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Shit My Kid Says

ROFL BOX

By ROFL BOX
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Hmbre97
Hmbre97

2 weeks ago, watching my kid hen peck on his keyboard Me: Son, you really need to practice your typing using the home row. You'll never type fast typing with 2 fingers. Him: I try to type fa

Post Oak
Post Oak

My daughter (1st grade) has been having issues at recess.  She's really tender hearted and takes offense to just about everything.  When she tells me what's wrong to me it just sounds like playground

burns_312
burns_312

I coach college baseball and my 3 year old son has begun to catch on to things that go on at the ball field. He sees me talk to players when things go wrong, etc. Last night I was throwing him passes

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Post Oak

Post Oak 20555

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My daughter (1st grade) has been having issues at recess.  She's really tender hearted and takes offense to just about everything.  When she tells me what's wrong to me it just sounds like playground kid stuff. My first reaction was to pull Ray Velcoro on the kids bothering her.

 Phad.gif

 

But I didn't. I talked to her about how she's gonna have to put up with shit that her brother won't just because she's a girl.  How she's gonna have to be tough and smart. That she comes from a long line of fierce women . And how she needs to be a lioness and not tolerate B.S.

I hadn't heard much about anything this week so I asked her about it today.

How'd it go at recess?

Fine. No problems at all?

Good. What happened.

I went up to the boys bothering me and yelled in their face "I'm gonna be a savage this week. And if they want to try me go ahead."

So no problems?

Nope they're scared of me now. 

 

I grow more and more in love with her everyday. 

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Nuge

Nuge 2029

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 3/24/2023 at 3:05 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

He brought home his notebook from the poetry unit. This was his effort at free verse from a few weeks ago. 

 

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At first glance I thought he said their team was "teribate" which I want to be a real word.

 

Edited by Nuge
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Slacks

Slacks 7044

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On 3/27/2023 at 6:14 PM, HenryJames said:

“Why does Superman wear his underwear over his pants?”

 

On 3/27/2023 at 11:55 PM, Modessit said:
On 3/27/2023 at 6:14 PM, HenryJames said:
“Why does Superman wear his underwear over his pants?”

You ever try changing clothes in a phone booth?

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5 hours ago, Nuge said:

At first glance I thought he said their team was "teribate" which I want to be a real word.

 

33d.gif.de9b3eedb0a5c12f7e0b3a422975a6da.gif

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CooterBrown

CooterBrown 18287

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He's currently salty at us because we have definitely refused to buy him a hang glider for his birthday. 
The facts that we live in Chicago and he's turning eight years old are unpersuasive - "I could be the only eight year old who does it!" 

Give him a Home Depot gift card. At 8, he should be making his own hang glider out of a tarp and pvc pipe.
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tbone_

tbone_ 14438

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My 10 and 6 year old girls walked through the kitchen tonight singing “rolling down the street sipping apple juice”. I asked my wife who taught them that. For some curious reason, she believes it was me. 

You left out the smoking endo part
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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8886

Posted
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5 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

He's currently salty at us because we have definitely refused to buy him a hang glider for his birthday. 

The facts that we live in Chicago and he's turning eight years old are unpersuasive - "I could be the only eight year old who does it!" 

The Wright Bros. started that way...

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21285

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5 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

The Wright Bros. started that way...

He's actually found a place in Kitty Hawk that offers hang gliding lessons to kids. We have told him that if this interest persists long-term, we will vacation there someday and he can take lessons. 

But the Outer Banks is a real pain in the ass to get to. 

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 41350

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On 4/15/2023 at 9:45 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

He's currently salty at us because we have definitely refused to buy him a hang glider for his birthday. 

The facts that we live in Chicago and he's turning eight years old are unpersuasive - "I could be the only eight year old who does it!" 

 

On 4/15/2023 at 10:28 PM, CooterBrown said:


Give him a Home Depot gift card. At 8, he should be making his own hang glider out of a tarp and pvc pipe.

 

On 4/16/2023 at 6:46 AM, Armybrat said:

There is the Wright way and a wrong way.

 

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686

686 3461

Posted
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@Prepuce of Doom The 10yo crapped her pants yesterday after the wife loaded her up with 3 days straight of miralax, so afterwards maybe the 13yo was making a statement of solidarity that I under appreciated…

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8886

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, 686 said:

@Prepuce of Doom The 10yo crapped her pants yesterday after the wife loaded her up with 3 days straight of miralax, so afterwards maybe the 13yo was making a statement of solidarity that I under appreciated…

Well, you can't say that was a surprise. Is your 10yo scheduled for a colonoscopy or what? Damn man...

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11186

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My 12 year old daughter has been texting a lot with this one particular boy. I tried to draw her out, asked her is she thought he like her, and she rolled her eyes, and said "Dad, he's gay. "

I said, "oh, I didn't know."

She said, "You met him, couldn't you tell?"

"How do you tell?"

"Nevermind Boomer."

 

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686

686 3461

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Well, you can't say that was a surprise. Is your 10yo scheduled for a colonoscopy or what? Damn man...

Wife read some idiotic shit on the internet that made her believe that constipation is a chronic downward spiral condition that if it isn’t aggressively treated immediately will result in the kid having a fucked up colon and being addicted to laxatives their whole life.

This event could be cross-posted in the stupid shit wives do thread.
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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8886

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2 hours ago, 686 said:


Wife read some idiotic shit on the internet that made her believe that constipation is a chronic downward spiral condition that if it isn’t aggressively treated immediately will result in the kid having a fucked up colon and being addicted to laxatives their whole life.

This event could be cross-posted in the stupid shit wives do thread.

Wholly shit!

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nbmishoid

nbmishoid 989

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, tbone_ said:

How about shit your kid does?

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Yea, my then 16 yr old did a similar in reverse disaster.  She was at her bf’s house, in, yes, a Jeep Cherokee.  Come time to leave she puts it into reverse by mistake and climbs all the way on top of her bf’s little mini something.   His parents never got over that, thankfully.

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CooterBrown

CooterBrown 18287

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Yea, my then 16 yr old did a similar in reverse disaster.  She was at her bf’s house, in, yes, a Jeep Cherokee.  Come time to leave she puts it into reverse by mistake and climbs all the way on top of her bf’s little mini something.   His parents never got over that, thankfully.

A friend did that at UT around ‘91. He thought it was a good idea to drive his dad’s 1 ton Dodge farm truck while his car was in the shop. He’d parallel parked near campus. He looked out the rear view mirror and didn’t see anything and threw it in reverse. He ended up on top of one of those little Honda two door cars from the 80s. Put it in drive and took off. I always wondered what that person thought when they went to their car and the roof was crushed in.
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OrangEngr

OrangEngr 1035

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12 hours ago, CooterBrown said:


A friend did that at UT around ‘91. He thought it was a good idea to drive his dad’s 1 ton Dodge farm truck while his car was in the shop. He’d parallel parked near campus. He looked out the rear view mirror and didn’t see anything and threw it in reverse. He ended up on top of one of those little Honda two door cars from the 80s. Put it in drive and took off. I always wondered what that person thought when they went to their car and the roof was crushed in.

Bang Ding Ow

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Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8466

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12 minutes ago, 3adays said:

Standing in line at the post office to renew my 6 year old daughters passport “Dad what would happen if you mailed plutonium?” That definitely garnered some strange looks..

"You mail pinball machine parts to the Libyans, and keep the plutonium for the Delorean, Honey."

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2248

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Wife read some idiotic shit on the internet that made her believe that constipation is a chronic downward spiral condition that if it isn’t aggressively treated immediately will result in the kid having a fucked up colon and being addicted to laxatives their whole life.

This event could be cross-posted in the stupid shit wives do thread.

So in order to combat any future laxative addiction it’s important to introduce laxatives? My experience with beer says this may not be the smartest approach.
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686

686 3461

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So in order to combat any future laxative addiction it’s important to introduce laxatives? My experience with beer says this may not be the smartest approach.

Don’t try to apply logic to this. She read it on the internet, it must be true. In prior years, she ran this all the way up the chain to a pediatric gastroenterologist (who knew that even existed), who told her to chill out and this isn’t a thing, but here we are.
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