Jump to content

Shit My Kid Says

ROFL BOX

By ROFL BOX
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.6k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

Hmbre97
Hmbre97

2 weeks ago, watching my kid hen peck on his keyboard Me: Son, you really need to practice your typing using the home row. You'll never type fast typing with 2 fingers. Him: I try to type fa

Post Oak
Post Oak

My daughter (1st grade) has been having issues at recess.  She's really tender hearted and takes offense to just about everything.  When she tells me what's wrong to me it just sounds like playground

burns_312
burns_312

I coach college baseball and my 3 year old son has begun to catch on to things that go on at the ball field. He sees me talk to players when things go wrong, etc. Last night I was throwing him passes

Posted Images

Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 41,350

Posted
Posted
On 1/16/2023 at 8:39 AM, Hmbre97 said:

Took my boys (6 and 11) to lunch yesterday. My 6 yr old is really into pretend play right now and is constantly saying "pretend I'm a ________" about everything we do. On the other side, my 11 yr old is slowly losing his innocence after just half a year in middle school.

We're getting ready to leave and my youngest takes one more drag off his root beer, then says "this root beer really tastes like a root beer dum-dum." As we get up and start to walk through this crowded restaurant to leave, he goes "pretend I'm a root beer dum-dum and suck on me". My oldest immediately goes "Ayyyyee yoooo" and starts giggling. As we're walking, he just keep saying "suck me, suck me, suck me, suck on my head" which sends my oldest over the edge. 

What's his surly name?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ImissWallyPryor

ImissWallyPryor 9,046

Posted
Posted (edited)

My DIL was playing a Q&A game with my almost 3-year old granddaughter last night (we are visiting). The questions were all “what’s your favorite” this or that. About 20 questions into it, she asked what her favorite body part is, and my granddaughter yelled out, “Nipples!”

She always liked singing the “head and shoulders, knees and toes” song, so this was unexpected. 

Edited by ImissWallyPryor
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Popular Post
Saint Austin

Saint Austin 776

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

I hadn't contributed in a while, but here's an entry from my first-grade boy:

Son: “Can we go to Chicago this year?”
Me: “I don’t think so, buddy.”
Son: “I want to go to Chicago and flick ’The Bean.’”
Wife: “Excuse me??”
Son: “Millions of people go to Chicago every year to flick ‘The Bean.’”
Wife: “Where did you hear that?!”
Son: “YouTube.”
Wife: “Bennett! Stop saying—“
Son: “FLICK ‘THE BEAN!!’”
  • Like 3
  • Haha 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21,285

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Does he know how to cup and throw them yet? If not, that sounds like a father son activity for this weekend.

We'll figure that out in due time. 

~~~~~

The Creature from Planet Simile earned him some mild consternation from his teacher today. 

121510.thumb.jpeg.52ec81498b28334ad74e598796baf96c.jpeg

Details of note:

A body as fat as my dad's booty

Skin as smelly and brown as my farts

Feet as long as Bol Bol

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2,248

Posted
Posted

Caught my 10.5 year old and her little friends going full Thujone writing dick and balls on each other’s pictures and sending them back and forth. I was fucking apoplectic!!! I tried to remember WTF I was up to at that age, shit’s just different today, rationalization, rationalization….I got nuthin. This is a kid that is just now “liking” some little bastard in her class, but is too shy to actually talk to him! Not to sound like too much like an old asshole, but it’s fucking scary the things kids are exposed to and are now normalized on a daily basis these days.

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 2
  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8,886

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Doomlet has been poring over NBA books and almanacs lately. 

Post Malone is currently delaying the start of the NBA All Star Game.

When he came on the TV, Doomlet quizzically asked, "That's Moses Malone?!"

 

4 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

Tell him that it's Karl Malone.

Tell him it's Mark Malone.

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Popular Post
Slacks

Slacks 7,044

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

Just so you guys know what is coming later (as in soon) when they stop picking boogers and playing with their dick, they are going to start giving you the blues...

 

We're on vacation... Yesterday we were standing in a line for something somewhere... as is usual, Little Brother (who is now 14 years old and jacked af) and I are hand fighting and wrestling about - to Mom's dismay.

Little Brother says, "Flex your pecs! Flex!" 

I flex my pecs. He flips my left pec.

"Old Man, you got them Lineman Tiddies."

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 2
  • Haha 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Hmbre97

Hmbre97 6,337

Posted
Posted

Very topical but I'm helping my youngest (who just turned 7) with his shower. He tells me he needs to get out to poop. He's sitting there straining (because he never drinks enough and shits out a brown coke can about every 3 or so days). While he's straining, he notices is penis is at max length so goes "wooooooaaahhhh! look dada, look how big it is!", then starts singing a song about "sometimes it's big, sometimes it's small". He gets done and hops in the shower and proceeds to spend the next 3-5 minutes thumping it and grabbing it to stretch it out while still singing his song. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Slacks

Slacks 7,044

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Hmbre97 said:

Very topical but I'm helping my youngest (who just turned 7) with his shower. He tells me he needs to get out to poop. He's sitting there straining (because he never drinks enough and shits out a brown coke can about every 3 or so days). While he's straining, he notices is penis is at max length so goes "wooooooaaahhhh! look dada, look how big it is!", then starts singing a song about "sometimes it's big, sometimes it's small". He gets done and hops in the shower and proceeds to spend the next 3-5 minutes thumping it and grabbing it to stretch it out while still singing his song. 

33d.gif.de9b3eedb0a5c12f7e0b3a422975a6da.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Slacks

Slacks 7,044

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Rimbo said:

Technically correct is the best kind of correct.

20230316_174102.thumb.jpg.d841f10a50f57ba9f0c09b240b3fce6d.jpg

Technically incorrect. It does show 1/3, so the answer is not "No".

Correct answer would be, "Yes, it shows 1/3, as well as 2/3 and 1."

 

I'm not usually a "well actually" kind of guy...

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Rimbo

Rimbo 26,983

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Slacks said:

Technically incorrect. It does show 1/3, so the answer is not "No".

Correct answer would be, "Yes, it shows 1/3, as well as 2/3 and 1."

 

I'm not usually a "well actually" kind of guy...

I mean. The correct answer is "No, that marks 1/4, not 1/3,” but you do you. 🤣

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
blacklab

blacklab 12,062

Posted
Posted

kid: how was your day?

me: well it sucked. I fell while skiing, had to go to the hospital, have torn ligaments, can't ski anymore this trip and have to wear a sling for a month. How do you think my day was?

kid: well other than that one thing how was it?

  • Like 1
  • Haha 6
  • Rage+1 1
  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...