Shit My Kid Says

ABSR · June 2, 2023

14 hours ago, 686 said:

Don’t try to apply logic to this. She read it on the internet, it must be true. In prior years, she ran this all the way up the chain to a pediatric gastroenterologist (who knew that even existed), who told her to chill out and this isn’t a thing, but here we are.

How you, and the other Surly's in the conversation, have not gotten to the obvious idea that you need to convince her anal is the answer to stretch, loosen and lubricate the region of concern is truly disappointing.

Prepuce of Doom · June 2, 2023

4 hours ago, ABSR said:

How you, and the other Surly's in the conversation, have not gotten to the obvious idea that you need to convince her anal is the answer to stretch, loosen and lubricate the region of concern is truly disappointing.

markstanco · June 9, 2023

Somebody check the birth certificate of that 14 year old kid! (Yes we have to show it every 7 on 7 tourney)

seven · June 9, 2023

On 5/29/2023 at 10:20 AM, CooterBrown said:

A friend did that at UT around ‘91. He thought it was a good idea to drive his dad’s 1 ton Dodge farm truck while his car was in the shop. He’d parallel parked near campus. He looked out the rear view mirror and didn’t see anything and threw it in reverse. He ended up on top of one of those little Honda two door cars from the 80s. Put it in drive and took off. I always wondered what that person thought when they went to their car and the roof was crushed in.

I did the same thing in my 20's but I was driving one of these

Prepuce of Doom · June 26, 2023

Somehow the topic of organ donation came up. And while I'm sure you can anticipate more or less where this discussion led, I may as well confirm the specifics for everyone.

"Do people ever donate their balls?"

No, not usually.

"Why not? What if someone needs a bigger nutsack?"

SHOOTER12 · June 26, 2023

4 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Somehow the topic of organ donation came up. And while I'm sure you can anticipate more or less where this discussion led, I may as well confirm the specifics for everyone.

"Do people ever donate their balls?"

No, not usually.

"Why not? What if someone needs a bigger nutsack?"

Now there's a very humble brag from a kid...he just wants to help people for chrissakes.

Prepuce of Doom · June 30, 2023

He and I went for a walk this evening to play some Pokémon Go together, and he wanted to hit up a specific location in the outer range of the neighborhood where there are a few special spots for the game.

"Dad, can we please go to the......[long pause, clearly trying to think of the right word] death stadium?"

He couldn't remember the word for "cemetery."

Hmbre97 · July 6, 2023

I need to vent about my 12 year old. His nickname right now is Magoo because he seems to be coasting through life oblivious to the destruction and mayhem he leaves in his wake. I worry if his head will ever exit his ass and he'll be able to be a productive member of society.

A few gems from the last couple months:

1. We exit my truck to go into the store. As we're walking in, he says "oh, I forgot my wallet in the truck" and goes back to the truck while we continue into the store. Fast forward 30-45 minutes, we're walking out of the store and his door is wide ass open. Luckily I don't keep anything of value in the cab. All other doors were locked so I know it wasn't someone pulling on handles. He just left the fucking door open. BTW, he's done this before at home when I've sent him outside to retrieve something from the truck. We get up the next day to leave and the door is open.

2. I have an LG french door fridge. It's showing its age but it still works so I've yet to replace it. It has a quirk where if you just let gravity try to shut the door, it doesn't shut all the way. It stays open about 2 inches and you have to give it a push to close all the way. He is aware of this because I've told him at least 10 times to come shut the fridge when I've walked behind him and see it still "open". Fast forward to a month ago, he goes to get a drink out of the fridge as we're walking out the door to leave for the day and I remind him to close the fridge. He says ok, We get home that evening to find the door propped open and a brisket, 2 racks of spares and a pork butt all sitting at room fucking temperature.

3. Today (and the reason for this thread), we're leaving out this morning and like usual, he has forgotten something in the house (he fucking forgets everything constantly). He goes back in as I get his little brother loaded up., As he gets in the truck, I ask "did you close the door and relock the deadbolt" and he comes back with a frustrated 'yes' like how dare I question his ability to do simple tasks. I get home tonight at 8 and you guessed it, front door is wide ass open and the inside of the house is in the mid 80's with the AC unit s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g.

He also drops/spills EVERYTHING. CONSTANTLY.

rant over. for now.

Armybrat · July 6, 2023

Given his miserable history of carelessness, why haven’t you been taking him back in to see his misdeeds?
It could be a profound teaching moment, depending on your method of instruction.

Goofyboy · July 6, 2023

I have a very smart 12 year old… that is a fucking moron at times right now. I feel your pain. My new constant is being on him about wearing his rubber bands on his braces. He killed it the last couple of months. June - he’s a forgetful SOB.

Hmbre97 · July 6, 2023

13 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Given his miserable history of carelessness, why haven’t you been taking him back in to see his misdeeds?
It could be a profound teaching moment, depending on your method of instruction.

I usually do but today was an anomaly because he's with his mom for the next few days so I was relegated to calling to bitch at him.

Modessit · July 6, 2023

I need to vent about my 12 year old. His nickname right now is Magoo because he seems to be coasting through life oblivious to the destruction and mayhem he leaves in his wake. I worry if his head will ever exit his ass and he'll be able to be a productive member of society.
A few gems from the last couple months:
1. We exit my truck to go into the store. As we're walking in, he says "oh, I forgot my wallet in the truck" and goes back to the truck while we continue into the store. Fast forward 30-45 minutes, we're walking out of the store and his door is wide ass open. Luckily I don't keep anything of value in the cab. All other doors were locked so I know it wasn't someone pulling on handles. He just left the fucking door open. BTW, he's done this before at home when I've sent him outside to retrieve something from the truck. We get up the next day to leave and the door is open.
2. I have an LG french door fridge. It's showing its age but it still works so I've yet to replace it. It has a quirk where if you just let gravity try to shut the door, it doesn't shut all the way. It stays open about 2 inches and you have to give it a push to close all the way. He is aware of this because I've told him at least 10 times to come shut the fridge when I've walked behind him and see it still "open". Fast forward to a month ago, he goes to get a drink out of the fridge as we're walking out the door to leave for the day and I remind him to close the fridge. He says ok, We get home that evening to find the door propped open and a brisket, 2 racks of spares and a pork butt all sitting at room fucking temperature.
3. Today (and the reason for this thread), we're leaving out this morning and like usual, he has forgotten something in the house (he fucking forgets everything constantly). He goes back in as I get his little brother loaded up., As he gets in the truck, I ask "did you close the door and relock the deadbolt" and he comes back with a frustrated 'yes' like how dare I question his ability to do simple tasks. I get home tonight at 8 and you guessed it, front door is wide ass open and the inside of the house is in the mid 80's with the AC unit s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g.

He also drops/spills EVERYTHING. CONSTANTLY.

rant over. for now.

Given his miserable history of carelessness, why haven’t you been taking him back in to see his misdeeds?
It could be a profound teaching moment, depending on your method of instruction.

No, the proper response to "I forgot my..." after you've left the house, truck, whatever is to say "Oh well. Guess you'll remember next time." And then you leave without it. And he can suffer not having his phone, wallet, whatever.

My kids have learned that if they want to have their tablets, Switch, or whatever then it's their responsibility to bring them, bring charging cords, and bring headphones so I don't have to listen to it in the car. If they forget headphones then they can't use their electronics (because even when they "turn the sound down" it invariably gets turned up again and I can hear it). If the battery dies because they forgot charging cords then they can look out the window. They always bug my wife to use her phone when their battery dies and I told her to quit giving it to them because it's for her, not them. They know better than to ask for mine.

Armybrat · July 6, 2023

^^^^ Very good answer.

Prepuce of Doom · July 6, 2023

11 hours ago, Goofyboy said:

I have a very smart 12 year old… that is a fucking moron at times right now. I feel your pain. My new constant is being on him about wearing his rubber bands on his braces. He killed it the last couple of months. June - he’s a forgetful SOB.

Oral hygiene and related habits are an ongoing challenge for the Doomlet as well.

This is the regular state of his toothpaste (I've quit wiping off the tumor for him because it'll just grow back, and he simply can't be made to care about this...), and the mangled head on his toothbrush is less than a month old.

Chad Fuck · July 6, 2023

No, the proper response to "I forgot my..." after you've left the house, truck, whatever is to say "Oh well. Guess you'll remember next time." And then you leave without it. And he can suffer not having his phone, wallet, whatever.

My kids have learned that if they want to have their tablets, Switch, or whatever then it's their responsibility to bring them, bring charging cords, and bring headphones so I don't have to listen to it in the car. If they forget headphones then they can't use their electronics (because even when they "turn the sound down" it invariably gets turned up again and I can hear it). If the battery dies because they forgot charging cords then they can look out the window. They always bug my wife to use her phone when their battery dies and I told her to quit giving it to them because it's for her, not them. They know better than to ask for mine.

1000% this.

Chad Jr. is a fairly responsible kid. But on occasion he forgets stuff and this is the same response. He’s lost chargers before. He doesn’t anymore because after the first one, I told him that’s his one freebee. My responsibility is to keep a roof over his head, food on his plate and clothes on his back. Anything beyond that is purely voluntary on the part of his parents. So the second charger he lost was paid for by taking extra shifts picking up dog poop in the back yard.

ABSR · July 6, 2023

14 hours ago, Hmbre97 said:

I need to vent about my 12 year old. His nickname right now is Magoo because he seems to be coasting through life oblivious to the destruction and mayhem he leaves in his wake. I worry if his head will ever exit his ass and he'll be able to be a productive member of society.

A few gems from the last couple months:

1. We exit my truck to go into the store. As we're walking in, he says "oh, I forgot my wallet in the truck" and goes back to the truck while we continue into the store. Fast forward 30-45 minutes, we're walking out of the store and his door is wide ass open. Luckily I don't keep anything of value in the cab. All other doors were locked so I know it wasn't someone pulling on handles. He just left the fucking door open. BTW, he's done this before at home when I've sent him outside to retrieve something from the truck. We get up the next day to leave and the door is open.

2. I have an LG french door fridge. It's showing its age but it still works so I've yet to replace it. It has a quirk where if you just let gravity try to shut the door, it doesn't shut all the way. It stays open about 2 inches and you have to give it a push to close all the way. He is aware of this because I've told him at least 10 times to come shut the fridge when I've walked behind him and see it still "open". Fast forward to a month ago, he goes to get a drink out of the fridge as we're walking out the door to leave for the day and I remind him to close the fridge. He says ok, We get home that evening to find the door propped open and a brisket, 2 racks of spares and a pork butt all sitting at room fucking temperature.

3. Today (and the reason for this thread), we're leaving out this morning and like usual, he has forgotten something in the house (he fucking forgets everything constantly). He goes back in as I get his little brother loaded up., As he gets in the truck, I ask "did you close the door and relock the deadbolt" and he comes back with a frustrated 'yes' like how dare I question his ability to do simple tasks. I get home tonight at 8 and you guessed it, front door is wide ass open and the inside of the house is in the mid 80's with the AC unit s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g.

He also drops/spills EVERYTHING. CONSTANTLY.

rant over. for now.

It's not misdeeds, he just has no idea he is doing this. One of my sons is the same way and he has fairly severe ADHD. It's not that he is doing things that are "mischievous" and trying to get away with them, my son could try to do something and will still leave a trail of evidence because his brain just does not let him track those things...without meds.

My son gets it from his Mom. Cabinet doors opened and never shut. Takes plastic wrap off the top of a jar and drop it on counter or floor. Get something out and just leave it wherever it was last used. Eggs on counter after being used and never put away, cooking utensils just left on counter after being used. Frustrating as heck, but it is not intentional. They are just wired so they don't notice.

I recommend seeing a psychiatrist and try and get him evaluated for ADHD.

ztejas · July 6, 2023

15 hours ago, Hmbre97 said:

I need to vent about my 12 year old. His nickname right now is Magoo because he seems to be coasting through life oblivious to the destruction and mayhem he leaves in his wake. I worry if his head will ever exit his ass and he'll be able to be a productive member of society.

A few gems from the last couple months:

1. We exit my truck to go into the store. As we're walking in, he says "oh, I forgot my wallet in the truck" and goes back to the truck while we continue into the store. Fast forward 30-45 minutes, we're walking out of the store and his door is wide ass open. Luckily I don't keep anything of value in the cab. All other doors were locked so I know it wasn't someone pulling on handles. He just left the fucking door open. BTW, he's done this before at home when I've sent him outside to retrieve something from the truck. We get up the next day to leave and the door is open.

2. I have an LG french door fridge. It's showing its age but it still works so I've yet to replace it. It has a quirk where if you just let gravity try to shut the door, it doesn't shut all the way. It stays open about 2 inches and you have to give it a push to close all the way. He is aware of this because I've told him at least 10 times to come shut the fridge when I've walked behind him and see it still "open". Fast forward to a month ago, he goes to get a drink out of the fridge as we're walking out the door to leave for the day and I remind him to close the fridge. He says ok, We get home that evening to find the door propped open and a brisket, 2 racks of spares and a pork butt all sitting at room fucking temperature.

3. Today (and the reason for this thread), we're leaving out this morning and like usual, he has forgotten something in the house (he fucking forgets everything constantly). He goes back in as I get his little brother loaded up., As he gets in the truck, I ask "did you close the door and relock the deadbolt" and he comes back with a frustrated 'yes' like how dare I question his ability to do simple tasks. I get home tonight at 8 and you guessed it, front door is wide ass open and the inside of the house is in the mid 80's with the AC unit s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g.

He also drops/spills EVERYTHING. CONSTANTLY.

rant over. for now.

I'll start by saying I'm not a fan of the overprescription of behavioral/psychological meds in this country - especially when it comes to children - but there are definitely people with ADHD to a degree that almost necessitates some form of medication or lifestyle for them to function well.

Now, I obviously know nothing about your kid, maybe he gets straight As and is just sort of airheaded sometimes (or maybe he's already on medication) but your 3rd example seems fairly alarming in that he didn't just forget to close the door he forgot to close it and then seconds later thought he had closed it.

Sure, you could discipline him or set expectations or whatever, but some behaviors may not be remediable if his brain just happens to be wired a certain way.

Maybe I'm out of line here - just thinking out loud - but I'd hate for him to really struggle with more adult stuff later in life like driving, having a job, going to college etc. I know there's a ton of different options for addressing ADHD now beyond just giving the kid speed. I have a little brother getting ready to attend college that was never a great student until he started taking meds, and now he's fucking crushing it including scoring a 35 on the ACT. As far as I can tell his personality hasn't been affected in any meaningful way, he's a bright kid and pleasant to be around. (Oh - also - he still does stupid shit and got his laptop stolen out of his car recently despite being reminded ad nausem by his parents about leaving it in there with the door unlocked)

GoPokes83 · July 6, 2023

Neighbor, “Your dad’s got that nice bike in the shed and I’ve never once seen him ride it. What’s wrong with him?” Baby Pokes; “So? He’s got a wife and you’ve never seen him ride her either!”

GoPokes83 · July 6, 2023

I need to vent about my 12 year old. His nickname right now is Magoo because he seems to be coasting through life oblivious to the destruction and mayhem he leaves in his wake. I worry if his head will ever exit his ass and he'll be able to be a productive member of society.
A few gems from the last couple months:
1. We exit my truck to go into the store. As we're walking in, he says "oh, I forgot my wallet in the truck" and goes back to the truck while we continue into the store. Fast forward 30-45 minutes, we're walking out of the store and his door is wide ass open. Luckily I don't keep anything of value in the cab. All other doors were locked so I know it wasn't someone pulling on handles. He just left the fucking door open. BTW, he's done this before at home when I've sent him outside to retrieve something from the truck. We get up the next day to leave and the door is open.
2. I have an LG french door fridge. It's showing its age but it still works so I've yet to replace it. It has a quirk where if you just let gravity try to shut the door, it doesn't shut all the way. It stays open about 2 inches and you have to give it a push to close all the way. He is aware of this because I've told him at least 10 times to come shut the fridge when I've walked behind him and see it still "open". Fast forward to a month ago, he goes to get a drink out of the fridge as we're walking out the door to leave for the day and I remind him to close the fridge. He says ok, We get home that evening to find the door propped open and a brisket, 2 racks of spares and a pork butt all sitting at room fucking temperature.
3. Today (and the reason for this thread), we're leaving out this morning and like usual, he has forgotten something in the house (he fucking forgets everything constantly). He goes back in as I get his little brother loaded up., As he gets in the truck, I ask "did you close the door and relock the deadbolt" and he comes back with a frustrated 'yes' like how dare I question his ability to do simple tasks. I get home tonight at 8 and you guessed it, front door is wide ass open and the inside of the house is in the mid 80's with the AC unit s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g.

He also drops/spills EVERYTHING. CONSTANTLY.

rant over. for now.

Kudos on introducing Mr. Magoo into your kid’s life.

tbone_ · July 6, 2023

Neighbor, “Your dad’s got that nice bike in the shed and I’ve never once seen him ride it. What’s wrong with him?” Baby Pokes; “So? He’s got a wife and you’ve never seen him ride her either!”

This kid has potential.

TrashMaster G · July 6, 2023

On 5/12/2023 at 8:54 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

"I wish I could turn invisible so that I could smack teachers' butts and break windows."

#metoo

SHOOTER12 · July 7, 2023

14 hours ago, ABSR said:

It's not misdeeds, he just has no idea he is doing this. One of my sons is the same way and he has fairly severe ADHD. It's not that he is doing things that are "mischievous" and trying to get away with them, my son could try to do something and will still leave a trail of evidence because his brain just does not let him track those things...without meds.

My son gets it from his Mom. Cabinet doors opened and never shut. Takes plastic wrap off the top of a jar and drop it on counter or floor. Get something out and just leave it wherever it was last used. Eggs on counter after being used and never put away, cooking utensils just left on counter after being used. Frustrating as heck, but it is not intentional. They are just wired so they don't notice.

I recommend seeing a psychiatrist and try and get him evaluated for ADHD.

13 hours ago, ztejas said:

I'll start by saying I'm not a fan of the overprescription of behavioral/psychological meds in this country - especially when it comes to children - but there are definitely people with ADHD to a degree that almost necessitates some form of medication or lifestyle for them to function well.

Now, I obviously know nothing about your kid, maybe he gets straight As and is just sort of airheaded sometimes (or maybe he's already on medication) but your 3rd example seems fairly alarming in that he didn't just forget to close the door he forgot to close it and then seconds later thought he had closed it.

Sure, you could discipline him or set expectations or whatever, but some behaviors may not be remediable if his brain just happens to be wired a certain way.

Maybe I'm out of line here - just thinking out loud - but I'd hate for him to really struggle with more adult stuff later in life like driving, having a job, going to college etc. I know there's a ton of different options for addressing ADHD now beyond just giving the kid speed. I have a little brother getting ready to attend college that was never a great student until he started taking meds, and now he's fucking crushing it including scoring a 35 on the ACT. As far as I can tell his personality hasn't been affected in any meaningful way, he's a bright kid and pleasant to be around. (Oh - also - he still does stupid shit and got his laptop stolen out of his car recently despite being reminded ad nausem by his parents about leaving it in there with the door unlocked)

Also highly recommended is a chinaberry switch and a strong right arm.

Prepuce of Doom · July 7, 2023

5 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Also highly recommended is a chinaberry switch and a strong right arm.

I know you're probably joking, but I don't think corporal punishment for having ADD/ADHD is recommended by any reputable medical journals.

At least not during this century.

SHOOTER12 · July 8, 2023

10 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I know you're probably joking, but I don't think corporal punishment for having ADD/ADHD is recommended by any reputable medical journals.

At least not during this century.

Ain't read my official journal yet have you?

JK of course...

Rudiger · July 8, 2023

My four-year-old daughter playing some game by herself: “bitch took my makeup.”

TexasHooch · July 18, 2023

My 12 year-old son to his 18 year-old female cousin returning from the bathroom: "Why did you bring your purse to the bathroom."

The conversation in which I told him why he shouldn't ask that question was brief, but the abject horror in his face as he realized his gaffe was priceless.

Prepuce of Doom · August 5, 2023

Called his mother a "dirty dung beetle" while fighting us over getting ready for bed tonight.

ABSR · August 5, 2023

11 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Called his mother a "dirty dung beetle" while fighting us over getting ready for bed tonight.

Doesn’t this metaphor really mean he is calling himself a piece of shit?

Longboard Horn · August 5, 2023

One of my older nephew's has been hell bent on remaking songs with toilet humor. A few examples:

Tide is High by Blondie: "The tide is high but I'm holding on..." *crosses his legs "I gotta pee, that's number one!"

Under Pressure by Queen: Pressure pushing out of me, poop is coming out of my drawers! Under pressure! That turd is coming out, shits some nasty poo...

And my personal favorite(it made me laugh and my sister was mortified) Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics: Nephew grabs his crotch and sings, "sweet dreams are made of DEEZ!"

Prepuce of Doom · August 5, 2023

43 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Doesn’t this metaphor really mean he is calling himself a piece of shit?

Perhaps, but who really knows...

Longboard Horn · August 14, 2023

Nephew's at it again. Yesterday while watching Willy Wonka and Chocolate Factory: "Oompa Loompa doopity doo. When you go pee pee we go poo poo! Oompa Loompa doopity dee. When you go poo poo we go pee pee!"

Grade of D as in David · August 14, 2023

9 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Nephew's at it again. Yesterday while watching Willy Wonka and Chocolate Factory: "Oompa Loompa doopity doo. When you go pee pee we go poo poo! Oompa Loompa doopity dee. When you go poo poo we go pee pee!"

You should record him singing that and add a beat to it. I bet he would get a kick out of his songs.

Prepuce of Doom · August 27, 2023

He just exclaimed, "Penis burgers!" to express frustration.

Edited August 27, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom

Scheiss Meister · August 27, 2023

I always appreciate a Doomlet update. His creativity is awesome.

Longboard Horn · August 28, 2023

21 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

He just exclaimed, "Penis burgers!" to express frustration.

Superhero · September 21, 2023

For whatever reason, we have a mini-bucket by our shower. The boy will sometimes shower in my bathroom and make “potions” - usually water and shampoo. Today he said:

“Daddy I made you a potion that you can dump on yourself. It’s TOTALLY not infused with pee. Trust me.”

ABSR · September 21, 2023

11 hours ago, Superhero said:

For whatever reason, we have a mini-bucket by our shower. The boy will sometimes shower in my bathroom and make “potions” - usually water and shampoo. Today he said:

“Daddy I made you a potion that you can dump on yourself. It’s TOTALLY not infused with pee. Trust me.”

Did you trust him?

And did the potion help with Jelly Fish stings?

Edited September 21, 2023 by ABSR

Prepuce of Doom · October 1, 2023

Highlights from September's search history on his school computer.

Brisketexan · October 1, 2023

Highlights from September's search history on his school computer.

You really need to save these for inclusion and preservation in Doomlet’s future presidential library.

Hook1997 · October 2, 2023

9 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

You really need to save these for inclusion and preservation in Doomlet’s future presidential library.

We need doomlet at tailgates asap, posters will pay for him to call them a poopoo69 head!

Grade of D as in David · October 2, 2023

I've got an idea for doomlets Halloween costume this year

CooterBrown · October 2, 2023

Made me think of Doomlet.

Superhero · October 9, 2023

For some reason, I was chatting with my kids about Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart.

Me: She's 22 years younger than him.

Daughter: Why would she marry someone so much older than her?

Son: Because she's a gold digger.

TrashMaster G · October 9, 2023

On 8/5/2023 at 10:19 AM, Longboard Horn said:

One of my older nephew's has been hell bent on remaking songs with toilet humor. A few examples:

Tide is High by Blondie: "The tide is high but I'm holding on..." *crosses his legs "I gotta pee, that's number one!"

Under Pressure by Queen: Pressure pushing out of me, poop is coming out of my drawers! Under pressure! That turd is coming out, shits some nasty poo...

And my personal favorite(it made me laugh and my sister was mortified) Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics: Nephew grabs his crotch and sings, "sweet dreams are made of DEEZ!"

*nephews

Prepuce of Doom · October 9, 2023

Doomlet entreated us to a cover of Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" on a car ride this weekend, except that it was "Another One Bites Deez Nuts."

I'm all for this brand of humor, but that's a long song when you're driving.

Longboard Horn · October 16, 2023

Reminded me of something my nephew would do

HenryJames · October 23, 2023

Six-year-old daughter: If I ate myself, would I be twice as big or would I disappear?

Longhornfan1024 · October 23, 2023

13 minutes ago, HenryJames said:

Six-year-old daughter: If I ate myself, would I be twice as big or would I disappear?

Your daughter needs to lay off the pipe.

Goofyboy · October 23, 2023

Wrong thread.

Prepuce of Doom · October 29, 2023

There's an Art Club forming at Doomlet's grade school, and the kids had to apply for consideration. His interest is art is inversely correlated with the outdoor temperature, so it's been on the back burner for a while, but in the winter, at least, he enjoys giving his drawings as gifts.

Here's Doomlet's application - note how he had to insert a barrier between "of art" so it didn't appear to admissions committee that he had written the word "fart." And yes, it's beginning to look like he inherited my shitty handwriting.

I was out of town at the time of his application, but apparently he had intended to create and submit "a beautiful sunrise over Walgreen's" (?!) but Mrs. Doom explained to him how that didn't really fit with the theme of his application, and how most people wouldn't necessarily be too enamored with (and more likely confused by) the depiction of a sunrise over a drugstore. In case it needs to be clarified, our family has no particular connection to or affinity for Walgreen's.

So he submitted something more representative of his catalog and was accepted.

Edited October 29, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom

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