Need some advice/input on a family matter tl;dr

[Bash Riprock 1695]

My grandfather passed last February at the age of 92 years old. He was a great man. WWII Vet, High School Counselor and farmer here in West Texas. He had 4 children. 3 daughters and a son. Which are my mother, my two aunts and my uncle who was the baby of the family. My uncle who was my grandfathers only son and is nearly 60.

Anyway my Grandmother is still kicking. She still lives at home and my uncle who has never married stays with her every night because they do not want to put her in a retirement home just yet. It looks like my grandmother may be in the early stages of Alzheimers though. When my grandfather died the four children decided that it was best for my uncle to be power of attorney. Each of them will inherit a great deal of land and money when my grandmother passes. My uncle is very levelheaded and has his masters in finance and has worked for Wells Fargo for 35 years, which is the reason the four of them decided to make him POA.

Something really pissed me off the other day and I wanted to know what a stranger would think. This has nothing to do with fighting over the will between the 4 children, I just wanted to give you a background on things.

I have a cousin who is the last born grandchild. The baby. He's 28 years old and teaches at a local college in west texas. He's a really good guy all around. However his wife is a total bitch. She grew up Church of Christ and his very judgmental of people especially certain people in our family. Anyway, this week she sends a text to my mom, who is her mother-in-laws older sister. Her husband, my cousin I was talking about is my mom's nephew. 

The text stated that she wanted to know if she could obtain our late grandfathers WWII uniform and give it as a Christmas gift to my cousin, so he could display it in his college office.

Here's why that pisses me off

1. They have not visited my widowed grandmother since the funeral and they live less than 2 miles away.

2. She's a judgmental bitch.

3. My grandmother hasn't even passed yet.

4. She texts my mom instead of her own mother in law to ask this question. This one puzzles me the most.

5. My uncle may want to hold on to that uniform since that was his fucking father's uniform.

6. Using a family memory/heirloom as a gift to obtain approval from her husband (my cousin) seems really fucked up.

7. My grandfather has 8 other older grandchildren besides her husband.

Our family has never had any conflict. We all get along. My mother is a saint and would do anything for anybody. I don't know if this bitch texted her because she felt like she could of taken advantage of her kindness.

My mom hasn't responded to the text. She doesn't know what to do. She thinks if she reaches out to her siblings she may rock the boat and make everyone mad at each other.

Sorry for the long post. I just had to the that off my chest. What do you guys think?

 

Edited October 14, 2018 by Bash Riprock

[Gil Bang 25944]

Your uncle is probably gay. 

[millhouse 2604]

Mom should defer to brother (who either should get it as only son or may know grandpa's wishes). Also, include a flow chart next time.

[Upgrayedd 5810]

Pics of total bitch?

[RowdyVic 106]

This should be determined by uncle and grandma. Imo

Sent from my SM-J727T using Tapatalk

[gsoda3 3254]

seems to me you're making it more complicated than it should be.  defer to your uncle.

[destroya 376]

I’d be pissed too, if I didn’t like the person who sent the text. 

Pretty easy for your mom to say they haven’t decided what they’re going do with the uniform. Hopefully the cousin in law gets the hint and leaves it alone. 

I do think displaying the uniform is a pretty good idea, though. 

[TwiceHorn 31452]

Yeah complete chickenshit move on multiple fronts by bitchface inlaw.

I think destroya has it right that it isn't Mom's call, alone, it's grandma's first, and all of the childrens' second.

Weird end-around by bitchface.  Wonder why she a) didn't go to grandma and the other children, as well, and b) thinks this particular approach will work.

 

And, I don't think it's your Mother's burden to reach out to other siblings or grandma.  It's bitchface's.  And your mother should say so.  As in, "I can't make that decision.  You should ask Granny first and probably the other children as well.  It's ok with me, though, if no one else objects."

Edited October 14, 2018 by TwiceHorn

[Hanrahan 1306]

Is the total bitch hot?

[Your Mom 4805]

 Find out if the uncle wants to keep the uniform. If he does that’s it, it’s his.  Give her a direct answer, tell her you uncle wants to keep his father’s uniform. If the uncle doesn’t want it and nobody else in the family has shown interest in it, just give it to her.  If I were in a situation like that, I might want an heirloom from my father/grandfather/great uncle but it wouldn’t be a uniform.  If somebody else wanted it and I didn’t, I’d have no problem just letting them have it. 

[BottleRocket 644]

Before anyone takes possession of the uniform, check the lining for dead Nazi gold. 

[phdhorn 6224]

Well, despite total bitch and all, I kind of like the idea.  It's honorable to put his uniform in the office, better than sitting in a closet.  Sometimes even bad people come up with good ideas.  I'd think even his wife (your grandmother) might like the idea of displaying it?

However, the rest seems simple:

1) Your mom simply write her sister and say she got a text from Bitch and thinks it's a good idea, but:
2) It's not her call, it's the kids' (all your aunts/uncles etc.).  So simply write 'em all and ask what they think.
3) If they get one dissenting opinion, can it.  If er'rybody agrees, donate it.
4) But if your mom writes e'rrbody and puts it out there, that takes away the nefarious intent of Bitch and turns it into a neat thing(?) (at least to me).

Like I said, I'd much rather give the uni and your granddad the honor he might deserve by displaying it.  I really like the idea.  And as long as your mom clears with her sibs, no problem, even maybe explaining that (putting it in some kinder context after talking with you) despite whatever intent was meant, this would honor your granddad.

I like the idea a lot.  My mom just died and my brother had his Army uni in her closet for 40 years.  He got it out and I have to admit, I was a bit jealous of it, not having served.  

[Bash Riprock 1695]

Is the total bitch hot?

Yes

[Bash Riprock 1695]

Your uncle is probably gay. 

You're not the first to suspect that.

[phdhorn 6224]

8 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

Your uncle is probably gay. 

I think he is... his dick tastes like shit.. er wait...

[Bash Riprock 1695]

Well, despite total bitch and all, I kind of like the idea.  It's honorable to put his uniform in the office, better than sitting in a closet.  Sometimes even bad people come up with good ideas.  I'd think even his wife (your grandmother) might like the idea of displaying it?

However, the rest seems simple:
1) Your mom simply write her sister and say she got a text from Bitch and thinks it's a good idea, but:
2) It's not her call, it's the kids' (all your aunts/uncles etc.).  So simply write 'em all and ask what they think.
3) If they get one dissenting opinion, can it.  If er'rybody agrees, donate it.
4) But if your mom writes e'rrbody and puts it out there, that takes away the nefarious intent of Bitch and turns it into a neat thing(?) (at least to me).

Like I said, I'd much rather give the uni and your granddad the honor he might deserve by displaying it.  I really like the idea.  And as long as your mom clears with her sibs, no problem, even maybe explaining that (putting it in some kinder context after talking with you) despite whatever intent was meant, this would honor your granddad.

I like the idea a lot.  My mom just died and my brother had his Army uni in her closet for 40 years.  He got it out and I have to admit, I was a bit jealous of it, not having served.  

It is a neat idea. But just secretly leap froging over my uncle makes me mad.

I bet if my cousin knew she sent this text he would be pretty upset with her.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

8 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

Pics of total bitch?

Four posts to get here...  

 

 

[Guest]

7 hours ago, RowdyVic said:

This should be determined by uncle and grandma. Imo

Sent from my SM-J727T using Tapatalk
 

I agree with this, but the discussion should include the other siblings, not just the uncle.

My biggest concern in this is the use of the word "gift."  IMHO, when it comes to family heirlooms, their don't actually belong to YOU, after your fore-bearers have passed.  You are simply the curator of such.  It is your responsibility to protect it and pass it down to subsequent generations.  Yes, legally someone has possession of it, but I feel it is an important distinction to be made regarding this arrangement.  "Gift" awards possession.  If this was in my family, I might be willing to allow for display of said uniform, especially in honor of our grandad, but it would be crystal clear that it stays in the family and that cousin is responsible for maintaining/ protecting the integrity/ current state of the uniform.

Should granny or any of the siblings call for the uniform, it needs to come back at their discretion.  I do think the cousin in question would be reasonable to ask the family if he/ she could inherit it when the siblings have passed on.

Edited October 14, 2018 by slorch

[Hanrahan 1306]

Agree but send her a Nazi uniform instead.

[77horn 216]

Assuming your grandmother is too senile to decide, look at Grandpa's will.  Its possible that it stipulated who gets the uniform. Likely it was one that said Grandma gets everything.  If so, then what does Grandma's will say.  If both wills are silent, then all the 4 children should decide.  Yeah, uncle has POA, but all 4 should know who gets what to avoid more bad shit when Grandma passes.  If this irritates over a uniform, imagine what would happen when time to dived the land, keepsakes, etc.

Edited October 14, 2018 by 77horn

[Jkwellborn 6697]

It’s possible she texted her mom and got the response of asking all the children.

It should be something discussed with them and the grandmother at once. It’s grandmas decision. After that, the uncle has the biggest voice.

If they won’t visit for anything, fuck them though. We went through that stuff with some of my family when my grandfather and grandmother both passed. I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire. I damn near refuse to speak to them.

Can I hunt your family land?

[Nice Guy Eddie 13511]

Since your grandmother is still alive, it would seem her opinion should be the most important.  If she defers to her children, then that is the path.   The uncle might have POA but that doesn’t mean that he should unilaterally make every decision.  Perhaps he can legally make every decision but doesn’t mean he should.  

personally I find it odd hanging up a veteran’s uniform on their office wall.  But to each their own.  

Regardless each generations’ possessions have to end up somewhere.  And it can lead to family problems as old feelings come to the surface.  

 

[Call 393]

Straight fire.  Tell the cunt to fuck off. 

[Assman 1830]

[RDCanecutter 26413]

Glad you got to have a cool Granddad. I bet you miss him. I sure miss mine.

If the college teacher is only 28, he's plenty young enough to sign up and get his own uniform to show off in the office.

Sorry about the Church of Christ person. CoC have convinced more than one person that hell can't be all that bad if all the CoC people are off somewhere else, like heaven. Start carrying a kazoo or some other small musical instrument when you expect to see her, and play it. She'll like that.

Uncle sounds like the guy to decide.

[RDCanecutter 26413]

After consulting w/Gramma, naturally.

[ImissWallyPryor 9046]

Tell your mom to say nothing so the boat will flip completely over.

Seriously, put me down in the “tell her nicely that granny’s kids should decide as a group who gets what AFTER granny dies” camp. They may have to draw straws or have a “draft” to determine who gets what, but don’t do anything that might get other people thinking about maneuvering to get the booty. 

Edited October 14, 2018 by ImissWallyPryor

[Bash Riprock 1695]

On 10/14/2018 at 9:38 AM, Jkwellborn said:

If they won’t visit for anything, fuck them though. We went through that stuff with some of my family when my grandfather and grandmother both passed. I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire. I damn near refuse to speak to them.
 

 

this is the main thing. everyone else visits and grieves with my grandmother or at least calls her if they don't live near. our grandfather was huge to our family. my cousin and his wife didn't visit him while he was in hospice, came to the funeral, and haven't been out to the farm since and again they live less than 2 miles away. the uniform is just a gift to her. using my grandfather. 

my uncle would blow his top if my mom told him about the text i bet.

so far mom is just ignoring the bitch.

[SHOOTER12 8803]

On 10/13/2018 at 11:13 PM, Bash Riprock said:

My grandfather passed last February at the age of 92 years old. He was a great man. WWII Vet, High School Counselor and farmer here in West Texas. He had 4 children. 3 daughters and a son. Which are my mother, my two aunts and my uncle who was the baby of the family. My uncle who was my grandfathers only son and is nearly 60.

Anyway my Grandmother is still kicking. She still lives at home and my uncle who has never married stays with her every night because they do not want to put her in a retirement home just yet. It looks like my grandmother may be in the early stages of Alzheimers though. When my grandfather died the four children decided that it was best for my uncle to be power of attorney. Each of them will inherit a great deal of land and money when my grandmother passes. My uncle is very levelheaded and has his masters in finance and has worked for Wells Fargo for 35 years, which is the reason the four of them decided to make him POA.

Something really pissed me off the other day and I wanted to know what a stranger would think. This has nothing to do with fighting over the will between the 4 children, I just wanted to give you a background on things.

I have a cousin who is the last born grandchild. The baby. He's 28 years old and teaches at a local college in west texas. He's a really good guy all around. However his wife is a total bitch. She grew up Church of Christ and his very judgmental of people especially certain people in our family. Anyway, this week she sends a text to my mom, who is her mother-in-laws older sister. Her husband, my cousin I was talking about is my mom's nephew. 

The text stated that she wanted to know if she could obtain our late grandfathers WWII uniform and give it as a Christmas gift to my cousin, so he could display it in his college office.

Here's why that pisses me off

1. They have not visited my widowed grandmother since the funeral and they live less than 2 miles away.

2. She's a judgmental bitch.

3. My grandmother hasn't even passed yet.

4. She texts my mom instead of her own mother in law to ask this question. This one puzzles me the most.

5. My uncle may want to hold on to that uniform since that was his fucking father's uniform.

6. Using a family memory/heirloom as a gift to obtain approval from her husband (my cousin) seems really fucked up.

7. My grandfather has 8 other older grandchildren besides her husband.

Our family has never had any conflict. We all get along. My mother is a saint and would do anything for anybody. I don't know if this bitch texted her because she felt like she could of taken advantage of her kindness.

My mom hasn't responded to the text. She doesn't know what to do. She thinks if she reaches out to her siblings she may rock the boat and make everyone mad at each other.

Sorry for the long post. I just had to the that off my chest. What do you guys think?

 

Just for the bolded parts, (especially the first, HELL NO)

She sounds like a selfish, self important bitch, so, HELL NO.

Tell your mom not to bother responding.  After a while Miss Priss will find another "mission" in her life and this one will be forgotten.   If she insists on being a pain in the ass, post noodz for your fellow Surlians.

[ImissWallyPryor 9046]

When my grandfather left the farm to join my grandmother in the “rest home,” his children and grandchildren descended on the farm like vultures. Well, the ones who lived close by did, while those of us several states away got what they didn’t want.

My dad flew back to Texas after he got his chance to get some of his parents’ things. Included in his take was the meat cleaver he mistakenly packed in his carry on (much hilarity ensued at the airport). He must have had to forfeit that item, because it wasn’t found among his things when he died earlier this year  

I think the lessons of my extended family’s behavior stuck with me and my sisters. We didn’t squabble over anything when our parents died.

[Reagan1k 3024]

Nothing reveals the true character of your family like the aftermath of a death in the days immediately following a funeral - if not before. 

 

[LonghornJones 837]

Just don't reply to the text. That seems to get the point across with that generation. Or, just reply "No". 

[Baboontyme 2810]

I agree with what many others have said. It's really up to your uncle and I'm definitely going to need to see pictures. 

[Jkwellborn 6697]

Of his uncle? That’s a little aggy of you isn’t it?

 

[Jimbaround 975]

Mom should defer to brother (who either should get it as only son or may know grandpa's wishes). Also, include a flow chart next time.

How’s this (I just guessed on where the other 8 grandchildren belonged)?

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3868]

If grandpa was a local high school counselor that may be the more appropriate place to have it displayed.  Then tell bitch- 'we really liked your idea of grandpa's uniform being on display and with his longtime work as a high school counselor at XYZ, plus involvement in the local community, we think that would be the best place to honor his service.'

[Jimbaround 975]

3 hours ago, Jimbaround said:

 

 

How’s this (I just guessed on where the other 8 grandchildren belonged)?

 

 

Shit, when I moved boxes around I forgot to label the Cousin.  He's the one married to the Cousin's wife.