This is why you keep your mouth shut if you find $7.5M in cash

[bschoolprof 6273]

Just buy bearer bonds and sit on a beach and earn 20%.  

[NeverMarryAStripper 22000]

4 hours ago, pearlandhorn said:

If you find 7.5 mil in cash, you don’t say a damn word and live the rest of your life sending money orders or cashiers checks in to pay your new mortgage on a nice house and buy literally everything you need in cash. Any time you deposit more than 12,000 to a bank account, the IRS is notified. 

The IRS would nab you the first day

[Gene Parmesan 4016]

How often can you deposit thousands of dollars in cash (under the limit) without getting on a list?  Is it just a matter of being sporadic with it and not a once a month 9,999 deposit?

[FondrenRoad 4378]

Never put in a bank. Buy $500 Amex or Visa gift cards if you need better portability. 

[Gene Parmesan 4016]

8 minutes ago, FondrenRoad said:

Never put in a bank. Buy $500 Amex or Visa gift cards if you need better portability. 

It's not so much about portability as much as it is about actually being able to use it.  Even if you are only worried about the IRS and not some cartel, getting rid of 7.5 million at Best Buy and restaurants would become a pain.  As fun as it sounds to dream about it would certainly become a burden thinking of new stuff you want to buy.  I guess at that point you just put it in a storage facility for the next guy.

[High Plains Drifter 11054]

57 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

I would be more worried about who's $7.5mm it is, and when they are going to come around looking for it.    Perhaps no one alive knows it was there but perhaps someone else will figure it out.  

Either way I don't think I would just announce it.

[High Plains Drifter 11054]

1 minute ago, Gene Parmesan said:

It's not so much about portability as much as it is about actually being able to use it.  Even if you are only worried about the IRS and not some cartel, getting rid of 7.5 million at Best Buy and restaurants would become a pain.  As fun as it sounds to dream about it would certainly become a burden thinking of new stuff you want to buy.  I guess at that point you just put it in a storage facility for the next guy.

If I really really gave it my all, I could burn through 7.5 large in Vegas fairly quickly.

[FondrenRoad 4378]

1 minute ago, Gene Parmesan said:

It's not so much about portability as much as it is about actually being able to use it.  Even if you are only worried about the IRS and not some cartel, getting rid of 7.5 million at Best Buy and restaurants would become a pain.  As fun as it sounds to dream about it would certainly become a burden thinking of new stuff you want to buy.  I guess at that point you just put it in a storage facility for the next guy.

I don't see why it would be a burden. You could easily find a place to hide it. You also don't have to spend it all. Give the rest to someone when you die, either on the down low or not. All it does is free you from needing to worry about discretionary spending. It ain't enough to live like a Saudi prince anyway. But it is enough to change your low budget Paris vacation to a high end lodging and dining experience. 

You could even shift 1000 or so a month into your bank account largely unnoticed if you wanted to. Or open a cash business and start cleaning it up. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 22000]

It wouldn't be too big of a burden to find ways to live off of it until the kids were out of school and settled.  Then renounce US citizenship and become a citizen of some tax haven, with a nice beach, where they don't mind if you deposit a bag full of $100 dollar bills in some bank with no US branches.

Edited November 27, 2018 by NeverMarryAStripper

[Gene Parmesan 4016]

How do you go from a low budget to high end lodging for vacations?  Pay off your credit cards with cash?

[NeverMarryAStripper 22000]

money orders

[Quagmire 2147]

Not sure why the dumb Fuck gave it back,
Pretty sure he’s legally entitled to it at that point , they defaulted in their rent

[Aqua Buddha 14643]

3 hours ago, Liquor and Poker said:

You find a reasonably intelligent homeless man, then you and he concoct a story where you claim he gelped you on the side if the road and now you’re taking donations to help him out in return for his generosity.  You take donations via gofundme but also say you will take them directly.  Then you “manage” that cash.  

What could go wrong?

Well played.

[FondrenRoad 4378]

30 minutes ago, Gene Parmesan said:

How do you go from a low budget to high end lodging for vacations?  Pay off your credit cards with cash?

Hotels pre-charge a credit card for reservation and security deposit purposes.  But you don't have to pay your bill with that credit card.  You can use cash and have the pre-charge refunded, or have it charged to a prepaid credit card if they really don't want to deal with cash at all.  Hotels really don't give a fuck as long as they get paid.  They even make arrangements for people, like celebrities, who want to be there on the down low.  Really, you could probably forgo the reservation, walk in with cash and overpay, and most hotels would let you.

The only place you'd have to skimp still would be the flight.  You'd have to fly coach.

[High Plains Drifter 11054]

5 minutes ago, FondrenRoad said:

 

The only place you'd have to skimp still would be the flight.  You'd have to fly coach.

No way in hell I'm flying coach with a suitcase full of 7.5 large.

[Chewbacca 7788]

13 hours ago, Thetexashammer said:

Six year statute. Just don't get caught for that long.

There is no statute of limitations on fraudulent activity.

[FondrenRoad 4378]

14 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

No way in hell I'm flying coach with a suitcase full of 7.5 large.

Of course not.  Money orders or traveler's checks, and you aren't bringing the whole 7.5.  You're bringing 100k at most.  Probably more like 30 to 50k which would fund a pretty badass vacation.  You need to convert it to Euros when you get there anyway.  No need to blow 7.5 million in one shot.

[High Plains Drifter 11054]

7 minutes ago, FondrenRoad said:

Of course not.  Money orders or traveler's checks, and you aren't bringing the whole 7.5.  You're bringing 100k at most.  Probably more like 30 to 50k which would fund a pretty badass vacation.  You need to convert it to Euros when you get there anyway.  No need to blow 7.5 million in one shot.

I see you;'ve put a lot of thought into this.

[FondrenRoad 4378]

1 minute ago, High Plains Drifter said:

I see you;'ve put a lot of thought into this.

If it was me, I'd just buy a car wash.

[El Diablo 4232]

16 minutes ago, FondrenRoad said:

If it was me, I'd just buy a car wash.

I don't even like washing my own car but if that's your thing go for it, you're the fat cat with the 7.5MM.

[GringoSalado 1652]

^ straight cash homie

[Spankytoes 1743]

It's fairly easy to wash dirty money. Just setup an LLC here and form a shell company overseas with a bearer account. Then it's a matter of math. If you overpay for items in the inventory that you are selling, you create a loop to funnel cash back to yourself through legit purchases...

I mean, what are we talking about?

[52-80 19276]

Easiest way to conceal $7.5M to buy biptocurrencies. 

 

In a few months, you can sell it all for like 200K, and nobody will blink an eye when you deposit that in the bank.

[woohorn 1131]

Anyone say where the storage unit defaultee got the cash?

[KaiserSoze 998]

Anyone say where the storage unit defaultee got the cash?

From the article...

The Dotsons’ co-star, Bargain Hunters Thrift Store owner Rene Nezhoda, said the cash was most likely mafia or drug cartel-related.

“If you find money like that, there’s probably a reason it isn’t in the bank,” Nezhoda told The Blast.

[Aqua Buddha 14643]

1 hour ago, Spankytoes said:

It's fairly easy to wash dirty money. Just setup an LLC here and form a shell company overseas with a bearer account. Then it's a matter of math. If you overpay for items in the inventory that you are selling, you create a loop to funnel cash back to yourself through legit purchases...

I mean, what are we talking about?

Is that how Fred Trump skirted inheritance taxes?

[wild_turkey 3187]

Couldn’t you buy some simple cash businesses like food trucks or a landscaping service, claim way more income than they actually bring in, pay actual taxes on the inflated income, and then make actual deposits to your bank account? This would give you the ability to purchase certain things above the table, given that a lot of stuff is dependent on credit card payments. Keep the rest of the cash hidden away and use it when possible to pay for things like restaurant bills, gadgets, groceries, clothes, etc.

[Pato del Muerto 52691]

Rent a boat and take it on the ocean, where you “find” the cash floating around.  Now it’s maritime law. Finders keepers. 

[HenryJames 66231]

17 hours ago, FondrenRoad said:

I don't see why it would be a burden. You could easily find a place to hide it.

Like a storage locker.

[Bookman 4649]

I didn't read the story and I don't know if it's real, but someone's going to miss $7.5 million and that's enough to kill for.

[pearlandhorn 3275]

23 hours ago, UTPhil2006 said:

I thought it was 10k?

Might be. In any case, don’t deposit large amounts of untaxed money in to a bank account. The bank by law has to contact the IRS unless it is being claimed as an annual “gift” as defined by the IRS. 

Edited November 28, 2018 by pearlandhorn

[hornian 5230]

Do people even read the shit they link? 

The new owner didn’t tell anyone. The former owner had their attorney contact the new owner once they realized it had been sold. The attorney and the new owner worked out a deal where the new owner was compensated. Both came out happy I think. 

[Guest]

21 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

The IRS would nab you the first day

NM

Edited November 28, 2018 by slorch

[FondrenRoad 4378]

21 minutes ago, hornian said:

Do people even read the shit they link? 

The new owner didn’t tell anyone. The former owner had their attorney contact the new owner once they realized it had been sold. The attorney and the new owner worked out a deal where the new owner was compensated. Both came out happy I think. 

He should have bought the unit using an offshore shell company. 

[SquishMitten 10453]

How do you go from a low budget to high end lodging for vacations?  Pay off your credit cards with cash?

Well if you can start making all of your routine purchases in cash, you would free up most of your paycheck to pay down all your other debts. And you could occasionally make payments by money order.

[SquishMitten 10453]

Do people even read the shit they link? 
The new owner didn’t tell anyone. The former owner had their attorney contact the new owner once they realized it had been sold. The attorney and the new owner worked out a deal where the new owner was compensated. Both came out happy I think. 

Apparently not. I’m guessing the old owner isn’t too excited this became a big news story. IRS/FBI/DEA probably have a few questions.

[Gene Parmesan 4016]

To be fair the discussing the absurd hypothetical of finding millions in cash is more interesting than the actual story.  What's the rules on storage auctions?  My experience with Storage Wars didn't show original owners getting take backsies.

[hayden_horn 11365]

12 hours ago, wild_turkey said:

Couldn’t you buy some simple cash businesses like food trucks or a landscaping service, claim way more income than they actually bring in, pay actual taxes on the inflated income, and then make actual deposits to your bank account? This would give you the ability to purchase certain things above the table, given that a lot of stuff is dependent on credit card payments. Keep the rest of the cash hidden away and use it when possible to pay for things like restaurant bills, gadgets, groceries, clothes, etc.

anyone remember the chinese food truck near campus?

that was a fencing/money laundering operation. they also made some pretty good fried rice.

[Pato del Muerto 52691]

1 hour ago, Gene Parmesan said:

To be fair the discussing the absurd hypothetical of finding millions in cash is more interesting than the actual story.  What's the rules on storage auctions?  My experience with Storage Wars didn't show original owners getting take backsies.

1) original owner threatens to kill storage owner unless he gives up name of buyer. 

2) original owner threatens to kill buyer unless property is returned 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Gene Parmesan said:

To be fair the discussing the absurd hypothetical of finding millions in cash is more interesting than the actual story.  What's the rules on storage auctions?  My experience with Storage Wars didn't show original owners getting take backsies.

It probably depends how badly they want it back...

[Sandman 3420]

2 hours ago, hornian said:

Do people even read the shit they link? 

The new owner didn’t tell anyone. The former owner had their attorney contact the new owner once they realized it had been sold. The attorney and the new owner worked out a deal where the new owner was compensated. Both came out happy I think. 

I would've told the former owner that I have 7 million bucks to buy guns and ammo. Come on over if you think you're hard enough.

[woohorn 1131]

What's the rules on storage auctions?  My experience with Storage Wars didn't show original owners getting take backsies.

IDK, but I am kinda surprised the storage place released the info on purchaser. I mean, if you can't trust a mini warehouse guy to keep confidences, who can you trust.

[shakahorn 1650]

14 hours ago, wild_turkey said:

Couldn’t you buy some simple cash businesses like food trucks or a landscaping service, claim way more income than they actually bring in, pay actual taxes on the inflated income, and then make actual deposits to your bank account? This would give you the ability to purchase certain things above the table, given that a lot of stuff is dependent on credit card payments. Keep the rest of the cash hidden away and use it when possible to pay for things like restaurant bills, gadgets, groceries, clothes, etc.

This is the classic money laundering setup.  Anytime I go into a restaurant that is "cash only" my first thought is what kind of money are they laundering?  Gambling house?  Drug dealer?

[Nice Guy Eddie 13536]

2 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

 

Well if you can start making all of your routine purchases in cash, you would free up most of your paycheck to pay down all your other debts. And you could occasionally make payments by money order.

 

(From Say Anything)

Quote

AGENT We believe that your father operates in a large pool of cash that comes from phony billings, phony patients. We've been investigating him for five years. We believe that when they die, he takes their money.

DIANE Pardon me?

AGENT Look, why don't you check it out for yourself? See if your father fits the profile.

DIANE What's the profile?

AGENT Well, take a look around the house. Is everything nice, but not too nice? Are there lots of, uh, rugs, pieces of art, stereo equipment, uh, furniture, a lot of things bought with cash? Does he give a lot of gifts? Do the major items in your house cost around the nine thousand-dollar range?

If you really wanted to launder cash in small increments over a very long time, it seems doable.  But you would also be tempted to start buying larger and larger items.   

At first, you are paying cash for groceries and gas.  However you windfall is just groceries/gas for the rest of your life.  Boring.  But you are tempted to pay your mortgage in cash as that is your largest monthly bill.  All of sudden, now there is a record of a cash payment in the banking system.  No one would say anything in the first month, so why not do that every month.  Why not make a car payment in cash? 

you can't tell me that the federal govt doesn't search for banking cash payment trends.  It doesn't mean that they would investigate you, or that you're  committing a crime but it puts you on a list somewhere.

 

[FondrenRoad 4378]

6 minutes ago, shakahorn said:

This is the classic money laundering setup.  Anytime I go into a restaurant that is "cash only" my first thought is what kind of money are they laundering?  Gambling house?  Drug dealer?

I always figured restaurants that are cash only are underreporting actual income and cheating taxes rather than laundering which would be overreporting actual income.  

[shakahorn 1650]

6 minutes ago, FondrenRoad said:

I always figured restaurants that are cash only are underreporting actual income and cheating taxes rather than laundering which would be overreporting actual income.  

That is my second thought

[High Plains Drifter 11054]

15 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

(From Say Anything)

If you really wanted to launder cash in small increments over a very long time, it seems doable.  But you would also be tempted to start buying larger and larger items.   

At first, you are paying cash for groceries and gas.  However you windfall is just groceries/gas for the rest of your life.  Boring.  But you are tempted to pay your mortgage in cash as that is your largest monthly bill.  All of sudden, now there is a record of a cash payment in the banking system.  No one would say anything in the first month, so why not do that every month.  Why not make a car payment in cash? 

you can't tell me that the federal govt doesn't search for banking cash payment trends.  It doesn't mean that they would investigate you, or that you're  committing a crime but it puts you on a list somewhere.

 

That's when you shift over to hookers and blow. Maybe even two hookers and blow.

[texashorne 1178]

ok.. What are the tax implications of just reporting the 7.5 million? Wouldn't that be smarter and just take the hit so you don't have to worry about it? its free money anyways..

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 22000]

I'm guessing it would immediately be confiscated using civil forfeiture

[Gene Parmesan 4016]

18 minutes ago, texashorne said:

ok.. What are the tax implications of just reporting the 7.5 million? Wouldn't that be smarter and just take the hit so you don't have to worry about it? its free money anyways..

 

The tax implications are you pay a lot of taxes.  The problem being that if that money weren't legit you aren't getting any of it.  Even if you legitimately found it via an on the up storage auction.  Assuming this money was legit the original owner was able to stake a claim to the cash despite being lost in a storage auction.  Legit sums of cash being auctioned off on storage wars doesn't seem like an issue that would naturally occur, so the discussion is more or less just stumbling on a large sum of cash.