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Official 2018 bitch about family/holiday drama thread

GhostOfTomJoad

By GhostOfTomJoad
in Lulz

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Guadaloopy
Guadaloopy

This is always one of my favorite threads.  Usually, I just kick back and enjoy some schadenfreude while reading other people's stories.  But this year is different.  My wife and I have been on the ou

blacklab
blacklab

took the boys and the wife to Tahoe for skiing and poker. Best thanksgiving ever.    

luke duke
luke duke

My FIL asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee when I got up this morning. I said yes and he proceeded to pour a cup and put it in the microwave. As he hands it to me he tells me that it was from yesterd

Hate

Hate 20146

Posted
Posted
How long are you there, Hate? Peace & good shit to ya. I spent the day going by BB Rover's for the last time (they close tomorrow after 31 years...good run) then grabbed some Texadelphia while doing some last minute shopping w/ my lovely bride. Drinking some Irish whiskey while the pets snore around us & the xmas lights fill the house. 

Celtic Christmas at the Cathedral tomorrow. A Christmas Carol at Zach Scott on Sunday. Things are shaping up.


I’m here until Wednesday. Might shoot a red stag tomorrow morning. There are a few spikes that need to be culled. Other than that, I’ll eat, drink, and be merry for 4 more days. Little Hate will be fishing before I wake up tomorrow morning. I’m so goddamn happy right now. God bless everyone.
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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

Posted
Posted
50 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:


Ha. Stones are our go to as well. Dirty thirties FTW

Had a sixer of tall boys o bought yesterday.   Had a few last night plus some cheap red blend wine.  Had the rest today.  Now I’m pulling on a yellow belly.   A coors original is along with Bud heavy one of my favorite beers.  

The hipsters can have their IPA ass tasting beer.  I’ll crush my coors original, bud heavy, rolling rock and keystone.  I’ve tried all sorts of beer.  And that’s why what I like.   And give zero fucks.  

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T’Boo Ted Marshall

T’Boo Ted Marshall 2740

Posted
Posted

Hell yes. We roll Bud heavy, Stones and whiskey. Water as needed.

I’ll head out Thursday night. I buried my pup out there on Thursday and this will be my first hunt without him in a long time. I know I’ll cry. Buried him across the tank from our duck blind. Now I’m going to have to get my ass in the boat to get the ducks.

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RollLeft

RollLeft 5045

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Johnny Sack said:

Had a sixer of tall boys o bought yesterday.   Had a few last night plus some cheap red blend wine.  Had the rest today.  Now I’m pulling on a yellow belly.   A coors original is along with Bud heavy one of my favorite beers.  

The hipsters can have their IPA ass tasting beer.  I’ll crush my coors original, bud heavy, rolling rock and keystone.  I’ve tried all sorts of beer.  And that’s why what I like.   And give zero fucks.  

Everything minus the bud and substitute a Michelob.  Damnit I've become my uncles.    

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Spur08

Spur08 382

Posted
Posted
Can we have a new rule...I get that you're gonna keep your purse and phone/phone charger out on my kitchen counter during your entire stay so that we all see you have an iPhone 6S or whatever with the fashionable cover.  And I love seeing your purse that has seen the floor of every public bathroom between Saint Louis and Austin on the very spot where I prepare my daughter's lunch on the weekends. 
But can you finish your goddamn fucking Starbuck's iced latter mocha who-gives-a-fuck beverage already?  You arrived with it at 10:30a, totally a reasonable hour to have a large iced coffee drink.  You left it all over the house with your name sticker and price still on it so we know you enjoy complicated, $7 coffee drinks on the reg a la Kenny Powers.  And there it sits, all over my house after lunch, all the way into the evening.  With nary an ice cube left, just two tepid sips left at the very bottom.  And I find it every fucking hour on the hour in a different place, leaving a coffee stained ring every fucking place you go, with the straw clinging to the last inch of its mangled life.  And then as I clean up after dinner, I politely inquire if I can dispose of the cup along with the day's trash...you still have to fucking chime in..."Oh no, that's my go-to drink at Starbuck's...I'm still working on it, but thanks."  And I have to find that fucking syrupy disgrace the next fucking morning with the little remnant dots of where you took it to and fro about my home, like the jizz remnants of a woman who may have gone too far with Terry Crews.  But yes, this holiday season...may all we remember you get super awesome drinks at Starbuck's and milk them for a day while the rest of us proudly serve and drink Trader Joe's drip coffee made with love, frugality, and a deep respect for space and time.  
Can I copy this post but with fucking spit cups?
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Parliament

Parliament 14328

Posted
Posted

Took my borderline deaf dad and his dumb, borderline deaf wife to dinner tonight. They gotta talk loud because they can't hear for shit.

And they're old and racist. So, in the midst of the main course, they mention, loudly, for half the restaurant to hear, they're amazed my nieces don't have any black classmates. #awkward

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Nice Guy Eddie

Nice Guy Eddie 13524

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Posted
13 hours ago, Parliament said:

Took my borderline deaf dad and his dumb, borderline deaf wife to dinner tonight. They gotta talk loud because they can't hear for shit.

And they're old and racist. So, in the midst of the main course, they mention, loudly, for half the restaurant to hear, they're amazed my nieces don't have any black classmates. #awkward
 

Thank you.   Enough of the “normal holiday with normal family members” posts.  If I want to see that I will open up Facebook.  Or go create your own thread. 

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8115

Posted
Posted

Ok here goes.

 

Prepping for annual boudreauxcoonass/riveroaksjews/sanfrancisconttawwdgayuncles/christmaseve/hannakah which is always interesting.

 

I'm stumped. What kind of original gift do I get the uncles from SF? They drive teslas, square dance, are docents at the SF art museum, and wear lavender jeans/shirts/shoes? Retired silicon valley techsters.

 

 box of ammo? Yeti?

 

 

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Archer

Archer 474

Posted
Posted (edited)
11 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

I'm stumped. What kind of original gift do I get the uncles from SF? They drive teslas, square dance, are docents at the SF art museum, and wear lavender jeans/shirts/shoes? Retired silicon valley techsters.

 

 box of ammo? Yeti?

 

 

BBC dildo pic was just too much after seeing it on the screen. Try this instead

04800103-4-DD8-4-BF5-8-B42-492-B2-A41-AB

 

 

Edited by Archer
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Hate

Hate 20146

Posted
Posted
Ok here goes.
 
Prepping for annual boudreauxcoonass/riveroaksjews/sanfrancisconttawwdgayuncles/christmaseve/hannakah which is always interesting.
 
I'm stumped. What kind of original gift do I get the uncles from SF? They drive teslas, square dance, are docents at the SF art museum, and wear lavender jeans/shirts/shoes? Retired silicon valley techsters.
 
 box of ammo? Yeti?
 
 


Assless chaps?
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Player

Player 4576

Posted
Posted
Ok here goes.
 
Prepping for annual boudreauxcoonass/riveroaksjews/sanfrancisconttawwdgayuncles/christmaseve/hannakah which is always interesting.
 
I'm stumped. What kind of original gift do I get the uncles from SF? They drive teslas, square dance, are docents at the SF art museum, and wear lavender jeans/shirts/shoes? Retired silicon valley techsters.
 
 box of ammo? Yeti?
 
 


81NS3QEWQ5L._SX466_.jpg

+ this quote in the package

bb2.jpg
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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

Bil "you dont have miller lite?! I only drink Miller lite when I watch the cowboys!"

Feel free to get it your damn self. You didn't have a problem drinking all my bourbon last night, shithead.

And don't tell me.  He filled a whole glass with ice,  (sipping) bourbon and Diet Coke.

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40918

Posted
Posted
On 12/21/2018 at 11:37 AM, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Not trying to put this in CR territory, just clarifying some shit.

* moved to TX at 14 (dad's job). Love it here. Grew up in 'burbs east of St Paul (Woodbury area)
* wife always knew her dad to be racist, but it was the polite vs overt when she was young. She spent her teen years trying to change his views to no avail
* the führer sign was made for him by a friend. From his church. He's not the only one with one. His fellow prepper friends also display them proudly (they think it's knee slapping funny)

Highlight of the trip was dinner last night. We brought fillets that I grilled. FIL was wondering why he had a butter knife instead of a steak knife. MIL said "they're so tender you'll barely need a knife." He proved her right, because he was so drunk he was cutting his fillet with the top side of the butter knife.

Back home already. Less than 24 hours door to door. Now the fun can begin. Best of luck to the rest of ya surly bastards.

Gift him an engraved Walther .32 for Christmas. He will know what to do with it this spring in his bunker.

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted
34 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Gift him an engraved Walther .32 for Christmas. He will know what to do with it this spring in his bunker.

Move to Brazil for the small-minded racism and shaved pussy?  

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40918

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10 lb. Prime bone in ribeye roast thawing in the fridge with a growler of Fredericksburg Brewing Peace Pipe Pale Ale and one of Harper Valley IPA chilling for the family. The foo-foo Pinot Grigio is for Mrs. Brat, who usually drinks that boxed Almaden Chardonnay swill. Son somehow missed the last of the Leffe when he was here yesterday.

7-FBF6-E34-20-E8-4-BAB-9031-114619-A7-A4

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

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Posted
4 hours ago, Armybrat said:

10 lb. Prime bone in ribeye roast thawing in the fridge with a growler of Fredericksburg Brewing Peace Pipe Pale Ale and one of Harper Valley IPA chilling for the family. The foo-foo Pinot Grigio is for Mrs. Brat, who usually drinks that boxed Almaden Chardonnay swill. Son somehow missed the last of the Leffe when he was here yesterday.

7-FBF6-E34-20-E8-4-BAB-9031-114619-A7-A4

tenor.gif?itemid=4718850

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Except their predominant urban area---the 50 wards of Chicago are 49 Democrats and 1 Republican.  So when Democrats bitch about proportional representation, just remember their Stronghold outside San Francisco---the city of Chicago---is apparently is only 2% Republican.  

the exurban and rural areas and small cities (Peoria, et. al)...those do fit the mold you described.  But that a city of 3.0mm people is anything but purposely gerrymandered and divided is complete bullshit.  /noCR

So then she puts her latte down on my counter...

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NWBuck

NWBuck 8587

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Parliament said:
2 hours ago, BurntEyes said:
Wisconsin and  Michigan say hello and Illinois says, you all need to shut the fuck up.

Yeah Illinois is probably the most divided State when it comes to geographic distribution of red and blue.

Man... Washington and Oregon want in this discussion. 

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Goofyboy

Goofyboy 3297

Posted
Posted

Anyone post the looking at Christmas lights in his own neighborhood story? I thought about it last night when we were hanging out in my buddy’s driveway watching cars roll by looking at lights. He lives in Pecan Grove (west of Houston in Richmond). It’s popular for lights and hay rides to see the lights. There are folks on those rides that live in the neighborhood. It reminds me of that shagsters story.

 

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