Jump to content

Colonoscopy

Sbbruin

By Sbbruin
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

Kyrie Eleison

Kyrie Eleison 9312

Posted
Posted

i had 9+ inches of colon removed 2 years ago due to a colovesical fistula (look it up...suffice it to say i was passing solid waste through my bladder and urethra, and even farting out my chonson...which is a fairly badass party trick, but i digress). anyway, multiple colonoscopies and cystoscopes before surgery. and with that past experience, i’ll say this...

y’all are doing it wrong.

the 24 hours before the purge you should be eating the most vile shit known to man: sardines packed in oil, potted meat, balut, 3 year old Wolf Brand chili, Pancho’s buffet...all of it...so you can just fuck your entire house up. buy a separate insurance rider on your toilet and total that fucker. i did and that day is now the stuff of legends.

rule your roost, gentlemen.

  • Like 4
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8800

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Kyrie Eleison said:

i had 9+ inches of colon removed 2 years ago due to a colovesical fistula (look it up...suffice it to say i was passing solid waste through my bladder and urethra, and even farting out my chonson...which is a fairly badass party trick, but i digress). anyway, multiple colonoscopies and cystoscopes before surgery. and with that past experience, i’ll say this...

y’all are doing it wrong.

the 24 hours before the purge you should be eating the most vile shit known to man: sardines packed in oil, potted meat, balut, 3 year old Wolf Brand chili, Pancho’s buffet...all of it...so you can just fuck your entire house up. buy a separate insurance rider on your toilet and total that fucker. i did and that day is now the stuff of legends.

rule your roost, gentlemen.

 

Dayum, I got the shits just reading that menu.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mileslong

Mileslong 4728

Posted
Posted

I’ve had one and as mentioned above the prep is the worst part. I not only had diarrhea but was also throwing up. Had one non cancerous polio removed. Have to go have another in about a month. Can’t describe how bad I hate the prep.

Worst part wasn’t the doctor shoving something up my rear it was that he never called after...

Link to comment
Share on other sites
deadshank

deadshank 24652

Posted
Posted

Went in for my 1st last year. 

I get there, sign the forms, walk in from the reception area, nurse says strip down, put on the gown, lie down on the table, face the wall, get comfy and she'd soon be in to administer the knock out juice with the docs and they'd get started. "Over in a jiff, hon!"  she says.  I'm OK with all of that and she walks out.  Everything going according to Hoyle at this point.

Not two minutes later the door opens up, I feel my gown go up and someone starts to work on me.  I'm thinking "what happened to the knock out juice?  This shit is killing me. WTF?"  I'm biting my lip and trying to survive without crying.   After a minute or two the gown gets put back in place then the door opens and closes.

I'm left in a puddle of sweat and in some serious pain after being completely  violated with no sort of anethesia.

Then the door opens up again and the nurse says, "hey, uh, who was that?"

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

Posted
Posted
12 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Went in for my 1st last year. 

I get there, sign the forms, walk in from the reception area, nurse says strip down, put on the gown, lie down on the table, face the wall, get comfy and she'd soon be in to administer the knock out juice with the docs and they'd get started. "Over in a jiff, hon!"  she says.  I'm OK with all of that and she walks out.  Everything going according to Hoyle at this point.

Not two minutes later the door opens up, I feel my gown go up and someone starts to work on me.  I'm thinking "what happened to the knock out juice?  This shit is killing me. WTF?"  I'm biting my lip and trying to survive without crying.   After a minute or two the gown gets put back in place then the door opens and closes.

I'm left in a puddle of sweat and in some serious pain after being completely  violated with no sort of anethesia.

Then the door opens up again and the nurse says, "hey, uh, who was that?"

Pervy Mc Pervon strikes again..

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Noah Fence

Noah Fence 480

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, deadshank said:

Went in for my 1st last year. 

I get there, sign the forms, walk in from the reception area, nurse says strip down, put on the gown, lie down on the table, face the wall, get comfy and she'd soon be in to administer the knock out juice with the docs and they'd get started. "Over in a jiff, hon!"  she says.  I'm OK with all of that and she walks out.  Everything going according to Hoyle at this point.

Not two minutes later the door opens up, I feel my gown go up and someone starts to work on me.  I'm thinking "what happened to the knock out juice?  This shit is killing me. WTF?"  I'm biting my lip and trying to survive without crying.   After a minute or two the gown gets put back in place then the door opens and closes.

I'm left in a puddle of sweat and in some serious pain after being completely  violated with no sort of anethesia.

Then the door opens up again and the nurse says, "hey, uh, who was that?"

Go on. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 3 months later...
B00M

B00M 6413

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 9/5/2018 at 7:04 PM, DallasHorn26 said:

I'm 34 and have had 2 at this point.  They found pre-cancerous polyps when I was 29, so I'm on track to have one every 2-3 years now.

 

What made you schedule this torture at 29? Er, why did anyone think they needed to dig around in there to discover the polyps?

Edited by B00M
Link to comment
Share on other sites
RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26376

Posted
Posted
27 minutes ago, Hate said:

I've got my consult scheduled in a couple of hours, so I will be up for my first colonoscopy in the next couple of weeks.  I'm dreading the prep and procedure, but I am looking forward to peace of mind that I'm all clear for now.  

I had my first one done a month ago. Wasn't bad at all. The Prep Shits are thorough, but not as bad as food poisoning in Mexico. Not getting to eat was a downer.

They knocked me out, and then I woke up with a nice blanket and no pain. They had taken out three small benign polyps.

First place I had my wife drive me was Whataburger. Best damn Whataburger I ever had.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8800

Posted
Posted
On 9/10/2018 at 2:15 PM, deadshank said:

Went in for my 1st last year. 

I get there, sign the forms, walk in from the reception area, nurse says strip down, put on the gown, lie down on the table, face the wall, get comfy and she'd soon be in to administer the knock out juice with the docs and they'd get started. "Over in a jiff, hon!"  she says.  I'm OK with all of that and she walks out.  Everything going according to Hoyle at this point.

Not two minutes later the door opens up, I feel my gown go up and someone starts to work on me.  I'm thinking "what happened to the knock out juice?  This shit is killing me. WTF?"  I'm biting my lip and trying to survive without crying.   After a minute or two the gown gets put back in place then the door opens and closes.

I'm left in a puddle of sweat and in some serious pain after being completely  violated with no sort of anethesia.

Then the door opens up again and the nurse says, "hey, uh, who was that?"

I realize you posted in jest, but with my first one the bolded part did happen.  He didn't get far as I screamed "HEY, WHAT THE FUCK",  and scared the hell out of him.   He about freaked and said he'd be back later.   Unfortunately he did, fortunately, I was knocked out the second time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Hate said:

I've got my consult scheduled in a couple of hours, so I will be up for my first colonoscopy in the next couple of weeks.  I'm dreading the prep and procedure, but I am looking forward to peace of mind that I'm all clear for now.  

The procedure ain't shit. They'll give you an IV and you'll wake up after it's all over.  Propherall (I believe is the new juice they hit you with, and you're gone completely).  The prep is much worse than the procedure for damn sure.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Hanrahan

Hanrahan 1306

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Hate said:

I've got my consult scheduled in a couple of hours, so I will be up for my first colonoscopy in the next couple of weeks.  I'm dreading the prep and procedure, but I am looking forward to peace of mind that I'm all clear for now.  

I had my first a couple of years ago and was looking forward to the peace of mind.  Procedure is nothing.  Prep sucks but not eating the day before is the biggest pain in the ass.  To me the worst part was when I woke up and they told me I had cancer at age 40.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

Posted
Posted
Just now, Hanrahan said:

I had my first a couple of years ago and was looking forward to the peace of mind.  Procedure is nothing.  Prep sucks but not eating the day before is the biggest pain in the ass.  To me the worst part was when I woke up and they told me I had cancer at age 40.

But at 40 you were ahead of schedule getting one so it saved your life I'm guessing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Horn_Spanker

Horn_Spanker 524

Posted
Posted
On 12/17/2018 at 11:23 AM, shnsajax said:

Whats worse, this or a vasectomy?

Colonoscopy not even in same league as vasectomy.  But recently I've had a root canal, that's much closer to the vasectomy.

Actually the prep has helped tremendously.  My shits are so normal now.  I may do the prep once a year from now on.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Horn_Spanker said:

Colonoscopy not even in same league as vasectomy.  But recently I've had a root canal, that's much closer to the vasectomy.

Actually the prep has helped tremendously.  My shits are so normal now.  I may do the prep once a year from now on.

Yeah root canals are a bitch, what's worse is when the root canal fails, and they open up your gums, and plant steel pins in your jaw to hold a crown.  Racquetball injury from HS days forced that issue.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...