News stories that remind you of Surly

[RPM 26315]

On 2/3/2020 at 5:24 PM, nnm said:

 

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

5,000-year-old tree in Scotland is changing from male to female

Quote

The Fortingall Yew standing in a church yard in Perthshire, Scotland is estimated to be 5,000 years old. For as long as people have been recording data on the tree, it was assumed to be male – meaning that it produces pollen instead of berries. Yet, this year three red berries were spotted growing on its branches, which can only mean one thing: at least part of the tree is changing its sex to female.

[RPM 26315]

San Antonio Zoo will name a cockroach after your ex and feed it to the animals on Valentine’s Day

If you’re in the mood for revenge instead of  romance this Valentine’s Day, the San Antonio Zoo is ready to help you say a final goodbye to your ex in a rather unusual way.  You can name a cockroach after him or her and watch it get eaten during the “Cry Me a Cockroach” event February 14.

The zoo says if your ex was “a snake” you can buy a rat, which will be fed to a reptile.   Cockroaches (you can buy one for each of your exes) are $5 and rats are $25.   You can even name your cockroach or rat and the zoo will issue you a certificate.

The zoo will live stream the Valentine’s Day feeding frenzy during the “Cry Me a Cockroach event.”

[tbone_ 14106]

https://www.autoblog.com/2020/02/16/first-date-bank-robbery/

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

On 2/16/2020 at 12:27 PM, tbone_ said:

https://www.autoblog.com/2020/02/16/first-date-bank-robbery/

[Beau Vine 54205]

Who is this?

Quote

A man whom Austin police have accused of breaking into his neighbors’ home and installing a hidden camera in the bathroom was arrested again last week on allegations of similar conduct involving a second neighbor.

The investigation into both incidents started in March 2019 when a homeowner on Champion Drive in Northwest Austin discovered a wireless electronic device plugged into an outlet behind a mirror during a remodel of her bathroom.

Investigators traced the device to 51-year-old Michael Sagues, who lived next door, through surveillance footage that they said showed him entering the home wearing clothes that they later found in his residence. Soon after Sagues was arrested in August, police held a news conference and said he might have been watching a second family through a hidden camera.

The allegations involving that family led to the new charges, Detective Christophe Wood of the Police Department’s residential burglary unit said Tuesday. Wood added that the evidence was discovered in an electronic storage device located in Sagues’ residence.

“At this time there are no new victims in this investigation, and APD currently has no unidentified victims,” Wood said.

A Travis County grand jury indicted Sagues on Feb. 7 on two new counts of burglary of a habitation, one involving the new accusation and another for allegedly breaking into the Champion Drive home. Sagues previously had been indicted for another alleged break-in at that address.

Sagues turned himself into Travis County Jail on Feb. 14 and was released immediately on a personal bond in lieu of $100,000 bail. Additional details about the allegations in the new case were not admitted into court records.

The homes that Sagues is charged with breaking into are in a neighborhood located between Spicewood Springs and Anderson Mill roads near U.S 183. Sagues, per the conditions of his release, is forbidden from entering the neighborhood. Court records show Sagues’ wife initiated divorce proceedings in August and that Sagues now lives in Dallas.

A month after his first arrest, Sagues picked up a new charge for child pornography after detectives investigating the Champion Drive break-in obtained a warrant to search Sagues’ electronic devices and said they found images that depicted child nudity and child erotica on two computers that he owned. The images, police said, did not appear to be related to the break-in.

The evidence authorities say they have on Sagues in the first break-in include two hard drives with images showing the homeowners in various stages of undressing. The victims told police they had socialized with Sagues and had been to his home to swim.

Sagues’ lawyer, Joe Shin, said Tuesday he is still evaluating the evidence in the case.

“Until we’re able to completely and thoroughly review all of the discovery, we cannot comment further,” he said.

 

[demos 3002]

Whew, northwest Austin. Was worried for a second there.

[Nuge 1966]

https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2020/02/disgraced-springfield-cop-wants-to-become-a-lawyer-state-bar-says-he-lacks-moral-character.html

 

[nnm 36338]

6 hours ago, Nuge said:

https://www.oregonlive.com/crime/2020/02/disgraced-springfield-cop-wants-to-become-a-lawyer-state-bar-says-he-lacks-moral-character.html

 

Not a problem in New Mexico.  Levi Chavez, an Albuquerque cop, was indicted for murder of his wife, acquitted, denied recertification as a law enforcement officer, and welcomed with open arms by UNM Law School.  The wife's death, the police investigation, and his alibi were sketchy as hell.  

https://abovethelaw.com/2015/07/acquitted-of-murdering-his-wife-man-heads-to-law-school-this-fall/ 

[demos 3002]

In other words, they look like any other stoner.

[Nuge 1966]

https://www.oregonlive.com/nation/2020/02/round-earth-skeptic-killed-when-home-built-rocket-crashes-in-california.html

Darwin wins again.

[Beau Vine 54205]

Quote

ROUND ROCK ― A man has filed a federal lawsuit against Williamson County and Sheriff Robert Chody, saying he was denied medical care in jail until he was so sick that doctors had to remove one of his testicles.

Williamson County officials declined to comment Monday on the lawsuit because it doesn’t comment on pending litigation, said Connie Odom, a county spokeswoman.

Jaivonte Roberts, who has since been released from jail after he was acquitted of all charges against him in 2018, filed the lawsuit on Thursday.

His lawyer, Carissa Beene, was not available for comment Monday. A spokesman for her, Damian Garza, said a doctor had given explicit instructions for jail staff to seek emergency care for Roberts if he was still in pain after an initial hospital visit but they didn’t.

“The question is how did this happen?” said Garza. “Is it incompetence? Is it a lack of concern? Is it a refusal to admit you are wrong?”

The lawsuit does not specify the amount of damages sought.

According to the lawsuit, Roberts was booked into the Williamson County Jail on June 21, 2016, after Round Rock police charged him with aggravated robbery and two counts of burglary of habitation with intent to commit other felony.

When he was arrested, Roberts was already on parole for aggravated assault with deadly weapon after an incident that happened in 2011, the lawsuit said.

Roberts on Jan. 13, 2018, sent a medical request form complaining of severe swelling in his testicles while awaiting trial in the jail, the lawsuit said.

He was taken the next day to Seton Medical Center Williamson, where a doctor noted in a chart that the cause of the swelling was unknown, the lawsuit said. The doctor prescribed several medications and instructed that Roberts should have a follow-up visit with a urologist or family doctor within two to four days.

The doctor also said officials should seek emergency care for Roberts if his pain or swelling increased, the lawsuit said.

A Williamson County sheriff’s deputy signed an understanding of discharge instructions, according to the lawsuit.

Jail medical records showed there was never a follow-up with a jail doctor or an outside physician scheduled, the suit said.

Three days after going to the hospital, Roberts filled out another medical request form at the jail that said he had increased pain and swelling. He asked to be seen as soon as possible and said he had been told by the hospital to seek emergency care if the pain got worse, the lawsuit said.

Williamson County Jail medical staff never saw Roberts on Jan. 17, 2018, although they wrote a list of medications on the complaint he sent, the suit said.

A deputy received Roberts’ complaint on Jan. 18, 2018, the lawsuit said. Roberts then wrote another note to medical staff on Jan. 20, saying his testicles were still swollen.

Medical staff noted that he had a fever, swelling and pain despite taking antibiotics so he was taken to Seton Medical Center Williamson on Jan. 20, the lawsuit said.

An ultrasound showed that Roberts had testicular torsion and doctors removed one of his testicles that day, said the lawsuit and Garza.

Testicular torsion happens when the tissues in a testicle become twisted in a condition and can result in lack of blood flow to the testicle.

Roberts, who was taken back to the Williamson County Jail four days after his operation, was acquitted of all charges on April 6, 2018, the lawsuit said.

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21871]

Testicular torsion is no laughing matter.  That shit is painful.

[RPM 26315]

 

[nnm 36338]

9 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Testicular torsion is no laughing matter.  That shit is painful.

Username blah blah blah. 
But yes, it is like a horse kick to the groin. Happened to me in college. Driving down Greenville in Dallas, all was well with the world. All of a sudden I couldn’t see straight from the pain. Never happened again, thank God. 

[TwiceHorn 31436]

On 2/19/2020 at 5:36 PM, nnm said:

Not a problem in New Mexico.  Levi Chavez, an Albuquerque cop, was indicted for murder of his wife, acquitted, denied recertification as a law enforcement officer, and welcomed with open arms by UNM Law School.  The wife's death, the police investigation, and his alibi were sketchy as hell.  

https://abovethelaw.com/2015/07/acquitted-of-murdering-his-wife-man-heads-to-law-school-this-fall/ 

To be fair, admission to law school is a different thing than admission to the bar.

[Bevo&Pevo 5120]

https://www.click2houston.com/news/local/2020/02/26/woman-accused-of-zipping-boyfriend-inside-suitcase-and-leaving-him-to-die-inside-officials-say/

here's a good one

[nnm 36338]

https://www.chron.com/news/article/Breaking-If-You-Drive-a-Nice-Car-You-Might-Be-a-15085748.php?cmpid=hpctp

Concluding paragraph:

”But don’t worry, you don’t need a BMW to be a jerk. I can personally attest to the fact that you can be just as much of an asshole in a 1998 Honda Civic as you can in a brand new Mercedes, because no matter what kind of car you drive or how fast you drive it, you can never escape yourself. And that’s beautiful.”

[Parliament 14231]

.

[nnm 36338]

I don’t think Buc-ees has that variety of jerky. Might be wrong about that, though. 

[demos 3002]

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

On 2/26/2020 at 9:08 AM, Bevo&Pevo said:

https://www.click2houston.com/news/local/2020/02/26/woman-accused-of-zipping-boyfriend-inside-suitcase-and-leaving-him-to-die-inside-officials-say/

here's a good one

 

[demos 3002]

Well this is embarrassing

['stache 21792]

But will it make them worse? Asking for a friend.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

1 hour ago, 'stache said:

But will it make them worse? Asking for a friend.

It won't make you a dictator.

[nnm 36338]

25 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

It won't make you a dictator.

Boom. You win the thread for the day. 

[HornsOverIthaca 2333]

https://www.mlive.com/news/ann-arbor/2020/02/ypsilanti-man-stabbed-with-samurai-sword-after-failing-to-buy-marijuana-for-partner-police-report-says.html

[Kyrie Eleison 9312]

On 2/27/2020 at 8:41 PM, demos said:

Well this is embarrassing disappointing

 

[General Specific 3253]

It won't make you a dictator.

I told South Austin’s mom I’d make her a dictator!

[elfenix 34221]

Quote

A 3-foot-and-4-inches-tall Irishman was arrested this morning for allegedly taking advantage of credulous women by posing as a leprechaun and extorting sexual favors in exchange for a fictional “pot of gold hidden at the end of a rainbow”.

 

https://funnyandhilarious.com/irish-midget-impersonating-a-leprechaun-extorted-sex-from-26-women-in-exchange-for-pot-of-gold/

[Parliament 14231]

A hero to us all.

[RPM 26315]

[clapclapclap 9000]

https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/easter-island-moai-destroyed-intl-hnk/index.html/

A Chilean island resident was arrested on March 1 after his truck -- a private vehicle, not a commercial one -- crashed into one of the stone figures and badly damaged both it and the ahu, or platform, it was perched on.

 

Local authorities believe that the accident was caused by brake failure that caused his truck to slide downhill...

 

...The island's mayor, Pedro Pablo Petero Edmunds Paoa, is calling for stricter regulations that will prohibit vehicles from driving near the 1,000-odd moai on the UNESCO World Heritage-listed island...

 

...In 2019, Jo Anne Van Tilburg, Director of the Easter Island Statue Project, told CNN Travel that bad tourist behavior, such as tacky photos of visitors pretending to "pick the noses" of the sacred moai, was causing a rift between travelers and locals....

 

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

3 hours ago, clapclapclap said:

https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/easter-island-moai-destroyed-intl-hnk/index.html/

A Chilean island resident was arrested on March 1 after his truck -- a private vehicle, not a commercial one -- crashed into one of the stone figures and badly damaged both it and the ahu, or platform, it was perched on.

 

Local authorities believe that the accident was caused by brake failure that caused his truck to slide downhill...

 

...The island's mayor, Pedro Pablo Petero Edmunds Paoa, is calling for stricter regulations that will prohibit vehicles from driving near the 1,000-odd moai on the UNESCO World Heritage-listed island...

 

...In 2019, Jo Anne Van Tilburg, Director of the Easter Island Statue Project, told CNN Travel that bad tourist behavior, such as tacky photos of visitors pretending to "pick the noses" of the sacred moai, was causing a rift between travelers and locals....

 

You know those little plastic identification stakes that you get when you buy plants or seeds so that you can remember what's what in your garden when you come back to check on it long after you've planted everything? 

I'm pretty sure that's what the moai are. 

[RPM 26315]

Family says they bought 12-year supply of toilet paper by accident amid coronavirus scare

An Australian woman took the stockpiling to new heights by accident – purchasing a 12-year supply of the necessity and turning herself into a self-proclaimed toilet paper queen in the process.

Haidee Janetzki, who lives in the city of Toowoomba, about 80 miles west of Brisbane, purchased 2,304 rolls of toilet paper from the online service Who Gives a Crap, reported Reuters and the Australian Broadcasting Co.

The Janetzkis typically order 48 rolls every three months, but they bungled the order after switching to a new service.

She mistakenly ordered 48 boxes of the company’s toilet paper, which comes in 48-roll boxes. That amounted to over $2,000 of the stuff. 

 

[mulletpelini 5210]

I was checking out an external repair to a stone wall on one of the hotels we have.  There was a large black man smoking outside who noticed me and walked towards me.  He asked if I worked for the hotel and I told him no I'm part of the ownership group tending to a repair that was done recently.  He said "Oh, well you need to have someone check this exit door too, it won't open!"  I have a master key to several properties so I told him we could try mine.  We did and it opened fine.  The handle worked either up or down, but was specifically marked "PULL UP", which I asked if he had tried, and he said he had.  I said, "Well lets try your key and see if that's the issue possibly."  He handed it to me, swiped the door, pushed down, door opened.  Swiped again, pulled up, door opened.  Door worked 4 times consecutively without issue.

He laughs and says "Well in my line of work, we say 'Blame the Engineer!'  I'm an engineer."

I said "Oh yeah? What school?"

You already know the answer.

[Iceman 2690]

N is for Nowledge?

[nnm 36338]

3 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

I was checking out an external repair to a stone wall on one of the hotels we have.  There was a large black man smoking outside who noticed me and walked towards me.  He asked if I worked for the hotel and I told him no I'm part of the ownership group tending to a repair that was done recently.  He said "Oh, well you need to have someone check this exit door too, it won't open!"  I have a master key to several properties so I told him we could try mine.  We did and it opened fine.  The handle worked either up or down, but was specifically marked "PULL UP", which I asked if he had tried, and he said he had.  I said, "Well lets try your key and see if that's the issue possibly."  He handed it to me, swiped the door, pushed down, door opened.  Swiped again, pulled up, door opened.  Door worked 4 times consecutively without issue.

He laughs and says "Well in my line of work, we say 'Blame the Engineer!'  I'm an engineer."

I said "Oh yeah? What school?"

You already know the answer.

What exactly did his skin color have to do with the story?

[Lone Star Horn 2016]

That's to make sure you understand that he didn't go to aggy?

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21871]

I think it has something to do with the duality of man.  Black and aggy.

[Zharkov 288]

Woman claims record beaver collection

[mulletpelini 5210]

15 hours ago, nnm said:

What exactly did his skin color have to do with the story?

Seems like you're the only one that has a problem with it ya racist.

[nnm 36338]

4 hours ago, Zharkov said:

Woman claims record beaver collection

She’s only claiming 1,456. Wilt chamberlain claimed over 20,000. She’s got some work left. 

[Stella Link 534]

‘Naturally antibacterial:’ Sex doll companies trying to cash in on coronavirus

https://nypost.com/2020/03/21/naturally-antibacterial-sex-doll-companies-trying-to-cash-in-on-coronavirus/

[Stella Link 534]

'You are your safest sex partner': NYC officials publish guide to intimacy during coronavirus pandemic with advice 'this is not a good time to be having orgies'

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8138777/New-York-City-officials-publish-graphic-guide-getting-intimate-coronavirus-pandemic.html

[nnm 36338]

 

How to clean out your liquor cabinet during the quarantine — and put that bottle of Malibu out of its misery

By Emma Balter, Staff writer March 23, 2020 Updated: March 23, 2020 1:37 p.m.

https://www.houstonchronicle.com/life/food/article/How-to-clean-out-your-liquor-cabinet-during-the-15151315.php

[Stella Link 534]

With Clubs Closed for COVID-19, Strippers in Portland, Oregon, Take to Topless Food Delivery

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/clubs-closed-covid-19-strippers-205306427.html

[nnm 36338]

 

Uranus has started leaking gas, NASA scientists confirm

By Emily ElvishNews
As if 2020 couldn’t get any more cursed, NASA scientists looking back through decades-old data from the Voyager 2 spacecraft have discovered a mysterious gas escaping from Uranus.

https://happymag.tv/uranus-has-started-leaking-gas-nasa-scientists-confirm/

[nnm 36338]

https://www.yahoo.com/amphtml/lifestyle/6-unexpected-health-benefits-semen-133000933.html

[TexasMan 10891]