Lincoln Riley clubs puppies and hates America

[TexArcher 39037]

Lincoln Riley thinks Lowell Galindo is ready for a national play-by-play gig.

Edited October 5, 2018 by TexArcher

[lemonandaturd 4289]

Lincoln Riley's childhood hero was Ed Hochuli.  

[Scheiss Meister 8466]

Just listened to the recording really closely and realized that Lincoln Riley was really saying that he would pay treefiddy to lick Toby Kieth's ass.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

Lincoln Riley thought the plot to Andy Warhol's "Empire" was too complicated. 

[elfenix 34744]

lincoln riley loves eskimo hut

[Chilly Water 421]

Lincoln Riley once jerked off with Icy Hot so he could put “living life on the edge” on his dating profile.

[Vic Mackey 47950]

Lincoln Riley thinks primetime network TV desperately needs more hospital dramas.

And detective shows.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

Lincoln Riley once got an F on a book report about "Lord of the Flies" when he illustrated it. With Hobbits.

[smuggs 9397]

Lincoln Riley much rather prefers an isosceles Devil's Triangle to a scalene Devil's Triangle.

 

 

[CBHorn 441]

Lincoln Riley hates saving money on car insurance with Geico.

[Jerry Callo 8958]

Lincoln Riley pays by check at the grocery store, doesn't start filling it out until the cashier finishes scanning the items, and then remembers he said he'd pick up a soft pack of Pall Malls menthols for the pregnant girl from the trailer park.

[CBHorn 441]

Lincoln Riley cuts his hair with a flowbee.

[TreatyOak 17338]

[Mikey4 2484]

Lincoln Riley cuts his hair with a flowbee.

Wait, the suck cut?

[Vertigo 20492]

Lincoln Riley brings a bag of fast food to group meals at nice restaurants. 

[Vertigo 20492]

Lincoln Riley pickets methadone clinics.

[ShowmeyourTDs 1160]

26 minutes ago, Mikey4 said:

40 minutes ago, CBHorn said:

Lincoln Riley cuts his hair with a flowbee.

Wait, the suck cut?

[SteelEER 117]

Lincoln Riley rents out an entire theater the first Friday of every month so that he can watch Titanic in his pajamas and cry during that scene where Jack freezes to death even though that bitch had enough room for like 4 people on whatever that thing was that she was floating on. 

[SteelEER 117]

Lincoln Riley wears a fanny pack...full of dicks.

[DeweyCox 366]

Lincoln Riley won an autographed poster of NKOTB for submitting the most entries to a fan club drawing for a chance to win a NKOTB leather jacket in 1993. His parents spent $2,800 on postage stamps alone. That poster is huddled around before every game as he leads the team in reciting the inspirational words of “Hangin Tough”. 

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Just a hangin tough. 

[GhostofDanJones 336]

[TexArcher 39037]

1 hour ago, Vertigo said:

Lincoln Riley brings a bag of fast food to group meals at nice restaurants. 

And it's In-N-Out Burger.

[solamente73 1147]

Lincoln Riley doesn’t always eat dicks... who am I kidding, he’s always eating bags of dicks.

or in the first person, with graphic:

[The Dude 1263]

Lincoln Riley is a hermaphrodite

[SteelEER 117]

2 minutes ago, The Dude said:

Lincoln Riley is a hermaphrodite

without the penis

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

Lincoln Riley turns up the volume during commercials.

[Jerry Callo 8958]

Lincoln Riley licks peanut butter off of his dog's balls.

[PatrickMcHorn 376]

Lincoln Riley is bad.

Am I doing this right?

[El Squared 1839]

Lincoln Riley doesn't return shopping carts to the shopping cart corral and leaves it in an open parking space.

Edited October 5, 2018 by El Squared

[El Squared 1839]

Lincoln Riley has a blue parking sticker he uses at Luby's claiming he was injured "surfing the web".

[El Squared 1839]

Lincoln Riley doesn't recycle rare earth magnets.

[Hornius Emeritus 12796]

Lincoln Riley has a belly tat of two bunnies touching noses.

[elfenix 34744]

lincoln riley starts fights between the klobasniky and kolache camps on the internet

[Butch Had Not 3060]

Lincoln Riley thinks Mein Kamph should be made into a movie. 

[elfenix 34744]

Lincoln Riley leaves a glass of milk and a plate of meth for Santa Claus

[Mikey4 2484]

Lincoln Riley likes to have "the talk" with other people's children.

[dcbc 14644]

When his only friend went away to community college, Lincoln Riley changed his name to Mike Honcho and spread his butt apart for Playgirl magazine.

[Longboard Horn 41350]

Lincoln Riley can suck a golf ball through a garden hose

[Longboard Horn 41350]

Lincoln Riley is so ugly he could be a modern art masterpiece. 

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

Lincoln Riley regularly bets on the Washington Generals.

[DoobieWah 1535]

Lincoln Riley needed overtime to beat Army. (True Story.)

Lincoln Riley was named for JFK's secretary.

Lincoln Riley's favorite pizza is "Hawaiian"...with extra dicks.

That guy sucks.

Like OU.

 

 

\\m//

 

 

 

[McCoytoShipley 2]

Lincoln Riley started #metoo.

[Scheiss Meister 8466]

Lincoln Riley eats sardines and limberger cheese in a crowded movie theater, then belches loudly in the faces of the people on either side of him.

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

Lincoln RIley giggles when he farts.

[Scheiss Meister 8466]

Lincoln Riley prefers tofu to smoked brisket.

[DeweyCox 366]

Lincoln Riley could not sleep through this night. Too excited. Looch met him in the hotel stairwell, just after midnight,  with a brand new bag’o’dicks. Things happened. His mind is nowhere near this game. He won’t shit right for two weeks.

[Bojack 2090]

When Lincoln Riley goes to the bank, he uses the drive thru teller and makes sure he goes on Saturday when there's only one lane open. When it's his turn, he pulls to the window and sits without doing anything for several minutes.  He then sends the canister to the teller and requests a pen.  He then embarks on what must be the most complicated bank transaction ever which requires the canister to be sent back and forth 4 more times at five minute intervals. All the while his car is running and spewing the foulest exhaust.  When his transaction is finally finished, he puts his car in gear and just as you think he's about to drive off, he puts it back in park and calls the teller. He then reviews his paperwork and counts his money without pulling through. By the time you get to the window, they're closed and Monday is a holiday.  

[Texas007 195]

Lincoln Riley thinks we should forget the Alamo

[Mikey4 2484]

Lincoln Riley is undefeated as HC against texas.

TTL, P

[EtOH 63]

Lincoln Riley eats only small, baby corn dicks because anything larger would be too intimidating. But he gorges on them by dump truck delivery. He’s a mass consumption tiny dick-eating sooner and a, NOW VERIFIED, loser. 

Tiny-dick-eating LOSER