All 131 Van Halen songs ranked

[tbone_ 14211]

Unchained is now my phone ringtone.

[MC Fresh Breath 4074]

I hated most of the Hagar era stuff.  

I won't argue someone's ranking or anything, but I always really loved the solo from "I'll wait" off of 1984.  Just could hear that thing in my head for days.  A song I initially underrated and now I truly enjoy when I hear it.

 

[EMAWesome 101]

On 9/7/2018 at 7:53 AM, Hornius Emeritus said:

 

And then "Dance the Night Away"  at # 3.

It's tough to say for sure but I think I would have put Dance the Night Away at #1.  The reason Van Halen songs will last for eternity (at least the original DLR ones) is that they sounded so damn fun.  Everyone (and especially music critics) thinks that in order for an artist to be truly creative or have a message in their art they must be deathly serious all the time.  On their first six albums Roth could have been singing about bubonic plague and ruptured spleens and it still would have sounded fun.  There is underrated genius in that ability and I can't think of a funner song to listen to of theirs than Dance the Night Away.  The writer hit that song right on the head with his suicide hotline hold music remark.

Now for the too high/too low part of the post.

 

Why Can't This Be Love-too low, for sure not one of their top 50 songs but nowhere near one of their worst 30 either.  Probably not even in the bottom ten of their songs with Love in the title.

The Dream Is Over-too low, again nothing that is going to make a best of list but wherever Why Can't This Be Love actually belongs this song belongs one place ahead of it.

You're No Good-too low, should be in the top 40 songs just on Roth's ability to screech that "no good" part without leaving his tonsils hanging on his microphone.

Take Your Whiskey Home-way too low

Feels So Good-first of the too highs and it is way too high.  No way it should be anywhere in the top 90 and to have it above You're No Good and Take Your Whiskey Home makes me think the author's whiskey didn't make it all the way to his house.

Right Now-probably a little too low though I would understand someone claiming it is too high.

Bottoms Up-a little too low though not near as too low as the song one notch above it on his list which is....

And the Cradle Will Rock-how too low is this rated? It is almost ten notches below a Van Halen song that was co-written by Michael McDonald.   It's one thing to be ranked below a Steely Dan song that Michael McDonald sings back up on.   It's another to be ranked below a Van Halen song co-written by the same guy that took all the air out of the Doobie Brothers.

Finish What You Started-too high, this song is a lot better if you only have to listen to the first 45 seconds or so of it.  Roth was Diamond Dave, in this song Hagar tries to be Rhinestone Sammy.

I'll Wait-too high, how too high?  See my comments for And the Cradle Will Rock.

Everybody Wants Some-too low, has to be at least top 20 and no way should it be one notch below Poundcake.

Love Walks In-too high, like most non-Why Can't This Be Love songs with Love in the title during the Van Hagar era.

Dancing in the Street-too low, if you think I'm wrong listen to this version then listen to the Jagger/Bowie version and see how much more you like this one.

Mean Street-too low, I mean if you never listen to the vocals or read a lyric sheet from Summer Nights I could maybe, possibly, sort of, kind of, I guess see how someone might put it one notch ahead of Mean Street.  Oh who am I kidding, no I can't.

Summer Nights-too high, I mean I like the music more than it sounds like I do from my Mean Street comments but come on even Brad Paisley wouldn't sing those fishing lyrics.

Pretty Woman-too high, it's a good version but the next four songs below it are all better.

Beautiful Girls-too low unless there is a me tooness factor in these rankings.  I mean sure it is kind of a silly song but you don't play Van Halen at candlelight vigils or political protests.  You play Van Halen at parties where you are trying to get laid.

Where Have All the Good Times Gone-too low, actually the best Kinks cover they have done and I know what that implies.

Jump-obscenely too high, this is like putting Shakedown at #16 of all the songs Bob Seger ever did.

In a Simple Rhyme-too high, DLR era Van Halen song that I can not recall one note of.  I was a high school teenager in this time period.  That automatically means it can not possibly rank #14 all time.

Cabo Wabo-too high,  not a bad song just too high.  As any Hagar song ranked higher than Best of Both Worlds probably is.

5150-too high see Best of Both Worlds comment above.

Romeo Delight-too high, see In a Simple Rhyme comments above.

Everything from Running with the Devil on up other than Dance the Night Away-all a little too high though I am sure at least half the people who read this are trying to decide whether to neg rep me or just quote this part of the post and post one of ThuJune's Bob Stoops bag of dicks illustrations under it instead.  

 

 

 

[Moby Ric 2058]

VHIII "songs" should not be anywhere on that list and should be buried and forgotten that it was ever done.  Other than that the list has many flaws.

[AustinMT 952]

On 9/7/2018 at 10:18 AM, Cheeseweasel said:

Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love, should be higher. 

 

Spot on.  

[TexasBeta 1267]

 

 

 

[Mileslong 4729]

I have a real problem with “Running with the Devil” only at number 8 and I quit after 15 with no “Jamie’s Cryin’”

I declare list INVALID!

[mr. sunshine 2834]

Personally, I'd put "Dirty Movies" in the top 10, but since it's a deep cut, 61 it is 

[HiggyBaby 2550]

F the Jump haters man.

[Rimbo 26172]

This doesn't warrant its own thread, but I'm piggybacking on this for an "all things Van Halen" thread. (Also, because Greg Renoff was tagged by the owner of the video who said, "I finally found it, Greg!")

 

Eddie Van Halen is the shirtless guy in the light blue shorts. This has been confirmed officially, btw, by VHND. The film was shot by the family whose house Ed and Al used for rehearsals growing up. Note that the focus of the video were the family members, not EVH, but there it is.

[tbone_ 14211]

Eddie has some quicks and apparently was a relentless pass rusher.

Also, nice dumper on the mom.

[strangulation! 1716]

she also has some drop dead legs

[Kyle 207]

Don't care, like Van Halen and Van Hagar. And Klosterman is the greatest.

[tbone_ 14211]

she also has some drop dead legs

She also looks like a size 5. Bet she’s murder in a dress.

[Buzzrock 15004]

Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love, should be higher. 
 

Fuckin a this. 25? Foh

[Buzzrock 15004]

My 11 yo daughter could have written satisfaction riff. Doesn’t make it any less awesome.

Also for consideration: Walk by Pantera. Sometimes simple is glorious.

[Moby Ric 2058]

DLR has let it slip that VH might get together for a gig in yankee stadium in 2019.  Kind of like a festival gig with Foo Fighters, GNR,  Metallica and others.