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Comic Relief: Satirical Tweets and Memes

Hugo Stiglitz

By Hugo Stiglitz
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THUJONE
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Bullneck
Bullneck
maninblack
maninblack

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19456

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Yeah, that was a pretty weak deflection.  I mean, almost every politician does get hair/makeup for public campaign appearances (particularly when going before a camera) done with campaign funds.  And if it costs a tad more to get it done by a constituent base they're trying to support/turn out, cost of doing business I suppose.  But yeah $30k for a mayoral race, even for Chicago, seems awkward.  

I've lived in Illinois when it was a relatively Red state and when it was a relative Blue state, so none of this shit really surprises me.  What I'm worried about are the sharks attacking electric boat drivers on Lake Michigan.  Some of those $30,000 to go to support efforts to keep the sharks away from the electric boaters instead of barber shops and pedicures.  

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19456

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I mean, c'mon folks..."Don-Ald Shark" to the beat of "Ba-By Shark" is just sitting right there.  I'll rewrite the lyrics if somebody can edit the video with his orange ass on the shark.  I mean, one of the sharks in the video is actually orange for fuck's sake.  

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19456

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Yes, because the man on the grill should wait until they're almost done, then melt the cheese over them, place them in the wrapper, into the BK bag, and drop them off at the White House for an official Championship dinner.  

They have some coloring to them, they're not "raw", but yeah-I would have waited a few more minutes before doing the cheese.  I would have chosen to pick on what is really annoying about that grill arrangement is who the fuck places their eyeglasses on a dirty, wooden cutting board?  That has pink eye written all over it tomorrow morning. 

But these are the hard-hitting issues of the most pivotal election system since the Civil War.  When do you add the cheese that's the same color as the convicted felon running against Chuck's party?  

Chuck missed a chance to pivot the conversation by putting messy ketchup on the hot dogs, mid grill, and said, "Oh my bad, I thought Trump was coming over but he's busy battling Electric Sharks." 

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 106607

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That’s pretty bad.
He should have just made a Republican brisket. I dunno, maybe he didn’t have a Pyrex dish and ketchup on hand.
Own thing’s for sure: don’t eat anything a politician cooks. That’s just a good life rule.
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YGIFS

YGIFS 19456

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I dunno, they kinda look like they're starting to cook.  I can't see color for shit on monitors anymore.  Now that you mention it though, he's got the burger burner on the same setting as the hot dogs which are coming along very nicely, but obviously don't need as long/as high a heat.  So yeah, I think he's mis-timing it and they are more rare than I thought.  Still the cheese will cook to a safe heat, but yeah-by the time he flips or pulls the burgers, the cheese will basically just have all run down into the burners.  I think he was just going for a cool photo-op and fucked it up.  I'm sure there's a handful of member of Congress that can grill properly, but the next one I meet will be the first.  

I don't like wooden cutting boards for meats.  I know it looks more authentic, but shit seeps into those grooves and on a hot day, I don't want to put a second wave of burgers/steaks/whatever on the cutting board.  I use glass, or if we're on vacation, a disposable BPE-free sheet.  But what's baffling to me is Schumer's signature look is those glasses perched down his nose a bit for a condescending speech on TV or photograph.  And he lays him on a filthy cutting board to put on to check on his e-coli cheeseburger special?  That's disgusting.  I'm guilty of not always following proper cooking protocol, but they're your fucking eyeballs man and you're 73.  Don't be rubbing raw ground beef juice into 'em.  When he does to the Capitol Spa, instead of cucumbers, do they put raw liver over his eyes to soothe him?  Sickie.  /rant

 

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PRONG HORN

PRONG HORN 3219

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55 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

How do you not possibly understand this is literally what trump has been accused of?  I refuse to believe you are this dumb.

 

 

Well there's the diary, and then all the clips of how he handles children whenever they're around.  I guess he could be like Michael Jackson where it's just genuine and innocent but inappropriate behavior/action. Who knows.    

I do appreciate your faith in my intelligence, or lack of dumb.

 

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Pods

Pods 7622

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4 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

How do you not possibly understand this is literally what trump has been accused of?  I refuse to believe you are this dumb.

He's a troll. He understands perfectly well that Trump has been accused of it, that's WHY he's accusing Biden of it. 

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Bullneck

Bullneck 19454

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7 hours ago, PRONG HORN said:

 

 

Well there's the diary, and then all the clips of how he handles children whenever they're around.  I guess he could be like Michael Jackson where it's just genuine and innocent but inappropriate behavior/action. Who knows.    

I do appreciate your faith in my intelligence, or lack of dumb.

 

Hmmm. I haven’t seen the diary.  Can you post a link to it?

(not a link to a Facebook page that says “Well, I heard . . .”)

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TDunk

TDunk 590

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2 hours ago, Bullneck said:

Hmmm. I haven’t seen the diary.  Can you post a link to it?

(not a link to a Facebook page that says “Well, I heard . . .”)

Free access to a kid's diary? What like free access to a laptop? Both of which are in pristine condition and non-fetered. See you in two weeks. 

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