Jump to content

Shit My Kid Says

ROFL BOX

By ROFL BOX
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.6k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

Hmbre97
Hmbre97

2 weeks ago, watching my kid hen peck on his keyboard Me: Son, you really need to practice your typing using the home row. You'll never type fast typing with 2 fingers. Him: I try to type fa

Post Oak
Post Oak

My daughter (1st grade) has been having issues at recess.  She's really tender hearted and takes offense to just about everything.  When she tells me what's wrong to me it just sounds like playground

burns_312
burns_312

I coach college baseball and my 3 year old son has begun to catch on to things that go on at the ball field. He sees me talk to players when things go wrong, etc. Last night I was throwing him passes

Posted Images

Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6434

Posted
Posted (edited)

My 3yo daughter at bedtime: “dadda, I tired. I want to cuddle”

me: “ok, let’s go to the big bed and...”

her: “no dadda, I want momma. Not you. Ok? Not you. Go find momma now. Not you. You not come too. Ok? Not you.”

me: “well ok, I’ll go find mommy to cuddle you”

her.” Yes. Yes dadda. You find momma and I cuddle with momma. And you shoo. Shoo dadda, shoo. Go away.           ....I love you”


 

It’s like looking into the future when she going need my help signing a lease for an apartment.

 

Edited by Doc Reeves
  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Like 3
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6625

Posted
  • Author
Posted
On 10/18/2020 at 8:43 AM, Doc Reeves said:

My 3yo daughter at bedtime: “dadda, I tired. I want to cuddle”

me: “ok, let’s go to the big bed and...”

her: “no dadda, I want momma. Not you. Ok? Not you. Go find momma now. Not you. You not come too. Ok? Not you.”

me: “well ok, I’ll go find mommy to cuddle you”

her.” Yes. Yes dadda. You find momma and I cuddle with momma. And you shoo. Shoo dadda, shoo. Go away.           ....I love you”


 

It’s like looking into the future when she going need my help signing a lease for an apartment.

 

This AM.  Roxette is now 15, Monster is 13.

She walks out the door to get down to the gate for the bus, just goes on out.

He comes over & gives me a large hug, says "I love you, Dad.  Be sure to drive safely wherever you go today."

<sigh>

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4440

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted (edited)

Didn't know where else to put this. But my son (7) and I always stay up late on Fridays watching movies (Mandolorian last night). Then we usually "camp out" in my office. Last couple of weeks he's been asking stuff like "What do adults do?" "What do Dads do?" stuff like that.

 


Last night, my wife was working overtime, so he and I ate and feed the baby (about a year and a half), changed her and got her to bed. During this, he goes "Is this what Mommies do?" And I said, lots of times ours does, but this is what parents do. Stuff like that recently.

 


This morning, I got up like probably alot of us do well before anyone else. No noise but me and the dogs. Just one lamp on. Grab a cup of coffee and turned on ESPN with the sound way down and started reading the news. About ten minutes later, out walks the boy. Silently, he walks over grabs a coffee cup. Looks at me. I raise an eyebrow, but I don't say anything. Puts some coffee in it and sits down and quietly watches ESPN. No words said.
Then "Dad?" Is this what men do?"
"Yeah buddy. Yes is is."

a34a92860ad1cc9ce84711385564bf68.jpg

Edited by Jameslaw121
  • Hook 'Em 10
  • Like 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Armybrat

Armybrat 40559

Posted
Posted
On 10/23/2020 at 8:18 AM, ROFL BOX said:

This AM.  Roxette is now 15, Cookie Monster is 13.

She walks out the door to get down to the gate for the bus, just goes on out.

He comes over & gives me a large hug, says "I love you, Dad.  Be sure to drive safely wherever you go today."

<sigh>

Fify

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Superhero

Superhero 8636

Posted
Posted

My kids were trying to one up each other with bigger and bigger numbers.

Boy (5): A quadrillion five hundred billion seven hundred and sixty-eight million four hundred and thirty two.

Girl (8): A googol.

Me to boy: Say googol time a googol. He repeats.

This goes on a few times. By now I’m teaching them what a googol to the power of googol means. At this time, girl comes up with an even more ridiculously long number 

Me to boy: Say infinity.

Boy: Infinity is not a number. It’s a concept.


Despite being a tiger dad, I have never taught him that. I’m so proud and look forward to him inventing the warp drive. 

  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 20909

Posted
Posted (edited)
22 minutes ago, Scheiss Meister said:

I sure hope that you are raising him to use his powers for good.

TBD. 

He's since asked me, while perched naked on the toilet and through a closed bathroom door, whether Frank Black [note: the lead singer of The Pixies] is still with us. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Popular Post
burns_312

burns_312 353

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

Last week a buddy got his pickup stuck when he was deer hunting. My wife was busy that evening so I took the kids to help try and pull him out. Other buddy is there in his CanAm, so I put kids in that and pull it up a hill a ways so they’re out of any potential harms way while we to go yanking on the stuck truck. We try for a few minutes before we decide it ain’t coming out with the setup we’re using so we call my brother in law who lives a couple miles away to bring his tractor. It’s getting later so kids and I leave before he arrives. We get home about the same time my wife does and my 4 year old goes into his spiel about how the front end of the truck was buried bad etc and finishes it very matter of factly with “mom, I don’t know how the fuck they’re going to get that truck out of there.”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 5
  • Haha 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Scooter Monzingo

Scooter Monzingo 820

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, burns_312 said:

Last week a buddy got his pickup stuck when he was deer hunting. My wife was busy that evening so I took the kids to help try and pull him out. Other buddy is there in his CanAm, so I put kids in that and pull it up a hill a ways so they’re out of any potential harms way while we to go yanking on the stuck truck. We try for a few minutes before we decide it ain’t coming out with the setup we’re using so we call my brother in law who lives a couple miles away to bring his tractor. It’s getting later so kids and I leave before he arrives. We get home about the same time my wife does and my 4 year old goes into his spiel about how the front end of the truck was buried bad etc and finishes it very matter of factly with “mom, I don’t know how the fuck they’re going to get that truck out of there.”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Fucking awesome...

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 39900

Posted
Posted

Last night while at the girlfriend's house, her 8 year old starts singing "Rockin around the Christmas tree" by Brenda Lee when all of a sudden

8 year old: "then we'll eat some fuckin pie.."

GF: "Excuse me?!"

8 year old: "you know, that's what she says in the song"

GF: "No sweetie, she says pumpkin pie"

8 year old: "Oh, well fuckin pie sounds better!"

Guess who got in trouble for laughing...

  • Hook 'Em 3
  • Like 5
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
CooterBrown

CooterBrown 17762

Posted
Posted
Last night while at the girlfriend's house, her 8 year old starts singing "Rockin around the Christmas tree" by Brenda Lee when all of a sudden
8 year old: "then we'll eat some fuckin pie.."
GF: "Excuse me?!"
8 year old: "you know, that's what she says in the song"
GF: "No sweetie, she says pumpkin pie"
8 year old: "Oh, well fuckin pie sounds better!"
Guess who got in trouble for laughing...

Perfect opportunity to tell that crotch goblin that you’re gonna eat some pie later while winking at the mom.
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Whatever

Whatever 700

Posted
Posted
Didn't know where else to put this. But my son (7) and I always stay up late on Fridays watching movies (Mandolorian last night). Then we usually "camp out" in my office. Last couple of weeks he's been asking stuff like "What do adults do?" "What do Dads do?" stuff like that.
 

Last night, my wife was working overtime, so he and I ate and feed the baby (about a year and a half), changed her and got her to bed. During this, he goes "Is this what Mommies do?" And I said, lots of times ours does, but this is what parents do. Stuff like that recently.
 

This morning, I got up like probably alot of us do well before anyone else. No noise but me and the dogs. Just one lamp on. Grab a cup of coffee and turned on ESPN with the sound way down and started reading the news. About ten minutes later, out walks the boy. Silently, he walks over grabs a coffee cup. Looks at me. I raise an eyebrow, but I don't say anything. Puts some coffee in it and sits down and quietly watches ESPN. No words said.
Then "Dad?" Is this what men do?"
"Yeah buddy. Yes is is."

a34a92860ad1cc9ce84711385564bf68.jpg

That’s so bad ass. My 8 yo boy does similar things. I’ve woken up a few Saturday mornings this football season and walked into the living room. Each time he was already up watching LHN with a bowl of cereal that he fixed himself. A couple of the times he’s made himself a cup of single serve coffee. He’s already a man.
  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4440

Posted
Posted

My oldest left the Army as a sergeant  about 2 years ago. 

 

This morning I woke up with the 7 year old boy sleeping on top of me on the couch (And the dog too). My back hurts, my elbows hurt. It was pretty awesome. Of course we almost always do this Friday night. Eventually he woke up ans said "It's Saturday? Its GAME DAY!!!"

Had to tell him that UT wasn't playing today. It was a confusing conversation for him. he didn't understand why other teams were playing but not Texas. He went into my office and was playing on my computer. I also have TV in there that is pretty much only on ESPN.

He just came out and asked if the Army/Navy game was today. I said yes. (We've watched it most of the years anyway, since it's just a pretty cool game to watch)

He said we can watch that instead. Me : "Okay buddy, we'll watch it."

 

Him "Go ARMY!!!! Beat Navy!!!!"

 

 

 

 

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 10938

Posted
Posted
On 12/12/2020 at 8:30 AM, Jameslaw121 said:

My oldest left the Army as a sergeant  about 2 years ago. 

 

This morning I woke up with the 7 year old boy sleeping on top of me on the couch (And the dog too). My back hurts, my elbows hurt. It was pretty awesome. Of course we almost always do this Friday night. Eventually he woke up ans said "It's Saturday? Its GAME DAY!!!"

Had to tell him that UT wasn't playing today. It was a confusing conversation for him. he didn't understand why other teams were playing but not Texas. He went into my office and was playing on my computer. I also have TV in there that is pretty much only on ESPN.

He just came out and asked if the Army/Navy game was today. I said yes. (We've watched it most of the years anyway, since it's just a pretty cool game to watch)

He said we can watch that instead. Me : "Okay buddy, we'll watch it."

 

Him "Go ARMY!!!! Beat Navy!!!!"

 

 

 

 

 

you have one that's 2 years out of the army as a sergeant, and a 7 yr old? that is quite a spread.

 

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...