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Texas A&M Football 2018: I'm here for the gangbang

bizzle

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closetojumping

closetojumping 62229

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My counter to your semi-lucid post is this: 

This year will be ATM's version of the 2010 Texas Longhorns. 

The chickens are coming home to roost for your hillbilly band of goobers in College Station this season. All of the skin of your teeth wins, the loose recruiting plan, the poor self-scouting, the ridiculous and myopic expectations of record and performance, largely because "we always seem to find a way to get to 8 win (except last year, but Jimbo!)". All of it is going to boomerang back and kick your ploughboys squarely in the nuts. 

At QB, I was told yesterday by someone with friends on the staff that Mond is starting in large part because they need someone who can plausibly run for their lives behind the charmin soft OL. He's also best friends with Marchiol, and they don't want another canary singing on the transfer papers. Absurd anti-aggie fantasy? Probably. Entertaining? Certainly. More than a grain of truth mixed in? You know it. 

I dig Williams and I don't get why anyone else doesn't. That dipshit can jitterbug and pimpwalk with the best of them. I don't see how he stays healthy and productive getting 25-30 touches a game, but I am sure ol'Jimbo Aggins will figure out something. The rest of your TB/FB crew is a sad representation of FBS football. Multiple walk-ons, that even you are lauding pre-emptively, against the Clemson, South Carolina and SEC West defenses. Strong to quite strong bullshit right there.

The TE situation is your Garrett Gilbert. The writers covering the team are hyping up a guy with obvious flaws that are going to be his undoing at this level, and the fanbase is eating it up. Jace Sternberger has a better chance of walking on the moon than he does of being a 3rd Team All SEC TE or better. 

The WRs are Ausbon and boogereaters with cleats.

Austin Bryant and Clelin Ferrell are going to drop more smooth buttfuckings on your OTs than the corps at a livestock show on a Friday night. Texas is hoping to achieve mediocrity with its OL this year, and that's a bridge too far for what you should be hoping for with the fatasses your clown of an OL coach will be tossing out there. 

Everyone must still be undefeated because the list of aggie posters and writers touting Daylon Mack as though he's anything but a bucket of lard on a bad day is long and indistinguished. It's a sad commentary that you guys view your DL as the strength of the team. This is what a smart, tubby bride does. She stacks her wedding party with women named Griselda and Gertrude and ensures that not one of them comes in under 3 bills. Suddenly, she looks pretty fucking good by comparison. This is your DL when viewed against the backdrop of the rest of your team. 

The LB crew has some talent, but they're an affront to the concept of depth. The minute Hines or Olaka shatter into a million little pieces of grass, you're forced to play walk-ons or Pryor, who you bought years ago and should be asking for your money back.

The secondary flat out looks like Candi's leathery ass pressed against a mirror. I can't wait to see Leon O'Neal trotted out at some point because "it can't get any worse" and then someone like Auburn plays banjo on his ass to the tune of 60 points. 

I like your kicker though. 

Northwestern State - Aggie W, replete with chest-beating and conch-blowing as shouts of "Jimbooooooo" waft through the Brazos River valley. 

Clemson - Aggie L, Clemson goes in bone dry. Only Kelly Bryant can keep Clemson under 40, so he does.

La Monroe - Aggie W, Jimbo escapes this game by the skin of his yellow teeth and your fanbase cites ethereal shit like "learning curve".

Alabama - Aggie L, a weaker than expected Alabama defense holds ATM to under 20 while an explosive Bama offense has a hootenanny on ATM's ball sack. 

Arkansas - Aggie L, unrequited love is a hideous thing when an aggie male is on the receiving end, and Chad Morris knows his way around an inferiority complex like the good aggie he is. Arkansas pretty much plays the weakest non-conference schedule of all the P5 programs and this is the game they've been tuning up for since he was hired.

Kentucky - Aggie L, the ball starts rolling downhill here, but really, UK has recruited better than ATM for a few years when attrition is accounted for and the retarded Stoops brother somehow is turning them into a perennial bowl team. Mike Elko starts putting out feelers for a HC role at New Mexico or Arkansas State after this game.

South Carolina - Aggie L, I think Will Muschamp actually jacks off to the concept of putting W's on aggie.

Miss State - Aggie L, another DL that is going to force the tv feed to shut down because of explicit sexual content. MSU might be fined by the FCC after this game.

Auburn - Aggie L, after this game, Outside The Lines runs a story on the out of control spending in college sports and features ATM as the Beverly Hillbillies of the college landscape. Aggies are actually proud of the feature in the aftermath.

Ole Miss - Aggie W, a sense of pride kicks in and Lacamera kicks the gamewinner in a 48-47 shootout, as Jimbo's offense finds a blind acorn against a paper thin Ole Miss defensive depth chart.

UAB - Aggie L, hoisted by your own retard, you scheduled a program you thought was a patsy that's actually a 9 win bowl team with convicts up and down the line-up and they've been pointing at this game all season.

LSU - Aggie L, Viceroy Edwardo Beaujolais Orgeron, IV brings his brain trust and a thirsty, lifeclinging prayer of fight into the AlsoRan Bowl in the hopes of sealing a 6th win, a real bowl bid, and one more year as HC on the bayou. Jimbo Fisher is shown looking on towards the final seconds ticking off, down by 35, and looking as though a hand grenade has gone off 15 feet away and with his ears ringing and mouth wide open, he can't hear a fucking thing. 

Texas ATM goes 3-9 and Fisher buys a top 5 class, preaching "wait til 2020-something" and you guys all nod your heads, knowingly and in unison.

WHOOP!!!

 

Edited by closetojumping
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Funk Doctor Spock

Funk Doctor Spock 11922

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Here's my question: If Fisher is elite and gets the most out of his qb talent, then explain what happened after Francois went down? Did he forget to develop a backup in case, you know, his starter went down? And let's not bullshit here, FSU has a 4 QB's on their roster that would boat race anything y'all have. 

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Elmer_Fudd

Elmer_Fudd 22106

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Northwestern State - W - (Looch gives us a great lengthy writeup about aggy finally looking like an SEC! team)

Clemson - L - Clemson offense isn't that great, but they'll look above average against that crappy D'.  Aggy O' doesn't have a chance.

ULM - Toss up - I'm thinking win, but a loss wouldn't surprise me as they've flirted with this kind of loss over the years and ULM returns everybody and aggy could have guys out for this week after Clemson.

Bama' - L - At this point one of the QB's is knocked out for a while.

Arky - L - Arky Chad smells blood in the water with aggy beat up and possible injuries.  Aggy boards begin to meltdown.

Kentucky - L - Full meltdown has commenced and aggy starts to have decommits.

South Carolina - L - Muschamp kicks ass and is lovin' every minute of it.

Miss. State - L - No chance.

Auburn - L - Wake Forest seems like childs play compared to what Stidham will do to Debione Renfro and company.

Ole Miss - L - Aggy can't stop the hurry up offense and Jimbo's snail paced offense can't keep up.

UAB - W - Meh-

LSU - L - The Ogre continues the LSU dominance of aggy and we get laughs of the Coach O' gif "we comin' . . . and we ain't backin' down" before they arrive in CS.

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Magus Ossis

Magus Ossis 2783

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NW St — W

Clemson— L

ULM — depth not a big issue yet at RB or LB. win.

Bama— L

Arky— coaching matters. RB and/or LB depth exposed in loss.

Kentucky, USCe— split. Aggy is piss, but so is much of the sec.

Other Bulldogs, Auburn— L, L. QB, RB, LB depth issues as turnstile tackle revealed not a good way to protect Starkelators.

Ole Miss, UAB— W, W. Aggy may be bad, but they aren’t the only ones.

LSU— in a futile attempt to save their coach, the band formerly known as the Bayou Bengals squeaks out a cripple-fight win over Jimbo and the overpaid amateur tard squad.

5-7. Could see up to 7 or low as 4 wins.

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Vertigo

Vertigo 20265

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3 hours ago, closetojumping said:

My counter to your semi-lucid post is this: 

This year will be ATM's version of the 2010 Texas Longhorns. 

The chickens are coming home to roost for your hillbilly band of goobers in College Station this season. All of the skin of your teeth wins, the loose recruiting plan, the poor self-scouting, the ridiculous and myopic expectations of record and performance, largely because "we always seem to find a way to get to 8 win (except last year, but Jimbo!)". All of it is going to boomerang back and kick your ploughboys squarely in the nuts. 

At QB, I was told yesterday by someone with friends on the staff that Mond is starting in large part because they need someone who can plausibly run for their lives behind the charmin soft OL. He's also best friends with Marchiol, and they don't want another canary singing on the transfer papers. Absurd anti-aggie fantasy? Probably. Entertaining? Certainly. More than a grain of truth mixed in? You know it. 

I dig Williams and I don't get why anyone else doesn't. That dipshit can jitterbug and pimpwalk with the best of them. I don't see how he stays healthy and productive getting 25-30 touches a game, but I am sure ol'Jimbo Aggins will figure out something. The rest of your TB/FB crew is a sad representation of FBS football. Multiple walk-ons, that even you are lauding pre-emptively, against the Clemson, South Carolina and SEC West defenses. Strong to quite strong bullshit right there.

The TE situation is your Garrett Gilbert. The writers covering the team are hyping up a guy with obvious flaws that are going to be his undoing at this level, and the fanbase is eating it up. Jace Sternberger has a better chance of walking on the moon than he does of being a 3rd Team All SEC TE or better. 

The WRs are Ausbon and boogereaters with cleats.

Austin Bryant and Clelin Ferrell are going to drop more smooth buttfuckings on your OTs than the corps at a livestock show on a Friday night. Texas is hoping to achieve mediocrity with its OL this year, and that's a bridge too far for what you should be hoping for with the fatasses your clown of an OL coach will be tossing out there. 

Everyone must still be undefeated because the list of aggie posters and writers touting Daylon Mack as though he's anything but a bucket of lard on a bad day is long and indistinguished. It's a sad commentary that you guys view your DL as the strength of the team. This is what a smart, tubby bride does. She stacks her wedding party with women named Griselda and Gertrude and ensures that not one of them comes in under 3 bills. Suddenly, she looks pretty fucking good by comparison. This is your DL when viewed against the backdrop of the rest of your team. 

The LB crew has some talent, but they're an affront to the concept of depth. The minute Hines or Olaka shatter into a million little pieces of grass, you're forced to play walk-ons or Pryor, who you bought years ago and should be asking for your money back.

The secondary flat out looks like Candi's leathery ass pressed against a mirror. I can't wait to see Leon O'Neal trotted out at some point because "it can't get any worse" and then someone like Auburn plays banjo on his ass to the tune of 60 points. 

I like your kicker though. 

Northwestern State - Aggie W, replete with chest-beating and conch-blowing as shouts of "Jimbooooooo" waft through the Brazos River valley. 

Clemson - Aggie L, Clemson goes in bone dry. Only Kelly Bryant can keep Clemson under 40, so he does.

La Monroe - Aggie W, Jimbo escapes this game by the skin of his yellow teeth and your fanbase cites ethereal shit like "learning curve".

Alabama - Aggie L, a weaker than expected Alabama defense holds ATM to under 20 while an explosive Bama offense has a hootenanny on ATM's ball sack. 

Arkansas - Aggie L, unrequited love is a hideous thing when an aggie male is on the receiving end, and Chad Morris knows his way around an inferiority complex like the good aggie he is. Arkansas pretty much plays the weakest non-conference schedule of all the P5 programs and this is the game they've been tuning up for since he was hired.

Kentucky - Aggie L, the ball starts rolling downhill here, but really, UK has recruited better than ATM for a few years when attrition is accounted for and the retarded Stoops brother somehow is turning them into a perennial bowl team. Mike Elko starts putting out feelers for a HC role at New Mexico or Arkansas State after this game.

South Carolina - Aggie L, I think Will Muschamp actually jacks off to the concept of putting W's on aggie.

Miss State - Aggie L, another DL that is going to force the tv feed to shut down because of explicit sexual content. MSU might be fined by the FCC after this game.

Auburn - Aggie L, after this game, Outside The Lines runs a story on the out of control spending in college sports and features ATM as the Beverly Hillbillies of the college landscape. Aggies are actually proud of the feature in the aftermath.

Ole Miss - Aggie W, a sense of pride kicks in and Lacamera kicks the gamewinner in a 48-47 shootout, as Jimbo's offense finds a blind acorn against a paper thin Ole Miss defensive depth chart.

UAB - Aggie L, hoisted by your own retard, you scheduled a program you thought was a patsy that's actually a 9 win bowl team with convicts up and down the line-up and they've been pointing at this game all season.

LSU - Aggie L, Viceroy Edwardo Beaujolais Orgeron, IV brings his brain trust and a thirsty, lifeclinging prayer of fight into the AlsoRan Bowl in the hopes of sealing a 6th win, a real bowl bid, and one more year as HC on the bayou. Jimbo Fisher is shown looking on towards the final seconds ticking off, down by 35, and looking as though a hand grenade has gone off 15 feet away and with his ears ringing and mouth wide open, he can't hear a fucking thing. 

Texas ATM goes 3-9 and Fisher buys a top 5 class, preaching "wait til 2020-something" and you guys all nod your heads, knowingly and in unison.

WHOOP!!!

 

Dare I say that aggy will gargle your balls this year?

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

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3 hours ago, closetojumping said:

My counter to your semi-lucid post is this: 

This year will be ATM's version of the 2010 Texas Longhorns. 

The chickens are coming home to roost for your hillbilly band of goobers in College Station this season. All of the skin of your teeth wins, the loose recruiting plan, the poor self-scouting, the ridiculous and myopic expectations of record and performance, largely because "we always seem to find a way to get to 8 win (except last year, but Jimbo!)". All of it is going to boomerang back and kick your ploughboys squarely in the nuts. 

At QB, I was told yesterday by someone with friends on the staff that Mond is starting in large part because they need someone who can plausibly run for their lives behind the charmin soft OL. He's also best friends with Marchiol, and they don't want another canary singing on the transfer papers. Absurd anti-aggie fantasy? Probably. Entertaining? Certainly. More than a grain of truth mixed in? You know it. 

I dig Williams and I don't get why anyone else doesn't. That dipshit can jitterbug and pimpwalk with the best of them. I don't see how he stays healthy and productive getting 25-30 touches a game, but I am sure ol'Jimbo Aggins will figure out something. The rest of your TB/FB crew is a sad representation of FBS football. Multiple walk-ons, that even you are lauding pre-emptively, against the Clemson, South Carolina and SEC West defenses. Strong to quite strong bullshit right there.

The TE situation is your Garrett Gilbert. The writers covering the team are hyping up a guy with obvious flaws that are going to be his undoing at this level, and the fanbase is eating it up. Jace Sternberger has a better chance of walking on the moon than he does of being a 3rd Team All SEC TE or better. 

The WRs are Ausbon and boogereaters with cleats.

Austin Bryant and Clelin Ferrell are going to drop more smooth buttfuckings on your OTs than the corps at a livestock show on a Friday night. Texas is hoping to achieve mediocrity with its OL this year, and that's a bridge too far for what you should be hoping for with the fatasses your clown of an OL coach will be tossing out there. 

Everyone must still be undefeated because the list of aggie posters and writers touting Daylon Mack as though he's anything but a bucket of lard on a bad day is long and indistinguished. It's a sad commentary that you guys view your DL as the strength of the team. This is what a smart, tubby bride does. She stacks her wedding party with women named Griselda and Gertrude and ensures that not one of them comes in under 3 bills. Suddenly, she looks pretty fucking good by comparison. This is your DL when viewed against the backdrop of the rest of your team. 

The LB crew has some talent, but they're an affront to the concept of depth. The minute Hines or Olaka shatter into a million little pieces of grass, you're forced to play walk-ons or Pryor, who you bought years ago and should be asking for your money back.

The secondary flat out looks like Candi's leathery ass pressed against a mirror. I can't wait to see Leon O'Neal trotted out at some point because "it can't get any worse" and then someone like Auburn plays banjo on his ass to the tune of 60 points. 

I like your kicker though. 

Northwestern State - Aggie W, replete with chest-beating and conch-blowing as shouts of "Jimbooooooo" waft through the Brazos River valley. 

Clemson - Aggie L, Clemson goes in bone dry. Only Kelly Bryant can keep Clemson under 40, so he does.

La Monroe - Aggie W, Jimbo escapes this game by the skin of his yellow teeth and your fanbase cites ethereal shit like "learning curve".

Alabama - Aggie L, a weaker than expected Alabama defense holds ATM to under 20 while an explosive Bama offense has a hootenanny on ATM's ball sack. 

Arkansas - Aggie L, unrequited love is a hideous thing when an aggie male is on the receiving end, and Chad Morris knows his way around an inferiority complex like the good aggie he is. Arkansas pretty much plays the weakest non-conference schedule of all the P5 programs and this is the game they've been tuning up for since he was hired.

Kentucky - Aggie L, the ball starts rolling downhill here, but really, UK has recruited better than ATM for a few years when attrition is accounted for and the retarded Stoops brother somehow is turning them into a perennial bowl team. Mike Elko starts putting out feelers for a HC role at New Mexico or Arkansas State after this game.

South Carolina - Aggie L, I think Will Muschamp actually jacks off to the concept of putting W's on aggie.

Miss State - Aggie L, another DL that is going to force the tv feed to shut down because of explicit sexual content. MSU might be fined by the FCC after this game.

Auburn - Aggie L, after this game, Outside The Lines runs a story on the out of control spending in college sports and features ATM as the Beverly Hillbillies of the college landscape. Aggies are actually proud of the feature in the aftermath.

Ole Miss - Aggie W, a sense of pride kicks in and Lacamera kicks the gamewinner in a 48-47 shootout, as Jimbo's offense finds a blind acorn against a paper thin Ole Miss defensive depth chart.

UAB - Aggie L, hoisted by your own retard, you scheduled a program you thought was a patsy that's actually a 9 win bowl team with convicts up and down the line-up and they've been pointing at this game all season.

LSU - Aggie L, Viceroy Edwardo Beaujolais Orgeron, IV brings his brain trust and a thirsty, lifeclinging prayer of fight into the AlsoRan Bowl in the hopes of sealing a 6th win, a real bowl bid, and one more year as HC on the bayou. Jimbo Fisher is shown looking on towards the final seconds ticking off, down by 35, and looking as though a hand grenade has gone off 15 feet away and with his ears ringing and mouth wide open, he can't hear a fucking thing. 

Texas ATM goes 3-9 and Fisher buys a top 5 class, preaching "wait til 2020-something" and you guys all nod your heads, knowingly and in unison.

WHOOP!!!

 

AnnualPersonalAnaconda-size_restricted.g

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RowdyVic

RowdyVic 106

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it's tuesday conference call time, and for the 7 of you that care, the 3 that will take the time to ask questions, the hundreds of you that live with your parents and will hurl misspelled insults, and closetojumping, here is what you can expect from my ags this year:



Karen getting in a drunk fight with an opposing fan when you lose. df709364964540085eb6f43b5a6fb19e.jpg

Sent from my SM-J727T using Tapatalk

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ousux

ousux 5586

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Well, I for one respect the fuck out of bizzle, despite his aggy status. Coming to his board and posting an in depth take on Aggy requires some big nuts and perhaps more than a little brain damage, so he gets my nod for being alright for a stupid Aggy.
Agreed, he manages to walk that fine line between being an actual fan of his alma mater without getting sucked into the cult aspect, at least not far enough he doesn't know how to navigate a place like the Sha...umm, Surly.

Because of that he's the rare aggy I'd actually share a beer with, and the first round would be on me. (The rest of the evening would be funded by hurricane Harvey Federal relief funds)
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immamac

immamac 42516

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I for one am excited to see what our super high dollar coach that has past glory will do with a bunch of scrubs and no o-line and no linebacking corps. 

I foresee a weird season full of games we shouldn't win and shouldn't lose going completely the opposite way for no reason. Gig 'em . 7-5

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ousux

ousux 5586

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Here's my question: If Fisher is elite and gets the most out of his qb talent, then explain what happened after Francois went down? Did he forget to develop a backup in case, you know, his starter went down? And let's not bullshit here, FSU has a 4 QB's on their roster that would boat race anything y'all have. 
By game 2, Jimbo was already mentally head corch of aggy you stupid sip..

At that point he was already thinking of the wondrous things he was going to do with Mond, Starkel and manbun, and tbh...Rojo as well, but that didn't quite work out as planned.
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bizzle

bizzle 1138

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21 hours ago, Bill Lumbergh said:

Always enjoy your yearly predictions. 

In addition to w/l, what are your thoughts on:

- how many games would Fisher have to lose this season (or this and next) for your money guys to start hiring pi's to start monitoring for cause? 

- what's your personal take on Jimbos agreement terms?  At what point (w/l) would you start to say "oh shit"? 

i think as long as we show some sort of step towards actual physicality, play gap sound defense and continue to recruit well, there's not much that's going to throw me over the next 2 seasons. jimbo's style almost guarantees we're going to be in a couple of games we shouldn't over the next two seasons both with teams way more and less talented. 

i'll start to say oh shit when WTI gets below $35 / barrel. 

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Ghost of Shag

Ghost of Shag 2580

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17 hours ago, closetojumping said:

My counter to your semi-lucid post is this: 

This year will be ATM's version of the 2010 Texas Longhorns. 

The chickens are coming home to roost for your hillbilly band of goobers in College Station this season. All of the skin of your teeth wins, the loose recruiting plan, the poor self-scouting, the ridiculous and myopic expectations of record and performance, largely because "we always seem to find a way to get to 8 win (except last year, but Jimbo!)". All of it is going to boomerang back and kick your ploughboys squarely in the nuts. 

At QB, I was told yesterday by someone with friends on the staff that Mond is starting in large part because they need someone who can plausibly run for their lives behind the charmin soft OL. He's also best friends with Marchiol, and they don't want another canary singing on the transfer papers. Absurd anti-aggie fantasy? Probably. Entertaining? Certainly. More than a grain of truth mixed in? You know it. 

I dig Williams and I don't get why anyone else doesn't. That dipshit can jitterbug and pimpwalk with the best of them. I don't see how he stays healthy and productive getting 25-30 touches a game, but I am sure ol'Jimbo Aggins will figure out something. The rest of your TB/FB crew is a sad representation of FBS football. Multiple walk-ons, that even you are lauding pre-emptively, against the Clemson, South Carolina and SEC West defenses. Strong to quite strong bullshit right there.

The TE situation is your Garrett Gilbert. The writers covering the team are hyping up a guy with obvious flaws that are going to be his undoing at this level, and the fanbase is eating it up. Jace Sternberger has a better chance of walking on the moon than he does of being a 3rd Team All SEC TE or better. 

The WRs are Ausbon and boogereaters with cleats.

Austin Bryant and Clelin Ferrell are going to drop more smooth buttfuckings on your OTs than the corps at a livestock show on a Friday night. Texas is hoping to achieve mediocrity with its OL this year, and that's a bridge too far for what you should be hoping for with the fatasses your clown of an OL coach will be tossing out there. 

Everyone must still be undefeated because the list of aggie posters and writers touting Daylon Mack as though he's anything but a bucket of lard on a bad day is long and indistinguished. It's a sad commentary that you guys view your DL as the strength of the team. This is what a smart, tubby bride does. She stacks her wedding party with women named Griselda and Gertrude and ensures that not one of them comes in under 3 bills. Suddenly, she looks pretty fucking good by comparison. This is your DL when viewed against the backdrop of the rest of your team. 

The LB crew has some talent, but they're an affront to the concept of depth. The minute Hines or Olaka shatter into a million little pieces of grass, you're forced to play walk-ons or Pryor, who you bought years ago and should be asking for your money back.

The secondary flat out looks like Candi's leathery ass pressed against a mirror. I can't wait to see Leon O'Neal trotted out at some point because "it can't get any worse" and then someone like Auburn plays banjo on his ass to the tune of 60 points. 

I like your kicker though. 

Northwestern State - Aggie W, replete with chest-beating and conch-blowing as shouts of "Jimbooooooo" waft through the Brazos River valley. 

Clemson - Aggie L, Clemson goes in bone dry. Only Kelly Bryant can keep Clemson under 40, so he does.

La Monroe - Aggie W, Jimbo escapes this game by the skin of his yellow teeth and your fanbase cites ethereal shit like "learning curve".

Alabama - Aggie L, a weaker than expected Alabama defense holds ATM to under 20 while an explosive Bama offense has a hootenanny on ATM's ball sack. 

Arkansas - Aggie L, unrequited love is a hideous thing when an aggie male is on the receiving end, and Chad Morris knows his way around an inferiority complex like the good aggie he is. Arkansas pretty much plays the weakest non-conference schedule of all the P5 programs and this is the game they've been tuning up for since he was hired.

Kentucky - Aggie L, the ball starts rolling downhill here, but really, UK has recruited better than ATM for a few years when attrition is accounted for and the retarded Stoops brother somehow is turning them into a perennial bowl team. Mike Elko starts putting out feelers for a HC role at New Mexico or Arkansas State after this game.

South Carolina - Aggie L, I think Will Muschamp actually jacks off to the concept of putting W's on aggie.

Miss State - Aggie L, another DL that is going to force the tv feed to shut down because of explicit sexual content. MSU might be fined by the FCC after this game.

Auburn - Aggie L, after this game, Outside The Lines runs a story on the out of control spending in college sports and features ATM as the Beverly Hillbillies of the college landscape. Aggies are actually proud of the feature in the aftermath.

Ole Miss - Aggie W, a sense of pride kicks in and Lacamera kicks the gamewinner in a 48-47 shootout, as Jimbo's offense finds a blind acorn against a paper thin Ole Miss defensive depth chart.

UAB - Aggie L, hoisted by your own retard, you scheduled a program you thought was a patsy that's actually a 9 win bowl team with convicts up and down the line-up and they've been pointing at this game all season.

LSU - Aggie L, Viceroy Edwardo Beaujolais Orgeron, IV brings his brain trust and a thirsty, lifeclinging prayer of fight into the AlsoRan Bowl in the hopes of sealing a 6th win, a real bowl bid, and one more year as HC on the bayou. Jimbo Fisher is shown looking on towards the final seconds ticking off, down by 35, and looking as though a hand grenade has gone off 15 feet away and with his ears ringing and mouth wide open, he can't hear a fucking thing. 

Texas ATM goes 3-9 and Fisher buys a top 5 class, preaching "wait til 2020-something" and you guys all nod your heads, knowingly and in unison.

WHOOP!!!

 

/thread

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Machinator

Machinator 32097

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, closetojumping said:

My counter to your semi-lucid post is this: 

This year will be ATM's version of the 2010 Texas Longhorns. 

The chickens are coming home to roost for your hillbilly band of goobers in College Station this season. All of the skin of your teeth wins, the loose recruiting plan, the poor self-scouting, the ridiculous and myopic expectations of record and performance, largely because "we always seem to find a way to get to 8 win (except last year, but Jimbo!)". All of it is going to boomerang back and kick your ploughboys squarely in the nuts. 

At QB, I was told yesterday by someone with friends on the staff that Mond is starting in large part because they need someone who can plausibly run for their lives behind the charmin soft OL. He's also best friends with Marchiol, and they don't want another canary singing on the transfer papers. Absurd anti-aggie fantasy? Probably. Entertaining? Certainly. More than a grain of truth mixed in? You know it. 

I dig Williams and I don't get why anyone else doesn't. That dipshit can jitterbug and pimpwalk with the best of them. I don't see how he stays healthy and productive getting 25-30 touches a game, but I am sure ol'Jimbo Aggins will figure out something. The rest of your TB/FB crew is a sad representation of FBS football. Multiple walk-ons, that even you are lauding pre-emptively, against the Clemson, South Carolina and SEC West defenses. Strong to quite strong bullshit right there.

The TE situation is your Garrett Gilbert. The writers covering the team are hyping up a guy with obvious flaws that are going to be his undoing at this level, and the fanbase is eating it up. Jace Sternberger has a better chance of walking on the moon than he does of being a 3rd Team All SEC TE or better. 

The WRs are Ausbon and boogereaters with cleats.

Austin Bryant and Clelin Ferrell are going to drop more smooth buttfuckings on your OTs than the corps at a livestock show on a Friday night. Texas is hoping to achieve mediocrity with its OL this year, and that's a bridge too far for what you should be hoping for with the fatasses your clown of an OL coach will be tossing out there. 

Everyone must still be undefeated because the list of aggie posters and writers touting Daylon Mack as though he's anything but a bucket of lard on a bad day is long and indistinguished. It's a sad commentary that you guys view your DL as the strength of the team. This is what a smart, tubby bride does. She stacks her wedding party with women named Griselda and Gertrude and ensures that not one of them comes in under 3 bills. Suddenly, she looks pretty fucking good by comparison. This is your DL when viewed against the backdrop of the rest of your team. 

The LB crew has some talent, but they're an affront to the concept of depth. The minute Hines or Olaka shatter into a million little pieces of grass, you're forced to play walk-ons or Pryor, who you bought years ago and should be asking for your money back.

The secondary flat out looks like Candi's leathery ass pressed against a mirror. I can't wait to see Leon O'Neal trotted out at some point because "it can't get any worse" and then someone like Auburn plays banjo on his ass to the tune of 60 points. 

I like your kicker though. 

Northwestern State - Aggie W, replete with chest-beating and conch-blowing as shouts of "Jimbooooooo" waft through the Brazos River valley. 

Clemson - Aggie L, Clemson goes in bone dry. Only Kelly Bryant can keep Clemson under 40, so he does.

La Monroe - Aggie W, Jimbo escapes this game by the skin of his yellow teeth and your fanbase cites ethereal shit like "learning curve".

Alabama - Aggie L, a weaker than expected Alabama defense holds ATM to under 20 while an explosive Bama offense has a hootenanny on ATM's ball sack. 

Arkansas - Aggie L, unrequited love is a hideous thing when an aggie male is on the receiving end, and Chad Morris knows his way around an inferiority complex like the good aggie he is. Arkansas pretty much plays the weakest non-conference schedule of all the P5 programs and this is the game they've been tuning up for since he was hired.

Kentucky - Aggie L, the ball starts rolling downhill here, but really, UK has recruited better than ATM for a few years when attrition is accounted for and the retarded Stoops brother somehow is turning them into a perennial bowl team. Mike Elko starts putting out feelers for a HC role at New Mexico or Arkansas State after this game.

South Carolina - Aggie L, I think Will Muschamp actually jacks off to the concept of putting W's on aggie.

Miss State - Aggie L, another DL that is going to force the tv feed to shut down because of explicit sexual content. MSU might be fined by the FCC after this game.

Auburn - Aggie L, after this game, Outside The Lines runs a story on the out of control spending in college sports and features ATM as the Beverly Hillbillies of the college landscape. Aggies are actually proud of the feature in the aftermath.

Ole Miss - Aggie W, a sense of pride kicks in and Lacamera kicks the gamewinner in a 48-47 shootout, as Jimbo's offense finds a blind acorn against a paper thin Ole Miss defensive depth chart.

UAB - Aggie L, hoisted by your own retard, you scheduled a program you thought was a patsy that's actually a 9 win bowl team with convicts up and down the line-up and they've been pointing at this game all season.

LSU - Aggie L, Viceroy Edwardo Beaujolais Orgeron, IV brings his brain trust and a thirsty, lifeclinging prayer of fight into the AlsoRan Bowl in the hopes of sealing a 6th win, a real bowl bid, and one more year as HC on the bayou. Jimbo Fisher is shown looking on towards the final seconds ticking off, down by 35, and looking as though a hand grenade has gone off 15 feet away and with his ears ringing and mouth wide open, he can't hear a fucking thing. 

Texas ATM goes 3-9 and Fisher buys a top 5 class, preaching "wait til 2020-something" and you guys all nod your heads, knowingly and in unison.

WHOOP!!!

 

I enjoyed this, as always. I do feel obligated to post your prediction from last year, because for all the shit we gave bizzle, he was right on with his regular season prediction of 7-5 last year.

I always enjoy these, bizzle. Good work. I can't say much for your choices in booze, but I only store scotch for relatives and enemies, so $#@! it. 

I think you are kennel blind, or your source is, on your secondary beyond Oliver and Watts. Wake me up when Priest Willis resembles mediocre. The CB element of your defense makes Tony Holmes and Ryan Palmer blush with embarrassment. 

Good teams are strong down the middle, supposedly. At least in baseball. Not real sure that's going to help you on the gridiron, but, well, maybe Sumlin is a big Astros fan or something. I like your backfield, interior OL, DTs, and Kirk. You're going to need some luck and magic beyond that.

I've called it for months - I think New Mexico and Bob Davie publicly butt$#@! you in Kyle Field in November. If he's not arrested for sodomy on the way out of town (and let's face it, if the sheep have no recourse, why would a soon to be fired coach get any help from the law?), I could see Old Army making an impassioned and well-heeled plea for the weathered but masterful hands of a one Coach Davie to guide ATM back on course. That's probably just me fantasizing, but it's a great fantasy. 

I don't like your outlook this season. I see 4-8 and a lot of laughter.

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victory88

victory88 5657

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Posted (edited)

Honestly, Sumlin in his prime years is their ceiling.  10 wins is the best they can hope for during a great year.  They found a decent recipe for success with their spread offense.  Rather than going win a spread coach that can plug and play Texas talent like Chad Morris, they went with a overrated coach with a boring slow played offense.  Hmmm.... where have we seen this before.   Good luck to jimbo trying to find OL, QBs, WRs that will want to play in that slow offense once they see the disaster on the field.  In today’s football world where the NFL and every conference including the SEC is switching to spread concepts, aggy has decided to go with a ball control offense without the personnel to do it.  If they get down by 2 TDS in any game, they are fucked.  

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closetojumping

closetojumping 62229

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4 minutes ago, Machinator said:

I enjoyed this, as always. I do feel obligated to post your prediction from last year, because for all the shit we gave bizzle, he was right on with his regular season prediction of 7-5 last year.

 

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I always enjoy these, bizzle. Good work. I can't say much for your choices in booze, but I only store scotch for relatives and enemies, so $#@! it. 

I think you are kennel blind, or your source is, on your secondary beyond Oliver and Watts. Wake me up when Priest Willis resembles mediocre. The CB element of your defense makes Tony Holmes and Ryan Palmer blush with embarrassment. 

Good teams are strong down the middle, supposedly. At least in baseball. Not real sure that's going to help you on the gridiron, but, well, maybe Sumlin is a big Astros fan or something. I like your backfield, interior OL, DTs, and Kirk. You're going to need some luck and magic beyond that.

I've called it for months - I think New Mexico and Bob Davie publicly butt$#@! you in Kyle Field in November. If he's not arrested for sodomy on the way out of town (and let's face it, if the sheep have no recourse, why would a soon to be fired coach get any help from the law?), I could see Old Army making an impassioned and well-heeled plea for the weathered but masterful hands of a one Coach Davie to guide ATM back on course. That's probably just me fantasizing, but it's a great fantasy. 

I don't like your outlook this season. I see 4-8 and a lot of laughter.

 

Ha. Well, if you want me to play it straight on a Texas ATM prediction and not just be an antagonist, my call is 5-7 on the season. I don’t know if you have noticed, but when making grandiose predictions on the football board, I tend to go a bit over the top. 

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Machinator

Machinator 32097

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As for me, I see 6-6.

Losses to Clemson, Alabama, Auburn for sure. I think the home field, still mostly intact roster and morale, and Kelly Bryant will allow A&M to keep it close for a half, before it gets ugly. Bama and Auburn will be laughers.

They will beat the three non-FBS teams (NWST, ULM, UAB), but UAB will be way too close for comfort.

I like Chad Morris making A&M his personal pet project every year, but I don't love their roster right now. A&M will squeak by here.

They'll lose ugly to South Carolina and Mississippi State because those front 7s are going to make a mockery of the Marine's charges.

They'll beat Kentucky and Ole Miss. I'm not a Mark Stoops fan, and the Ole Miss roster is precarious, depth-wise.

Aranda will single-handedly will the LSU defense over an A&M team whose two-deep and spirits will be in absolute shambles by November.

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crash_davis

crash_davis 23084

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17 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Ha. Well, if you want me to play it straight on a Texas ATM prediction and not just be an antagonist, my call is 5-7 on the season. I don’t know if you have noticed, but when making grandiose predictions on the football board, I tend to go a bit over the top. 

Only on grandiose predictions????  I keeed.

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