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This is why you keep your mouth shut if you find $7.5M in cash

AUS-97HORN

By AUS-97HORN
in Daily Texan

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11825

Posted
Posted

#1 dont tell your family, or best friend, or anyone if you can help it,   but if you cant help but tell your spouse, make sure you dont tell your spouse the whole truth either.

Tell them you made a great investment in Facebook or some shit and "hey honey we can buy a nice house".

But dont fucking tell anyone you bought a storage locker with $7.5M hidden in a safe in the fucking thing, cause SOMEONE is going to know who the fuck had the locker before you, and they are going to want their (probably) illegal money back    

 

turns out the storage wars auctioneer is bragging about selling a locker for $500 with $7.5M in the locker.... and whoever bought the damn thing bragged about it (obviously), and ended up giving it back to the original owners with them getting to keep $1.2M.

 

https://nypost.com/2018/11/23/storage-wars-star-reveals-he-sold-unit-with-7-5-million-inside-for-500/

 

If you have to tell anyone, tell the fucking IRS that you made $7.5M on investments and pay the massive tax load on it, but whatever is left is 100% yours with no one else able to track you down.  

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RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26515

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47 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

#1 dont tell your family, or best friend, or anyone if you can help it,   but if you cant help but tell your spouse, make sure you dont tell your spouse the whole truth either.

Tell them you made a great investment in Facebook or some shit and "hey honey we can buy a nice house".

But dont fucking tell anyone you bought a storage locker with $7.5M hidden in a safe in the fucking thing, cause SOMEONE is going to know who the fuck had the locker before you, and they are going to want their (probably) illegal money back    

 

turns out the storage wars auctioneer is bragging about selling a locker for $500 with $7.5M in the locker.... and whoever bought the damn thing bragged about it (obviously), and ended up giving it back to the original owners with them getting to keep $1.2M.

 

https://nypost.com/2018/11/23/storage-wars-star-reveals-he-sold-unit-with-7-5-million-inside-for-500/

 

If you have to tell anyone, tell the fucking IRS that you made $7.5M on investments and pay the massive tax load on it, but whatever is left is 100% yours with no one else able to track you down.  

Dammit, you couldn't have posted this advice last week when I could have used it, could you?

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11054

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56 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

 

If you have to tell anyone, tell the fucking IRS that you made $7.5M on investments and pay the massive tax load on it, but whatever is left is 100% yours with no one else able to track you down.  

 

Is it really that simple to launder 7.5 million? I'm skeptical.

 

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conVINCEd

conVINCEd 21474

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As someone who used to work in the high-end collectibles/art world, if I had to launder a large amount of cash, that is how I would do it.  I would be the luckiest mf’er on earth when it came to finding incredibly valuable things at garage sales and flea markets.  The pay cash for everything approach has its merits, but bank regulations (thanks a lot Bin Laden) now make it extremely difficult if not impossible to purchase big ticket items with cash.

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pops

pops 7014

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Posted
3 hours ago, Tylerocks said:

I'm not a CPA, but I'm almost 100% certain you can't just "tell" the IRS you made $7.5M in "investments".

You just report it as misc income if you're so inclined. Pretty sure there is an old piano case or something like that about it. 

 

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UTPhil2006

UTPhil2006 3825

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1 hour ago, pearlandhorn said:

If you find 7.5 mil in cash, you don’t say a damn word and live the rest of your life sending money orders or cashiers checks in to pay your new mortgage on a nice house and buy literally everything you need in cash. Any time you deposit more than 12,000 to a bank account, the IRS is notified. 

I thought it was 10k?

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Kyle

Kyle 207

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Posted
16 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

Is it that hard to make every small-medium purchase with cash for the rest of your life?

That's what I was thinking. Just pull out $1,000 / week and pay for small stuff with cash. Sprinkle a little in the bank each year but just control yourself.

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Liquor and Poker

Liquor and Poker 3659

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You find a reasonably intelligent homeless man, then you and he concoct a story where you claim he gelped you on the side if the road and now you’re taking donations to help him out in return for his generosity.  You take donations via gofundme but also say you will take them directly.  Then you “manage” that cash.  

What could go wrong?

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Gene Parmesan

Gene Parmesan 4016

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It would be easy for me, but it would be tedious, not to mention the amount of space 7.5 million would take up if it's not 100s.  I can see keeping it secret would be difficult.  Assuming you are already well off and stable, it would be easy to just pay for all your consumerism shopping in cash.  With steady stable income that would free up a lot of your legit income for bigger purchases, but just not a stable of Ferraris or Yachts.  You still have to kind of live within your means.

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FondrenRoad

FondrenRoad 4378

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10 minutes ago, Gene Parmesan said:

It would be easy for me, but it would be tedious, not to mention the amount of space 7.5 million would take up if it's not 100s.  I can see keeping it secret would be difficult.  Assuming you are already well off and stable, it would be easy to just pay for all your consumerism shopping in cash.  With steady stable income that would free up a lot of your legit income for bigger purchases, but just not a stable of Ferraris or Yachts.  You still have to kind of live within your means.

You have to live within your means when it comes to house and car.  Outside of that, you don't.  You can have the best gadgets, eat at the best restaurants, and vacation hardcore.  

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Gene Parmesan

Gene Parmesan 4016

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10 minutes ago, FondrenRoad said:

You have to live within your means when it comes to house and car.  Outside of that, you don't.  You can have the best gadgets, eat at the best restaurants, and vacation hardcore.  

You would need to disassociate yourself from your current group of friends and possibly family though, unless you already have a lifestyle of having expensive gadgets and vacations.  They'd piece it together and turn on you like a hyena out of jealousy.

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