find something new to fire up his team this week against the underdog Longhorns. There's no way that Texas will find motivation from being counted out all week and being told they have no chance. 

Hell, I don't think they've got a chance myself, and I know I'm notoriously one of Longhorn netdom's biggest Pollyannas. So give me Ohio State in a runaway, 55-14. 

Thoughts?

Hook'em

 

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23 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

 

Well, it's been a good run during the 2024 CFB season for Texas. A year of mostly highs, with only a shitty home game versus GA and an OT loss to GA standing in the way of what's been perfect. I'm thankful for the memories and experiences, personally. Unfortunately, all of that comes to an end this weekend on Friday night in the bowels of the DFW metroplex. Watching this season die at the stale, beer-soaked, cheese curd-smelling fat fingers of the sweating, mouthbreathing giant Ohio State football team is an inevitability. It's going to be demoralizing to witness, but we should continue to hold our heads high irrespective as Texas fans. 

"But closetojumping, this same Ohio State team lost less than 6 weeks ago to a mediocre Michigan team at home. We blew those same assholes out, while they still had Will Johnson, in Ann Arbor even, earlier this year!"

I realize that Texas and Ohio State have actually played the same opponent this year and the results might be revealing in some ways, but that is apparently irrelevant to the current situation. I've yet to hear or read any analysis in the public domain of that situation mattering. Apparently both rosters have completely turned over and it no longer matters. Or maybe the notion is that Ohio State takes pleasure in getting publicly buttfucked every year by their arch nemesis, but will not play the bottom in any other match-up. I don't know, but I've been told that we've got to throw it all out. 

I wish Texas would petition to play OSU this weekend in their famous alt-unis colored maize and blue, but they're apparently not doing that. 

"But CTJ, Will Howard has the tendency to become a turnover machine in big games and he's never beaten Texas!?"

I get it. I realize that Will Howard appears to be a spare to Texas fans as we've watched him on numerous occasions attempt to lose ball games on his own at KSU and even this year against Oregon and Michigan. However, Texas fans are the fucking blind morons here. The fatass, jort-wearing, gravy-splattered experts from the Ohio State fanbase and the talking heads in the media have seen a different Will Howard. Things have gotten so distorted compared to what we've experienced that draft ranking services now have Howard listed above Ewers on the boards. So, yeah, we're the idiots here, folks. 

There's simply no way to envision a scenario in which one of the nation's leading turnover defenses could force a turnover prone QB with a history of choking under pressure to go on a turnover spree. Bucknuts has convinced me so. 

"closetojumping, this Ohio State OL has lost 3 OLs, is playing true freshman, playing their star guard at OT, and barely fields a two deep. Texas has one of the best front 7's in all of college football with elite LBs, OLBs/Edges, and DTs. Ohio State hasn't faced a front like this all year!"

I'm sorry to inform you guys, but none of that matters. Ohio State is hot! They've got the hot hand and those OL have magically transformed from their November embarrassments to looking like a Joe Moore trophy-winning unit. Plus, Ohio State has the aforementioned Will Howard, who has obviously turned a corner in his like, and 5 or more elite skill players guaranteed to go to the NFL in Henderson, Judkins, Egbuka, Tate, and, of course, Jeremiah Smith. Texas can try to play sound gap integrity on the early downs while bracketing Smith all they want, this OL is apparently too robust. 

"Texas has elite skill guys, a Joe Moore finalist OL group, and a resurgent Quinn Ewers, who always shows his best in big games on the road, ctj. Ohio State's D doesn't know what's coming!"

Listen, by all national accounts and according to the room temp IQ wizards at Eleven Warriors, the Ohio State defense has "elite" players at every level of the defense. 

Ohio State sports multiple potential 1st rounders (whenever they're eligible to declare) on defense, for sure. JT Tuimoloua is a projected early round guy and he's usually a terror about twice a season. Maybe he shows up against Texas and does something? We'll let Kelvin Banks figure that out, I guess. The guy has been playing lately for a contract, but he was irrelevant against Michigan and Oregon the first time. 

Tyleik Williams is well regarded inside but he's got all of 12 tackles on the year. Jack Sawyer can prevent an opponent's flag from being planted at the 50 yard line like a motherfucker, and no one can talk more Ohio State meatheaded shit than this blowhard, so maybe that leads to something game-changing on Friday. Denzel Burke has blown harder this year than a meth-ed out OSU sorority girl, but maybe he can hang with Matthew Golden unlike anyone else this season. Sonny Stiles has run past more tackles this season than Danny Stutsman, but I've heard he's also super good. 

Caleb Downs is actually the real deal, so hopefully Ewers is decisive in the pocket this week. The rest of the secondary has been beaten more this season than Zach Smith's wife, but never mind that.

I realize that even the adjusted stats love the OSU defense. That said, don't look at who they've played in posting the numbers they've posted. Don't consider that IU was a paper tiger or that Oregon did what they wanted in the first game, or that PSU pissed down its leg when it sees the Scarlet and Grey or that they played no one else worth a fuck on offense all year. No, those things don't matter, their defense is an unrivaled beast and the Texas offense stands no chance. 

"Fine. We get it, closetojumping, you're giving us no shot. But what about Ryan Day folding in big games as though he's being grilled under a heat lamp by suspecting police officers of his role in numerous pedophile rings?"

I realize that Ryan Day appears to be a violently aggressive groomer of catamites and that he probably feeds off the blood of small children to maintain a solid coif and a 68-10 career record, but you can't argue with success. 

I don't care if the guy had his pants pulled down on national tv by Steve Sarkisian in the 2020 title game. Day going into the fetal position and sucking his thumb while crying for mommy against Michigan shouldn't matter to us. 

The guy is 4-4 in the postseason with the wins coming against:

-a Utah team that lost their QB to a devastating knee injury early in the game

-a good Clemson team in 2020

-a 2024 coelenterare in Tennessee

-a revenge game against Oregon in 2024

I don't know, maybe he's able to find something new to fire up his team this week against the underdog Longhorns. There's no way that Texas will find motivation from being counted out all week and being told they have no chance. 

Hell, I don't think they've got a chance myself, and I know I'm notoriously one of Longhorn netdom's biggest Pollyannas. So give me Ohio State in a runaway, 55-14. 

Thoughts?

Hook'em

 

Perfect. This is exactly what we needed. 

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22 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

 

Well, it's been a good run during the 2024 CFB season for Texas. A year of mostly highs, with only a shitty home game versus GA and an OT loss to GA standing in the way of what's been perfect. I'm thankful for the memories and experiences, personally. Unfortunately, all of that comes to an end this weekend on Friday night in the bowels of the DFW metroplex. Watching this season die at the stale, beer-soaked, cheese curd-smelling fat fingers of the sweating, mouthbreathing giant Ohio State football team is an inevitability. It's going to be demoralizing to witness, but we should continue to hold our heads high irrespective as Texas fans. 

"But closetojumping, this same Ohio State team lost less than 6 weeks ago to a mediocre Michigan team at home. We blew those same assholes out, while they still had Will Johnson, in Ann Arbor even, earlier this year!"

I realize that Texas and Ohio State have actually played the same opponent this year and the results might be revealing in some ways, but that is apparently irrelevant to the current situation. I've yet to hear or read any analysis in the public domain of that situation mattering. Apparently both rosters have completely turned over and it no longer matters. Or maybe the notion is that Ohio State takes pleasure in getting publicly buttfucked every year by their arch nemesis, but will not play the bottom in any other match-up. I don't know, but I've been told that we've got to throw it all out. 

I wish Texas would petition to play OSU this weekend in their famous alt-unis colored maize and blue, but they're apparently not doing that. 

"But CTJ, Will Howard has the tendency to become a turnover machine in big games and he's never beaten Texas!?"

I get it. I realize that Will Howard appears to be a spare to Texas fans as we've watched him on numerous occasions attempt to lose ball games on his own at KSU and even this year against Oregon and Michigan. However, Texas fans are the fucking blind morons here. The fatass, jort-wearing, gravy-splattered experts from the Ohio State fanbase and the talking heads in the media have seen a different Will Howard. Things have gotten so distorted compared to what we've experienced that draft ranking services now have Howard listed above Ewers on the boards. So, yeah, we're the idiots here, folks. 

There's simply no way to envision a scenario in which one of the nation's leading turnover defenses could force a turnover prone QB with a history of choking under pressure to go on a turnover spree. Bucknuts has convinced me so. 

"closetojumping, this Ohio State OL has lost 3 OLs, is playing true freshman, playing their star guard at OT, and barely fields a two deep. Texas has one of the best front 7's in all of college football with elite LBs, OLBs/Edges, and DTs. Ohio State hasn't faced a front like this all year!"

I'm sorry to inform you guys, but none of that matters. Ohio State is hot! They've got the hot hand and those OL have magically transformed from their November embarrassments to looking like a Joe Moore trophy-winning unit. Plus, Ohio State has the aforementioned Will Howard, who has obviously turned a corner in his like, and 5 or more elite skill players guaranteed to go to the NFL in Henderson, Judkins, Egbuka, Tate, and, of course, Jeremiah Smith. Texas can try to play sound gap integrity on the early downs while bracketing Smith all they want, this OL is apparently too robust. 

"Texas has elite skill guys, a Joe Moore finalist OL group, and a resurgent Quinn Ewers, who always shows his best in big games on the road, ctj. Ohio State's D doesn't know what's coming!"

Listen, by all national accounts and according to the room temp IQ wizards at Eleven Warriors, the Ohio State defense has "elite" players at every level of the defense. 

Ohio State sports multiple potential 1st rounders (whenever they're eligible to declare) on defense, for sure. JT Tuimoloua is a projected early round guy and he's usually a terror about twice a season. Maybe he shows up against Texas and does something? We'll let Kelvin Banks figure that out, I guess. The guy has been playing lately for a contract, but he was irrelevant against Michigan and Oregon the first time. 

Tyleik Williams is well regarded inside but he's got all of 12 tackles on the year. Jack Sawyer can prevent an opponent's flag from being planted at the 50 yard line like a motherfucker, and no one can talk more Ohio State meatheaded shit than this blowhard, so maybe that leads to something game-changing on Friday. Denzel Burke has blown harder this year than a meth-ed out OSU sorority girl, but maybe he can hang with Matthew Golden unlike anyone else this season. Sonny Stiles has run past more tackles this season than Danny Stutsman, but I've heard he's also super good. 

Caleb Downs is actually the real deal, so hopefully Ewers is decisive in the pocket this week. The rest of the secondary has been beaten more this season than Zach Smith's wife, but never mind that.

I realize that even the adjusted stats love the OSU defense. That said, don't look at who they've played in posting the numbers they've posted. Don't consider that IU was a paper tiger or that Oregon did what they wanted in the first game, or that PSU pissed down its leg when it sees the Scarlet and Grey or that they played no one else worth a fuck on offense all year. No, those things don't matter, their defense is an unrivaled beast and the Texas offense stands no chance. 

"Fine. We get it, closetojumping, you're giving us no shot. But what about Ryan Day folding in big games as though he's being grilled under a heat lamp by suspecting police officers of his role in numerous pedophile rings?"

I realize that Ryan Day appears to be a violently aggressive groomer of catamites and that he probably feeds off the blood of small children to maintain a solid coif and a 68-10 career record, but you can't argue with success. 

I don't care if the guy had his pants pulled down on national tv by Steve Sarkisian in the 2020 title game. Day going into the fetal position and sucking his thumb while crying for mommy against Michigan shouldn't matter to us. 

The guy is 4-4 in the postseason with the wins coming against:

-a Utah team that lost their QB to a devastating knee injury early in the game

-a good Clemson team in 2020

-a 2024 coelenterare in Tennessee

-a revenge game against Oregon in 2024

I don't know, maybe he's able to find something new to fire up his team this week against the underdog Longhorns. There's no way that Texas will find motivation from being counted out all week and being told they have no chance. 

Hell, I don't think they've got a chance myself, and I know I'm notoriously one of Longhorn netdom's biggest Pollyannas. So give me Ohio State in a runaway, 55-14. 

Thoughts?

Hook'em

 

Yep. I was definitely among those who had hope for Friday, but after hearing that literally every talking head in the media claim that we're going to get roflstomped by the Buckeyes, I've realized the error of my ways. Doomed.

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Ive been reading a lot of dumb shit all season long from opposing fans and I think they have lowered my IQ quite a bit. That said, I don't think OSU can handle the Texas heat, those fat motherfuckers will be on oxygen and IVs early in the 4th.  What's the game time temp? 25-30? That's hot for those fuckers.

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5 minutes ago, Dewey said:

Ive been reading a lot of dumb shit all season long from opposing fans and I think they have lowered my IQ quite a bit. That said, I don't think OSU can handle the Texas heat, those fat motherfuckers will be on oxygen and IVs early in the 4th.  What's the game time temp? 25-30? That's hot for those fuckers.

I mean it is in the Cotton Bowl, could be a blizzard game 

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9 minutes ago, Dewey said:

Ive been reading a lot of dumb shit all season long from opposing fans and I think they have lowered my IQ quite a bit. That said, I don't think OSU can handle the Texas heat, those fat motherfuckers will be on oxygen and IVs early in the 4th.  What's the game time temp? 25-30? That's hot for those fuckers.

Can we get Jerry to crank the heat in his atrocity of a stadium and get it in the 95-98 range?

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47 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

 

Well, it's been a good run during the 2024 CFB season for Texas. A year of mostly highs, with only a shitty home game versus GA and an OT loss to GA standing in the way of what's been perfect. I'm thankful for the memories and experiences, personally. Unfortunately, all of that comes to an end this weekend on Friday night in the bowels of the DFW metroplex. Watching this season die at the stale, beer-soaked, cheese curd-smelling fat fingers of the sweating, mouthbreathing giant Ohio State football team is an inevitability. It's going to be demoralizing to witness, but we should continue to hold our heads high irrespective as Texas fans. 

"But closetojumping, this same Ohio State team lost less than 6 weeks ago to a mediocre Michigan team at home. We blew those same assholes out, while they still had Will Johnson, in Ann Arbor even, earlier this year!"

I realize that Texas and Ohio State have actually played the same opponent this year and the results might be revealing in some ways, but that is apparently irrelevant to the current situation. I've yet to hear or read any analysis in the public domain of that situation mattering. Apparently both rosters have completely turned over and it no longer matters. Or maybe the notion is that Ohio State takes pleasure in getting publicly buttfucked every year by their arch nemesis, but will not play the bottom in any other match-up. I don't know, but I've been told that we've got to throw it all out. 

I wish Texas would petition to play OSU this weekend in their famous alt-unis colored maize and blue, but they're apparently not doing that. 

"But CTJ, Will Howard has the tendency to become a turnover machine in big games and he's never beaten Texas!?"

I get it. I realize that Will Howard appears to be a spare to Texas fans as we've watched him on numerous occasions attempt to lose ball games on his own at KSU and even this year against Oregon and Michigan. However, Texas fans are the fucking blind morons here. The fatass, jort-wearing, gravy-splattered experts from the Ohio State fanbase and the talking heads in the media have seen a different Will Howard. Things have gotten so distorted compared to what we've experienced that draft ranking services now have Howard listed above Ewers on the boards. So, yeah, we're the idiots here, folks. 

There's simply no way to envision a scenario in which one of the nation's leading turnover defenses could force a turnover prone QB with a history of choking under pressure to go on a turnover spree. Bucknuts has convinced me so. 

"closetojumping, this Ohio State OL has lost 3 OLs, is playing true freshman, playing their star guard at OT, and barely fields a two deep. Texas has one of the best front 7's in all of college football with elite LBs, OLBs/Edges, and DTs. Ohio State hasn't faced a front like this all year!"

I'm sorry to inform you guys, but none of that matters. Ohio State is hot! They've got the hot hand and those OL have magically transformed from their November embarrassments to looking like a Joe Moore trophy-winning unit. Plus, Ohio State has the aforementioned Will Howard, who has obviously turned a corner in his like, and 5 or more elite skill players guaranteed to go to the NFL in Henderson, Judkins, Egbuka, Tate, and, of course, Jeremiah Smith. Texas can try to play sound gap integrity on the early downs while bracketing Smith all they want, this OL is apparently too robust. 

"Texas has elite skill guys, a Joe Moore finalist OL group, and a resurgent Quinn Ewers, who always shows his best in big games on the road, ctj. Ohio State's D doesn't know what's coming!"

Listen, by all national accounts and according to the room temp IQ wizards at Eleven Warriors, the Ohio State defense has "elite" players at every level of the defense. 

Ohio State sports multiple potential 1st rounders (whenever they're eligible to declare) on defense, for sure. JT Tuimoloua is a projected early round guy and he's usually a terror about twice a season. Maybe he shows up against Texas and does something? We'll let Kelvin Banks figure that out, I guess. The guy has been playing lately for a contract, but he was irrelevant against Michigan and Oregon the first time. 

Tyleik Williams is well regarded inside but he's got all of 12 tackles on the year. Jack Sawyer can prevent an opponent's flag from being planted at the 50 yard line like a motherfucker, and no one can talk more Ohio State meatheaded shit than this blowhard, so maybe that leads to something game-changing on Friday. Denzel Burke has blown harder this year than a meth-ed out OSU sorority girl, but maybe he can hang with Matthew Golden unlike anyone else this season. Sonny Stiles has run past more tackles this season than Danny Stutsman, but I've heard he's also super good. 

Caleb Downs is actually the real deal, so hopefully Ewers is decisive in the pocket this week. The rest of the secondary has been beaten more this season than Zach Smith's wife, but never mind that.

I realize that even the adjusted stats love the OSU defense. That said, don't look at who they've played in posting the numbers they've posted. Don't consider that IU was a paper tiger or that Oregon did what they wanted in the first game, or that PSU pissed down its leg when it sees the Scarlet and Grey or that they played no one else worth a fuck on offense all year. No, those things don't matter, their defense is an unrivaled beast and the Texas offense stands no chance. 

"Fine. We get it, closetojumping, you're giving us no shot. But what about Ryan Day folding in big games as though he's being grilled under a heat lamp by suspecting police officers of his role in numerous pedophile rings?"

I realize that Ryan Day appears to be a violently aggressive groomer of catamites and that he probably feeds off the blood of small children to maintain a solid coif and a 68-10 career record, but you can't argue with success. 

I don't care if the guy had his pants pulled down on national tv by Steve Sarkisian in the 2020 title game. Day going into the fetal position and sucking his thumb while crying for mommy against Michigan shouldn't matter to us. 

The guy is 4-4 in the postseason with the wins coming against:

-a Utah team that lost their QB to a devastating knee injury early in the game

-a good Clemson team in 2020

-a 2024 coelenterare in Tennessee

-a revenge game against Oregon in 2024

I don't know, maybe he's able to find something new to fire up his team this week against the underdog Longhorns. There's no way that Texas will find motivation from being counted out all week and being told they have no chance. 

Hell, I don't think they've got a chance myself, and I know I'm notoriously one of Longhorn netdom's biggest Pollyannas. So give me Ohio State in a runaway, 55-14. 

Thoughts?

Hook'em

 

TL, DR........Stop being such a pussy! 😉

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15 minutes ago, Dewey said:

Ive been reading a lot of dumb shit all season long from opposing fans and I think they have lowered my IQ quite a bit. That said, I don't think OSU can handle the Texas heat, those fat motherfuckers will be on oxygen and IVs early in the 4th.  What's the game time temp? 25-30? That's hot for those fuckers.

Jeff Goldblum What GIF by The Late Late Show with James Corden

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48 minutes ago, Candi Fisther said:

We’ve been on borrowed time all season due to our terrible run game, and it’s about to run out.

it's not all season

uga1 (27/29/0)

uga2 (28/31/0)

asu (30/53/1)

just those 3

16 days ago we rolled clemson for 292 & 4 tds

3 weeks before that was 250 against aggy

vandy (104) & pig (139) were the other 'concerning' games

the run game sucking "all season" is another recency bias

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1 hour ago, TOR said:

It depends on which Longhorn team shows up.  The one that ragdolls their OL and does not take prisoners, or the other one.

The defense will show up. Question is will the QB and offense show up so the defense doesn't have to put in a super human performance against 100 fucking snaps again. 

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1 hour ago, closetojumping said:

 

Well, it's been a good run during the 2024 CFB season for Texas. A year of mostly highs, with only a shitty home game versus GA and an OT loss to GA standing in the way of what's been perfect. I'm thankful for the memories and experiences, personally. Unfortunately, all of that comes to an end this weekend on Friday night in the bowels of the DFW metroplex. Watching this season die at the stale, beer-soaked, cheese curd-smelling fat fingers of the sweating, mouthbreathing giant Ohio State football team is an inevitability. It's going to be demoralizing to witness, but we should continue to hold our heads high irrespective as Texas fans. 

"But closetojumping, this same Ohio State team lost less than 6 weeks ago to a mediocre Michigan team at home. We blew those same assholes out, while they still had Will Johnson, in Ann Arbor even, earlier this year!"

I realize that Texas and Ohio State have actually played the same opponent this year and the results might be revealing in some ways, but that is apparently irrelevant to the current situation. I've yet to hear or read any analysis in the public domain of that situation mattering. Apparently both rosters have completely turned over and it no longer matters. Or maybe the notion is that Ohio State takes pleasure in getting publicly buttfucked every year by their arch nemesis, but will not play the bottom in any other match-up. I don't know, but I've been told that we've got to throw it all out. 

I wish Texas would petition to play OSU this weekend in their famous alt-unis colored maize and blue, but they're apparently not doing that. 

"But CTJ, Will Howard has the tendency to become a turnover machine in big games and he's never beaten Texas!?"

I get it. I realize that Will Howard appears to be a spare to Texas fans as we've watched him on numerous occasions attempt to lose ball games on his own at KSU and even this year against Oregon and Michigan. However, Texas fans are the fucking blind morons here. The fatass, jort-wearing, gravy-splattered experts from the Ohio State fanbase and the talking heads in the media have seen a different Will Howard. Things have gotten so distorted compared to what we've experienced that draft ranking services now have Howard listed above Ewers on the boards. So, yeah, we're the idiots here, folks. 

There's simply no way to envision a scenario in which one of the nation's leading turnover defenses could force a turnover prone QB with a history of choking under pressure to go on a turnover spree. Bucknuts has convinced me so. 

"closetojumping, this Ohio State OL has lost 3 OLs, is playing true freshman, playing their star guard at OT, and barely fields a two deep. Texas has one of the best front 7's in all of college football with elite LBs, OLBs/Edges, and DTs. Ohio State hasn't faced a front like this all year!"

I'm sorry to inform you guys, but none of that matters. Ohio State is hot! They've got the hot hand and those OL have magically transformed from their November embarrassments to looking like a Joe Moore trophy-winning unit. Plus, Ohio State has the aforementioned Will Howard, who has obviously turned a corner in his play, and has like 5 or more elite skill players guaranteed to go to the NFL in Henderson, Judkins, Egbuka, Tate, and, of course, Jeremiah Smith. Texas can try to play sound gap integrity on the early downs while bracketing Smith all they want, this OL is apparently too robust. 

"Texas has elite skill guys, a Joe Moore finalist OL group, and a resurgent Quinn Ewers, who always shows his best in big games on the road, ctj. Ohio State's D doesn't know what's coming!"

Listen, by all national accounts and according to the room temp IQ wizards at Eleven Warriors, the Ohio State defense has "elite" players at every level of the defense. 

Ohio State sports multiple potential 1st rounders (whenever they're eligible to declare) on defense, for sure. JT Tuimoloua is a projected early round guy and he's usually a terror about twice a season. Maybe he shows up against Texas and does something? We'll let Kelvin Banks figure that out, I guess. The guy has been playing lately for a contract, but he was irrelevant against Michigan and Oregon the first time. 

Tyleik Williams is well regarded inside but he's got all of 12 tackles on the year. Jack Sawyer can prevent an opponent's flag from being planted at the 50 yard line like a motherfucker, and no one can talk more Ohio State meatheaded shit than this blowhard, so maybe that leads to something game-changing on Friday? Denzel Burke has blown harder this year than a meth-ed out OSU sorority girl, but maybe he can hang with Matthew Golden unlike anyone else this season. Sonny Stiles has run past more tackles this season than Danny Stutsman, but I've heard he's also super good. 

Caleb Downs is actually the real deal, so hopefully Ewers is decisive in the pocket this week. The rest of the secondary has been beaten more this season than Zach Smith's wife, but never mind that.

I realize that even the adjusted stats love the OSU defense. That said, don't look at who they've played in posting the numbers they've posted. Don't consider that IU was a paper tiger or that Oregon did what they wanted in the first game, or that PSU pissed down its leg when it saw the Scarlet and Grey or that they played no one else worth a fuck on offense all year. No, those things don't matter, their defense is an unrivaled beast and the Texas offense stands no chance. 

"Fine. We get it, closetojumping, you're giving us no shot. But what about Ryan Day folding in big games as though he's being grilled under a heat lamp by suspecting police officers of his role in numerous pedophile rings?"

I realize that Ryan Day appears to be a violently aggressive groomer of catamites and that he probably feeds off the blood of small children to maintain a solid coif and a 68-10 career record, but you can't argue with success. 

I don't care if the guy had his pants pulled down on national tv by Steve Sarkisian in the 2020 title game. Day going into the fetal position and sucking his thumb while crying for mommy against Michigan shouldn't matter to us. 

The guy is 4-4 in the postseason with the wins coming against:

-a Utah team that lost their QB to a devastating knee injury early in the game

-a good Clemson team in 2020

-a 2024 coelenterate in Tennessee

-a revenge game against Oregon in 2024

I don't know, maybe he's able to find something new to fire up his team this week against the underdog Longhorns. There's no way that Texas will find motivation from being counted out all week and being told they have no chance. 

Hell, I don't think they've got a chance myself, and I know I'm notoriously one of Longhorn netdom's biggest Pollyannas. So give me Ohio State in a runaway, 55-14. 

Thoughts?

Hook'em

 

This a very, very good omen. I am happy.

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