Official "Fuck this stupid ass-commercial" thread

[Knoxtnhorn 6,065]

So I have a YouTube play list for when I'm wide-assed awake in the middle of the night... like right now.  Yes, I know Spotify, Pandora, etal are better options.  Anyway, imagine slowly beginning to nod to some Cowboy Junkies or SRV when suddenly you're hit with this...

 

[Goo Punch 4,275]

On 12/3/2019 at 4:59 PM, Goo Punch said:

every commercial this time of year goes balls to the wall trying to tug at your heartstrings, and it's so desperate and transparent that i don't know why SNL doesn't literally just do parodies of current commercials.

i saw an ad yesterday where (I believe) Elena Della Donne was tugging at my heartstrings for 30 seconds giving me the life story of her mentally and physically handicapped sister, and the entire time it's running i'm like, "is this a new e:60 or is this an ad for something? what are you trying to sell me?" literally 30 seconds of this life story stuff and then at the end there's just a Toyota logo followed by some newly minted slogan about helping people or making the world better together or something.

 

Toyota going all-in with the sappy, heart strings tugging commercials that have fucking nothing to do with anything. now they've got one where a bunch of soldiers are returning home (super fucking original idea there toyota) and one soldier's family brings a bunch of yellow paper to the airport and they use them to form the image of a yellow ribbon, which of course then makes everybody cry while some breathy "welcome home" song plays. fade to: "Toyota."

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT.

 

[Bama Llama 1,450]

All Sprint ads. 

Every last fucking one of em.  If I wanted to see that much yellow and black for three seconds, much less thirty seconds, I'd go wander around in a school bus parking lot.  And the Verizon turncoat pitch man is a dweeb to boot.  

[LoneStarBiker 145]

Those Truck City Ford commercials with the GM douchebag sitting at his desk spouting some nonsense on how he views life and selling vehicles.

Absolutely Turrible.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,098]

21 hours ago, Goo Punch said:

Toyota going all-in with the sappy, heart strings tugging commercials that have fucking nothing to do with anything. now they've got one where a bunch of soldiers are returning home (super fucking original idea there toyota) and one soldier's family brings a bunch of yellow paper to the airport and they use them to form the image of a yellow ribbon, which of course then makes everybody cry while some breathy "welcome home" song plays. fade to: "Toyota."

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT.

 

Every time I see this commercial, I get hung up on all of the posterboard cue cards casually discarded on the floor after the ribbon display and I wonder whether they will eventually pick up after themselves, and whether anyone is going to slip and fall on it in the meantime. 

~~~~~

I get a real kick out of the "and whatever this is" guy ghostriding the whip at the end of the Geico "Smart Dogs" commercial. 

[TheStoicPaisano 9,922]

Bruh, it don’t make a shit if you’re finally catching Santa Claus tonight.

[clapclapclap 9,000]

"Happy wife, happy life, amirite?" - Tubby

https://www.tvcommercialspots.com/heb-foods-christmas-holidays-2019-tv-commercial-happy-wife-happy-life-am-i-right-bring-home-the-holiday-magic-with-h-e-b/

I guess grandma died, so he has to fetch his own grape sodas and cook his own food.  Progress.

Edited December 17, 2019 by clapclapclap
Or maybe he phones the wife for grape sodas

[Sandman 3,407]

On 12/10/2019 at 1:26 PM, DougO said:

"Limes and Coronas." Something about the delivery of that line just gets under my skin. I'm a Romo fan, but that whole call center theme was worn out two years ago and it needs to die.

I think they should have one where Romo shows up at the desk but now there's another desk right next to his and it's Jay Gruden with a Corona Light visor on. 

[Mo Horn 8,852]

WTF is the commercial with the pilot sitting on the toilet to "drop his load"? A commercial for spray to cover the scent should not have someone sitting on the pot with his pants around his ankles. 

[lemonandaturd 4,285]

I am watching the high school playoffs on FSSW and the Fox Funky Christmas commercial is mute worthy.  

[RamjetFDO 10,577]

I know it's been mentioned but I still can't get over how incredibly tone-deaf the Thomas J. Henry commercial is where he leaves his million dollar house, climbs into a chauffer-driven Rolls Royce, pulls up to a private jet, hands his briefcase to an underling, sits down in luxury, and stares intently out the window... Never once acknowledging any one else around him with even a glance.

Yeah, that's the guy I want to give money to for legal representation.

[Brisketexan 105,186]

I know it's been mentioned but I still can't get over how incredibly tone-deaf the Thomas J. Henry commercial is where he leaves his million dollar house, climbs into a chauffer-driven Rolls Royce, pulls up to a private jet, hands his briefcase to an underling, sits down in luxury, and stares intently out the window... Never once acknowledging any one else around him with even a glance.

Yeah, that's the guy I want to give money to for legal representation.

Lots of stupid people think that having wealth means you have great merit in whatever you do. So the richer you act, the better you must be. I ain’t saying that’s correct at all - I’m just telling you how a lot of American consumers think.

[michaelpshayes 417]

On 12/19/2019 at 4:43 PM, lemonandaturd said:

I am watching the high school playoffs on FSSW and the Fox Funky Christmas commercial is mute worthy.  

More like run amuck and dismembering worthy 

[clapclapclap 9,000]

That ungrateful brat is still burning ducks and calling dad for a bailout.  Generation Groundhog Day never learns.  

[clapclapclap 9,000]

 

These horrible parents leave their trash on the table instead of throwing it away on the way out.

[Eskimohorn 5,642]

 
These horrible parents leave their trash on the table instead of throwing it away on the way out.

Went to Lady Longhorns game today with people who don’t usually attend sporting events. They were taking their trash to the trash. I was like “we dont do that here.”

[Sandman 3,407]

That iphone ad with the giant snowball fight. Fuck those stupid kids and their overdramatic shit. Jumping around like they're in a marvel movie or some shit.

[XYZ 2,154]

Pizza ad:

Guy: this pizza is ginormous

Girl: well, you know what they say, everything is bigger in New York

Guy: that’s Texas

Girl: let it go, Mattie

Guy: right

 

I don’t get it.

[Goo Punch 4,275]

14 hours ago, XYZ said:

Pizza ad:

Guy: this pizza is ginormous

Girl: well, you know what they say, everything is bigger in New York

Guy: that’s Texas

Girl: let it go, Mattie

Guy: right

 

I don’t get it.

same as that dumbass state farm shit. the retard agent says something and Mahomes, Rodgers, and their state farm homie all look at him like he's retarded. then he responds, "Did we just have a break through?" i don't get it. they all just looked at you like you're regarded- what part of that prompts you to ask if you just made a break through? it makes no sense whatsoever. 

[Macanudo 13,000]

17 hours ago, clapclapclap said:

 

These horrible parents leave their trash on the table instead of throwing it away on the way out.

Is this one where they traipse all over town looking for the toy and then see a woman walk out of McD's with it and they get up to follow/mug her?

[Lhorn 4,930]

same as that dumbass state farm shit. the retard agent says something and Mahomes, Rodgers, and their state farm homie all look at him like he's retarded. then he responds, "Did we just have a break through?" i don't get it. they all just looked at you like you're regarded- what part of that prompts you to ask if you just made a break through? it makes no sense whatsoever. 

The State Farm ones with Rodgers and the agent are so stupid. It’s analogous to a joke that when first told produced a slight chuckle. The teller has nothing else so he keeps telling the same joking, making it more elaborate but with same, now tired, weak punchline.

It’s also got that old school idea that whatever the fuck you are hocking, have a lunk head jock do it. Once that runs out of steam, do you start over with a fresh premise? He’ll, no! Add a second lunk head jock. Because two famous guys who have absolutely not a fucking thing to do with insurance are better than one!

[Deej 76,865]

9 minutes ago, Lhorn said:

The State Farm ones with Rodgers and the agent are so stupid. It’s analogous to a joke that when first told produced a slight chuckle. The teller has nothing else so he keeps telling the same joking, making it more elaborate but with same, now tired, weak punchline.

It’s also got that old school idea that whatever the fuck you are hocking, have a lunk head jock do it. Once that runs out of steam, do you start over with a fresh premise? He’ll, no! Add a second lunk head jock. Because two famous guys who have absolutely not a fucking thing to do with insurance are better than one!

Plus, it's like they didn't want to pay Patrick Warburton to play the agent, so they found the cheapest actor who kind of looked like him they could find.

Edited December 23, 2019 by Deej

[Goo Punch 4,275]

What do they mean when they say, "Geico helps with renters insurance"? Does Geico offer renters insurance, or do they have you pay them so that they can google "renters insurance" for you? Because they use that exact verbiage every time. "Geico helps with renters insurance". 

[Deej 76,865]

They mean they'll help fuck you when you try to file a claim.

[Billy Pilgrim 1,983]

2 hours ago, Lhorn said:

The State Farm ones with Rodgers and the agent are so stupid. It’s analogous to a joke that when first told produced a slight chuckle. The teller has nothing else so he keeps telling the same joking, making it more elaborate but with same, now tired, weak punchline.

It’s also got that old school idea that whatever the fuck you are hocking, have a lunk head jock do it. Once that runs out of steam, do you start over with a fresh premise? He’ll, no! Add a second lunk head jock. Because two famous guys who have absolutely not a fucking thing to do with insurance are better than one!

How’s about Rodgers gets a new agent if he hates his current one so much.

[Steamboat1874 4,075]

If you have Geico insurance you are pretty much fucked if you need to file a claim anyway.

I have used All State for over 30 years and never had an issue. A co-worker of mine was in a no fault accident and he had to pay out the ass. I know there are different types of coverage but he got billed by Geico for $2500 just for cleaning up the road.

I have never heard of that before.....ever.

[Al Czervik 1,229]

On 12/22/2019 at 9:08 PM, Sandman said:

That iphone ad with the giant snowball fight. Fuck those stupid kids and their overdramatic shit. Jumping around like they're in a marvel movie or some shit.

What is with the androgynous kid with the long hair?  Boy or girl?  

[BayouBill 835]

6 minutes ago, Al Czervik said:

What is with the androgynous kid with the long hair?  Boy or girl?  

It hasn’t decided yet.

[Okie State 3,821]

If you have Geico insurance you are pretty much fucked if you need to file a claim anyway.
I have used All State for over 30 years and never had an issue. A co-worker of mine was in a no fault accident and he had to pay out the ass. I know there are different types of coverage but he got billed by Geico for $2500 just for cleaning up the road.
I have never heard of that before.....ever.

But hey, he saved 15% or more on his premiums. Or something.

[Parliament 14,276]

Just here to add the new ASPCA sad shivering dog commercial to this list.

[bernorange 8,362]

I'm guessing it has already been mentioned, but the commercial where the girl tells her insurance agent how her brother was getting the station wagon hand me down really grinds my gears.  Stupid, spoiled, ungrateful sap is getting wheels and freedom and whining because it isn't stylish enough.  Fuck him.  That station wagon would be a fucking party wagon if he wasn't such a pathetic worm.

[PittsburghTiger 6,192]

2 hours ago, bernorange said:

I'm guessing it has already been mentioned, but the commercial where the girl tells her insurance agent how her brother was getting the station wagon hand me down really grinds my gears.  Stupid, spoiled, ungrateful sap is getting wheels and freedom and whining because it isn't stylish enough.  Fuck him.  That station wagon would be a fucking party wagon if he wasn't such a pathetic worm.

B.I.N.G.O.

My dad made the money and he got the new car. Then they filtered down through the family.

[Underdog 28,755]

You never played for the Bucks. 

[Guest Lobo]

Those insurance agent commercials.  There are more State Farm offices in this country than their are McDonald's.  25% of your premiums goes to cover the G&A overhead of your local agent.  It's a fucking pyramid scheme.  The world needs underwriters and claims agents.  The world does not need insurance brokers.  

[Jimbaround 975]

I'm guessing it has already been mentioned, but the commercial where the girl tells her insurance agent how her brother was getting the station wagon hand me down really grinds my gears.  Stupid, spoiled, ungrateful sap is getting wheels and freedom and whining because it isn't stylish enough.  Fuck him.  That station wagon would be a fucking party wagon if he wasn't such a pathetic worm.

Shit yes. The worst thing about having a station wagon was you would be obliged to drive out every night because you could fit the most people.

My friend had a Buick Electra station wagon with the rear facing fold up seat in the back. That thing was packed every weekend night in high school.

[elfenix 34,331]

"first ever" cars. 

[blacklab 11,941]

does america need to see Terry Bradshaw dancing in his underwear?

[Covri 6,250]

This stupid Mazda commercial During the CFPs where the young hipster couple drives all around procuring items for their new restaurant in the least cost effective way possible. 

[Baboontyme 2,815]

Getting really sick of the Bassett Hound meetup spot.

[AUS-97HORN 11,812]

I have to second the horribad Apple commerical with the kids in the snowfight.    its fucking stupid, I dont give a damn that it was "shot on an iphone"

 

Im pretty fucking sure the $5Mil video editing software used to edit the commercial was the biggest input into how that commercial looks--- not your fucking phone. 

[Dennis Taylor 18,849]

Though it's been said many times, many ways...fuck Chris Simms

[clapclapclap 9,000]

The weird-voiced Papa John's replacement announcer seems to be going out of his way to make his voice sound dumber and dumber.

[Lhorn 4,930]

On 12/28/2019 at 7:59 PM, AUS-97HORN said:

I have to second the horribad Apple commerical with the kids in the snowfight.    its fucking stupid, I dont give a damn that it was "shot on an iphone"

 

Im pretty fucking sure the $5Mil video editing software used to edit the commercial was the biggest input into how that commercial looks--- not your fucking phone. 

Exactly. There are a million ways to take high quality video dirt cheap.  Sets, lighting, direction, editing are what made the video look good, not the simply the camera

[Lhorn 4,930]

On 12/28/2019 at 7:18 PM, Covri said:

This stupid Mazda commercial During the CFPs where the young hipster couple drives all around procuring items for their new restaurant in the least cost effective way possible. 

Not familiar with this one, but it similar to the guy returning a text in person.....because driving this car is soooo awesome that you are looking for excuses to drive it?  Or the one a couple of years ago where a dad and a kid are driving the kid's friend home and it shows them driving through canyons, over hills, past the ocean etc and the punch line is that the kid actually just lives next door!  They wasted 4 hours of that kid's life driving 250 miles out of their because driving their new car is JUST SO MUCH FFFFUUUNNNNN!

 

FUCK YOU!!!!! Show the part where they spent $80 filling the tank on their idiotic jaunt.  Or the actual reality of being on the road....hugging the bumper of the car in front of you, traveling at walking speed because driving a car in real life is largely a fucking beating.  Or the DAD taking a fat steaming dump on the environment driving his gas guzzling SUV for 4 hours instead of having the walk next door.  Why do you hate nature MAZDA?

[XYZ 2,154]

AT&T “just OK is not OK” commercials, all of them, are so annoying.

[Underdog 28,755]

Chick in the blue sweater is cute, as is the H&R block chick. 

[NorthLoop 14,219]

 

"Hi, I'm Exxon Supremium.. I'm a ripoff of the Old Spice guy, who was a ripoff of the Dos XX guy" 

[Prepuce of Doom 21,098]

15 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

 

"Hi, I'm Exxon Supremium.. I'm a ripoff of the Old Spice guy, who was a ripoff of the Dos XX guy" 

Plus a dash of Jeff Goldblum at his maximum twee-yet-confident insufferability. 

[Bama Llama 1,450]

Any commercial in which any form or tense of the words "craft" or "crafted" are used.  Jesus, enough of this patronizing hipster shit.

[Bama Llama 1,450]

On 12/24/2019 at 8:07 AM, Parliament said:

Just here to add the new ASPCA sad shivering dog commercial to this list.

This x 1,000.  I will send these misguided fuckers $50/month NOT to show the pitiful animals.  My wife and daughter keep their fingers on the last channel button to avoid these ads.  Horrible and evidently based on a focus group of crazy cat ladies.  Just throw up the organization name and the website or phone number.  It's not necessary to torment healthy, caring people who love animals and already donate to your organization with gratuitous video of innocent, miserable kittens and abandoned, malnourished, shivering dogs.  Shades of Sally Struthers.