News stories that remind you of Surly

[Blotto 23,757]

“Mommy ruined Christmas, she got drunk and ruined Christmas.”

https://thepublicsradio.org/article/prosecutor-man-propped-dead-wife-on-sofa-in-front-of-kids

[retsevlys 408]

Did that dude wipe his cum off Olaf with his shirt? Fucking a stuffed animal in a department store is pretty messed up but that's disgusting.

[Nuge 2,012]

https://www.oregonlive.com/news/2021/03/oregon-man-arrested-for-shooting-at-hallucinations.html

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

19 minutes ago, Nuge said:

https://www.oregonlive.com/news/2021/03/oregon-man-arrested-for-shooting-at-hallucinations.html

[LABEVO 928]

Not news but...

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/m45ybo/my_wife_wont_stop_abusing_my_anus/

[elfenix 34,400]

Airline passenger faces federal charge with a possible $250,000 fine for refusing to wear mask, urinating in cabin

Quote

The agent said Grier told him he had several beers and "a couple of shots" before boarding the flight, fell asleep on the plane and "awoke to being yelled at by the flight attendants who told him he was peeing."

let he who hasn't had a few before a flight and woken up pissing himself in his seat throw the first stone

https://www.yahoo.com/news/airline-passenger-faces-federal-charge-210441762.html

[ABSR 5,331]

22 hours ago, elfenix said:

Airline passenger faces federal charge with a possible $250,000 fine for refusing to wear mask, urinating in cabin

let he who hasn't had a few before a flight and woken up pissing himself in his seat throw the first stone

https://www.yahoo.com/news/airline-passenger-faces-federal-charge-210441762.html

Sorry for partying!  

[Hornius Emeritus 12,517]

Not sorry for partying!

Edited March 16, 2021 by Hornius Emeritus

[nnm 37,091]

7 minutes ago, Hornius Emeritus said:

Not sorry for partying!

The dish is known as 'the Golden Tomahawk', and is a choice wagyu cut wrapped in a 24-karat gold leaf which is edible but tasteless and textureless, being applied purely for bling.

It is reported as setting customers back a whopping $1,000.
https://www.rt.com/sport/515151-conor-mcgregor-gold-steak-salt-bae/

[Restinmybones 111]

3 minutes ago, nnm said:

The dish is known as 'the Golden Tomahawk', and is a choice wagyu cut wrapped in a 24-karat gold leaf which is edible but tasteless and textureless, being applied purely for bling.

It is reported as setting customers back a whopping $1,000.
https://www.rt.com/sport/515151-conor-mcgregor-gold-steak-salt-bae/

Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we are. They are different.

~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

[Parliament 14,416]

Not sorry for partying!

The few times I've had it, I was underwhelmed. And it needs plenty of ketchup.

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

I want to know about that $80 "Spaghetti". I assume it comes with a line of coke?

[elfenix 34,400]

nsiap:

Man Uses Borrowed BMW To Rob Bank, Offers To Pay For The Car In Cash

Quote

A Texas man named Eric Dion Warren, 50, may have just discovered one of the wildest forms of non-traditional car financing you could imagine. He borrowed a BMW from a dealership to take it for a ride, then robbed a bank and attempted to use the money he’d stolen to pay for the car in cash.

...

This man turned around, headed back to the dealership within 15 minutes of leaving, and offered to use $3,000 of it as a down payment for a car.

it takes a really special kind of stupid to rob a bank to get the money for a car but not demand enough to actually pay for the whole car

https://jalopnik.com/man-uses-borrowed-bmw-to-rob-bank-offers-to-pay-for-th-1846473959

[Sam Lin 3,567]

Good outcome for him, he narrowly avoided owning a new BMW.

[nnm 37,091]

8 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Good outcome for him, he narrowly avoided owning a new BMW.

I’ve had two of them. No more. 

[Stella Link 534]

Geezzz....Aggies are at it again....

3 Men Arrested For Sexually Assaulting 9 Horses, a Cow, a Goat and Dogs

https://rare.us/rare-animals/three-men-arrested-for-sexually-assaulting-animals/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=agora&utm_term=rhouston&utm_campaign=rhouston&fbclid=IwAR26IuiGg4ALOR5B4780tOhGrkXSjp8skV3--q1J4tLiCqo4pehm5751L1g

 

[castolon 193]

I mean sure, people fucking animals, fine, it happens in college station all the time but why do they have to do it together

[nnm 37,091]

2 hours ago, castolon said:

I mean sure, people fucking animals, fine, it happens in college station all the time but why do they have to do it together

Sounds like they were videoing it. I’m sure there’s a channel for that somewhere. Popular in B/CS, I’m sure. 

[RPM 26,434]

A police officer in Harrisonburg, Virginia, is in stable condition after accidentally being shot during an attempt to stop a loose cow.

Officers were responding to an animal complaint Saturday night after a cow escaped a stockyard earlier in the day, according to the Harrisonburg Police Department. The cow was located near a 7-Eleven a short time after the call.

After local ranchers were unable to capture and contain the cow, officers intervened to help end the situation. One officer was struck by a bullet in the lower body and transferred to UVA Medical Center for a non-life threatening injury.

The department is investigating whether the officer was shot by a fellow officer.

Due to injuries sustained during the attempt to wrangle the animal, a decision was made to euthanize the cow.

Edited March 21, 2021 by RPM

[DigglerontheHoof 21,345]

2 hours ago, RPM said:

A police officer in Harrisonburg, Virginia, is in stable condition after accidentally being shot during an attempt to stop a loose cow.

Officers were responding to an animal complaint Saturday night after a cow escaped a stockyard earlier in the day, according to the Harrisonburg Police Department. The cow was located near a 7-Eleven a short time after the call.

After local ranchers were unable to capture and contain the cow, officers intervened to help end the situation. One officer was struck by a bullet in the lower body and transferred to UVA Medical Center for a non-life threatening injury.

The department is investigating whether the officer was shot by a fellow officer.

Due to injuries sustained during the attempt to wrangle the animal, a decision was made to euthanize the cow.

Crank up the Benny Hill theme.

[Scheiss Meister 8,420]

"Sorry, Earl!  You looked just like that cow.  Where did I get you?  Oooo, right in the thin blue line!"

Strange things are afoot at the Harrisonberg 7-Eleven.

Edited March 22, 2021 by Scheiss Meister

[Guadaloopy 11,078]

Someone stealing @THUJONE’s bit, minus the dongs:

https://ftw.usatoday.com/2021/03/march-madness-ms-paint-highlights-michigan?fbclid=IwAR1tqqQMTQdEk28CIbEQIxUXdXX5s4wb5cnA-YWvyn7YsSs3rdR87sOmX3s

[Beau Vine 55,069]

On 1/20/2021 at 8:54 PM, Parliament said:

Defeated?

An Ohio graduate student was killed in a freak accident when her head got crushed between her car door and a toll booth in a parking garage, according to a report.

https://nypost.com/2021/01/20/ohio-state-student-killed-in-freak-parking-garage-accident/



 

https://www.instagram.com/victoria_strauss/

[Beau Vine 55,069]

On 3/20/2021 at 9:58 PM, Stella Link said:

Geezzz....Aggies are at it again....

3 Men Arrested For Sexually Assaulting 9 Horses, a Cow, a Goat and Dogs

https://rare.us/rare-animals/three-men-arrested-for-sexually-assaulting-animals/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=agora&utm_term=rhouston&utm_campaign=rhouston&fbclid=IwAR26IuiGg4ALOR5B4780tOhGrkXSjp8skV3--q1J4tLiCqo4pehm5751L1g

 

Sounds like horses are the best.

[castolon 193]

http:// https://onemileatatime.com/pilot-hot-mic-shocking-rant/

F*ck this place, g*ddamn liberal f*cks”
“Eight guns out here somewhere as it is”
“F*cking weirdos, probably driving around in f*cking Hyundais, f*cking roads and sh*t that go slow as f*ck
“You don’t have balls unless you’re f*cking rolling coal man, g*ddamnit

[52-80 19,291]

15 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

https://www.instagram.com/victoria_strauss/

Title would be more accurate when they take into account her provenance:

Florida woman killed in freak parking garage accident

Strauss, a Florida native, got her undergraduate degree from Florida Atlantic University, where she was on the dance team.

 

[RPM 26,434]

2 hours ago, castolon said:

http:// https://onemileatatime.com/pilot-hot-mic-shocking-rant/

F*ck this place, g*ddamn liberal f*cks”
“Eight guns out here somewhere as it is”
“F*cking weirdos, probably driving around in f*cking Hyundais, f*cking roads and sh*t that go slow as f*ck
“You don’t have balls unless you’re f*cking rolling coal man, g*ddamnit

@Bobby_Batronic having a bad day?

[Bobby_Batronic 1,994]

10 hours ago, RPM said:

@Bobby_Batronic having a bad day?

For the record it’s a Kia and a Honda at our house. So fuck Hyundai. And commie pinkos from the people’s republic of California too. 

[RPM 26,434]

Arizona man faces federal charge after Texas holdup of National Guard with vaccines

An Arizona man already facing state charges in the holdup of an Army National Guard convoy in Texas has been charged federally.

Larry Lee Harris, 66, was charged with assaulting a federal officer with a deadly weapon in Lubbock County on Monday, the U.S. Attorney's Office for the Northern District of Texas said.

The National Guard was transporting Covid-19 vaccines, but Harris believed a missing woman and girl were in the vans, officials said. No one was hurt in the incident.

Harris allegedly began following the convoy in Lubbock, pulled beside it, showed a handgun, and after the Guard vans pulled over, identified himself as a detective with the gun drawn and demanded to search the vehicles, according to prosecutors. He then started to drive away but pulled a U-turn and demanded to search an engine compartment.

Idalou, Texas, Police Chief Eric C. Williams has said that Harris appeared to be mentally disturbed and called the holdup a dangerous situation.

[crash_davis 23,184]

https://www.newsweek.com/pano-dupree-south-carolina-bowling-alley-assault-1579757

Aman has been arrested after allegedly assaulting his girlfriend at a bowling alley in South Carolina, before being attacked by another woman who stepped in to intervene.

Charleston attorney Pano Dupree, 58, has been charged with third-degree assault and battery following an incident which occurred at the Ashley Lanes bowling alley on Sam Rittenberg Boulevard in Charleston on March 19.

According to a police report, seen by WNCN, two witnesses saw a man, later identified as Dupree, entering the bowling alley, walking up to his girlfriend and arguing with her.

Dupree is then alleged to have placed his arms around the victim's neck from behind and placed her in a choke hold. The suspect is also said to have pulled on the woman's hair.

During the attack, an unknown woman who saw what was happening, ran up to Dupree and punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground.

The Charleston Police Department said that after the suspect was punched, he fell to the ground while still holding the victim's hair, pulling a large amount of it out from her head.

Dupree was taken to hospital for treatment, where he was later arrested and charged.

A mugshot obtained by local media shows Dupree with a swollen black eye after being punched by the woman who came to intervene.

Dupree was later released from the Charleston County Detention Center on a $1,087 bond. His next court appearance is set for May 5.

The Charleston Police Department has been contacted for comment.

Dupree was previously suspended from practicing law following an altercation with a Utah state trooper in 2012.

According to the South Carolina Court ruling, Dupree was traveling in a car with a driver while on vacation in Utah on March 22, 2012, when they were pulled over.

Utah Highway Patrol Trooper David Wurtz asked the driver for his license, vehicle registration, proof of insurance, and other information, and also asked whether he had been drinking.

Dupree "repeatedly interrupted" the trooper and told the driver not to answer the trooper's questions.

"When Trooper Wurtz requested the driver exit the vehicle, [Dupree] who was obviously intoxicated, became belligerent, repeatedly used profanity, and refused to cooperate with the troopers' requests to calm down," the ruling said.

During an ongoing argument, the state Trooper attempted to deploy his Taser against Dupree after he refused to get out of the vehicle, but it did not work. After eventually removing him from the car, Dupree struck the trooper on the mouth and bit him on the arm.

DuPree was charged with two counts of assault on a police officer, resisting arrest, public intoxication and disorderly conduct.

Edited March 31, 2021 by crash_davis

[DigglerontheHoof 21,345]

I'd like to buy that intervening woman a beer or 3.  Good job, lady. 

[nnm 37,091]

Uranus is belching X-rays and is weirder than we ever thought

The more scientists study it, the weirder Uranus gets ....
https://www.space.com/amp/uranus-emitting-x-rays-chandra-observations

Edited April 1, 2021 by nnm

[Blotto 23,757]

Quote

A Southwest Airlines pilot "intentionally committed an act of lewd, indecent and obscene exposure of his genitals in a public place" while captaining a flight from Philadelphia to Orlando in August 2020, the Department of Justice alleges.

Michael Haak, who is no longer a pilot for Southwest, was criminally charged with exposing his genitals mid-flight, according to documents filed April 2 in Maryland federal court. 

Notably, Haak was in charge of flying the plane in question, Southwest flight WN 6607 from Philadelphia to Orlando.

Haak is accused of a "lewd, indecent, or obscene" act on an aircraft "of which he was the pilot in command." He's being charged in federal court because events that occur mid-flight are under federal jurisdiction.

If convicted, Haak could face up to 90 days in prison and/or a fine of up to $500. 

It's unclear at what point during the flight Haak is accused of exposing his genitals. A non-stop flight between Philadelphia and Orlando on Southwest takes about 2.5 hours. Few details of the event are included in the one-page court filing. 

which one of the Surly pilots is most likely responsible for this? 

[HornsOverIthaca 2,339]

On 4/1/2021 at 6:44 AM, nnm said:

Uranus is belching X-rays and is weirder than we ever thought

The more scientists study it, the weirder Uranus gets ....
https://www.space.com/amp/uranus-emitting-x-rays-chandra-observations

Someday that planet is going to be renamed.

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

I thought being lewd was a perk of being a pilot?

[Doc Reeves 6,434]

Groom's mother finds out that bride is her long-lost daughter on wedding day

• BY DALE JOHN WONG - APRIL 6, 2021, 11:01 A.M.

     

 

Stay updated with the latest in Tech, Science, Culture, Entertainment, and more by following our Telegram channel here.

---

On March 31, 2021, a wedding in Suzhou, China was strangely turned into a family reunion when the mother of the groom discovered that her soon-to-be daughter-in-law was actually her long-lost biological daughter.

News reports stated that the incident began unfolding as soon as the groom's mother managed to catch sight of the bride's birthmark located on her hand.

Apparently, the birth mark appeared extremely familiar to the woman – who had last seen it on her daughter many years ago before they were separated.

IMAGE: Oriental Daily

---

With the thought nagging at her, the woman was moved to ask the bride's parents: "Did you, by any chance, adopt your daughter?"

Upon hearing the question, the bride and her family were shocked. Having never revealed the fact, the parents finally relented that they had found the bride by the roadside more than 20 years ago, and had managed to adopt her as their child, whom loved and cared for like their very own.

Reunited at last.

Following the confirmation by her adopted parents, the bride and her biological mother found themselves crying and embracing each other as they celebrated an extremely unexpected reunion.

 

https://sea.mashable.com/culture/15176/grooms-mother-finds-out-that-bride-is-her-long-lost-daughter-on-wedding-day

[956 Worldwide 35,026]

https://www.yahoo.com/news/russian-arrested-filming-naked-women-093058327.html
 

Quote

Ukrainians, Russian held for Dubai balcony nude photo shoot

ISABEL DEBRE

Tue, April 6, 2021, 11:30 AM

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates (AP) — Police in Dubai have arrested 11 Ukrainian women and a Russian man for their involvement in a nude photo shoot on a high-rise balcony in the city, authorities said Tuesday, after the footage went viral and prompted a crackdown in the Gulf Arab sheikhdom.

[956 Worldwide 35,026]

On 3/16/2021 at 3:52 AM, Hornius Emeritus said:

Not sorry for partying!

Golden tomahawk OK, but wtf pays ten bucks for a sprite.

[RPM 26,434]

2 hours ago, Doc Reeves said:

Groom's mother finds out that bride is her long-lost daughter on wedding day

• BY DALE JOHN WONG - APRIL 6, 2021, 11:01 A.M.

     

 

Stay updated with the latest in Tech, Science, Culture, Entertainment, and more by following our Telegram channel here.

---

On March 31, 2021, a wedding in Suzhou, China was strangely turned into a family reunion when the mother of the groom discovered that her soon-to-be daughter-in-law was actually her long-lost biological daughter.

News reports stated that the incident began unfolding as soon as the groom's mother managed to catch sight of the bride's birthmark located on her hand.

Apparently, the birth mark appeared extremely familiar to the woman – who had last seen it on her daughter many years ago before they were separated.

IMAGE: Oriental Daily

---

With the thought nagging at her, the woman was moved to ask the bride's parents: "Did you, by any chance, adopt your daughter?"

Upon hearing the question, the bride and her family were shocked. Having never revealed the fact, the parents finally relented that they had found the bride by the roadside more than 20 years ago, and had managed to adopt her as their child, whom loved and cared for like their very own.

Reunited at last.

Following the confirmation by her adopted parents, the bride and her biological mother found themselves crying and embracing each other as they celebrated an extremely unexpected reunion.

 

https://sea.mashable.com/culture/15176/grooms-mother-finds-out-that-bride-is-her-long-lost-daughter-on-wedding-day

[Beau Vine 55,069]

[clapclapclap 9,000]

Family sues after California man dies in taco-eating contest

...Marshall Hutchings, 18, alleges in a suit filed Monday that his father, Dana Hutchings, 41, was not made aware of the risks and danger associated with the competition at a Fresno Grizzlies game, the Fresno Bee reported...

...Martin Taleisnik, who is representing the Hutchings family, argued that participants in professional eating competitions train and prepare their bodies for such events.

“But that is not always present in an amateur eating contest,”....

Edited April 7, 2021 by clapclapclap

[Beau Vine 55,069]

 

[DDD Dad 14,435]

2 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

And...of course it's already here.

[nnm 37,091]

https://www.chron.com/news/nation-world/article/Judge-faces-charges-for-masturbating-during-trials-1945301.php
 

Judge faces charges for masturbating during trials

Judge's career ends amid lurid allegations, chargesCase could be a basis for appeals on rulings he made

OKLAHOMA CITY - Jurors and others in Judge Donald Thompson's courtroom kept hearing a strange whooshing noise, like a bicycle pump or maybe a blood pressure cuff. During one trial, Thompson seemed so distracted that some jurors thought he was playing a hand-held video game or tying fly-fishing lures behind the bench.

The explanation, investigators say, is even stranger than some imagined: The judge had a habit of masturbating with a penis pump under his robe during trials.

 

[RPM 26,434]

10 minutes ago, nnm said:

https://www.chron.com/news/nation-world/article/Judge-faces-charges-for-masturbating-during-trials-1945301.php
 

Judge faces charges for masturbating during trials

Judge's career ends amid lurid allegations, chargesCase could be a basis for appeals on rulings he made

OKLAHOMA CITY - Jurors and others in Judge Donald Thompson's courtroom kept hearing a strange whooshing noise, like a bicycle pump or maybe a blood pressure cuff. During one trial, Thompson seemed so distracted that some jurors thought he was playing a hand-held video game or tying fly-fishing lures behind the bench.

The explanation, investigators say, is even stranger than some imagined: The judge had a habit of masturbating with a penis pump under his robe during trials.

 

 

Edited April 9, 2021 by RPM

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

Gonna need pics of the jury before I judge him

[markstanco 12,683]

I’ve had two of them. No more. 

So you've been a dickhead not once but twice in your life?

[nnm 37,091]

8 hours ago, markstanco said:

On 3/17/2021 at 5:59 AM, nnm said:

I’ve had two of them. No more. 

So you've been a dickhead not once but twice in your life?

Well, I am on Surly, so the odds are that it’s a permanent condition. 

[demos 3,019]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9468717/Bizarre-video-shows-dancers-twerking-Commissioning-new-Australian-Navy-ship-Sydney.html

[Sawbonz 27,798]

On 4/9/2021 at 11:52 AM, nnm said:

https://www.chron.com/news/nation-world/article/Judge-faces-charges-for-masturbating-during-trials-1945301.php
 

Judge faces charges for masturbating during trials

Judge's career ends amid lurid allegations, chargesCase could be a basis for appeals on rulings he made

OKLAHOMA CITY - Jurors and others in Judge Donald Thompson's courtroom kept hearing a strange whooshing noise, like a bicycle pump or maybe a blood pressure cuff. During one trial, Thompson seemed so distracted that some jurors thought he was playing a hand-held video game or tying fly-fishing lures behind the bench.

The explanation, investigators say, is even stranger than some imagined: The judge had a habit of masturbating with a penis pump under his robe during trials.