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Posted

I think if you know me, you know that I'm a very liberal guy.  So I'm pretty ashamed of myself for this.

 

Story after this.  But have you ever done something in the moment and realized what a jerk you are?  Like just regret it so much that you want to shower in a bucket of bleach?  That you were the bigot that you've always railed against?

 

So a few months ago, I had trouble doing #2.  Went to ER and the Muslim lady doctor said "I will check for hemmorhoids."  This of course involved her sticking her finger up my bunghole.  Idk what came over me but I said "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."  

 

Here I am, Mr. liberal, basically insulting this young lady Muslim doctor because I was uncomfortable for whatever reason.  I immediately apologized profusely and said "I know this is a professional environment.  You've put in a lot of work to get where you are and I just insulted you."

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Posted
21 minutes ago, Im_smarter_then_you said:

I think if you know me, you know that I'm a very liberal guy.  So I'm pretty ashamed of myself for this.

 

Story after this.  But have you ever done something in the moment and realized what a jerk you are?  Like just regret it so much that you want to shower in a bucket of bleach?  That you were the bigot that you've always railed against?

 

So a few months ago, I had trouble doing #2.  Went to ER and the Muslim lady doctor said "I will check for hemmorhoids."  This of course involved her sticking her finger up my bunghole.  Idk what came over me but I said "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."  

 

Here I am, Mr. liberal, basically insulting this young lady Muslim doctor because I was uncomfortable for whatever reason.  I immediately apologized profusely and said "I know this is a professional environment.  You've put in a lot of work to get where you are and I just insulted you."

You were uncomfortable because she was a woman and not because you were about to get anally violated? Interesting.

 

What moments where I was a jerk do I wish I could take back? A few of my posts here. 

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Posted
1 hour ago, Im_smarter_then_you said:

I think if you know me, you know that I'm a very liberal guy.  So I'm pretty ashamed of myself for this.

 

Story after this.  But have you ever done something in the moment and realized what a jerk you are?  Like just regret it so much that you want to shower in a bucket of bleach?  That you were the bigot that you've always railed against?

 

So a few months ago, I had trouble doing #2.  Went to ER and the Muslim lady doctor said "I will check for hemmorhoids."  This of course involved her sticking her finger up my bunghole.  Idk what came over me but I said "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."  

 

Here I am, Mr. liberal, basically insulting this young lady Muslim doctor because I was uncomfortable for whatever reason.  I immediately apologized profusely and said "I know this is a professional environment.  You've put in a lot of work to get where you are and I just insulted you."

Hey it could have been worse, you might have had an old lady Baptist doctor sticking her finger in your ass.

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Posted

We had our first 3-month old in our first apartment in Honolulu. The people upstairs were having a small party and watching SNL, and they were laughing and having a good time. I was totally sleep deprived (3-month old will do that to you) and the noise was drifting into our apartment. As anyone with an infant knows, your decision-making is pretty well fucked after several nights of bad sleep and general exhaustion. So I stormed upstairs, knocked on the door, and really let them have it. I mean I was a real dick about it. They quieted down but honestly they weren't even doing anything wrong in the first place. I went upstairs the next day after getting some decent sleep and apologized. The guy wasn't super excited to see me again, but I didn't blame him. I still feel bad about that, but at least now I have some empathy for new parents and all of the shit they have to deal with. 

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Posted
6 minutes ago, honolulu horn said:

We had our first 3-month old in our first apartment in Honolulu. The people upstairs were having a small party and watching SNL, and they were laughing and having a good time. I was totally sleep deprived (3-month old will do that to you) and the noise was drifting into our apartment. As anyone with an infant knows, your decision-making is pretty well fucked after several nights of bad sleep and general exhaustion. So I stormed upstairs, knocked on the door, and really let them have it. I mean I was a real dick about it. They quieted down but honestly they weren't even doing anything wrong in the first place. I went upstairs the next day after getting some decent sleep and apologized. The guy wasn't super excited to see me again, but I didn't blame him. I still feel bad about that, but at least now I have some empathy for new parents and all of the shit they have to deal with. 

Is your sock name Haole Horn? 

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Posted
25 minutes ago, honolulu horn said:

We had our first 3-month old in our first apartment in Honolulu. The people upstairs were having a small party and watching SNL, and they were laughing and having a good time. I was totally sleep deprived (3-month old will do that to you) and the noise was drifting into our apartment. As anyone with an infant knows, your decision-making is pretty well fucked after several nights of bad sleep and general exhaustion. So I stormed upstairs, knocked on the door, and really let them have it. I mean I was a real dick about it. They quieted down but honestly they weren't even doing anything wrong in the first place. I went upstairs the next day after getting some decent sleep and apologized. The guy wasn't super excited to see me again, but I didn't blame him. I still feel bad about that, but at least now I have some empathy for new parents and all of the shit they have to deal with. 

My downstairs neighbor came up once to complain about the noise we were making, not partying but stomping our feet.  He came back a second time.  I answered while holding a meat cleaver

Posted (edited)

It's been a long time since I've been an asshole. I'm sure other people will say I'm an asshole everyday, but fuck 'em.

 

So when I was in 5th or 6th grade, I thought it would be funny to move someone's right as he was sitting now. He landed on his ass but wasn't hurt. They teacher called on me and I lied saying it was an accident.

Good thing the guy was pretty mild tempered because he was much bigger than me and could have broken me in half. I still remember his name - Ian Rapson.

Edited by Superhero
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Posted
4 hours ago, Im_smarter_then_you said:

I think if you know me, you know that I'm a very liberal guy.  So I'm pretty ashamed of myself for this.

 

Story after this.  But have you ever done something in the moment and realized what a jerk you are?  Like just regret it so much that you want to shower in a bucket of bleach?  That you were the bigot that you've always railed against?

 

So a few months ago, I had trouble doing #2.  Went to ER and the Muslim lady doctor said "I will check for hemmorhoids."  This of course involved her sticking her finger up my bunghole.  Idk what came over me but I said "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."  

 

Here I am, Mr. liberal, basically insulting this young lady Muslim doctor because I was uncomfortable for whatever reason.  I immediately apologized profusely and said "I know this is a professional environment.  You've put in a lot of work to get where you are and I just insulted you."

You should change your username to Im more self-righteous than you.    

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Posted (edited)

I once hit a man in Dearborn, Michigan.  A hit and run. I hit him and just kept on going.  I don't know if he's alive or dead.  But I'm sorry. Not a day goes by I don't see his face.

 

Screenshot-2025-04-12-at-08-20-47-Almost

Edited by dcbc
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Posted

Called a friend of my dad's a racoon. I was 10. Thought he had sunburn while wearing glasses.

Nope. Skin condition from his days running a PBR in Vietnam. I felt like a real ass when my dad explained to me. Dude forgave me but I was always ashamed of that moment.

RIP Captain Glutting.

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Posted
24 minutes ago, gsoda3 said:

Abbott hates animals? I didn't know that. 

 

Wait that's who you're talking about right?

no  not Abbott, Watch a Rockets playoff game with him back in the day

Posted

I was 16 and teaching swimming and boys sports in my hometown's summer activities program.  One day one of my favorite swimming students was upset and not really participating in the class like he usually did.  After class I asked him what was wrong and he confided in me that his mom had caught him taking money from her purse that morning and he was still smarting from the punishment.

The next day I thoughtlessly needled him about it, including using the word thief.  In front of the class.  I knew that I had fucked up when he got pissed at me and stormed off, but not how badly.

The next day his mom came up to me before the class began and told me that he wouldn't be back.  She asked me if I realized that her son looked up to me and thought that I hung the moon until I said that, and that it hurt him so badly that he wanted to quit swimming lessons entirely.  She then told me that he was in the car, if I wanted to apologize to him.  I have rarely felt so low, nor given a more sincere and heartfelt apology.  He didn't accept it, and I don't blame him. 

He did swap over to another swimming class and finished the summer program, so I'm happy for that.  But I don't think that he ever forgave me.  I know that I haven't.

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Posted

Not sure if it’s on topic, but I once lived in a triplex and we had a really hard time keeping raccoons out of our trash cans. We tried putting heavy rocks on top, bungee cords, nothing worked. One morning after I was sure I’d made them impenetrable I walked out back to trash all over the alleyway and yelled to my wife “ Holy shit, I can’t believe those coons were smart enough to get into the trash again!” and failed to notice our new black neighbor walking towards the cans with trash bags in her hand! I tried to explain, but I’m pretty positive she didn’t buy it.

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Posted

I lived in a duplex off of Shoal Creek my senior year at UT. We had a great little backyard with speakers mounted up in the eaves, a picnic table, and horseshoe pits and always ended up playing whenever we had friends over. My roommate also worked for Red Bull back when they were first getting going and he got a couple of free cases of Red Bull every few weeks as a perk. This meant that our place always ended up as the late night party spot after we were done with whatever debauchery ended at 2 am.

One night we were tossing horseshoes and I'm sure being loud jackasses when this neighbor who I had never spoken a word to after almost a year of living there stuck his head out the window and yelled at me, "Are you guys really playing horseshoes at 3:30 in the morning!?" I was fully engulfed in god knows what all substances and all I could think of to say was, "Is it loud?" He yelled back much louder "My bedroom window is RIGHT HERE!" I just told him we were sorry and we shuffled inside to party some more. When I came to the next day and went outside to survey the mess in the back I noticed that the outdoor speakers were still on blaring whatever was on the TV inside. They were cranked all night. Oops.

That was the only time that dude ever said anything to us after probably 30+ loud nights in that backyard. I'm a grumpy fuck about stuff like that now when I'm on the other end of it and I need to try and remember Mr. Are You Really guy the next time it happens.

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Posted

When I was a sophomore in high school there was an older kid that died after inhaling refrigerator coolant to get high.

A couple of days later in chemistry class the teacher was explaining that there were natural gas hoses for experiments but not to turn them on unless they were connected to a bunsen burner and definitely don't inhale the gas.

I said something to the effect of "sounds like something that DL would have done."

I heard this anguished voice behind me say "Nuge, nooo..." and turn to see a girl burst into tears.    

She was good friends with him and was very raw.

I can still hear the pain in her voice 35+ years later.

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Posted
7 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Not sure if it’s on topic, but I once lived in a triplex and we had a really hard time keeping raccoons out of our trash cans. We tried putting heavy rocks on top, bungee cords, nothing worked. One morning after I was sure I’d made them impenetrable I walked out back to trash all over the alleyway and yelled to my wife “ Holy shit, I can’t believe those coons were smart enough to get into the trash again!” and failed to notice our new black neighbor walking towards the cans with trash bags in her hand! I tried to explain, but I’m pretty positive she didn’t buy it.

 

I laughed out loud at this and wish I could take it back. 

I mean I wish I could take it back if anybody had heard me and knew what I was laughing at. Since nobody heard me, whatever. 

 

 

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Posted

This wasn’t me but happened to someone I worked with at Dell.  There was this really nice lady who had a pretty prominent birthmark. Not like the lady in uncle buck but this heath make was right around her smile line and was long.  Anyways she was interviewing my colleague and my colleague said “you got something on your cheek.”   
 

colleague didn’t get job

Posted
8 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Not sure if it’s on topic, but I once lived in a triplex and we had a really hard time keeping raccoons out of our trash cans. We tried putting heavy rocks on top, bungee cords, nothing worked. One morning after I was sure I’d made them impenetrable I walked out back to trash all over the alleyway and yelled to my wife “ Holy shit, I can’t believe those coons were smart enough to get into the trash again!” and failed to notice our new black neighbor walking towards the cans with trash bags in her hand! I tried to explain, but I’m pretty positive she didn’t buy it.

Got damn it.  Now you reminded me of my asshole 7 year old nephew.   He lives next to a black family, probably one of ten black families in town.  Asshole nephew for some reason throws a bag of poop and a few black Barbie doll heads over the fence, into their yard.  Brother had some splaining to do

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Posted
On 4/11/2025 at 12:25 PM, futureman said:

none. 

Pretty much this. I own my shit, pun intended. 
 

Exception would be telling an offcolor joke at family gathering when home for the 10 days after Marine boot camp. My grandmother, who hosted dinner and whom I also tremendously respected as our matrirch, didn't say anything, but just looked at me and didn't laugh. I wanted to die.  Can we just hit rewind and take my idiocy back?

Nope. You left no doubt that you are a crass piece of shit with 0% awareness. I practically wanted to go out back and commit seppuku. 

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Posted
2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

To be a master asshole, one must 1) have many, many asshole moments, and 2) not wish to take ANY of them back.

I have a black belt in asshole.

I'm standing tall beside you, asshole. I was in retail corporate mid-management. My soul made me leave that gig.

Unrequited Love | RideWithRingo

Posted
Just now, futureman said:

you’re gonna tell us the story without telling us the joke?  spill it. 

It was related to reassembling the rifle, and reinserting the bolt assembly; and the drill instructor told the other recruit that you could tell he was a virgin because he couldn't get it in the hole. 
 

Yes, my dumbass said that at the dinner table in front of everybody  

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Posted (edited)

Went to some party probably 15+ miles outside of Austin, and it sucked so I wanted to go back home, but I didn't have money for a taxi and I didn't have a ride. Two kids who also thought the party sucked, offered to drop me off at campus. I showed them our fridge, which was full of alcohol and one of them asked if they could have one of the beers, which was like $4. This recent news story flashed in my head, where someone gave someone else alcohol, they went off drunk driving, got into an accident and/or died, and the person who provided the alcohol got in trouble, so I was like..."uhhhhh....". They were like "don't worry about it". Still feel bad about that one, because I think they went out of their way to drop me off, and I'm pretty sure that one beer wouldn't make them too impaired to drive (and it might not even have been the driver who asked).

Edited by OU Sucks
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Posted
5 minutes ago, OU Sucks said:

Went to some party probably 15+ miles outside of Austin, and it sucked so I wanted to go back home, but I didn't have money for a taxi and I didn't have a ride. Two kids who also thought the party sucked, offered to drop me off at campus. I showed them our fridge, which was full of alcohol and one of them asked if they could have one of the beers, which was like $4. This recent news story flashed in my head, where someone gave someone else alcohol, they went off drunk driving, got into an accident and/or died, and the person who provided the alcohol got in trouble, so I was like..."uhhhhh....". They were like "don't worry about it". Still feel bad about that one, because I think they went out of their way to drop me off, and I'm pretty sure that one beer wouldn't make them too impaired to drive (and it might not even have been the driver who asked).

wow dude you’re a fuckin dick

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Posted
1 hour ago, Im_smarter_then_you said:

Got damn it.  Now you reminded me of my asshole 7 year old nephew.   He lives next to a black family, probably one of ten black families in town.  Asshole nephew for some reason throws a bag of poop and a few black Barbie doll heads over the fence, into their yard.  Brother had some splaining to do

That's fucked up.

Posted

The times I was rude to teachers and coaches in high school come to mind. As a young adult I went back to the ones who were still in my hometown to apologize for my actions. One apology was to Mark Bell, the father of former Baylor QB Shawn Bell. I saw him when I was in college. I was a student assistant at the time on the men’s basketball team as I had decided I was done being a mediocre football player at the university I attended. They were there to watch a guy on the basketball team who was also from my hometown.

I told him I was sorry and he said it was just water under the bridge and I was just being a teenager. I had more interactions with him when I was broadcasting games for Gatesville from 2000-2004 and China Spring was in their old 17-3A district. He was always nice to me when I called him up.

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