Things Doctors Learn from their patients

[Hornius Emeritus 12488]

Some of these are pretty funny:


#5: Stay away from people named "Some Guy" or "This One Dude", because they for whatever reason, just punch someone in the face or hit them with a crowbar and run off. If I see them on the street, I cross the street to get away from them.


never leave your last refill of percocet in plain site after your doc's office closes if one of these 3 friends is coming over for dinner:
1. some dude
2. my friend
3. that bitch


#6 Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will somehow, work its way up your rectum.

learned yesterday... if you are given a prescription for narcotics wait until the rx is filled before you try to sell them. pt yesterday with bs pain complaint gets rx for vicodin and trys to sell them over the phone(loudly) in the E.D. lobby..." they gave me 30 vicodin...how about $250? ok meet me here in 20 minutes". pt overheard by staff who took written rx from pt and ripped it up in his presence.....



https://forums.studentdoctor.net/threads/things-i-learn-from-my-patients.257985/

[Elvis 3374]

$250 is 2010 price.  Hook me up with some dude.

[Hornius Emeritus 12488]

obese patient (400+ pounds) p/w left scrotal pain secondary to sitting on his own testicle.. further analysis shows the guy crushed his own twig and berries..

swallowing batteries gives you energy (is the bunny inside you?)

[Fat Bastard 602]

“The Law of Inverse Value: the less you contribute to society, the greater the trauma you can sustain with minimal to no physical sequelae”

 

this is just about perfect.