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F Cancer, chapter a jillion and one

Brisketexan

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105066

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Welp, time to join the crew of folks dealing with a family cancer diagnosis.  My mom was diagnosed with relatively advanced lung cancer a couple of months ago.  She had been feeling progressively weaker, and had developed a consistent low-grade fever (it popped up every afternoon).  She was losing weight, and was pretty tired.  She had a nagging cough.  So, she went in to the doc, and after all the tests, they confirmed lung cancer.

She's a lifelong smoker -- had cut way back, but that doesn't matter much.  She's from a socioeconomic group and age where smoking was ubiquitous.  Not much point in pointing fingers at the obvious now.  She saw a dear friend die of lung cancer a couple of years ago, and her treatment was hell -- radiation fried her lungs, and she lived out the rest of her days in significant pain.  Mom didn't want to do that.  She asked the doc what the plan should be.  Without treatment, you've got maybe a year.  And with treatment?  We think 3-4 years...but it's hard to tell with the new treatments.  Especially if you test as being physically eligible for one of the new immunotherapy drugs out there.  Y'all remember our longhorn Nobel Laureate Jim Allison?  That's what he and another guy won the Nobel Prize for this year.

She tested positive for the receptor, and can take Keytruda.  First treatment was a bit rough.  But after that, she's responded very well.  She has a great deal more energy.  She looks so much better.  She feels better.  The fever is all but gone.  She's put weight back on.  Even at this early stage in her treatment, her response looks like a miracle.  And they really don't know what the long-term prognosis is, because the treatment is so new, they don't have long-term data.  But we're all realistic. It will buy her time.  Hopefully, it's good time.  She's lived a good life.  She knows her grandkids, and they know her.  My daughter heads off to college next year.  My son will do the same in two years.  Hopefully, she'll see them off into the world.  Maybe, if we're lucky, she'll even see them graduate college.  But we know that someday, probably sooner rather than later, the cancer will get her.

But not today.....

 

tenor.gif?itemid=4570396

 

So for today, we're just more focused on enjoying the time, and the moments.  Each breath, each normal day, is a good day.  The inevitable will come, as it comes for all of us.  So in our family, we're a bit more keenly reminded of the gift that is today.  That's a good thing.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8800

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12 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:


She says 39.

Being that I’m older than that, I think she might be lying.

By my math, she’s in her mid 70s, but don’t tell her I told ya.

See, she's already experienced one miracle so beating this cancer thing will be the second.

Brisket I'm so sorry to hear this there's just too much of this cancer s*** going around. I am so sorry that this is touching you and your family. God bless you all and wish your mom a speedy recovery.

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105066

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Dude, I had no idea. If anyone can kick cancer’s ass it’s her. She’ll have it crying from her bullying in no time

I'm really sorry to hear of this diagnosis, but hopeful based on your recounting of the treatment.  Your family is in our thoughts.

Well, we haven’t exactly gone full-on “publish the story in the NYT,” so don’t feel bad about not knowing. Seriously, I haven’t told many people at all, and frankly, this relatively anonymous place is the only place I intend to do anything like broadcasting it.

She’s sick. It’s under control. Someday, it won’t be. The universe comes for all of us when it’s time.
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RomaVicta

RomaVicta 29902

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2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Welp, time to join the crew of folks dealing with a family cancer diagnosis.  My mom was diagnosed with relatively advanced lung cancer a couple of months ago.  She had been feeling progressively weaker, and had developed a consistent low-grade fever (it popped up every afternoon).  She was losing weight, and was pretty tired.  She had a nagging cough.  So, she went in to the doc, and after all the tests, they confirmed lung cancer.

She's a lifelong smoker -- had cut way back, but that doesn't matter much.  She's from a socioeconomic group and age where smoking was ubiquitous.  Not much point in pointing fingers at the obvious now.  She saw a dear friend die of lung cancer a couple of years ago, and her treatment was hell -- radiation fried her lungs, and she lived out the rest of her days in significant pain.  Mom didn't want to do that.  She asked the doc what the plan should be.  Without treatment, you've got maybe a year.  And with treatment?  We think 3-4 years...but it's hard to tell with the new treatments.  Especially if you test as being physically eligible for one of the new immunotherapy drugs out there.  Y'all remember our longhorn Nobel Laureate Jim Allison?  That's what he and another guy won the Nobel Prize for this year.

She tested positive for the receptor, and can take Keytruda.  First treatment was a bit rough.  But after that, she's responded very well.  She has a great deal more energy.  She looks so much better.  She feels better.  The fever is all but gone.  She's put weight back on.  Even at this early stage in her treatment, her response looks like a miracle.  And they really don't know what the long-term prognosis is, because the treatment is so new, they don't have long-term data.  But we're all realistic. It will buy her time.  Hopefully, it's good time.  She's lived a good life.  She knows her grandkids, and they know her.  My daughter heads off to college next year.  My son will do the same in two years.  Hopefully, she'll see them off into the world.  Maybe, if we're lucky, she'll even see them graduate college.  But we know that someday, probably sooner rather than later, the cancer will get her.

But not today.....

 

tenor.gif?itemid=4570396

 

So for today, we're just more focused on enjoying the time, and the moments.  Each breath, each normal day, is a good day.  The inevitable will come, as it comes for all of us.  So in our family, we're a bit more keenly reminded of the gift that is today.  That's a good thing.

Good luck to you and your mother and family.

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer more than a decade ago. It was advanced. Her prognosis was about five months. She took the chemo. It weakened her and made her tired, but there was no agony or much discomfort that I could see.

The chemo extended her life by about five more months. They were very good months. She didn't really decline until the days before she died. The exit is not a pleasant one, but she was oblivious to it due to morphine and other drugs. She died in her own bed.

I always wish the same thing for people facing what you face: I hope everything goes as well as it possibly can. I think it did for my mother, I hope the same for yours.

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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 45888

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My Dad had no shot.  Glioblastoma multiforme.  Diagnosis to over in a few months.  I don't know how long it will be before that particular cancer gets a little taste of its own medicine, but it's amazing that they are actually developing effective new treatments for some of the big ones like Ma Brisket is staring down.

Hook'em (OK, cool) Brisket's Mom.

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RomaVicta

RomaVicta 29902

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30 minutes ago, Rip76 said:

Agreed, F Cancer completely.

Mom was diagnosed on Thanksgiving of 2004, passed in January of 2005.  Stage 4 Lung cancer.  Too quick to say all that you want.

Praying for Brisket mom to beat this.

That's fuckin' hard, man. Sorry to read it.

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MAROON

MAROON 445

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FIL just got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  Hasn't yet seen an oncologist to find out his life expectancy, but at 85 yrs old I'm thinking it ca't be long.  Going in a month to see him for Christmas.  Sort of expect it's the last time we will see him alive.

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Not that Bob

Not that Bob 735

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I know that you know, but I can't keep it to myself. I started telling mom things. Obvious things like "I love you"  (which was difficult because we were not a verbally affectionate family) but also less obvious things like, "You know that white cake with chocolate icing that you always make for my birthday? I really like that cake." Or, "Remember that cool Davy Crockett birthday party you had for me? That was the greatest thing! I still think about it and smile. You really worked hard on that." I started telling her things, but I didn't finish because, although she didn't die soon, she did stroke out and couldn't really understand what I was saying. At least it seemed like she didn't understand. Hell, maybe she had a greater understanding in that state of mind than she had previously, but selfishly I couldn't see that she understood. "Remember all those lessons you drove me too? Yeah, that was a lot of work. Thanks Mom. I really love you. You are a great mom."

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105066

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14 hours ago, Not that Bob said:

I know that you know, but I can't keep it to myself. I started telling mom things. Obvious things like "I love you"  (which was difficult because we were not a verbally affectionate family) but also less obvious things like, "You know that white cake with chocolate icing that you always make for my birthday? I really like that cake." Or, "Remember that cool Davy Crockett birthday party you had for me? That was the greatest thing! I still think about it and smile. You really worked hard on that." I started telling her things, but I didn't finish because, although she didn't die soon, she did stroke out and couldn't really understand what I was saying. At least it seemed like she didn't understand. Hell, maybe she had a greater understanding in that state of mind than she had previously, but selfishly I couldn't see that she understood. "Remember all those lessons you drove me too? Yeah, that was a lot of work. Thanks Mom. I really love you. You are a great mom."

So, my strategy of "you best write down all of my favorite recipes before you die!" could use some polishing?

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Not that Bob

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Delicate, I would think, but worded properly, which is a strong suit for you, the feeling could be "I really like your cooking, particularly...". Don't know how you avoid the " before you die" part, but I'm confident you will figure it out. 

Mom made a recipe book for all us kids as a Christmas gift one year. Hand written in a note card box. Being the dumb ass I am, it didn't mean much to me when she gave it, but it is now a prized possession.  I don't know if your mom has the strength to hand write all that. Maybe she could dictate to you...some quality time while collecting a treasure.

Before her stroke I videoed mom giving the history of her life. She hated the idea of being "on camera" at first, but warmed up to it by the end. That, too is a treasure, and a valuable tool for figuring out genealogy that I never could remember. 

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105066

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11 minutes ago, Not that Bob said:

Delicate, I would think, but worded properly, which is a strong suit for you, the feeling could be "I really like your cooking, particularly...". Don't know how you avoid the " before you die" part, but I'm confident you will figure it out. 

Mom made a recipe book for all us kids as a Christmas gift one year. Hand written in a note card box. Being the dumb ass I am, it didn't mean much to me when she gave it, but it is now a prized possession.  I don't know if your mom has the strength to hand write all that. Maybe she could dictate to you...some quality time while collecting a treasure.

Before her stroke I videoed mom giving the history of her life. She hated the idea of being "on camera" at first, but warmed up to it by the end. That, too is a treasure, and a valuable tool for figuring out genealogy that I never could remember. 

Actually, if you knew my crass, NOLA-born, S. Texas raised, poor oil-patch trash mom....she'd crack up at the bluntness.  She ain't a delicate flower.  

But I will say, a video of us making some of these recipes together would be gotdamn priceless.  That's a really good idea.

My daughter has already said that she wants to spend a couple of days just interviewing her, and getting some stories about her, and our other family members, so they can be recorded and stored digitally.

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Shoxthemonkey

Shoxthemonkey 1977

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19 hours ago, Not that Bob said:

I know that you know, but I can't keep it to myself. I started telling mom things. Obvious things like "I love you"  (which was difficult because we were not a verbally affectionate family) but also less obvious things like, "You know that white cake with chocolate icing that you always make for my birthday? I really like that cake." Or, "Remember that cool Davy Crockett birthday party you had for me? That was the greatest thing! I still think about it and smile. You really worked hard on that." I started telling her things, but I didn't finish because, although she didn't die soon, she did stroke out and couldn't really understand what I was saying. At least it seemed like she didn't understand. Hell, maybe she had a greater understanding in that state of mind than she had previously, but selfishly I couldn't see that she understood. "Remember all those lessons you drove me too? Yeah, that was a lot of work. Thanks Mom. I really love you. You are a great mom."

I wish somebody would have given me this advice 20 years ago. These are great suggestions for topics to talk about. I have painful memories of awkward conversations with a woman who was unable to communicate any more. Fuck Alzheimers.

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Not that Bob

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One more thing. Do it now. NOW! Mom had a steady decline for several years. I made the mistake of thinking her decline would continue to be "steady" and "slow". I never considered that, added to her slow decline, there could be a sudden event that would not kill her, but would render her unable to communicate. I never considered that I would never be able to ask her where her Dad went when he followed General Pershing to France. What battles was he in? So many questions that will never be answered.

Do it now, and by now I mean walk away from the computer and go charge up the video camera battery. Then call her and schedule a visit...now. Don't wait until "after the Holiday rush." Now. 

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phdhorn

phdhorn 6224

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1 hour ago, Not that Bob said:

One more thing. Do it now. NOW! Mom had a steady decline for several years. I made the mistake of thinking her decline would continue to be "steady" and "slow". I never considered that, added to her slow decline, there could be a sudden event that would not kill her, but would render her unable to communicate. I never considered that I would never be able to ask her where her Dad went when he followed General Pershing to France. What battles was he in? So many questions that will never be answered.

Do it now, and by now I mean walk away from the computer and go charge up the video camera battery. Then call her and schedule a visit...now. Don't wait until "after the Holiday rush." Now. 

Yes, you don't quickly get over the trauma of having your dad in an accident, at first thinking he'll be okay, then within the span of 3 hours go critical, and frantically trying to get through on the phone to his hospital room 1,600 miles away, trying to tell him you love him, but unable to.  Not asking for a friend...

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Brisketexan

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On 12/5/2018 at 6:07 PM, phdhorn said:

Yes, you don't quickly get over the trauma of having your dad in an accident, at first thinking he'll be okay, then within the span of 3 hours go critical, and frantically trying to get through on the phone to his hospital room 1,600 miles away, trying to tell him you love him, but unable to.  Not asking for a friend...

Yeah, I remember you relating this before.  That sucks, man.  It just sucks, and I'm sorry you went through it.

Oh, and to add to the fun....one of my daughter's lifelong friends was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma back in middle school.  Surgery, aggressive chemo, remission for several years.  Well, last week....she got the news that it was likely back, even though she had scanned clean just a couple of months before.  So, in she goes to get the port put in...and the doc screws up and punctures a lung, so she's stuck at the hospital a while longer.  In her senior year of high school.

BUT....today we at least heard that her marrow scan came back CLEAN, so they have a path forward.  

It just breaks me, man.  She's a high school kid.  She should be enjoying her last year with her friends.  Now, she's going to have to go through chemo all over again.  As my daughter asked me the other night, "is she going to have to fight this over and over, her whole life?"  I don't know.  And that in and of itself just sucks.

There's not a goddamned thing that's certain or fair about this life we live.  And I'm not particularly at peace with that.

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PittsburghTiger

PittsburghTiger 6175

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Fuck Cancer. It's been a year and a week since my mother died after finally wearing down after beating cancer, six times.

This morning while I was at the gym my phone was going nuts because a friend of mine died this morning. Some of you all watched him play football. Billy Fralic died at 56-years of age.

It was cancer.

https://pittsburghpanthers.com/news/2018/12/14/football-legendary-pitt-offensive-lineman-bill-fralic-passes-away.aspx

 

 

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SMUlawUTgrad

SMUlawUTgrad 81

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Yea we lost my mom about 4 months ago due to lung cancer. Smoked most of her life. Stopped about 4 years ago as it was the only wedding gift I would expect. We knew something was up a year ago when they came and visited us in Houston for little one's 1st birthday. By the first week of January we had a diagnosis and a prognosis. It was 3-4 months without treatment and more with it. It helped get her a couple more months. I Can't say any of the time was good as she became very weak quickly. She lost all of her weight and hair. It was like a different person almost immediately. I miss her a lot. I've started crying irrationally at very strange times. 

Sorry to unload in your thread Brisket. As others have said make use of the time. We brought the kiddo over to her as often as we could and my only regrets are things I could have never known to plan for. 

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Brisketexan

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8 minutes ago, SMUlawUTgrad said:

Yea we lost my mom about 4 months ago due to lung cancer. Smoked most of her life. Stopped about 4 years ago as it was the only wedding gift I would expect. We knew something was up a year ago when they came and visited us in Houston for little one's 1st birthday. By the first week of January we had a diagnosis and a prognosis. It was 3-4 months without treatment and more with it. It helped get her a couple more months. I Can't say any of the time was good as she became very weak quickly. She lost all of her weight and hair. It was like a different person almost immediately. I miss her a lot. I've started crying irrationally at very strange times. 

Sorry to unload in your thread Brisket. As others have said make use of the time. We brought the kiddo over to her as often as we could and my only regrets are things I could have never known to plan for. 

Don't be sorry, man.  We're all in this together, and nobody gets out alive.

Shit, my son, who has a kind of dark, profound side (he's a quieter type than the rest of us) shared with my wife "you know, for all of us, there will come a day when someone speaks your name for the last time."  Fucking A, that's some heavy shit with respect to even our notions of immortality/posterity.  No matter who you are, that day will come.  So make what you can of your days.

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SMUlawUTgrad

SMUlawUTgrad 81

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On 12/5/2018 at 5:05 PM, Not that Bob said:

One more thing. Do it now. NOW! Mom had a steady decline for several years. I made the mistake of thinking her decline would continue to be "steady" and "slow". I never considered that, added to her slow decline, there could be a sudden event that would not kill her, but would render her unable to communicate. I never considered that I would never be able to ask her where her Dad went when he followed General Pershing to France. What battles was he in? So many questions that will never be answered.

Do it now, and by now I mean walk away from the computer and go charge up the video camera battery. Then call her and schedule a visit...now. Don't wait until "after the Holiday rush." Now. 

He's right. She was kind of humming along steadily and then we found out there was no further treatment. That we just had to keep her comfortable, even at that point the doctors said we'd have months maybe. The problem was that her mind knew, and she couldn't keep battling. Once her mind was wrapped around it, things went quickly. 

I wasn't ready, there is a big gash in my office wall that is oddly shaped like the corner of my cell phone. 

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bluto

bluto 4912

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My family is dealing with it with my dad's stage 4 lung sarcoma, started in his leg. 

I read a book called The Breakthrough: Immunotherapy and the Race to Cure Cancer last week, it's a great read and very realistic in the assessment of where cancer medicine stands (ie not just rainbows/butterflies "we've cured it!"). Highly recommend it for anybody and especially if you, or anybody you know, is going through the shit. It will give you a whole new respect for our immune system and the tricky bastard that is cancer  

More than anything it made me realize that "buying a few extra months" is a potentially HUGE deal with the crazy breakthroughs and insane resources being poured into the field, beyond just the having the extra little time with the loved one which is everything in itself. 

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4Pete

4Pete 156

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I hope all of your relatives kick its ass.  Punch that fucking monster in the face for all the ones that couldn't (like my mom, my gran, my aunts, etc...).

 

And in the mean time, get all the stories and memories you can.  It's never too soon for any of us to do that.

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fattyflattie

fattyflattie 4639

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Brisket, I am very sorry to hear. 

I know many who’ve battled cancer, but it was always on the pereferial. Unfortunately I got an upclose look at it while it rapidly took one of my best friends over the last few years. I actually saw his wife and his 8 yo today. Hard to believe it’s been 18 months now, and I’ll tear up before this post is through. 42 yo and left two boys under 10 without a father  

I truly hope your mother and family doesn’t suffer the way he did. There was just nothing they could ever do for him. 

Those of you who have dealt with this, please keep posting. I’m watching my father rapidly deteriorate from Parkinson’s. I don’t think I’m handling it very well, but have to idea how to go about it. 

Sorry again Brisket. 

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Nice Guy Eddie

Nice Guy Eddie 13509

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For anyone that smokes today, think about the pain you’re going to cause your family when you get lung cancer 20, 30, or even 50 years from now.  You will be the grandma or grandpa that is holding on to see the grandkid graduate junior high school.  Cut that shit now, and you will be playing with your great grandkids one day.

and if you want another motivator to help you, just go sit in a pulmonologist’s waiting room for an hour.  

 

 

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Armybrat

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My mom was forced to quit smoking by my dad several years before she died. It caused her to take a bitter attitude towards him even though he devoted his life as her caretaker in her remaining years. Finally she was so miserable she quit taking her meds and within two days went into a COPD coma and gasped out her last remaining hours. A terrible thing for the family to watch and it tore the guts out of our dad.

However, within six months of her death, Dad had sold his house to move to a nice retirement center in NW Austin where the ladies outnumbered the men 25/1. For the next five years he cut a wide swath through that colony of willing females, always with at least three of them on his FB schedule. I think it caused a temporary shortage of the little blue pills in Travis county.

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Spur08

Spur08 382

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We got some pretty bad news this week.

One of our closest friends, the matron of honor in our wedding, was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 33. I suppose she was lucky in that she found out by getting a bruise checked out from her daughter kicking her in the boob while playing. A CT flagged a couple of spots in her spine so she's getting a MRI to verify what they are. She starts chemo next week, following by surgery and radiation.

We have a very closeknit group of about 6 or so couples. We are banding together to provide car packages and what not throughout her treatment. All of us are local DFW folk except for the friend getting treatment, who has recently relocated to Austin with her family.

My question to this group is - what are some good items to include in care packages? Of course, there are restaurant gift cards and the like but I'm wondering what other things we may not be thinking of. Both of there families are with them right now so we can some time to organize for the following months.

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PittsburghTiger

PittsburghTiger 6175

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6 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

We got some pretty bad news this week.

One of our closest friends, the matron of honor in our wedding, was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 33. I suppose she was lucky in that she found out by getting a bruise checked out from her daughter kicking her in the boob while playing. A CT flagged a couple of spots in her spine so she's getting a MRI to verify what they are. She starts chemo next week, following by surgery and radiation.

We have a very closeknit group of about 6 or so couples. We are banding together to provide car packages and what not throughout her treatment. All of us are local DFW folk except for the friend getting treatment, who has recently relocated to Austin with her family.

My question to this group is - what are some good items to include in care packages? Of course, there are restaurant gift cards and the like but I'm wondering what other things we may not be thinking of. Both of there families are with them right now so we can some time to organize for the following months.

How about something along the lines of some gift cards for cleaning services for the house. 

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