A glimpse of the American Dream

[Brisketexan 105701]

We (and I’m talking about the people who post on this board, who are generally college-educated and in decent financial shape) are jaded – well, I think we’re jaded in ways of which we’re unaware.  Specifically, we’re jaded when it comes to the whole “America” sales package: the land of opportunity, the American dream, that whole deal.  We talk about how the American dream is dead.  Indeed, I’m one of the chief proponents of that position.  And in many ways, it is.  But, we had an experience tonight that prompted a helluva conversation around our table, and more than a few hopeful tears.  I mean, I still have incredible frustration at what we seem bent on doing to the American Dream, and how what we thought it was, or should be, is dead. 

But you know who it’s not dead for?  A wide-eyed kid from Afghanistan, considering college. 

Y’all may remember that  we work with an Afghan refugee family – we have for a couple of years, and I suspect it will continue indefinitely.  The oldest boy, M, is a junior this year.  His high school has started talking up colleges, and tonight was the first “college fair.”  It wasn’t a huge production, and it was mostly smaller, local schools; think Texas State, ACC, Blinn, Schreiner, etc.  Well, M got the notice that the fair was tonight, and he REALLY wanted to go.  I mean, REALLY wanted to go.  So, my wife and his mother took him.  And to hear my wife describe it, when he walked in and saw the array of schools – of opportunities – in front of him, he was in real-deal mouth-open awe.

They talked to several schools.  And they kept it modest – places within an hour and a half of home.  Places that are likely to offer scholarships and grants.  As my wife explained, “M, our goal is for you to go to college for free.”  He was again dumbfounded – “you mean they’ll pay for me to go to college?”  She confirmed that is the goal.  At every table they approached, my wife introduced him: “this is M.  He’s going to be a first-generation college student.”

And the people and resources that they talked to knew just what was going on, and how to approach it.  M needs to go someplace where he can learn to go to college; something that most of us grew up expecting to do, and knowing the drill, will be alien to him.  And so many of these places are geared towards doing just that.  They were blown away by Blinn, which has an entire community of first gen students that even live together.  Texas State also has a good program and plan geared towards kids like M.  There’s plenty of potential scholarships on the table (M is bilingual and a strong student, on top of being a first-gen student with no financial wherewithal of his own).  He is SO DAMNED EXCITED.  Not by going to this fancy school, or that fancy school, but by the idea of going to SCHOOL.  Of getting a degree.  Of the limitless opportunity in front of him.  An opportunity that this country, and its educational system offers.  An opportunity that countless people, from my wife, to his high school counselor, to people at Blinn, and Texas State, and numerous other schools, have consciously put together. 

And yes, one of the first things my wife said when she got home was “lord, we have it so good.”  And yes, the contrast between M’s college vision and the road we’re walking down with my daughter these days, who is looking at “this fancy school or that fancy school” is not lost on us.  Perspective is a good thing.

But the other thing my wife said, quite soberly, was “I got to see the American Dream happening tonight.”  We talked about it, and how this is what we should be doing across the board, for everyone – refugees, first-gen students born right here, all of ‘em.  This is good.  This is America, being good 

M walked in the door of the high school auditorium with a dream in his head.  He saw the path to making that dream come true laid out in front of him.  That dream is the AMERICAN dream.  It is what has made us great.  It is what still makes us great.  There are still people who believe in the American dream.  One of them is a skinny Afghani high school junior.  And his belief gives me hope.

Just something I wanted to share with y'all.  It's a good thing, and I didn't want to keep it to myself.

[Guest]

Nobody here believes in the American dream.

#surlygroupthink

#onlyexceptionsmakeit

#wedon'tbelieveexceptionsexist

Edited September 26, 2018 by slorch

[Larry T. Spider 1747]

I see the American Dream everyday working in a public school. Sometimes the kids are too young to realize it, but the parents get it. Many risked everything they have and know to come here, work a shit job, and send their kids to school in a safe environment where they have opportunity. Anybody that doesn’t believe in the American Dream should go volunteer at their neighborhood school and meet the kids and their families.

[tx 3 putt 78010]

go M !

 

 

[Brisketexan 105701]

I see the American Dream everyday working in a public school. Sometimes the kids are too young to realize it, but the parents get it. Many risked everything they have and know to come here, work a shit job, and send their kids to school in a safe environment where they have opportunity. Anybody that doesn’t believe in the American Dream should go volunteer at their neighborhood school and meet the kids and their families.

Larry....that’s fucking awesome. Seriously, thanks for sharing, and thanks for what you do.

[Helobious 9516]

I think I shared this on shaggy back in the day, but here's My American Dream csb/

Not one of my 4 grandparents advanced beyond elementary school in Mexico. They all crossed over here (illegally, no CR) in the 1950's. Dirt poor and not knowing a word of English. My dad's parents had 8 kids here, and as a family they worked as migrant farm workers until my dad was high school age. When it wasn't picking season, my dad's family lived in a one bedroom house in the Rio Grande Valley. My dad and 2 of his brothers would sleep on the porch because there was no room inside. Of those 8 kids, 6 graduated from college, 1 joined the army, and 1 became a successful realtor.  My mom's parents had 3 kids here, all 3 went on to graduate college. My mom and dad were affirmative action admits (again, not trying to CR) to UT in the 1980's, where they met. I grew up far more comfortably than my parents ever did, entirely due to their own hard work and perseverance. To me, the American Dream is the idea that you can go very far in life by living out those two qualities, no matter where you start from. 

My grandpa, may he RIP, always said America was the greatest country ever. This was a man who picked vegetables for a living, endured many instances of racism throughout his life, lived in a very poor neighborhood, and was viewed as non-existent by society due to his immigration status. When I was younger it never made sense to me why he said that, but I definitely understand it now. 

[Pancho 45574]

Preface - i teach a a community college in a very conservative area of houston

When we get to the chapter on culture, I always ask what does the “American Dream” mean?  The answers are often talking about going to college, getting a good job, raising a family, making lots of money, and overall being successful. 

I then compare that to immigrants who come to Houston, live in a pretty poor house on the east side, send their kids to a shitty HISD school, and work for minimum wage and ask if they believe that to be a possibility of an American dream.  Typically, most of them same no.  But every so often a few students will say yes.  Those students who agree embody the example I just described.  Their parents think of that scenario as the American Dream because is 50 times better than what they endured in their home country and they now look at the possibilities in America as endless. 

One of my go-to lines during this lecture—The American Dream is subjective.  Your version of the American Dream may not be the same as someone else’s but that doesn’t mean they BOTH can’t be correct. (I use a similar line when we talk about “patriotism.”)

 

[Incredulity 11733]

Maybe this is the start of something better for the OP. Psychologically.

The American Dream is very much alive and well and out there for the taking.  Yeah, it takes bootstraps, dealing with injustices and unfairness.  

It’s the best place for opportunity in the world.

[Brisketexan 105701]

Maybe this is the start of something better for the OP. Psychologically.
The American Dream is very much alive and well and out there for the taking.  Yeah, it takes bootstraps, dealing with injustices and unfairness.  
It’s the best place for opportunity in the world.

And...you’re missing a huge part of the point. Bootstraps, the triumph of the individual...only part of the picture.

You know what it takes? OTHER PEOPLE. We live in a society, a community. M has a shot at the American dream. Because: his family was sponsored to come here as refugees; a church helped settle them and get them on their feet; teachers who have helped him catch up quickly; a guidance counselor who has made sure he knows he has options; an employer who purposefully took a chance and hired his mom so she can now earn a living and keep a roof over their head; people at Blinn, Texas State, and other schools who have tailored programs for students like him....and I could go on.

Our founding document starts with one word: “We.” Without we, there is no American dream. We aren’t called to kickass and grab the American dream. We’re called to help other people find that dream along the way.

I’m heartened by M starting to visualize and see a path for that dream. But I’m also incredibly happy to see the army of people who are helping to pave that path for him. The simple truth is that you generally can’t have one without the other.

[TwiceHorn 31705]

The American Dream isn't really that subjective.  It's to have it better than your parents did.

 

When I say that I fear it's dead, it's because a lot of people apparently are not going to have it better than their parents.

 

And that apparently can be said fairly objectively, without resort to value judgments.

Edited September 26, 2018 by TwiceHorn

[irishtexan 11602]

The American Dream isn't really that subjective.  It's to have it better than your parents did.

To be honest, sometimes I’m not even sure what it meant to have it better than your parents. I don’t know that that’s a reasonable expectation at all. White baby boomers grew up in an unprecedented time of opportunity following the US’s rise to power as the sole global superpower. Resources were fairly accessible and affordable - namely housing, education, and employment opportunities. It was marked by unprecedented economic growth. I’m not sure it’s reasonable to expect that to continue unfettered. And to be fair, the concept of the “American Dream” has been largely defined by white men throughout history. Perhaps we need to redefine the concept of “having it better” than your parents to include metrics outside of wealth accumulation.

[workswithseed 2140]

1 hour ago, Pancho Negro said:

Preface - i teach a a community college in a very conservative area of houston

 

I thought you worked at NCTC in Gainesville. 

[52-80 19287]

wait til he gets offered his first spliff at Blinn.

[Digdogger 1344]

I assumed this was another ‘sex robot’ thread.  Carry on

[Guest]

Now imagine he's white...

[SHOOTER12 8859]

Thanks for an excellent, inspiring and eye opening post Brisket.   So many have become jaded and take so many things for granted.  It is truly like they cannot see the forest for the trees, as the old saying goes.  One part of your post really stood out to me, where he can learn to go to college;

There is so much truth and value in those few words.  So many high schools, and especially smaller ones overlook this very important lesson.   The college experience, especially for first gen students, and those who go away to school can be like waking up on a distant planet  and far too few of our high school teachers and  counselors spend any time preparing even the best of students to "learn to go to college".... and it's a damned shame as it can make the difference between success and failure in going to school.

[52-80 19287]

18 minutes ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Thanks for an excellent, inspiring and eye opening post Brisket.   So many have become jaded and take so many things for granted.  It is truly like they cannot see the forest for the trees, as the old saying goes.  One part of your post really stood out to me, where he can learn to go to college;

There is so much truth and value in those few words.  So many high schools, and especially smaller ones overlook this very important lesson.   The college experience, especially for first gen students, and those who go away to school can be like waking up on a distant planet  and far too few of our high school teachers and  counselors spend any time preparing even the best of students to "learn to go to college".... and it's a damned shame as it can make the difference between success and failure in going to school.

 

[Aqua Buddha 14671]

America is still the great and fabled nation on top of the hill.

[Michael Knight 13094]

The American Dream died June 11, 2015, I once caught a glimpse of him in 92

Edited September 26, 2018 by Michael Knight

[Incredulity 11733]

In my view the American Dream is the opportunity and freedom to develop your success(financial or otherwise) based on your own efforts, not on your birthright.(and i realize some who claim to have lived the AD were born on third base)

Absolutely, it takes a functioning society as a foundation for the opportunity of the American Dream.

 

[TwiceHorn 31705]

7 hours ago, irishtexan said:

 

To be honest, sometimes I’m not even sure what it meant to have it better than your parents. I don’t know that that’s a reasonable expectation at all. White baby boomers grew up in an unprecedented time of opportunity following the US’s rise to power as the sole global superpower. Resources were fairly accessible and affordable - namely housing, education, and employment opportunities. It was marked by unprecedented economic growth. I’m not sure it’s reasonable to expect that to continue unfettered. And to be fair, the concept of the “American Dream” has been largely defined by white men throughout history. Perhaps we need to redefine the concept of “having it better” than your parents to include metrics outside of wealth accumulation.

Well, look at Helobius' story.  He's brown.  He doesn't directly say a word about wealth.  But rather education and non-menial jobs indoors.

We aren't talking about reasonable expectations, that's part of the problem.  You gotta do your part too, not just sit on your ass and wait for it.

Boomers had it easier and probably got more than any previous generation (and probably fucked it up for everyone else along the way).  But the dream existed before that.

[Kyle 207]

Thanks for sharing a great post. I've found the world on the streets - from racial interaction, to community, to brother helping brother, to economic issues - is much different than the dark world painted by the Internet façade created by those seeking a remedy for whatever gluten-free cultural ailment has them worked up today. America and none of us are perfect, but there is still not a much better place on the planet. Most of the Internet-fabricated outrage is just the latest expression of "white man's burden." Believe it or not, most folks out there don't need us white guys to be angry for them nearly as much as we think.

[Dahobbs 17833]

9 hours ago, slorch said:

Nobody here believes in the American dream.

#surlygroupthink

#onlyexceptionsmakeit

#wedon'tbelieveexceptionsexist

Rage on. 

[South Austin 52766]

Little pink houses for you and me.

[TwiceHorn 31705]

7 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

Well, look at Helobius' story.  He's brown.  He doesn't directly say a word about wealth.  But rather education and non-menial jobs indoors.

We aren't talking about reasonable expectations, that's part of the problem.  You gotta do your part too, not just sit on your ass and wait for it.

Boomers had it easier and probably got more than any previous generation (and probably fucked it up for everyone else along the way).  But the dream existed before that.

Ran out of edit.  A whole bunch of Irish and Italian and other immigrants lived the dream long before American hegemony commenced.

My grandparents, none of whom had more than a one-room schoolhouse education, put four kids through college.

And brisket is right, it does take a community.  A community that likely starts with family.  A community that's getting harder to come by these days.  But don't discount the individual effort, either.

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, Dahobbs said:

Rage on. 

Hardly ragey.  More “So this is the difference maker now?”

 

I’m all in on the American Dream still existing.  Some folks just (re)define it at their convenience.

 

Some call it community.  Some call it family. I agree it has zero to do with wealth.

Edited September 26, 2018 by slorch

[luke duke 6420]

Which fraternity is he going to join?

 

[Brisketexan 105701]

13 minutes ago, luke duke said:

Which fraternity is he going to join?

 

Will be interesting to see if a culturally muslim kid ends up drinking beer.....my guess is no, but we'll see.

The one thing that his mother and my wife stopped cold was ANY conversation with military recruiters -- and they were of course QUITE interested in him.  The ladies' explanation was pretty clear and simple, and he got it: "You speak English and Dari.  If you join the army, where do you think they'll send you?" Pause.  "Ohhh...you mean, they'll send me back?"  The Taliban already killed his father.  I think his family has paid its blood tax.

[bernorange 8377]

3 hours ago, Dahobbs said:

Rage on. 

Yes, I know my enemies!
They're the teachers who taught me to fight me!
Compromise! Conformity! Assimilation! Submission!
Ignorance! Hypocrisy! Brutality! The elite!
All of which are American dreams!
All of which are American dreams!
All of which are American dreams!
All of which are American dreams!

[52-80 19287]

6 minutes ago, bernorange said:

Yes, I know my enemies!
They're the teachers who taught me to fight me!
Compromise! Conformity! Assimilation! Submission!
Ignorance! Hypocrisy! Brutality! The elite!
All of which are American dreams!
All of which are American dreams!
All of which are American dreams!
All of which are American dreams!

 

[Brisketexan 105701]

20 minutes ago, bernorange said:

Yes, I know my enemies!
They're the teachers who taught me to fight me!
Compromise! Conformity! Assimilation! Submission!
Ignorance! Hypocrisy! Brutality! The elite!
All of which are American dreams!
All of which are American dreams!
All of which are American dreams!
All of which are American dreams!

Knew it was coming.  Respected and allowed.

[Guest]

Did you tell M that you believe America is on the verge of collapsing?  No sense in chasing the American dream when the whole country is about to unravel at the seams.  

[Kyle 207]

At the end of the day, I hope life is nothing but blessings for M and all who see to live with integrity. I respect and appreciate the "rage" and disenchantment, but overall life's pretty beautiful despite its ups and downs. Most of us on the streets realize we're a lot more alike than different.

[Brisketexan 105701]

1 minute ago, Aphelion said:

Did you tell M that you believe America is on the verge of collapsing?  No sense in chasing the American dream when the whole country is about to unravel at the seams.  

Meh.  He came from Afghanistan where his dad was blown up, and then a Pakistani refugee camp.  Even when we utterly fail and turn to shit, it will still be a better flavor of shit than he came from.

That, and guys like M are our hope to KEEP this country from collapsing.  He's not just moving towards the American Dream, he's part of what can keep it alive for the rest of us.

[Guest]

17 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Meh.  He came from Afghanistan where his dad was blown up, and then a Pakistani refugee camp.  Even when we utterly fail and turn to shit, it will still be a better flavor of shit than he came from.

That, and guys like M are our hope to KEEP this country from collapsing.  He's not just moving towards the American Dream, he's part of what can keep it alive for the rest of us.

We will need help to guide us through the post apocalyptic cinders and ashes.  

[deadshank 24653]

3 hours ago, luke duke said:

Which fraternity is he going to join?

 

Won’t be the ZBTs

[WBT 20776]

7 hours ago, Michael Knight said:

The American Dream died June 11, 2015, I once caught a glimpse of him in 92

son of a plumber

[Pancho 45574]

15 hours ago, workswithseed said:

I thought you worked at NCTC in Gainesville. 

No, I'm from Gainesville and my parents still live there.  I would never move back. 

[orange dream 1267]

OP, thanks for posting.  it is good to have a perspective check every now and then. 

 

 

 

 

[tbone_ 14300]

I agree. Good perspective.

I also feel like people all up and down the line generally have it better than any time in history. Yet something in our human nature, not to mention the constant negative media bombardment, won’t let us feel good about it as a society. Seems to me like most of our collective angst is a function of goofy perspective.

But what do I know.

[Kyle 207]

1 minute ago, tbone_ said:

I agree. Good perspective.

I also feel like people all up and down the line generally have it better than any time in history. Yet something in our human nature, not to mention the constant negative media bombardment, won’t let us feel good about it as a society. Seems to me like most of our collective angst is a function of goofy perspective.

But what do I know.

I'm with you. I realize I'm generalizing, but the things we get so ridiculously outraged about and cause social media and talk shows to lose their mind would make most previous generations laugh out loud. The world will never be perfect or fair, but times are pretty good for most people relative to other periods. I think you're right our need to get worked up about something I suspect often tends to create "goofy perspectives." Does not mean we should not strive for improvement, but temper that with getting from 80 to 82 is harder and a better problem to have than getting from 30 to 50 ... the law of diminishing returns does not apply to qualitative positions I suppose.

[tbone_ 14300]

https://www.gatesnotes.com/Books/Factfulness