There once was a man from Manassas, who rubbed store fruit on his asses (then put it back on the shelves)

[clapclapclap 9,000]

I regret that he probably had only one butt (to give?) but plural rhymed better.

 

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/09/18/man-rubbed-fruits-butt-northern-virginia-grocery-store-police/1343698002/

Man accused of rubbing produce on his butt at Northern Virginia grocery store

Ashley May and Gina Doez, USA TODAY Published 9:42 a.m. ET Sept. 18, 2018 | Updated 5:47 p.m. ET Sept. 18, 2018

A man was arrested at a Northern Virginia grocery store after allegedly dropping his pants and rubbing produce on his backside. 

Police were called to a Giant Food grocery store in Manassas, Virginia, on Saturday after a witness reported seeing a man picking fruit off of the shelf, rubbing it on his butt and putting the fruit back on the shelf. 

Manassas City Police Department charged Michael Dwayne Johnson, 27, with destruction of property and indecent exposure. 

The Giant store had to destroy several pallets of produce in fear of contamination, police said. 

Senior Police Officer Charles Sharp told USA TODAY he does not believe the incident was mental health related. At the time, Johnson was with another person at the grocery store who was not charged, Sharp said. 

Edited September 18, 2018 by clapclapclap

[Digdogger 1,344]

I wouldn’t buy their dewberries 

[conVINCEd 21,474]

I’m guessing bananas and cucumbers???

[deadshank 24,653]

Was it peaches from Gaffney, SC?

[UTEX90 589]

Glad they cracked this one.

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

How else ya gonna get the fuzz off the peaches ?

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,821]

That corn ain’t gonna shuck itself. 

[Hate 20,155]

2 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

I’m guessing bananas and cucumbers???

Jack fruit.

[Buffsoldier 1,895]

3 hours ago, clapclapclap said:

Manassas City Police Department charged Michael Dwayne Johnson, 27

 

I know, it's a stretch. But it was a good excuse to use The People's Eyebrow.

Edited September 19, 2018 by Buffsoldier

[Bevo Num1 1,043]

This fruit tastes like ass.

[Digdogger 1,344]

1 hour ago, Buffsoldier said:

 

I know, it's a stretch. But it was a good excuse to use The People's Eyebrow.

Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?