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Official 2018 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

GhostOfTomJoad

By GhostOfTomJoad
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Guadaloopy
Guadaloopy

This is always one of my favorite threads.  Usually, I just kick back and enjoy some schadenfreude while reading other people's stories.  But this year is different.  My wife and I have been on the ou

blacklab
blacklab

took the boys and the wife to Tahoe for skiing and poker. Best thanksgiving ever.    

luke duke
luke duke

My FIL asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee when I got up this morning. I said yes and he proceeded to pour a cup and put it in the microwave. As he hands it to me he tells me that it was from yesterd

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21,907

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How many of y’all have come home to find your MIL passed out in your favorite chair, spread eagled and nude, with a huge bush staring you in the face? When I say huge bush I’m talking a young Demi Moore bush, except on an old lady with a huge c-section scar and gash that Hope Solo would be envious of.

 

I still have nightmares, and it’s been over ten years.

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DejaVu

DejaVu 39

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2 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

How many of y’all have come home to find your MIL passed out in your favorite chair, spread eagled and nude, with a huge bush staring you in the face? When I say huge bush I’m talking a young Demi Moore bush, except on an old lady with a huge c-section scar and gash that Hope Solo would be envious of.

 

I still have nightmares, and it’s been over ten years.

I came home to my BIL having sex with my sister on the couch on the night before Thanksgiving. Does that count? They were staying in the guest room, for pete’s sake. Why find the need to defile my couch? 

It made for a bit of an awkward meal the next day. 

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8,810

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Posted
8 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

chesthair should be live streaming his Thanksgiving. For our amusement I mean science.

Anyone coming to our house on Thanksgiving will need to accept the following:

  • apple brined, hickory smoked turkey (go someplace else if you want it deep fried)
  • a cornucopia of craft beers, wine, bourbon & whiskey
  • football on the TVs. All day
  • when the sun sets, the outdoor xmas lights are turned on & the vinyl classic holiday LPs go on the turntable
  • drinks around the fire pit while we stare at the stars

 

Accept hell, what time should I be there?

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8,810

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2 hours ago, DejaVu said:

I came home to my BIL having sex with my sister on the couch on the night before Thanksgiving. Does that count? They were staying in the guest room, for pete’s sake. Why find the need to defile my couch? 

It made for a bit of an awkward meal the next day. 

So...??? Fapped or not?

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tbone_

tbone_ 14,128

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How many of y’all have come home to find your MIL passed out in your favorite chair, spread eagled and nude, with a huge bush staring you in the face? When I say huge bush I’m talking a young Demi Moore bush, except on an old lady with a huge c-section scar and gash that Hope Solo would be envious of.
 
I still have nightmares, and it’s been over ten years.

Did you hit it?
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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21,907

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When I first got with my ex, her mom lived with us.  She drank heavily, smoked a lot of pot, and didn't much like clothes.  You people are lucky that this before everybody had cell phone cameras or I could guarantee you that I could make sure that none of you could keep you thanksgiving feast down.

One night the cops showed up across the street to hassle some drug dealers.  As usual, my MIL was drunk and naked and tried like hell to get outside to tell the cops what great people our neighbors were.  Of course, I was elected to hold her down to keep her inside.

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Hate

Hate 20,114

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When I first got with my ex, her mom lived with us.  She drank heavily, smoked a lot of pot, and didn't much like clothes.  You people are lucky that this before everybody had cell phone cameras or I could guarantee you that I could make sure that none of you could keep you thanksgiving feast down.
One night the cops showed up across the street to hassle some drug dealers.  As usual, my MIL was drunk and naked and tried like hell to get outside to tell the cops what great people our neighbors were.  Of course, I was elected to hold her down to keep her inside.


Has anyone ever approached you about making a movie or writing a screenplay?
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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21,907

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Has anyone ever approached you about making a movie or writing a screenplay?

Funny you should say that. I had the same assistant the whole time I was with my ex and through the divorce. She always used to tell me to write a book, she even had a list of chapter names. I haven’t spoken to her in years though
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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25,975

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1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

When I first got with my ex, her mom lived with us.  She drank heavily, smoked a lot of pot, and didn't much like clothes.  You people are lucky that this before everybody had cell phone cameras or I could guarantee you that I could make sure that none of you could keep you thanksgiving feast down.

One night the cops showed up across the street to hassle some drug dealers.  As usual, my MIL was drunk and naked and tried like hell to get outside to tell the cops what great people our neighbors were.  Of course, I was elected to hold her down to keep her inside.

And her daughter ended up on the pole?  Who would have thunk it?

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Vertigo

Vertigo 20,290

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My in laws are the overly proud controlling type when it comes to holidays. They always want to be the ones throwing shit. Long story short they lost their house in Harvey, and have been in an apartment while they rebuild. We have a 3500 sq foot house, and 2 small kids with a third on the way, but rather than host Thanksgiving here this year like we have suggested numerous times, they rented a house in Fredericksburg for 4 days. Not only is it almost two hours farther for everyone to drive, but the house is smaller, the town shittier,  there is nothing to do, and the kitchen much smaller. But by god, they are the ones in the master bedroom since they rented the place. FML

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8,810

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12 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

When I first got with my ex, her mom lived with us.  She drank heavily, smoked a lot of pot, and didn't much like clothes.  You people are lucky that this before everybody had cell phone cameras or I could guarantee you that I could make sure that none of you could keep you thanksgiving feast down.

One night the cops showed up across the street to hassle some drug dealers.  As usual, my MIL was drunk and naked and tried like hell to get outside to tell the cops what great people our neighbors were.  Of course, I was elected to hose her down to keep her inside.

NMAS, you da beast...

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8,397

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13 hours ago, Vertigo said:

My in laws are the overly proud controlling type when it comes to holidays. They always want to be the ones throwing shit. Long story short they lost their house in Harvey, and have been in an apartment while they rebuild. We have a 3500 sq foot house, and 2 small kids with a third on the way, but rather than host Thanksgiving here this year like we have suggested numerous times, they rented a house in Fredericksburg for 4 days. Not only is it almost two hours farther for everyone to drive, but the house is smaller, the town shittier,  there is nothing to do, and the kitchen much smaller. But by god, they are the ones in the master bedroom since they rented the place. FML

Fredericksburg is pretty damn great that time of year.  I’m trying to convince my wife to bail on East Texas thanksgiving in her home town early afternoon Thursday and drive to Fredericksburg for the weekend.  I hate East Texas.  With a passion.  

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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I'm sure there's some place nice East of IH-45 but I ain't seen it yet.  I don't know how, but I think we stumbled into having exactly zero people staying with us over Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I'm sure something will happen...

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CoTex

CoTex 1,160

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On 11/8/2018 at 6:42 PM, After irth said:

Thanksgiving is a holy day for me because I own the kitchen like some Iron Chef Ninja Warrior. I usually spend weeks planning, prepping, and cooking and everyone / anyone is invited cuz I love it. 

A relocation a few weeks ago finds us in an apartment while we wait on a house. Living situation is fairly primitive. Given the opportunity, I could still pull a Thanksgiving out of my ass, but.....

The consensus is to visit my wife’s (no pics) 94 year old grandmother (also no pics) and hang out on the outskirts of Jacksonville, TX with random family there.  The in-laws asked if I wanted to help plan the festivities, given my T-day proclivities. No thanks. Leave me out of it. 

We can’t cook. No one in the family has a properly working kitchen. Don’t get me started. 

We can’t go out. The olds don’t like to go out. And where the fuck you gonna go anyway?

We can’t find catering. 

We don’t even have reliable options for heating shit up if we happened to actually bring stuff. 

So...what is there to plan?

All I know is, I’m bringing a goddam flask to a Pentacostal family holiday. This Thanksgiving is gonna blow. 

Tomato bowl FTW.

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CoTex

CoTex 1,160

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56 minutes ago, Lobo said:

I'm sure there's some place nice East of IH-45 but I ain't seen it yet.  I don't know how, but I think we stumbled into having exactly zero people staying with us over Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I'm sure something will happen...

Do you even Uncertain, bro?

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tx 3 putt

tx 3 putt 77,070

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On 11/14/2018 at 10:04 AM, chesthair said:

Bombshell dropped.  My wife told me today...

 

"Oh, i forgot to tell you my mom, dad, sister, brother in law and their 2 kids are coming in Saturday.  They are staying till Tuesday and we are having Thanksgiving with them Monday.  You need to take off work Monday.  I bought the ham and turkey already so you can get those done.  Thanks."

 

what in the actual FUCK?????  She knows i hate all of them. She knows the boys have 2 wrestling tournaments this weekend, out of town.  She knows i am already doing T'giving for us on Thursday.  She knows i hate surprises.  

 

go buy the thanksgiving kit from luby's or papas bbq and tell them to enjoy 

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

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Doing it at my moms for the last time (I hope). It’s a pain taking everything there to cook but she has room for everyone. My pool is almost finished, then it will be at my house.

Usually it’s fun with lots of alcohol but my SIL invited her parents and by proxy her recovering addict brother who has multiple issues. Guessing bringing the margarita machine would be frowned upon.....

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8,817

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not holiday related(yet)...but staying at inlaws as our house is finished being built. SIL has a rule for basically everything and Ive had it. i know theyre doing us a huge solid by letting us stay in their basement but some of these are borderline ridiculous.

 

she hasa thing about chargers being plugged in or computers on carpet because you know..house fires. so ill leave for work to come home to find my tablet and phone chargers unplugged.

 

tonight i was doing puzzles with my 3 yr old and from the top of the stairs she goes "oh my, just had a heart attack seeing your computer sit like that"

 

it was closed(in sleep mode) on the couch 4 feet from us. in sleep mode its cold and wouldnt start a fire in a million years.

 

 

 

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After irth

After irth 1,243

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6 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

not holiday related(yet)...but staying at inlaws as our house is finished being built. SIL has a rule for basically everything and Ive had it. i know theyre doing us a huge solid by letting us stay in their basement but some of these are borderline ridiculous.

 

she hasa thing about chargers being plugged in or computers on carpet because you know..house fires. so ill leave for work to come home to find my tablet and phone chargers unplugged.

 

tonight i was doing puzzles with my 3 yr old and from the top of the stairs she goes "oh my, just had a heart attack seeing your computer sit like that"

 

it was closed(in sleep mode) on the couch 4 feet from us. in sleep mode its cold and wouldnt start a fire in a million years.

 

 

 

Passive-aggressive bitch. That’s rage-inducing. 

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Guest

Guest

Posted
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7 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

not holiday related(yet)...but staying at inlaws as our house is finished being built. SIL has a rule for basically everything and Ive had it. i know theyre doing us a huge solid by letting us stay in their basement but some of these are borderline ridiculous.

 

she hasa thing about chargers being plugged in or computers on carpet because you know..house fires. so ill leave for work to come home to find my tablet and phone chargers unplugged.

 

tonight i was doing puzzles with my 3 yr old and from the top of the stairs she goes "oh my, just had a heart attack seeing your computer sit like that"

 

it was closed(in sleep mode) on the couch 4 feet from us. in sleep mode its cold and wouldnt start a fire in a million years.

 

 

 

You need a little more Archie Bunker or George Jefferson in you...

The proper reply would have been , " It's a shame you didn't follow through...that way the fire department and EMTs will know where the house is..."

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Okie State

Okie State 3,821

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Doing it at my moms for the last time (I hope). It’s a pain taking everything there to cook but she has room for everyone. My pool is almost finished, then it will be at my house.

Usually it’s fun with lots of alcohol but my SIL invited her parents and by proxy her recovering addict brother who has multiple issues. Guessing bringing the margarita machine would be frowned upon.....


Wait...so no alcohol at all because of one extended family member? I'd sit that one out.
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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17,563

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On 11/16/2018 at 1:20 PM, Sandman said:

My father, sister and BIL are coming over for thanksgiving. It won't be too bad, except my sister is bringing her own food because of her "pure keto" diet, which is all she ever wants to talk about. Her husband is on it too but he isn't a freak about it.

"Sis, I'll pay you $100 if you can go the entire day without saying one thing about your keto diet."

If she does it, it will be money well spent.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8,817

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so where are the computers supposed to live?  She have a fireproof box or crate filled with asbestos to put them in?  You should go through and point out all the other way worst fire hazards in the house.  Maybe get your 3yo a toy zippo and let him/her run around channeling drew barrymore.
On hard surfaces
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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8,810

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On 11/16/2018 at 1:20 PM, Sandman said:

My father, sister and BIL are coming over for thanksgiving. It won't be too bad, except my sister is bringing her own food because of her "pure keto" diet, which is all she ever wants to talk about. Her husband is on it too but he isn't a freak about it.

You need to shove a burrito and a tamale up her bung hole.

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