Would it be wrong if...

[Guest]

We have had 4 door to door fuckwads in the past 2 weeks, the last of whom knocked on my door at 8:15pm Monday.  Thank God I don’t have little ones,  because when the knock happens at the door, our dogs go apeshit.  

There are NO SOLICITING signs at the entries into our subdivision. I have a ‘No Soliciting’ sign prominently displayed on the front door.  These douchers still knock and act all surprised that I am..well... less than cordial.

Would it be wrong if I answered the door while holding a shotgun?  I am so done with these disrespectful motherfuckers.  And yeah, the cops are not coming out because 1) I won’t call them for suck trivialities and 2) they have told folks they cannot stop solicitation.

Edited September 13, 2018 by slorch

[HOOKEM4 5036]

I had some jehovas witnesses bang on my door one morning. Normally I wouldn't have cared, but this was a couple of weeks after my son was born. He had just fallen asleep after an entire night of staying up with him. I happened to be digging up a sewer line to my septic out back when I heard the dogs go apeshit. I walked around the house, hearing my kid now awake and screaming, and flipped my shit on them. I didn't even realize I was still carrying a pick axe. To this day I have never had another one of those people come to my door. Not once.

Edited September 13, 2018 by HOOKEM4
fuck ou

[Guest]

So an axe gets me on the list?

Headed to Lowes...

[Digdogger 1344]

Answer the door in a bathrobe and ask if they’d like to join you in a high stakes game of Stratego

[ERhine 1894]

Lol. Calling the cops for someone ringing your doorbell and trying to sell you something? People do that?

[Steamboat1874 4049]

I have my own solution for anyone I am not expecting knocking on my door......

I do not answer it.

Problem solved.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

1 minute ago, Steamboat1874 said:

I have my own solution for anyone I am not expecting knocking on my door......

I do not answer it.

Problem solved.

When they ring the bell and your kid is asleep and the dog goes apeshit ?  That's your solution ?  Let them keep ringing, and the dog barking  and your kid screaming....  That's a bold strategy Cotton.

[52-80 19147]

Just ask if they have time to talk about our lord and savior Jesus

[SmokeyTheBear 5562]

I have two large dogs who get vicious when someone comes to the door. I kindly walk out keeping the door cracked open behind me and warn whoever it is that they have about 5 seconds to leave before I open the door and let my dogs do whatever they want. All the while, my 100 pound German shepherd is trying to destroy my door to get to them (to get petted). 

[PilotsError 2286]

No you don't.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11819]

46 minutes ago, Digdogger said:

Answer the door in a bathrobe holding a bag of frozen imitation crab meat and ask if they’d like to join you in a high stakes game of Stratego

FIFY.

[Steamboat1874 4049]

16 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

When they ring the bell and your kid is asleep and the dog goes apeshit ?  That's your solution ?  Let them keep ringing, and the dog barking  and your kid screaming....  That's a bold strategy Cotton.

I do not keep dogs in my house.

They are for outside.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

1 minute ago, Steamboat1874 said:

I do not keep dogs in my house.

They are for outside.

Well ain't you the stone cold bitch....

[SmokeyTheBear 5562]

12 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

No you don't.

When you have a kid and value their sleep (your sanity), you tend to do things you wouldn't normally do. Hence this thread. Before, people coming to the door would be ignored. Now, I'd happily shoot them in the face. I know that my threat with my dogs is empty because my dogs sound mean as fuck but are super sweet. And if for whatever reason one of my dogs did bite, those people are trespassing and a sign on my door says no soliciting. No risk. 

Edited September 13, 2018 by SmokeyTheBear

['stache 21795]

Lol. Calling the cops for someone ringing your doorbell and trying to sell you something? People do that?

Yes, mostly if they’re black.

[crash_davis 23100]

4 minutes ago, 'stache said:

Yes, mostly if they’re black.

Just helping out the cops fill their shoot a black person quota.

[Zavala 1384]

Maybe try to sell them on Satan

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

2 minutes ago, Zavala said:

Maybe try to sell them on Satan

Did that one to a couple Mormon kids just after graduating college.  They weren't amused.

[AUS-97HORN 11757]

So here is the deal with putting up the no soliciting sign.  I learned this from on old Sales Manager of mine.

 

You are one of the rational people who put the sign up because you legitimately dont care what anyone wants or has to sell, or talk about.   You just dont care, and you dont want to be bothered- hence the No Soliciting sign being on your door.

 

The thing is, you represent about 20-25% of the ENTIRE "No Soliciting Sign" population. The other 75-80% of folks who put that sign up, do so because they learned they have no self-control.  They can be easily influenced to buy whatever the hell the person knocking on the door is selling.     So those folks use the No Soliciting sign as a shield in the hopes that it will scare away salespeople.

 

So in reality, what you have done by putting the no soliciting sign on your door, is you have told the experienced door-to-door  salespeople that there is a 75% chance you are a sucker and will buy whatever they are selling.   And if you ARE one of the 25% of folks who truely cant stand solicitors, you will make that clear within the first 10 seconds.  

 

So for a salesman who makes a living by hearing the word "NO" 1,000 times a day,    Seeing a sign that implies they will either "waste' just 10-15 seconds and get an angry no, or they get a sucker who may be pre-desposed to buying things.....   they are going to knock on your door just about everytime to take that chance, and I am pretty sure their managers expressly tell their sales teams to knock on a No Soliciting door. Every. Single. Time.

 

 

 

[bernorange 8359]

@slorch - Do you have "no trespassing" signs?  Cops should arrest people for trespassing, but honestly, I wouldn't recommend calling the cops for that as you are as likely to get shot as the solicitors.

But to answer your question, hell yeah, answer the door with a shotgun in hand if you feel like it.  Just don't point it at anyone unless you intend to shoot.

[Felix 607]

My folks live on 3 acres and the house is a good 75 yards from the street down a winding gravel drive.  You can't see the house from the street so they don't get too many unexpected visitors.  They had a red heeler named Buster that pretty much roamed free.  He never bit anyone but he was pretty damned scary if you didn't know him.  One day my dad heard him out in the driveway barking and growling for a few minutes so he went and looked out the window.  Buster had 3 Jehovah's Witnesses standing back to back in a triangle while he slowly circled them barking and growling.  After he stopped laughing he opened the door and told them to run when they got a chance and he called Buster.  Buster came to the house and the last he saw of them they were shagging ass down the drive, ties flying behind them.  I wish we had cell phone cameras back then.

[Underdog 28576]

We just don’t answer the door, they usually just ring once and then leave.  

[Guest]

I am honestly about 99.99999999999% sure I will never answer the door with a gun, but given the hour and goofy crap being pulled in society lately- it definitely crosses my mind.I just want to be left alone in my own home.  Why don’t these assholes respect that.

Do I really have to post ‘no trespassing’ signs for people to know they are in my freaking space?  It ain’t a gotdam public park.

 

just leave me the fuck alone.  Ok?  I don’t mess with other people...just expecting the same.

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, Underdog said:

We just don’t answer the door, they usually just ring once and then leave.  

Why do they have to ring, when it plainly says on the door I do not want their business?

They could be selling Bud Lights for a dime and I still wouldn’t buy them.

Edited September 13, 2018 by slorch

[Underdog 28576]

Because they don’t give a shit.  We’ve had the sign also and it never stopped any solicitors, we just don’t answer the door. 

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

50 minutes ago, bernorange said:

@slorch - Do you have "no trespassing" signs?  Cops should arrest people for trespassing, but honestly, I wouldn't recommend calling the cops for that as you are as likely to get shot as the solicitors.

9

{giving}  But ... but.... what if they're black ? Or worse you're black ?!  {D. Dennison a boner}

[Rynosauri 23]

47 minutes ago, slorch said:

They could be selling Bud Lights for a dime and I still wouldn’t buy them.

Now you're just being petty. 

[Trey3216 15345]

1 hour ago, SmokeyTheBear said:

When you have a kid and value their sleep (your sanity), you tend to do things you wouldn't normally do. Hence this thread. Before, people coming to the door would be ignored. Now, I'd happily shoot them in the face. I know that my threat with my dogs is empty because my dogs sound mean as fuck but are super sweet. And if for whatever reason one of my dogs did bite, those people are trespassing and a sign on my door says no soliciting. No risk. 

Until your insurance company says you have a 'high risk dog' and doesn't pay a claim. 

[Trey3216 15345]

The answer, of course, is to come to the door while cleaning your shotgun.  Especially works with an over/under.  People are too stupid to realize they're not in any danger.  They get intimidated by it and leave.  

[NaTeWHO 852]

Vivint or some other kind of security system/smart home is an option. Works well for me. They ring my doorbell, I see them on my cameras, push the mic button and tell them to fuck off without ever opening the door. People behave differently when they realize they're being recorded the entire time they're on your property. Tend to stay away after as well. It's pretty convenient.

Edited September 13, 2018 by NaTeWHO

[dcbc 14465]

Before we had our Nest Doorbell and could remotely tell people to git, I'd just look through the window pane on the door, make eye contact, shake my head, and walk away.  Proud dad moment when I saw my 12 year old do that to a d2d solicitor. 

[El Diablo 4232]

1 hour ago, Zavala said:

Maybe try to sell them on Satan

Hola, amigo.

[Buffsoldier 1895]

Plus

[txhorns 2409]

Had a couple of Mormon girls stop by during the spring.  Both were attractive, blonde and about 20.  My wife was not happy when she came home and I was talking to them.

[Kennythetiger 9376]

1 hour ago, slorch said:

I am honestly about 99.99999999999% sure I will never answer the door with a gun, but given the hour and goofy crap being pulled in society lately- it definitely crosses my mind.I just want to be left alone in my own home.  Why don’t these assholes respect that.

Do I really have to post ‘no trespassing’ signs for people to know they are in my freaking space?  It ain’t a gotdam public park.

 

just leave me the fuck alone.  Ok?  I don’t mess with other people...just expecting the same.

Just answer the door in your underwear.  

[Trey3216 15345]

7 minutes ago, txhorns said:

Had a couple of Mormon girls stop by during the spring.  Both were attractive, blonde and about 20.  My wife was not happy when she came home and I was talking to them.

Word on the street is Mormon girls like it in the back door

[tfoolry 8201]

6 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Just answer the door in your underwear.  

Holding this

 

[Cody2422 270]

I'd recommend having your gun in hand when opening the door. They may think you're an intruder in their home and kill you.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Richter 2256]

You should get some plastic and put it over your front door with a biohazard sign on it.  Garraunteed to be effective.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

2 minutes ago, Richter said:

You should get some plastic and put it over your front door with a biohazard sign on it.  Garraunteed to be effective.

That or a pentagram painted in blood....

[deadshank 24652]

3 hours ago, HOOKEM4 said:

I had some jehovas witnesses bang on my door one morning. Normally I wouldn't have cared, but this was a couple of weeks after my son was born. He had just fallen asleep after an entire night of staying up with him. I happened to be digging up a sewer line to my septic out back when I heard the dogs go apeshit. I walked around the house, hearing my kid now awake and screaming, and flipped my shit on them. I didn't even realize I was still carrying a pick axe. To this day I have never had another one of those people come to my door. Not once.

So?  You converted?

[Bat Guano 359]

1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

Just answer the door in your underwear.  

Nah, that doesn't work.

[Jameslaw121 4448]

Just paint your house in a way that would dissuades people from wanting to go on your property. This one seems to work:

 

[HOOKEM4 5036]

2 hours ago, deadshank said:

So?  You converted?

Of course, let me just ask you, where can we find the answers to life's greatest questions??

[deadshank 24652]

1 minute ago, HOOKEM4 said:

Of course, let me just ask you, where can we find the answers to life's greatest questions??

Inside a port-a-can on a job-site.

[Prepuce of Doom 21053]

4 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

So here is the deal with putting up the no soliciting sign.  I learned this from on old Sales Manager of mine.

 

You are one of the rational people who put the sign up because you legitimately dont care what anyone wants or has to sell, or talk about.   You just dont care, and you dont want to be bothered- hence the No Soliciting sign being on your door.

 

The thing is, you represent about 20-25% of the ENTIRE "No Soliciting Sign" population. The other 75-80% of folks who put that sign up, do so because they learned they have no self-control.  They can be easily influenced to buy whatever the hell the person knocking on the door is selling.     So those folks use the No Soliciting sign as a shield in the hopes that it will scare away salespeople.

 

So in reality, what you have done by putting the no soliciting sign on your door, is you have told the experienced door-to-door  salespeople that there is a 75% chance you are a sucker and will buy whatever they are selling.   And if you ARE one of the 25% of folks who truely cant stand solicitors, you will make that clear within the first 10 seconds.  

 

So for a salesman who makes a living by hearing the word "NO" 1,000 times a day,    Seeing a sign that implies they will either "waste' just 10-15 seconds and get an angry no, or they get a sucker who may be pre-desposed to buying things.....   they are going to knock on your door just about everytime to take that chance, and I am pretty sure their managers expressly tell their sales teams to knock on a No Soliciting door. Every. Single. Time.

 

 

 

All of this. 

I'm almost certain that I posted this same notion at the old place, and I'm only slightly less certain that it was also in direct response to Slorch's airing of grievances. 

[Guest]

4 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

So here is the deal with putting up the no soliciting sign.  I learned this from on old Sales Manager of mine.

 

You are one of the rational people who put the sign up because you legitimately dont care what anyone wants or has to sell, or talk about.   You just dont care, and you dont want to be bothered- hence the No Soliciting sign being on your door.

 

The thing is, you represent about 20-25% of the ENTIRE "No Soliciting Sign" population. The other 75-80% of folks who put that sign up, do so because they learned they have no self-control.  They can be easily influenced to buy whatever the hell the person knocking on the door is selling.     So those folks use the No Soliciting sign as a shield in the hopes that it will scare away salespeople.

 

So in reality, what you have done by putting the no soliciting sign on your door, is you have told the experienced door-to-door  salespeople that there is a 75% chance you are a sucker and will buy whatever they are selling.   And if you ARE one of the 25% of folks who truely cant stand solicitors, you will make that clear within the first 10 seconds.  

 

So for a salesman who makes a living by hearing the word "NO" 1,000 times a day,    Seeing a sign that implies they will either "waste' just 10-15 seconds and get an angry no, or they get a sucker who may be pre-desposed to buying things.....   they are going to knock on your door just about everytime to take that chance, and I am pretty sure their managers expressly tell their sales teams to knock on a No Soliciting door. Every. Single. Time.

 

 

 

So yes on the gun. oK.

[Chad Fuck 17659]

We lived way out in the country growing up.  But the JH's started coming out every damn Saturday early.  It sucked.  One Friday, my little brother strung some "police line" tape around our front porch and did one of those little "this is where the body was" silhouettes like you see in the movies right by the front door.  They never came back.  

[Trey3216 15345]

35 minutes ago, Chad Fuck said:

We lived way out in the country growing up.  But the JH's started coming out every damn Saturday early.  It sucked.  One Friday, my little brother strung some "police line" tape around our front porch and did one of those little "this is where the body was" silhouettes like you see in the movies right by the front door.  They never came back.  

You just gave me a great idea. 

Luckily I have a few spent shell casings and some chalk lying around.  That may be my Saturday morning plan.  

[stc 1460]

i disconnected my doorbell. 90% of people ring once and don't knock. also keeps the dogs from going nuts every time a package is delivered.