F Cancer, chapter a jillion and one

[jimmyjazz 45,997]

Brisket, it was my experience that both my Mom & Dad benefited tremendously from having close relationships with their grandkids as they went through the events that ultimately took their lives.  I think they knew my sister and I were understanding of those situations, and that we were so grateful for everything they had done for us, but the next generation probably seemed like more of an unknown.  I know you will continue to have your kids spend time with your Mom & Dad, but I would encourage you to explain to them that it's a two-way street that they will look on fondly as they grow into their own adult lives.  Right now my wife's parents are in a similar situation, and our kids have been happy to go visit them often.  I feel blessed for that.

Kind thoughts are being floated up from the 'jazz clan for your Mom and Dad.  Y'all got this.

[irishtexan 11,522]

Found out that a family friend has stage 4 metastatic clear cell renal carcinoma. His father is my father's high school friend. I'm not close with him, but our families are close. He's early 30's. He is the father of a young daughter he and his wife adopted. Can't imagine having to face those odds. Heartbreaking. 

[4th and 5 4,915]

My cousin died yesterday from breast cancer.

She was 49.

[bluto 4,934]

Reading the article makes it sound like the drop is mostly due to lung cancer which also coincides with smoking falling off a cliff as well.

[Nice Guy Eddie 13,515]

39 minutes ago, bluto said:

Reading the article makes it sound like the drop is mostly due to lung cancer which also coincides with smoking falling off a cliff as well.

Lower smoking rates are probably a large element of the reduction. Always better to avoid something altogether than find yourself fighting it.

In many cases, cancer is tied to personal behavior so anything that can be done to improve lifestyle choices should be a priority. However I know that the source of many cancer diagnoses are unknown or unrelated to behavior so I'm not pointing my finger at anyone. 

And regardless of source, we need to fight as hard as possible to treat. no one deserves it.

Edited January 8, 2020 by Nice Guy Eddie

[Rip76 4,946]

If true, this is a game changer.

British scientists may have discovered a cure for cancer — by accident.

As The Telegraph reports, “Researchers at Cardiff University were analyzing blood from a bank in Wales, looking for immune cells that could fight bacteria, when they found an entirely new type of T-cell. That new immune cell carries a never-before-seen receptor which acts like a grappling hook, latching on to most human cancers, while ignoring healthy cells.”

http://dlvr.it/RNYRl4

Edited January 23, 2020 by Rip76

[Anastasis 23,479]

2 minutes ago, Rip76 said:

If true, this is a game changer.

British scientists may have discovered a cure for cancer — by accident.

As The Telegraph reports, “Researchers at Cardiff University were analyzing blood from a bank in Wales, looking for immune cells that could fight bacteria, when they found an entirely new type of T-cell. That new immune cell carries a never-before-seen receptor which acts like a grappling hook, latching on to most human cancers, while ignoring healthy cells.”

http://dlvr.it/RNYRl4

Wake me up when it translates to the bedside.  Not downplaying it, but there is a long way to go from bench to bedside. 

[Rip76 4,946]

Oh sure.  But not a bad start.

[bluto 4,934]

Gonna try to find a showing of this, he was a main player in the Breakthrough book about the history of cancer immunotherapy.

[SA-KC_Horn 1,295]

Fuck you cancer, you sorry ass bitch!!

My brother-in-law was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. My dude is only 44 yrs young. This covid b.s. makes it worse with travel, SiP orders.

Fuck you again cancer!

[Dnaguy 12,010]

4 minutes ago, SA-KC_Horn said:

Fuck you cancer, you sorry ass bitch!!

My brother-in-law was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. My dude is only 44 yrs young. This covid b.s. makes it worse with travel, SiP orders.

Fuck you again cancer!

Im sorry. I don’t have any comforting words that will alleviate your pain.

There are no words. I don’t understand why such shit things happen to people who don’t deserve it  to
 

[Anastasis 23,479]

1 hour ago, SA-KC_Horn said:

Fuck you cancer, you sorry ass bitch!!

My brother-in-law was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. My dude is only 44 yrs young. This covid b.s. makes it worse with travel, SiP orders.

Fuck you again cancer!

Sorry man. That fucking sucks. We will beat this shit one day. 

[Hate 20,125]

4 hours ago, SA-KC_Horn said:

Fuck you cancer, you sorry ass bitch!!

My brother-in-law was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. My dude is only 44 yrs young. This covid b.s. makes it worse with travel, SiP orders.

Fuck you again cancer!

That's a damn gut punch.  Do what you can to be there in these horrible times of isolation. 

[Knoxtnhorn 6,062]

I feel bad for my wife.  My MIL has been dealing with colon cancer for a couple of years now.  She had surgery last week to remove a tumor; however, it didn't take.  Apparently, she has weeks to live.  Even if traveling was somewhat of an option, my wife would never, ever put our two boys in danger by going to Nashville and exposing herself to Covid.  She's been handling it well thus far, but I worry that it'll truly hit her at some point.  That is, her mom is living out her final weeks, and she's not even going to be able to really say "goodbye".  

[mulletpelini 5,214]

and yet my evil ex MIL still thrives.  Fuck you cancer for being a cunt ass dick

[austingirl 2,191]

A girl I went to high school with died Wednesday (obit here) and I am much sadder about this than I thought I'd be considering I haven't talked to her in ~20 years. She was married to her HS sweetheart and he was a good friend of mine back then. Last May she was diagnosed with a rare high-grade neuroendocrine cancer that started in her endometrium. She fought hard but it was so aggressive - about a month ago they found tumors everywhere in her body. Brain, abdomen, everywhere. Just two weeks ago she finished whole brain radiation, and last week she did another round of chemo. I guess I expected her to drift away more gradually, but it sounds like the latest round chemo put her through the ringer. She took a turn for the worse overnight and that was that. She was 40. Here's to Amy. 

[Hate 20,125]

Damn, that sucks. RIP Amy and thoughts for that family.

[Brisketexan 105,164]

Well, just posting to confess that I'm a shitty human being and a lousy son.  Mom is in for an invasive scan today -- I didn't even know it was happening.  Because over the past couple of weeks, between getting swallowed up in work, being worried about a lot of other shit, and because COVID meaning limited contact has an "out of sight, out of mind" effect....I've all but ghosted my parents, who live minutes away.

Fuck me.  If any of y'all had any doubts about me being a crappy, self-absorbed shithead, put those doubts to rest, it's confirmed.  My dad shared with me that she misses me, but she's not the type to complain.  And he admitted and confirmed what we all know -- that she's on the clock, there ain't a cure here. So it's all about the moments.  He told me that every moment he spends with her is priceless, and at this point in our life, she's his reason for living.

And I KNOW all of this.  I know we're talking months, maybe a couple of years, for both of them.  And here I go, pulling asshole "cats in the cradle" bullshit.  So, I don't know.  Maybe all I can do here is suggest to the rest of you not to be fucking assholes like me.  But I'll be making the time for a good long visit this weekend -- nice weather, we can sit on the patio with masks, and visit.

Fuck me.  Fuck.

Edited October 22, 2020 by Brisketexan

[Hate 20,125]

Fuck me.  If any of y'all had any doubts about me being a crappy, self-absorbed shithead, put those doubts to rest, it's confirmed. 

Nobody says this about you as far as you know.



But seriously, enjoy what time you’ve got left with your parents and fuck cancer!

[Horn_Spanker 524]

Just read "The Dude" has lymphoma.  Fuck 2020!

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

Just had my dad admitted to a rehab facility an hour ago, and he isn't happy. I had to walk him through why he needed to be there, and part of that was exposing his wife, and her issues.

His second wife, kind of a bitch since forever is losing her mental capacity, and is being a truly big bitch, and can't, and won't help him do anything. Bathe, clean, feed, be nice.

Being the eldest I had to make all that happen. Now tonight we all tell her what's going down. Gonna let her kids tell her. She doesn't like me or my brother or my wife already.

It's not gonna end well for dad, but I need him somewhere safe, and cared for in his last months.

Fuck cancer, it's particularly tough when it starts hitting so close to home.

Enjoy the time you have with your mom Brisket.  

 

 

[Brisketexan 105,164]

4 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Just had my dad admitted to a rehab facility an hour ago, and he isn't happy. I had to walk him through why he needed to be there, and part of that was exposing his wife, and her issues.

His second wife, kind of a bitch since forever is losing her mental capacity, and is being a truly big bitch, and can't, and won't help him do anything. Bathe, clean, feed, be nice.

Being the eldest I had to make all that happen. Now tonight we all tell her what's going down. Gonna let her kids tell her. She doesn't like me or my brother or my wife already.

It's not gonna end well for dad, but I need him somewhere safe, and cared for in his last months.

Fuck cancer, it's particularly tough when it starts hitting so close to home.

Enjoy the time you have with your mom Brisket.  

 

 

Sorry to hear it, man.  Yeah, the last 24 hours has just been a cascade of this shit.  Doorbell rings last night, it's our elderly neighbor who needs help getting his wife up (she'd fallen, and he's not strong enough to lift her anymore); she was fine, but we're ready for more of this to come, and we'll help however we can.  Then, got an update from my wife's "family of choice" (functionally her adopted family)....beloved mom's husband's slide into dementia has rapidly accelerated.  We expect that they'll be in the "hard decisions" zone within 6 months.  And then finding out I've been a worthless shitheel to my own parents.

Nevermind the stresses of work, or my own nuclear family (we're on the same struggle bus that everyone else is).  Just, fuck.

Life is hard.  It's random.  And it's cruel.  And we muddle through the best we can, and fuck up a lot along the way.

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Sorry to hear it, man.  Yeah, the last 24 hours has just been a cascade of this shit.  Doorbell rings last night, it's our elderly neighbor who needs help getting his wife up (she'd fallen, and he's not strong enough to lift her anymore); she was fine, but we're ready for more of this to come, and we'll help however we can.  Then, got an update from my wife's "family of choice" (functionally her adopted family)....beloved mom's husband's slide into dementia has rapidly accelerated.  We expect that they'll be in the "hard decisions" zone within 6 months.  And then finding out I've been a worthless shitheel to my own parents.

Nevermind the stresses of work, or my own nuclear family (we're on the same struggle bus that everyone else is).  Just, fuck.

Life is hard.  It's random.  And it's cruel.  And we muddle through the best we can, and fuck up a lot along the way.

Brah, that is one ledge we're sharing fiddy fiddy..... : )

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

I'll tell ya what fuck cancer is, It's when you have to give your dad a Preparation H, butt injection.... THAT is when I was screaming FUUUUUUUCK CANCER !!!! in my head.

I did ask him if talking dirty would help.

Edited October 22, 2020 by Onboard 2.0

[Brisketexan 105,164]

Today, my dad talked about us going out and getting him a black suit.  He doesn't have one anymore.  And we think we have maybe 100 days left.  The decline started a few weeks ago, and it's picking up speed.

And she knows it, and accepts it.  She got to come to my son's last home baseball game of his baseball career.  She got to go out with us for my birthday dinner, just a few weeks ago.  She got to come over to our house to be with our closest friends, and do a crawfish boil and oysters, which she loves.  I don't think she'd be up for any of that anymore.

Dad's picking up so much.  He's cooking, he's tending to her.  He's doing a lot and being strong for an 83 yr old man.  And he knows.  He knows the ultimate time is her decision.  Not his, not mine.  Hers.

Both kids will be going overseas to study this fall.  We don't know if they'll be here when she goes.  If she makes it to the fall, they may not be able to come home.  But they have now.  They can spend time with her now.  My daughter is home, and got to see them this afternoon.  That's so important.  The kids are old enough to have their own relationship with their grandmother, and to do something about it.  And they know how important each day is.  I'm proud of them for that.  And my heart breaks for them for that.

I had suggested brunch today at our house.  But they let us know she wasn't up to it.  I made extra of our brunch goodies, and brought them over there when we visited this afternoon.  This is my last mother's day with my mom.  And that is what it is. 

It happens to all of us.  Time does what it does.  It's the realizing it that's hard.  It's seeing the inevitability coming, like a train there's no way of avoiding.

This has been a hard fucking year.  It's only going to get harder. 

[South Austin 52,523]

Oh man, Brisket. I’m so sorry. Your post was a gut punch on this Mother’s Day, but a reminder that one of the best things we can do during our time in this life is to repay the love and care our parents gave us.

[Txzen 498]

I think it’s very easy to be hard on one’s self with these things. I harbor a lot of guilt in not being as present in my mom’s life as I live across the country. I’d only counter that, at least in my case, I was raised to be independent (as both my parents were). It is hard to balance that teaching with whatever duty you feel you have to those who raised you. 

 I feel your pain too - I’m in a hospital room with my mom here on Mother’s Day, as she’s been newly diagnosed with cancer after several months of diminishing health. A milestone birthday for her is tomorrow, and I’m fairly sure both will be her last. This shit sucks. 

Edited May 9, 2021 by Txzen

[Brisketexan 105,164]

57 minutes ago, Txzen said:

I think it’s very easy to be hard on one’s self with these things. I harbor a lot of guilt in not being as present in my mom’s life as I live across the country. I’d only counter that, at least in my case, I was raised to be independent (as both my parents were). It is hard to balance that teaching with whatever duty you feel you have to those who raised you. 

 I feel your pain too - I’m in a hospital room with my mom here on Mother’s Day, as she’s been newly diagnosed with cancer after several months of diminishing health. A milestone birthday for her is tomorrow, and I’m fairly sure both will be her last. This shit sucks. 

Sorry to hear it, brother.  We're in a tough stage in life.

[Brisketexan 105,164]

Didn’t sleep much last night.  Tossed and turned, thinking about getting a handle on their administrative processes and finances (they have a good handle on them, and have a good notebook, but still).  Thinking about my dad being alone, for the first time in 50+ years.  Thinking about how I’ll need to make sure he doesn’t stay that way.  How much time I’ll need to wrap him into my routine - schedule regular dinners, make sure he gets out, make sure he connects with people.  But also some sort of check-in every day, to make sure he’s well (goddamn, do we need to get one of those Life Alert "help I've fallen and I can't get up" bracelets?).  And to have others do that when we can’t (traveling and such).  And the logistics and spirituality of my mom’s memorial.  Where will it be?  Will we do it at our church?  And just use their boring white bread reception hall? And what will we serve at the reception?  Maybe Jason’s Deli muffulettas and gumbo....she’s a NOLA girl by birth, after all.  And Jason's is easy.  And presents some symmetry - we had it at my wife's grandmother's service in Beaumont 12 years ago or so.

And about 10,000 other things.  Because that’s how my brain works.  As my heart falters and cracks, my brain kicks in to overdrive.  I worry.  I worry on an Olympic level.  It’s what I’m best at (that, and charming women, but that’s not relevant right now).  So the wheels spin at a shocking RPM.  And those wheels will find more purchase as the weeks and months move forward.  At a time where stress is already having a negative effect on my own personal health.  Gonna be a hard summer, I think.

 

[Pescado_Rojo 19,426]

I'm so glad she made it over for oysters and crawfish. When I was leaving she gave me a big hug and pulled me close and told me I was raising a fine boy. That meant a lot to me. 

[Brisketexan 105,164]

I'm so glad she made it over for oysters and crawfish. When I was leaving she gave me a big hug and pulled me close and told me I was raising a fine boy. That meant a lot to me. 

Well, having raised a mediocre one herself, she could easily make a valid comparison.

Thanks for sharing that. It’s all the little moments.

[JesusSweatDuck 17,784]

Friend has been struggling with a variety of issues but ignored it.  Finally started having stroke like symptoms (drooping left side of face, arm weakness) and we finally got him to go to the ER.  Fast forward a week, had surgery Friday and prognosis was not good overall, but was still waiting on biopsy results.  Well this AM it came back as Glioblastoma and the Neurologist gave him 3-6 months.  

Has two middle school aged daughters and today was their first day of school.  

Fuck cancer.

[AUS-97HORN 11,810]

I feel miserable having to bump this and post. 

My mother attended an all-female catholic school her whole childhood, she and 3 other classmates became fast friends, and they all went on to attend Boston College and all of them became nurses. 

3 of the 4 became Army wives. Patty was the one who didnt, she got married and had a family and even though I was born less than 2 years after they all graduated, I never met Patty, she died from cancer when my parents were stationed overseas. The second friend Mickie was stationed at the same base as my parents, she was married, but didnt have kids yet, she was my babysitter for 2 years, she eventually had kids, but our families kept in touch, visited each other regularly on vacations (esp when we lived in Hawaii- funny how that worked), and we kept up until 2011 when she passed from pancreatic cancer.

That crushed my mother as Mickie was her absolute best friend. But she still had Elaine, an army widow and a woman I greatly admired having to raise an 18 month old on her own. She was the other Mom's friend who visited us multiple times over the years (yep to Hawaii as well).  She was diagnosed a few months ago and doing well in treatment. went in for a follow up treatment over the weekend, and had some complications, and unexpected passed last night. 

After last night my mother has lost every one of her lifelong friends to cancer.  She still has my dad and 2 siblings, so she's not "alone" but shes now lost every single same-age friend shes ever had.  Cancer also took her sister in 2018, and her sister-in-law (dad's sister) last year.  I know this is crushing for her, and I cant even fathom being 'the last friend".  

Fuck you cancer.