How would Surly respond to this strongly worded note?

[PhillyD 1257]

I own one unit in a two unit condo building.  After living there for several years, I had to move out because it was too small for a family.  I've held on to it and rent it out because I'll eventually move back into it at least on a part time basis until I reestablish residency and avoid the Capital Gains Tax.  The owner of the other unit sent me the email below.  I'd like to see how Surly would respond.

Good evening PhillyD,

I’ve sent you three text messages with photos about the tenants’ treatment of the back terrace to which you have not responded nor have the tenants addressed the mess.

The forecast calls for a significant amount of rain this weekend with a Nor’Easter. Not only are there empty beer and wine bottles, empty glasses, newspaper and used charcoal briquettes on the ground, the table is placed one the drain.

I will not support a building insurance claim if anything happens as a result of this neglect.

I’m not the building manager or custodian here - this is a self-managed building that requires a joint effort to keep it maintained.

I also cleaned out the building garbage can after someone emptied most of the contents of an entire beer can into the garbage can on Sunday morning.

I think it’s time we discuss expectations for responsibilities for these tasks. I’m more than happy to meet with you.

 

[baboso 6057]

I would say sorry and then viciously attack my tenants.  But that's just me.

[bluto 4943]

Assuming the letter is true... I'd probably stop being a bitch avoiding their texts/attempts to contact you and tell your tenants to get the shit cleaned up while appreciating the fact the neighbor actually gives a shit about the property condition at all. 

[llanoflash 151]

An entire beer can?

 

[Gil Bang 26048]

OP is a shitty landlord and a worse neighbor

[TexArcher 38076]

Apologize profusely.

Give the tenants one chance to get their shit in order.

[PhillyD 1257]

32 minutes ago, bluto said:

Assuming the letter is true... I'd probably stop being a bitch avoiding their texts/attempts to contact you and tell your tenants to get the shit cleaned up while appreciating the fact the neighbor actually gives a shit about the property condition at all. 

It's not completely true.  I responded to two of the three texts.  He sent one of them while I was on vacation and did not have cell service so I never received it. I also apologized for not responding when I found out about it.  Each time I've relayed his concerns to the tenant and each time they have cleared the drain.  So, I take offense to being a bitch about avoiding the texts.

For the record, I put that the tenants are responsible for keeping the drain clear and that they must use trash bags in the garbage cans into the lease.  

The neighbor is controlling and a bit of a worry wart.  This is my third set of tenants and he's had some kind of issue with each of them.  Both of the previous tenants told me when they moved out that the only thing they didn't like about the place was him.

But, the responses here do help me see it from his point of view so I've chilled out a bit since posting it.  I'm a good landlord (I don't dip on planes!) and I get tired of his shit.  The tenants responded that they had a party last week and had let some things go so he may have had a point this time.

[miguelito 11313]

Burn his house down.

 

 

Wait... no, don't do that.

[Dbeasy 15095]

Hey OP

[Digdogger 1344]

Back where I come from putting a table on the drain will get you punched square in the balls

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

Pics of nekkid co-ed tenants (or, if tenants are male, their nekkid girlfriends) or it didn't happen.

[tfoolry 8239]

Who are you renting out to that still gets newspaper & throws most of the contents of an entire beer in garbage?

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

I'd respond back that I was sorry I didn't see or respond to their previous texts, and the situation would be handled immediately. Then I'd contact the renter, and make it clear they needed to address all the issues that our neighbor has bought to my attention.

[justhookit 4191]

33 minutes ago, TexArcher said:

Apologize profusely.

 

For the tenants wasting almost a full beer? Yes

[Prepuce of Doom 21106]

27 minutes ago, Digdogger said:

Back where I come from putting a table on the drain will get you punched square in the balls

Yeah, but putting a table one the drain is no big deal. 

[Sbbruin 21898]

2 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

OP is a shitty landlord and a worse neighbor

This is the answer.  This isn’t Philly for chrissakes.  Or is it?

Edited October 24, 2018 by Sbbruin

[bluto 4943]

Also reckon neighbor shoulda read the bylaws/hoa about it being owner occupied and been prepared to deal with the potential shit of living next to renters

[El Diablo 4232]

Is the tenants name Jack Tripper?

[texasjacket 289]

So please tell us you have some hidden cams on property and got pics of some of the hot co-eds at said party?

[Guest]

7 hours ago, llanoflash said:

An entire beer can?

 

That's the one thing that stood out in the note.  That set him/ her off?

 

Honestly, i might appreciate a neighbor giving me the heads-up about neglect, but that ain't shit in the realm of what renters can do to a place.

[Whitman 694]

Pics requested of tenants.....check

Advised to burn the house down.........check

Told not to be a bitch............check

Multiple posts about the full wasted beer.........check

 

I think Surly's job is done here.

[SHOOTER12 8833]

If OP would quit boning the neighbors wife all hostilities (and strongly worded letters) would stop.

Edited October 24, 2018 by SHOOTER12

[Fudge Nuggets 19227]

Condo drains = serious bidness.

[Underdog 28785]

11 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Pics of nekkid co-ed tenants (or, if tenants are male, their nekkid girlfriends) or it didn't happen.

[RollLeft 5045]

I'd just communicate to all involved your understanding of the matter, the rules regarding the situation and your expectations to resolve the matter including a timeframe.  Then follow up.  That's really all you can do.  Err in giving a solid effort and being a good neighbor all while documenting and communicating your actions.

Now, after the neighbor has seen you taking action and making an effort on the matter i would have no problem passing along the anecdotal info you have heard from past tenants.  He has no problem letting you know his opinion.  Tell him, respectfully, you feel to mention the comments and opinions you have heard regarding past tenants.  That said the best scenario is that he is mature and becomes judicious with his contacting you.  The more likely scenario is that he is dick and doesn't like your response and puts a mockingbird feeder up , buys a yappy dog or a pitbull and starts blowing up your phone for every damn thing.  So pick your battles.  

[Hanrahan 1306]

I'd tell him to eat shit and die.

[You don't know me 1161]

48 minutes ago, Hanrahan said:

I'd tell him to eat shit and die.

Avatar goes perfectly with the comment.

[Fuck Tim Beck 3834]

1. Find a female cop.                                    

2. Get her drunk. 

3. Drop her off at the condo and tell her 

  she lives there. 

4. ???????

5. Profit

[Hate 20146]

I'd write back pointing out that the table being "placed one the drain" doesn't make any sense and therefor you will ignore all future texts about this matter.  I'd also question how he knew that someone had "emptied most of the contents of an entire beer can" into the garbage can?  Did he measure how much beer was in the garbage can?  What if it was one of those really big cans of beer and only a 1/3 or possibly a 1/2 of the can was emptied into the garbage can, thus his argument is completely invalid.  

Edited October 24, 2018 by Hate

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

Just now, Hate said:

I'd write back pointing out that the table being "placed one the drain" doesn't make any sense and therefor you will ignore all future texts about this matter.  I'd also question how he knew that someone had "emptied most of the contents of an entire beer can" into the garbage can?  Did he measure how much beer was in the garbage can?  What if it was one of those really big cans of beer and only a 1/3 or possibly a 1/2 of the can was emptied into the garbage can, this his argument is completely invalid.  

See, this is how one of you ends up on the nightly news.  One in handcuffs, and the other in a hearse.  Playful hijnx getting out of control.

[ImissWallyPryor 9046]

Not one mention of how creepy you look. There is hope. 

[woohorn 1131]

Neighbor is a bitch for ratting instead of just talking to the renters directly. I don't understand why people are so afraid of just speaking to their neighbors.

[RDCanecutter 26476]

Since the original complaint references an approaching "Nor'Easter", I would reassure my former neighbor by replying in a salty mix of pirate/whaling slang.

Also, hire an actor for one month to be the "Worst Tenant Ever", who you then kick out and replace with the usual riff-raff. Your neighbor will always like them better than the actor. I am surprised you didn't do this first.

Edited October 24, 2018 by RDCanecutter
yarrr laddies.

[PhillyD 1257]

19 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

Also, hire an actor for one month to be the "Worst Tenant Ever", who you then kick out and replace with the usual riff-raff. Your neighbor will always like them better than the actor. I am surprised you didn't do this first.

If I were never going to live in that condo again, I would find a "normal" tenant.  He has no idea how selective I've been and what kind of tenants he could have to share the building with.  I like this idea of hiring an actor.

[Underdog 28785]

1 hour ago, RDCanecutter said:

Also, hire an actor for one month to be the "Worst Tenant Ever", who you then kick out and replace with the usual riff-raff. Your neighbor will always like them better than the actor. I am surprised you didn't do this first.

[MissingInAction 25204]

I am not moving that fucking table. 

[Whitman 694]

6 hours ago, woohorn said:

Neighbor is a bitch for ratting instead of just talking to the renters directly. I don't understand why people are so afraid of just speaking to their neighbors.

Edited October 24, 2018 by Whitman

[ulukinatme 1765]

My son's name is Philip "Philly" D(ean)....so OP's story hits close to home.  

[MrPhlegm 3413]

Have this guy take the next note to the fucking moron...

[Leeroy Jenkins 2415]

No Dickbutt? I haz a sad.

[RPM 26360]

Correct the problems.

Rent hike.

Profit.

[Trey3216 15373]

12 hours ago, Hanrahan said:

I'd tell him to eat shit and die.

Tell him “You’re just a F.O.D., I can’t explain it cuz I think you suck.” 

[honolulu horn 6165]

He sounds like a pain in the ass, but he is super invested in keeping the property value high. So I'd put up with it, realizing that his bitchiness is actually in your favor in the long run.

[RPM 26360]

On 10/23/2018 at 6:56 PM, PhillyD said:

I own one unit in a two unit condo building.

Pretty sure that's called a duplex.

[Whitman 694]

1 hour ago, RPM said:

Pretty sure that's called a duplex.

Technically not.  A duplex is a two family home that has no legal separation (property line) between them.  Your choices with residential are single family, duplex, townhome and then multifamily.  I often refer to the term "condo" as a "realtor" term as it could mean you have townhomes (single family with legal property separation and a zero foot setback between units even if is only two units), or multifamily (apartments where if you own the unit then there is an association for common areas/grounds/roof/etc).  The other differences is fire separation walls between units and requirements for handicapped accessible units depending upon the total number of units.  A duplex has two units owned by one person/entity/company.     

/Cliff Clavin

[mulletpelini 5216]

18 hours ago, PhillyD said:

If I were never going to live in that condo again, I would find a "normal" tenant.  He has no idea how selective I've been and what kind of tenants he could have to share the building with.  I like this idea of hiring an actor.

You just about answered your own problem right there and didn't even realize it.  Next time another tenant leaves, pull this fucker into the process and allow him to interview potential renters.   He'll do it for free and pick out the best fucking renter based on what he's looking for.  Then when they fuck up, he can't say shit, because he picked 'em!

Don't be a moron ya idiot.

[burntorangebongos 10752]

On 10/23/2018 at 8:25 PM, PhillyD said:

It's not completely true.  I responded to two of the three texts.  He sent one of them while I was on vacation and did not have cell service so I never received it. I also apologized for not responding when I found out about it.  Each time I've relayed his concerns to the tenant and each time they have cleared the drain.  So, I take offense to being a bitch about avoiding the texts.

For the record, I put that the tenants are responsible for keeping the drain clear and that they must use trash bags in the garbage cans into the lease.  

The neighbor is controlling and a bit of a worry wart.  This is my third set of tenants and he's had some kind of issue with each of them.  Both of the previous tenants told me when they moved out that the only thing they didn't like about the place was him.

But, the responses here do help me see it from his point of view so I've chilled out a bit since posting it.  I'm a good landlord (I don't dip on planes!) and I get tired of his shit.  The tenants responded that they had a party last week and had let some things go so he may have had a point this time.

He may be a dick but he is keeping your shit nice. You don't want your drain blocked ever. Him being a Gladys Kravitz is beneficial to you since he will always keep your tenants in line. 

I'd buy him a nice plant and thank him for keeping you informed but let him know that you travel and can't always keep up with texts right away. Hopefully, he won't keep bothering you when you don't respond quickly.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21943]

If you give him any positive reinforcement, I bet he will start blowing up your phone with text messages

[PhillyD 1257]

7 hours ago, RPM said:

Pretty sure that's called a duplex.

I knew posting this on a Texas board someone might say this.  It's a condo with a declaration, bylaws, and all that shit.  I'd love to buy him out upstairs and he'd probably be happier too but I can't come close to affording that unit.  It's the larger of the two units.

I strategically offered him mine when I moved out specifically so I could say, "I offered you the chance to buy it," knowing full well he would try to low ball me, which he did.  I countered with a ridiculously high offer and never put it on the market.

3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

If you give him any positive reinforcement, I bet he will start blowing up your phone with text messages

Yes, I learned that lesson.

 

22 hours ago, woohorn said:

Neighbor is a bitch for ratting instead of just talking to the renters directly. I don't understand why people are so afraid of just speaking to their neighbors.

I asked in my my email back if he talked to the neighbor and I haven't received a response yet.  Pretty sure he is pissed, which is good for the reason above.  And, for the record, I apologized and asked my tenants to take care of it which they said they would do.  

[bernorange 8366]

Dear Neighbor,

I really appreciate your diligence in looking after the condition and value of our building.  In response to your numerous complaints, I have initiated eviction proceedings against my current tenant.  Please do not be concerned about my unit being vacant though.  I have negotiated a great deal with the Hells Angels property management firm that assures me they will have staff at the unit 24/7 once the current tenants leave. 

Cordially,

PhillyD