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Kel Varnsen

By Kel Varnsen
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Biff Tannen
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They really should be using a medical dictionary

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39 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

Hey, how come people don't have dip for dinner? Why is it only a snack, why can't it be a meal, you know? I don't understand stuff like that.

When we were first watching "Only Murders in the Building", Marty Short's character said something like this either in the diner or at one of the tenant meetings and my wife and I both remarked that it sounded really familiar.  Then it became a running gag about the greek place and the catering and him eating dips for dinner to stay thin.  Didn't realize it until just now, once again-Seinfeld.  Pos rep.  To Oliver Putnam and all great Upper West Side dippers.  Not you, George. 

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Are there even any other male pro athletes on the show besides baseball?  There are some fictional olympic folks (marathon runners, gymnasts, maybe  figure skater in there somewhere).  But I don't recall any actual ice hockey players, football players, or hoops guys making cameos.  They reference some NBA guys and tennis stars but nobody gets close to appearing, just the baseball guys.  Closest thing I can think of is Joel Rifkin considers changing his name to Ned Rifkin, who was a real life college basketball standout at Syracuse who later moved to Austin to run an art museum.  

I'll vote Danny Tartabull because he was cool about stopping off for fuel and snacks.  

 

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6 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

Best athlete performances on Seinfeld (mostly Yankees I guess)

My # 1: Paul O'Neill

No, it's no good, it's terrible!

Agreed, he was great.

It's hard to hit homeruns and where the heck did you get two from?

 

I'd go with Keith Hernandez.

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Yes, and you still have the high score.  I think there may have been some mid-level boxer on an episode for some reason, but I can't recollect as I do not possess Biff's trivia prowess.  But yeah, live/in-person cameos of actual pro athletes-I think it was all just baseball players/Buck Showalter who in hindsight looks more like Philip Seymour Hoffman than Art Howe.  Story for another time.  

Was watching the Elaine ghostwriting for Peterman episode recently.  Got me thinking about you bozos.  Best set/sight gag on the show.  What I mean is funniest set in and of itself.  Not like the Estelle Doll or Kramer falling.  But what was the funniest still set to you?  I looked at Peterman's apartment and it just cracked me up.  World traveling adventurer and the apartment is this sterile one-chair bachelor shitshow with a TV stand and starter unit kitchen.  I know it was supposed to be funny, but it was even funnier now.  I'm trying to think of sets that in and of themselves were hilarious without any dialogue.  Thoughts?  

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Does the montage of Kramer working at Brandt Leyland count? No dialogue, but not a single set either. If limited to a single set/scene, Kramer nomming down his briefcase crackers at his desk cracks me up every time. In fact, every "Morning Train" montage in the show cracks me up.

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Biff Tannen

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3 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Kramer at Brandt Leyland is the best bit in the entire Seinfeld series. It's the perfect mix of physical comedy, great writing, and absurdity.

Fight me.

My buddy got arrested at DKR when we played TCU one year and we hatched a plan to come to his hearing (or whatever) as his "council" dressed in suits with briefcases full of crackers.

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Yes, and you still have the high score.  I think there may have been some mid-level boxer on an episode for some reason, but I can't recollect as I do not possess Biff's trivia prowess.  But yeah, live/in-person cameos of actual pro athletes-I think it was all just baseball players/Buck Showalter who in hindsight looks more like Philip Seymour Hoffman than Art Howe.  Story for another time.  
Was watching the Elaine ghostwriting for Peterman episode recently.  Got me thinking about you bozos.  Best set/sight gag on the show.  What I mean is funniest set in and of itself.  Not like the Estelle Doll or Kramer falling.  But what was the funniest still set to you?  I looked at Peterman's apartment and it just cracked me up.  World traveling adventurer and the apartment is this sterile one-chair bachelor shitshow with a TV stand and starter unit kitchen.  I know it was supposed to be funny, but it was even funnier now.  I'm trying to think of sets that in and of themselves were hilarious without any dialogue.  Thoughts?  

May be little too on the nose, but:

51ddb7a5959899ddda6e7f84dadd3ba8.jpg
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9 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Yes, and you still have the high score.  I think there may have been some mid-level boxer on an episode for some reason, but I can't recollect as I do not possess Biff's trivia prowess.  But yeah, live/in-person cameos of actual pro athletes-I think it was all just baseball players/Buck Showalter who in hindsight looks more like Philip Seymour Hoffman than Art Howe.  Story for another time.  

Was watching the Elaine ghostwriting for Peterman episode recently.  Got me thinking about you bozos.  Best set/sight gag on the show.  What I mean is funniest set in and of itself.  Not like the Estelle Doll or Kramer falling.  But what was the funniest still set to you?  I looked at Peterman's apartment and it just cracked me up.  World traveling adventurer and the apartment is this sterile one-chair bachelor shitshow with a TV stand and starter unit kitchen.  I know it was supposed to be funny, but it was even funnier now.  I'm trying to think of sets that in and of themselves were hilarious without any dialogue.  Thoughts?  

Bozos???

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well yeah, but that set was hilarious because of the way the cast engaged with it.  I dunno.  We've exhausted every permutation of the show.  I was just thinking---which still set is just funny in and of itself because of the background story?  Obviously, Merv Griffin show inside Kramer's little apartment is hilarious but it only takes offf once he starts hosting the show.  There's better examples, but Peterman apartment just stood out to me because even before he or Elaine speaks, it's just hilarious to me that this globetrotting adventurer lives in a place that looks like my grad school apartment.  Everything else is so spot on NYC, but something about his 'bachelor pad' 

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csb/ My neighbor down the street started medical school recently and I was chatting with him at the bus stop this morning.  I forget the term he used but this afternoon they start the deal where they wear white coats and have simulated patients come in and talk through symptoms.  He's about 10 years younger than me, but I start cracking up.  And he finally asks, "What's so funny about that?"  I apologize and say that I know what he's talking about but my only context for it is from Seinfeld when Kramer and Mickey are trying to get into acting but the only paying gig is being a simulated patient for med school students.  Has no idea what I'm talking about but he has seen a few episodes.  So he tells me he's gonna stream that episode this morning because it sounds funny.  

Then on my walk back home, I laughed again because he may be skipping studying to watch that episode today and I thought of Jerry running into his old college pal on his way to a big meeting, "Remember Poli-Sci...how many of those did we actually go to?"  

Worlds collide.  /csb 

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I started to that impression for him at the bus stop but I realized quickly, "both our daughters are gonna walk away thinking 'I wonder what gonorrhea is?', so I stopped myself as I frequently do in real life.  

......................."And she, a coquettish haberdasher" 

The song is kinda interesting, good for a workout maybe:

 

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On 8/30/2023 at 10:15 AM, 'stache said:

Does the montage of Kramer working at Brandt Leyland count? No dialogue, but not a single set either. If limited to a single set/scene, Kramer nomming down his briefcase crackers at his desk cracks me up every time. In fact, every "Morning Train" montage in the show cracks me up.

The other one is George in the Rascal, right?

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8 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

I gave you gonorrhea because I thought you'd have fun with it!

Our eyes met across a crowded hat store. I, am customer and she, a coquettish haberdasher. I pursued and she withdrew. Then she pursued and I withdrew. And so we danced, and I burned for her. Much like the burning during urination I experienced soon afterwards.

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I'd nominate either Vanessa from "The Stakeout" (early on episode before they could basically cast any hot actress that could hit her mark).

Or the tall blonde woman from "The Cheever Letters" episode, she didn't have man hands but she had resting man face.  

Third nominee would be Janine Garafolo.  She was funny enough in the episode, but she never did it for me.  OR Jerry.  Or society.  

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