Jump to content

immamac is running wild again

Goo Punch

By Goo Punch
in Please do this better?

 Share

Recommended Posts

Hank Scorpio

Hank Scorpio 17729

Posted
Posted

The Scene: CDC's lush wood paneled office, Monday morning

CDC: Tom, good morning, come on in. You know that my mantra to all my coaches is that I always ask how I can help

Tom: Yes?

CDC: Well, I am taking it a step further and proactively providing that help.

Tom: Come again? 

CDC: Consultants Tom. I've hired 2 of the best to help....

Tom: But I don't need any help......don't forget I'm MENSA

CDC: Yeah, yeah, yeah.....but you don't get a tweetstorm directed at your account after every game nor do you have to hear Red McCombs go on and on about some cat named Gruden. I know I get paid the big bucks to deal with this, but you get paid big bucks too. Now before I have to go beg for donations to buy out your contract, you might want to consider listening to these guys....they're the best Tommy......the best!

Tom: Fine

CDC: Come on in guys.

(the Two Bobs enter)

CDC: I'll let these guys take it from here.......think Red is calling again.

Bobs: So, Mr. Herman......you weren't in a band called Herman's Hermits were you? Man, they were into something good I tell you. We celebrate their entire catalog, along with Michael Bolton....greatest voice ever. Anyway.....

Image result for what is it you do here

TH: I am not sure I follow, but then again you don't look like you know the game of football, so like many of our fans you should shut up and let the coaches coach

Bobs: That remains to be seen if you can coach football but we are here to root out organizational dysfunction. We just came off of a similar engagement at a big tech company in the area called Initech and when we left that place was on fire! You see, there are 3 key things to make sure your organization runs well. You need to:

1. Recruit and Keep Great Talent

2. Have a clear strategy

3. Have great culture

We're here to help with that:

TH: This is BS. Didn't you see I had the #3 class in the country last year. We're pulling great talent here. Plus, I came here to change the culture and I'd say we've done a damn good job. Plus, our strategy is simple. It the Herman Way or the Highway.

Bobs: Yeah, we'll get to all of that over time. Lets start small. You know that little thing called the Tulsa game you had this past week.

TH: Sure, that was a win as I recall.

Bobs: Yeah, but it wasn't Michael Bolton "When a Man Loves a Woman" impressive. Apparently, you thought so little of the first half you beat up your troops in the locker room and their sphincters were so tight in the 2nd half they could have crapped out diamonds. What you should have been doing was flogging yourself and the coaching staff for not being up more. Let us point out 3 strategic errors that were made that could have lent to a different result. 

TH: I don't believe we made any strategic errors.

Bobs: Nonsense. Lets look at the second drive that ended at the goal line. 3 plays to get it in from the 1 and you can't do it. What in the name of Steve Sarkisian is going on here

TH: Well if you look at the 3rd down play our QB screwed up and made the wrong read on the handoff

Bobs: So you double down on that same QB and roll him left on a slow developing play on 4th down and force in a pass. Didn't you have the same scenario in the Maryland game last week and failed. You'd almost have been better off just running 2 dive plays on 3rd and 4th down against Tulsa from the one. Personnel awareness is a big part of strategy. 

TH: Well, we just kinda didn't do a good job there

Bobs: Yeah, you kinda didn't. Perhaps you need to tell Timothy Stephen Beckisian to go find his red stapler in the basement. We've also identified a couple of other coaches where we might need to simply fix the errors in payroll and stop paying them because there is no way they are really still employed here right?

TH: Well, I don't know about that....

Bobs: Anyway, lets look at strategic error 2. Middle of 2nd quarter. 4th and 2 from the opponents 40. You elect to punt. What were you thinking there.

TH: Well, last year I took a lot of heat for going for it on 4th down when my chart suggested I......

Bobs: Really? Thought the fans didn't know what they were talking about. Listen, there is about 20% of every fan base (30% in certain southern regions of our great country) that get mad if you don't call the touchdown play every time. You can't get your feelings hurt by those mouthbreathers. Here are the facts. Up to that point in the game, you are averaging over 7 yards per play. You don't really pick up that much field position by punting and oh by the way, don't have your all-world punter back there and your punt team so far this season has been less than exemplary. So your strategy is to double down on that by taking a 5 yard penalty to give your punter more room and then proceed to watch the kick get blocked. Tulsa is definitely back in the game at this point.

TH: Well, I thought punting was a low risk play here...we were up 14.

Bobs: Your team lacks a killer instinct and this is why. When you are on your opponents side of the field and out of sure FG range, if the distance to gain on 4th is less than what you are averaging per play, you go for it...always. 4th and 2 from the opponents 40...you shouldn't have to think about it. You should tell your team that is what we are going to do and they should expect it.

TH: But what if we didn't make it.....I don't want to have to deal with those dumb reporters from the local paper wasting time on that one play

Bobs: Reporters will always ask dumb questions. They don't understand strategy any more than an Aggie understands winning championships. This is a mentality that you need to establish. If you can't do it at home against Tulsa in a low risk situation, how do you expect to do it when it really matters. You need to send the message to the players and to the opposing team and coaches that you aren't here to f around. You looked weak. By the way, the Tulsa coaches also figured that out too late after like the 19th missed FG. They probably don't need to kick FG's unless they are inside the 15 it seems. 

TH: Yeah....maybe you should be working with them instead of us.

Bobs: Yeah...they don't pay as much. Anyway, last item for today. You have the ball back with 1:17 at the 20, 2 timeouts, Tulsa has one. What are you trying to do there.

TH: Well, we wanted to test the middle to see if we could get anything going before half. 

Bobs: Yeah, well it looked like you wanted to run out the clock, even though apparently you weren't satisfied and told the team so at halftime. If you really wanted to see if you could get something going, why not flare something out to the side. You'd been getting 5-7 yards pretty consistently on that.

TH: A pass? What if it was incomplete or intercepted.

Bobs: If your QB throws an INT on a little swing pass, either the QB or the team is dumber than a bunch of rocks and we will tell CDC that it would be a waste of time continuing to engage us because there is no hope. Even if it was incomplete, Tulsa only has 1 time out so you could kneel it the next two plays and should still be able to run out enough clock to ensure Tulsa doesn't have a shot to score. Plus, they've already proven they can't really kick FG's. Situational awareness.

TH: That's dumb. What if we were in the same exact score scenario against USC this week.

Bobs: They're USC. If you are up 21 in the first half with 1:17 to go and they are down to one timeout, then by all means do what you did. I think we all see there is a big difference between Tulsa and USC and you might want to play each differently. Point is, against a Tulsa you should be more aggressive so you get things on tape that other teams have to plan for. 

TH: Well, we won so...

Bobs: Yeah, you won but didn't close the deal like you should have......you aren't related to a Ken Giles are you? You spent some time in Houston....ask Astros fans how they felt about that dude coming in to close things out.  Anyway, that's enough for this week but we are going to be watching you this season.

CDC (re-enters); Thanks Bobs..... Tom I'd listen to these guys.....they'll let me know if they think you are a straight shooter with upper management written all over you. Now if you will excuse me, some dumb fan just tweeted me about adding a dude on a jet pack to our pre-game experience.......I don't like the sound of that......

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In all seriousness,  we can use this thread to discuss and monitor signs of organizational dysfunction within the team this year. I pointed out 3 seemingly small strategic miscues that appear to be a symptom of a larger issue within the team (situational awareness) that either the coaching staff figures out or doesn't. As an analyst at heart, I can't just shout "Tom Herman Sucks" from the rooftops....I need to understand why things are happening and whether or not there are discernable trends that either support or refute the current line of thinking. (and I love contrarian scenarios).

 

 

Oh and of course if you are from the TL;DR crowd, then the message above is: "Everything is Awesome!"

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...