Official 2018 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

[Biff Tannen 45,712]

38 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

So the 'Rents are pestering me to ride with them up to Grandma's place in shit fuck Texas where there is no place to stay so it will be a 6 hour round trip stuck in a car with my Trumpite parents going on and on about how Beetoe lost cause yeehaw, Texans know better, white power, obnoxious fox news horse shit. 

Fuck

That

Shit

I honestly think I would leave their bodies in a Buc-ees bathroom. 

So succinct, yet so descriptive.  9/10.

[MissingInAction 25,172]

Yea, I'm the only child who didn't marry or spawn, so they assume I want to spend every holiday with them. 

[tbone_ 14,146]

Yea, I'm the only child who didn't marry or spawn

Well you must be weird then

[Sbbruin 21,866]

21 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

due in large part to my drunken FIL pointing a loaded pistol at both his daughter (my wife) and me while unholstering it the last time we were there. Good times.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,349]

That Dwight gif is scarily accurate. Except the FIL is a 77-year old alcoholic. When he drew his Glock across us & we both immediately ducked hard to our right he looked at us with the biggest "WTF?" expression ever.

As I was clutching my trembling wife he asked "what's your problem?"

I shouted back (bonus: he's deaf as a post & won't wear his VA-provided hearing aides) "whatever happened to safety first?"

He picks up the pistol, says "the safety is on", then draws it back across us for a second time while putting it down on his bench. 

[Johnny Sack 8,397]

2 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

That Dwight gif is scarily accurate. Except the FIL is a 77-year old alcoholic. When he drew his Glock across us & we both immediately ducked hard to our right he looked at us with the biggest "WTF?" expression ever.

As I was clutching my trembling wife he asked "what's your problem?"

I shouted back (bonus: he's deaf as a post & won't wear his VA-provided hearing aides) "whatever happened to safety first?"

He picks up the pistol, says "the safety is on", then draws it back across us for a second time while putting it down on his bench. 

Glocks don’t have conventional safeties you can switch off and on. 

[Anastasis 23,481]

This is one of the best recurring threads on this board hands down. Y'all make my family look down right functional.  

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,349]

17 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

Glocks don’t have conventional safeties you can switch off and on. 

Do you understand why we haven't been back in 2 years?

[After irth 1,243]

11 hours ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

How have they managed to not starve to death already?

Exactly. 

[Armybrat 40,874]

Just drove by a Bucee’s this afternoon & smelled something bad. Did you get an early start on your plan?

[Johnny Sack 8,397]

1 hour ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Do you understand why we haven't been back in 2 years?

Yep.  He needs to have that gun taken away.  And maybe pistol whip him too. 

[clapclapclap 9,000]

wrong thread

Edited November 10, 2018 by clapclapclap
Or is it?

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,349]

11 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

Yep.  He needs to have that gun taken away.  And maybe pistol whip him too. 

He's got an arsenal and over 10,000 rounds. He doesn't hunt anymore (he doesn't have the strength to dress a deer). His wife is probably a better shot than him right now & has taken down more wild pigs than him in recent years. He's preparing himself by the ISIS/Chinese/caravan invasion which he's convinced will somehow take place right outside of Harper, TX /no CR.

I told the story on the old site about how many years ago my wife & I were house sitting for them before xmas. They told us before leaving that my wife should decide which 50 acre parcel she wanted to inherit. One day while walking we made a 6' circle with an X using rocks to mark a spot we could imagine building a cabin with a porch for viewing sunsets & then totally forgot about it.  None of this will happen, BTW. My wife's certain that her brother will inherit the entire place.

Anyway, 6 months later we were visiting and the FIL was going on about the big commotion about how they'd found mysterious markings on the property & his friends & the local sheriff thought that this 6' circle of limestone with an X must be some type of landing zone marker placed by someone so paratroopers could do a mass drop. He was visibly disappointed when I laughed & told him what it really was. There's nothing he wants to do more than die in a blaze of glory and spent brass.

[Johnny Sack 8,397]

3 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

He's got an arsenal and over 10,000 rounds. He doesn't hunt anymore (he doesn't have the strength to dress a deer). His wife is probably a better shot than him right now & has taken down more wild pigs than him in recent years. He's preparing himself by the ISIS/Chinese/caravan invasion which he's convinced will somehow take place right outside of Harper, TX /no CR.

I told the story on the old site about how many years ago my wife & I were house sitting for them before xmas. They told us before leaving that my wife should decide which 50 acre parcel she wanted to inherit. One day while walking we made a 6' circle with an X using rocks to mark a spot we could imagine building a cabin with a porch for viewing sunsets & then totally forgot about it.  None of this will happen, BTW. My wife's certain that her brother will inherit the entire place.

Anyway, 6 months later we were visiting and the FIL was going on about the big commotion about how they'd found mysterious markings on the property & his friends & the local sheriff thought that this 6' circle of limestone with an X must be some type of landing zone marker placed by someone so paratroopers could do a mass drop. He was visibly disappointed when I laughed & told him what it really was. There's nothing he wants to do more than die in a blaze of glory and spent brass.

Wolverines!!!!

[Player 4,576]

I wouldn’t have fessed up to that.

In fact, I would have kept leaving stone markers to see if I could convince him it was an alien invasion.

[Longboard Horn 40,432]

This thread

[Okie State 3,842]

I also love this annual thread even though I enjoy the holidays and my family...at least most of the time. We always drive back to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving, but this year work dictates that we stay here. I'm actually looking forward to the change and plan to fry up a couple turkeys at the in-laws house while boozing on whatever beers I have stored up in my cabinet. Some extended family on my wife's side is flying in so that will be the wild card. Her family is always less drama filled than mine though and even when it's not, I can just kick back and be a casual observer.

[luke duke 6,414]

8 hours ago, Okie State said:

I also love this annual thread even though I enjoy the holidays and my family...at least most of the time. We always drive back to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving,

I'd enjoy the holidays too if it meant that I could leave Oklahoma for a the day.

[Okie State 3,842]

I'd enjoy the holidays too if it meant that I could leave Oklahoma for a the day.

Ha! Hilarious!

 

Also, not what I said, but good effort.

[blacklab 11,943]

My dad passed away last year and his wife, my step mom is pretty nuts.

Since my mom passed away years ago my boys thought of her as grandma and at my dad's funeral I told her you're still the boy's grandma, and they still want to see you. She said she was relieved and was worried she wouldn't get to see them again.

A month or so later she defriends my sister on facebook. We kinda understood as my wife and her didn't really get along. My wife and kids visit her around this time and everything seems normal. My wife then tries calling her and messaging her on facebook about once a month for the next few months and she never answers. A few months later she defriends my wife on facebook.

Now my boys want to know why their grandma won't see them. 

 

 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

thats cold.

[NorthLoop 14,224]

The older I get the more I realize just how large of a percentage of people are selfish and inconsiderate of others around them, including loved ones. 

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,349]

So....blacklab won't be setting an extra plate at his table for Thanksgiving?

 

That's cold, dude. You said your kids always knew the stepmom as grandma and that your mother died earlier. Did they ever know your mother? Are they old enough to comprehend what's going on?

[Nice Guy Eddie 13,521]

Kids are resilient and forgive/forget immediately.  Adults hold grudges forever.

[Guest]

On 11/8/2018 at 9:22 PM, YoungCounty said:

This is by far my favorite thread of the year. 

My sister is a complete bitch. Holidays make it worse. She is the type that posts shit on Facebook in October about being excited that the Hallmark channel will soon be showing 55 straight days of Christmas movies. Or whatever the fuck that channel does. 

She is so full of shit. In real life, she usually brings my mom to tears each Christmas. It’s a complete shit show. I dread it. My wife, kids and I go simply for my mom. 

This year my sis scheduled some sort of family portrait thing the Tuesday before thanksgiving. I 100% guarantee it will be a disaster and people will leave pissed off with several in tears. Going to be a horrible start to the holidays. 

But we go to my wife’s side the day after, and they kick ass. Can’t wait. Christmas is even better, because her mom pays for hotel rooms for all adults for one night while she watches all the grandkids. We get to go bar hopping for the night, getting shit faced liked we did when we were in our 20’s. 

Your MIL is brilliant.   How many grandkids have been born in August?  Lol

 

”I love my grandkids... go make more!”

[SHOOTER12 8,819]

On 11/9/2018 at 3:52 PM, MissingInAction said:

So the 'Rents are pestering me to ride with them up to Grandma's place in shit fuck Texas where there is no place to stay so it will be a 6 hour round trip stuck in a car with my Trumpite parents going on and on about how Beetoe lost cause yeehaw, Texans know better, white power, obnoxious fox news horse shit. 

Fuck

That

Shit

I honestly think I would leave their bodies in a Buc-ees bathroom. 

Where exactly is shit fuck Texas?   Might be as Surlian willing to put you up over the holidays.

[MissingInAction 25,172]

South of DFW, north of Waco. It is definitely shit fuck.  

[MissingInAction 25,172]

8 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

The older I get the more I realize just how large of a percentage of people are selfish and inconsiderate of others around them, including loved ones. 

The most surprising/annoying/stupid thing is how absolutely childish supposedly grown men and women can be when they don't get their way. 

[G650 14,273]

On 11/9/2018 at 3:57 PM, GhostOfTomJoad said:

You poor bastards who have to try and make two Thanksgiving meals in one day must be gluttons for punishment.

I remember being carted around as a kid in MN between both sets of grandparents but that was only about twenty miles total round trip from our house. Of course the weather made it dicey at times. Lemme pour out some in respect of our '73 Plymouth Suburban station wagon with the 440 V8 getting us through the snow and ice.

We save that for Christmas. There is one stop and one stop only on Thanksgiving.

[SHOOTER12 8,819]

1 hour ago, MissingInAction said:

South of DFW, north of Waco. It is definitely shit fuck.  

Yep, definitely is.   From the description I would have guessed somewhere in East Texas.

[usmc0331horn 965]

The wife and I are staying in Austin, eating at the Driskell, drinking loads of beer and bourbon and watching football and basketball tournaments. Hell, maybe I'll sit in line at Franklin as well. Fuck driving 12-15 hours for inevitable family drama and sisters who never ever stfu when it comes to their Trumpian politics while the "reward" is eating shitty unseasoned food. My dogs will eat better than them that weekend.

[BearSchlong 8,109]

You guys on your starter marriages with lots of extended family drama. . .use this as a learning experience for when you get your 2nd wife.

I finally got re-married last weekend, and a big part of that decision was because my family and my wife's family are drama free and actually love getting together over the holidays.  It doesn't hurt that we all live within 5 miles of each other, too.

I say this not to boast but to contrast with my first bride, who was unanimously despised by my family.  2nd time around one of my big criteria was "does everyone in my family love spending time with her?"

#hope

[tbone_ 14,146]

Put a sock in it braggart

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,349]

Congrats, BearSchlong. There's a lot of truth in what you wrote. My ex's family was actually pretty cool about the holidays. But it was a given that we would spend both Thanksgiving and Xmas at her mom's house (usually for the weekend). We were young & generally broke so it wasn't that big of a hassle. And her mom was a damn good cook which helped tremendously. My biggest bitch is she'd never let me smoke the turkey, she HAD to oven roast it which was alright, but not as good as mine. 

Those were pretty damn good times, actually. I'd hang out with my wife's uncle (he was the same age as my dad), drinking beer & shooting pool at his place or at the local ice house. About the only drama came from the uncle's bitch of a wife who couldn't boil water but every year she'd insist on making several items that were either burnt, half-way frozen, or burnt AND half-way frozen. People would try to eat the least amount possible to be polite but it was inedible. When it came time to clean up she'd make a big statement about how everyone MUST have filled up on the other courses and that's the ONLY reason why she had so much food leftover. Then she'd start crying & run out into the garage. Don't miss that shit.

[MissingInAction 25,172]

One Thanksgiving my grandmother left the dressing out on the counter all day, unbeknownst to everyone else. She puts eggs in it so everyone got food poisoning. People were puking and shitting all over her house. 

[Incredulity 11,682]

2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

You guys on your starter marriages with lots of extended family drama. . .use this as a learning experience for when you get your 2nd wife.

I finally got re-married last weekend, and a big part of that decision was because my family and my wife's family are drama free and actually love getting together over the holidays.  It doesn't hurt that we all live within 5 miles of each other, too.

I say this not to boast but to contrast with my first bride, who was unanimously despised by my family.  2nd time around one of my big criteria was "does everyone in my family love spending time with her?"

#hope

Strong argument for not considering marriage till mid-twenties at least.

 

[Hate 20,136]

One Thanksgiving my grandmother left the dressing out on the counter all day, unbeknownst to everyone else. She puts eggs in it so everyone got food poisoning. People were puking and shitting all over her house. 

This is awesome....since it didn’t happen to me.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

You guys on your starter marriages with lots of extended family drama. . .use this as a learning experience for when you get your 2nd wife.

I finally got re-married last weekend, and a big part of that decision was because my family and my wife's family are drama free and actually love getting together over the holidays.  It doesn't hurt that we all live within 5 miles of each other, too.

I say this not to boast but to contrast with my first bride, who was unanimously despised by my family.  2nd time around one of my big criteria was "does everyone in my family love spending time with her?"

#hope

If i ever came to my family and told them we were getting divorced, the first thing out of their mouths would be, "What'd you do?" and the second would be, "  You know Mrs Slorch is still gonna be welcome around here for holidays, so deal with it."  LOLz.

 

[BearSchlong 8,109]

1 hour ago, Incredulity said:

Strong argument for not considering marriage till mid-twenties at least.

 

Sure is a lot cheaper that way, having 1 marriage that lasts.

[BearSchlong 8,109]

2 minutes ago, slorch said:

If i ever came to my family and told them we were getting divorced, the first thing out of their mouths would be, "What'd you do?" and the second would be, "  You know Mrs Slorch is still gonna be welcome around here for holidays, so deal with it."  LOLz.

 

That's the attitude my grandparents took with my mother after my father ran off with his secretary when I was 18.

[Chewbacca 7,782]

6 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Put a sock in it braggart

He's still in the honeymoon phase on marriage #2.  Give him some time.

[Guest]

29 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:

He's still in the honeymoon phase on marriage #2.  Give him some time.

nailed it.

[SHOOTER12 8,819]

3 hours ago, slorch said:

If i ever came to my family and told them we were getting divorced, the first thing out of their mouths would be, "What'd you do?" and the second would be, "  You know Mrs Slorch is still gonna be welcome around here for holidays, so deal with it."  LOLz.

 

You approached the whole thing wrong.... Right after you said you were getting divorced you should have seamlessly continued and stated that if you ever saw her over there for holidays or occasions you would kill them all and set them on fire. They would have had no argument.

[Spankytoes 1,743]

This isn’t technically a holiday story, but it fits into the thread and I need to fucking vent...

MIL’s birthday is tomorrow so my wife decided to go to a French bakery in Queens because her mom is a saint. While they were gone, I started looking up places to travel to for next year. After looking at a map, I realized that St. Petersburg is close to Helsinki, a Finnair hub. (Oneworld alliance redeemable with miles...it’s not important) Then it dawned on me that I could take the wife and her mom back to their home city to visit their daughter/sister since MIL is turning 75 and we’re losing the ability to plan that sort of thing. I spent a couple hours mapping things out and found a pretty decent deal. I waited until they got back from shopping and sprung it on the wife. She only halfway acknowledged my idea. I was a little crestfallen, because I thought it was solid and put some effort into it, but I figured she was tired. I brought it up a little later that evening and she said that it wouldn’t be worth it because her sister will probably be here next summer. Before I even prodded her for details, I knew how this was going to go.

Apparently, visa approvals not withstanding, I will be housing her sister, her 18 year old nephew and her 5 year old niece “just for a little while until they can get their own place.” (None of them speak English) The last time I heard that was with her father, who moved out in an urn 9 years later. She and her mom have been coordinating this and it slipped their minds to solicit my thoughts on the matter. Our youngest is moving out to attend college next summer so I was only ONE more relative away from claiming my house back. For some reason, I am trying to figure out how to tactfully tell her that this isn’t going to happen and she can forget about it until the sun burns out.

To make it Thanksgiving related, I will be stuffing her like a turkey in retribution for the foreseeable future because I’m sure I’ll be making the plane reservations using my miles.

[Knoxtnhorn 6,065]

My family won't (or doesn't) do the politic thing.  My issue is that over half the people coming to our house are vegetarians/vegans.  Tha fuck is that?  

[burntorangebongos 10,752]

55 minutes ago, Spankytoes said:

This isn’t technically a holiday story, but it fits into the thread and I need to fucking vent...

MIL’s birthday is tomorrow so my wife decided to go to a French bakery in Queens because her mom is a saint. While they were gone, I started looking up places to travel to for next year. After looking at a map, I realized that St. Petersburg is close to Helsinki, a Finnair hub. (Oneworld alliance redeemable with miles...it’s not important) Then it dawned on me that I could take the wife and her mom back to their home city to visit their daughter/sister since MIL is turning 75 and we’re losing the ability to plan that sort of thing. I spent a couple hours mapping things out and found a pretty decent deal. I waited until they got back from shopping and sprung it on the wife. She only halfway acknowledged my idea. I was a little crestfallen, because I thought it was solid and put some effort into it, but I figured she was tired. I brought it up a little later that evening and she said that it wouldn’t be worth it because her sister will probably be here next summer. Before I even prodded her for details, I knew how this was going to go.

Apparently, visa approvals not withstanding, I will be housing her sister, her 18 year old nephew and her 5 year old niece “just for a little while until they can get their own place.” (None of them speak English) The last time I heard that was with her father, who moved out in an urn 9 years later. She and her mom have been coordinating this and it slipped their minds to solicit my thoughts on the matter. Our youngest is moving out to attend college next summer so I was only ONE more relative away from claiming my house back. For some reason, I am trying to figure out how to tactfully tell her that this isn’t going to happen and she can forget about it until the sun burns out.

To make it Thanksgiving related, I will be stuffing her like a turkey in retribution for the foreseeable future because I’m sure I’ll be making the plane reservations using my miles.

use your powers to find her a place right away so she moves in there right away.

[Okie State 3,842]

You guys on your starter marriages with lots of extended family drama. . .use this as a learning experience for when you get your 2nd wife.
I finally got re-married last weekend, and a big part of that decision was because my family and my wife's family are drama free and actually love getting together over the holidays.  It doesn't hurt that we all live within 5 miles of each other, too.
I say this not to boast but to contrast with my first bride, who was unanimously despised by my family.  2nd time around one of my big criteria was "does everyone in my family love spending time with her?"
#hope

Wait, wait, wait...you got married during football season!?

I like my wife's family too, they live close, and host all the big get togethers. It's really pretty awesome.

[High Plains Drifter 11,050]

Went to my sister's house this sat for some family time and see the new baby. Her aggy husband and all his family were there, so I got to drink moonshine and watch the aggy game with them. Managed to gtfo before the UT game. No politics were discussed, just good ol' fashioned football smack, and that was pretty tame. 

[Trey3216 15,352]

On 11/11/2018 at 8:17 AM, Okie State said:

I also love this annual thread even though I enjoy the holidays and my family...at least most of the time. We always drive back to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving, but this year work dictates that we stay here. I'm actually looking forward to the change and plan to fry up a couple turkeys at the in-laws house while boozing on whatever beers I have stored up in my cabinet. Some extended family on my wife's side is flying in so that will be the wild card. Her family is always less drama filled than mine though and even when it's not, I can just kick back and be a casual observer.

I guess coming from Oklahoma, any beers around here work like booze 

[Trey3216 15,352]

12 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

South of DFW, north of Waco. It is definitely shit fuck.  

Laguna Park?