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This is why you keep your mouth shut if you find $7.5M in cash


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Posted

#1 dont tell your family, or best friend, or anyone if you can help it,   but if you cant help but tell your spouse, make sure you dont tell your spouse the whole truth either.

Tell them you made a great investment in Facebook or some shit and "hey honey we can buy a nice house".

But dont fucking tell anyone you bought a storage locker with $7.5M hidden in a safe in the fucking thing, cause SOMEONE is going to know who the fuck had the locker before you, and they are going to want their (probably) illegal money back    

 

turns out the storage wars auctioneer is bragging about selling a locker for $500 with $7.5M in the locker.... and whoever bought the damn thing bragged about it (obviously), and ended up giving it back to the original owners with them getting to keep $1.2M.

 

https://nypost.com/2018/11/23/storage-wars-star-reveals-he-sold-unit-with-7-5-million-inside-for-500/

 

If you have to tell anyone, tell the fucking IRS that you made $7.5M on investments and pay the massive tax load on it, but whatever is left is 100% yours with no one else able to track you down.  

Posted
47 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

#1 dont tell your family, or best friend, or anyone if you can help it,   but if you cant help but tell your spouse, make sure you dont tell your spouse the whole truth either.

Tell them you made a great investment in Facebook or some shit and "hey honey we can buy a nice house".

But dont fucking tell anyone you bought a storage locker with $7.5M hidden in a safe in the fucking thing, cause SOMEONE is going to know who the fuck had the locker before you, and they are going to want their (probably) illegal money back    

 

turns out the storage wars auctioneer is bragging about selling a locker for $500 with $7.5M in the locker.... and whoever bought the damn thing bragged about it (obviously), and ended up giving it back to the original owners with them getting to keep $1.2M.

 

https://nypost.com/2018/11/23/storage-wars-star-reveals-he-sold-unit-with-7-5-million-inside-for-500/

 

If you have to tell anyone, tell the fucking IRS that you made $7.5M on investments and pay the massive tax load on it, but whatever is left is 100% yours with no one else able to track you down.  

Dammit, you couldn't have posted this advice last week when I could have used it, could you?

  • Like 1
Posted
56 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

 

If you have to tell anyone, tell the fucking IRS that you made $7.5M on investments and pay the massive tax load on it, but whatever is left is 100% yours with no one else able to track you down.  

 

Is it really that simple to launder 7.5 million? I'm skeptical.

 

Posted
8 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

Is it that hard to make every small-medium purchase with cash for the rest of your life?

this is exactly what i would do. 

no bank accounts, no investments. pay straight cash homie.

  • Like 2
Posted

As someone who used to work in the high-end collectibles/art world, if I had to launder a large amount of cash, that is how I would do it.  I would be the luckiest mf’er on earth when it came to finding incredibly valuable things at garage sales and flea markets.  The pay cash for everything approach has its merits, but bank regulations (thanks a lot Bin Laden) now make it extremely difficult if not impossible to purchase big ticket items with cash.

Posted
28 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Is it really that simple to launder 7.5 million? I'm skeptical.

 

Tell them it was cash tips from you singing Oklahoma Sucks outside the RRS and XII CCG. Totally believable.

  • Like 1
Posted
56 minutes ago, hacker said:

100% cash - do you even report it?

Fuck that. I'm chartering a yacht, hiding the cash on board, and sailing to the Bahamas where I can deposit that cash in a bank with no reporting to the IRS.  Live off that Bahamian bank debit card.

 

  • Like 1
Posted
7 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:

Fuck that. I'm chartering a yacht, hiding the cash on board, and sailing to the Bahamas where I can deposit that cash in a bank with no reporting to the IRS.  Live off that Bahamian bank debit card.

 

Do you even Panama Papers bro?

Posted
3 hours ago, Tylerocks said:

I'm not a CPA, but I'm almost 100% certain you can't just "tell" the IRS you made $7.5M in "investments".

You just report it as misc income if you're so inclined. Pretty sure there is an old piano case or something like that about it. 

 

Posted
2 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

How the fuck does someone with $7.5 mil in a safe in a storage unit not keep his storage rent payments current?

It is highly unlikely that someone with only 7.5  mil keeps it in a safe in a storage.

Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, cabowabo said:

Does anyone actually believe this story?

Interesting angle.  I'm skeptical of it myself.

No way some mafioso/cartel type leaves a forgotten 7.5M just lying around in the storage unit.  

Edited by Aqua Buddha
Posted
46 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

How the fuck does someone with $7.5 mil in a safe in a storage unit not keep his storage rent payments current?

Because said person was probably dissolved in a drum of acid. 

  • Like 1
Posted
38 minutes ago, Aqua Buddha said:

Interesting angle.  I'm skeptical of it myself.

No way some mafioso/cartel type leaves a forgotten 7.5M just lying around in the storage unit.  

Somebody gets killed who stashed the dollars there ?  Yeah, not likely, but it could happen.

Posted
57 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Somebody gets killed who stashed the dollars there ?  Yeah, not likely, but it could happen.

Um, no.  

The person who "found" it is also the person who "placed" it there.  Needed an excuse for "finding" it.

Posted
7 minutes ago, Rockwell Torrey said:

, I'll be sitting on a beach, earning twenty percent.

I'd rather spend time on the beach doing nothing but that's just me

  • Like 1
Posted

If you find 7.5 mil in cash, you don’t say a damn word and live the rest of your life sending money orders or cashiers checks in to pay your new mortgage on a nice house and buy literally everything you need in cash. Any time you deposit more than 12,000 to a bank account, the IRS is notified. 

Posted
1 hour ago, pearlandhorn said:

If you find 7.5 mil in cash, you don’t say a damn word and live the rest of your life sending money orders or cashiers checks in to pay your new mortgage on a nice house and buy literally everything you need in cash. Any time you deposit more than 12,000 to a bank account, the IRS is notified. 

I thought it was 10k?

Posted
8 minutes ago, UTPhil2006 said:

I thought it was 10k?

it is. and if you have a pattern of depositing $9,999 dollars on a regular schedule then your bank

will probably notify the authorities who will start asking pointed questions... :(

 

Posted
16 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

Is it that hard to make every small-medium purchase with cash for the rest of your life?

That's what I was thinking. Just pull out $1,000 / week and pay for small stuff with cash. Sprinkle a little in the bank each year but just control yourself.

Posted

You find a reasonably intelligent homeless man, then you and he concoct a story where you claim he gelped you on the side if the road and now you’re taking donations to help him out in return for his generosity.  You take donations via gofundme but also say you will take them directly.  Then you “manage” that cash.  

What could go wrong?

Posted
16 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Is it really that simple to launder 7.5 million? I'm skeptical.

 

It's like on The Shield when Vic and his guys steal all that cash from the Armenian mob and are standing there staring at that mountain of cash and thinking.... WTF do we do now?!

Posted

$7.5 million would get you all of the latest gadgets and the best food and the best whatever else you can enjoy in the privacy of your home that you can buy cash for the rest of your life. Don't get greedy.

Posted

It would be easy for me, but it would be tedious, not to mention the amount of space 7.5 million would take up if it's not 100s.  I can see keeping it secret would be difficult.  Assuming you are already well off and stable, it would be easy to just pay for all your consumerism shopping in cash.  With steady stable income that would free up a lot of your legit income for bigger purchases, but just not a stable of Ferraris or Yachts.  You still have to kind of live within your means.

Posted
10 minutes ago, Gene Parmesan said:

It would be easy for me, but it would be tedious, not to mention the amount of space 7.5 million would take up if it's not 100s.  I can see keeping it secret would be difficult.  Assuming you are already well off and stable, it would be easy to just pay for all your consumerism shopping in cash.  With steady stable income that would free up a lot of your legit income for bigger purchases, but just not a stable of Ferraris or Yachts.  You still have to kind of live within your means.

You have to live within your means when it comes to house and car.  Outside of that, you don't.  You can have the best gadgets, eat at the best restaurants, and vacation hardcore.  

Posted

I would be more worried about who's $7.5mm it is, and when they are going to come around looking for it.    Perhaps no one alive knows it was there but perhaps someone else will figure it out.  

Either way I don't think I would just announce it.

  • Like 1
Posted
10 minutes ago, FondrenRoad said:

You have to live within your means when it comes to house and car.  Outside of that, you don't.  You can have the best gadgets, eat at the best restaurants, and vacation hardcore.  

You would need to disassociate yourself from your current group of friends and possibly family though, unless you already have a lifestyle of having expensive gadgets and vacations.  They'd piece it together and turn on you like a hyena out of jealousy.

  • Like 1

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