News stories that remind you of Surly

[nnm 36,735]

35 minutes ago, Hornius Emeritus said:

More than 41,000 people have signed petitions to stop Jeff Bezos from returning to Earth after his trip to space next month


https://news.yahoo.com/more-41-000-people-signed-095135367.html

The software running the petition was almost certainly hosted on AWS servers. 99% of those 41,000 people probably have multiple items in their home procured from Amazon. They hate him because they wanna be him. 

[Hornius Emeritus 12,495]

1 hour ago, nnm said:

The software running the petition was almost certainly hosted on AWS servers. 99% of those 41,000 people probably have multiple items in their home procured from Amazon. They hate him because they wanna be him. 

Well, fiery envy, scalding jealousy, scorching contempt and sizzling scorn are the essence of SurlyHorns.   Or at least of me. 

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20,537]

 

'The first vehicle that came through, we found meth, marijuana, and an open alcohol container,' Doyle said. 
'And then one of the occupants had two active warrants... 'We were like 'well, this doesn't bode well for the weekend'.' 

 

 

 

 

 

[RPM 26,374]

9 minutes ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

 

'The first vehicle that came through, we found meth, marijuana, and an open alcohol container,' Doyle said. 
'And then one of the occupants had two active warrants... 'We were like 'well, this doesn't bode well for the weekend'.' 

 

 

 

 

 

I read that this morning and the first thing I thought of was Rednecks with Paychecks makes them look like pussies.

 

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20,537]

 HOME  TECH

Twitch is divided over spandex-wearing creators licking microphones and doing ASMR

 

 

 

ASMR Meta: Twitch Star Amouranth Speaks Out After Being Banned (businessinsider.com)

[Blotto 23,598]

https://www.fresnobee.com/news/local/article252455148.html

Quote

As a 26-year veteran of the Sheriff’s Office, McComas said he has seen and heard some “pretty disgusting things” but Gonzalez’s conduct, tops his list.

She allegedly cut a hole in her uniform to make it easier to have sex with the inmate she was involved with. He also accused her of having sex inside the jail in full view of 11 inmates.

“That is something only a depraved mind can come up with,” he said.

Officer McCombs must not spend much time  surfing internet porn. He probably also finds ketchup too spicy.

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20,537]

1 hour ago, Blotto said:

https://www.fresnobee.com/news/local/article252455148.html

Officer McCombs must not spend much time  surfing internet porn. He probably also finds ketchup too spicy.

Was that wrong? Should she not have done that?  Because I gotta tell you that if anybody had told her that that kind of thing was frowned upon ....

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

7 minutes ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

Was that wrong? Should she not have done that?  Because I gotta tell you that if anybody had told her that that kind of thing was frowned upon ....

[tfoolry 8,246]

Wood

 

[General Specific 3,296]

[Chad Fuck 17,827]

https://www.fresnobee.com/news/local/article252455148.html

As a 26-year veteran of the Sheriff’s Office, McComas said he has seen and heard some “pretty disgusting things” but Gonzalez’s conduct, tops his list.
She allegedly cut a hole in her uniform to make it easier to have sex with the inmate she was involved with. He also accused her of having sex inside the jail in full view of 11 inmates.
“That is something only a depraved mind can come up with,” he said.

Officer McCombs must not spend much time  surfing internet porn. He probably also finds ketchup too spicy.

I wonder what his Surly handle is?

[Hornius Emeritus 12,495]

Largest hailstone in Texas history found near Hondo.  So what reminds me of Surly?

"researchers saw a picture of a different hailstone circulating social media after the storm and thought it may have been larger than this one, but the person who recovered it used it to make margaritas instead."

https://www.dallasnews.com/news/weather/2021/07/02/64-inch-hailstone-dropped-near-san-antonio-confirmed-as-largest-in-texas-history-researchers-say/




 

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20,537]

Massage schools across the US are suspected of ties to prostitution and selling fake diplomas. Many remain open.


https://news.yahoo.com/massage-schools-across-us-suspected-100107791.html

[Scheiss Meister 8,416]

1 minute ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

Massage schools across the US are suspected of ties to prostitution and selling fake diplomas. Many remain open.


https://news.yahoo.com/massage-schools-across-us-suspected-100107791.html

Cue R. Lee Ermey: "Well.  No shit."

[Doc Reeves 6,434]

3 hours ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

Massage schools across the US are suspected of ties to prostitution and selling fake diplomas. Many remain open.


https://news.yahoo.com/massage-schools-across-us-suspected-100107791.html

 

 

“ALSO JUST IN…. UNIVERSITIES IN THE SEC COLLEGE FOOTBALL CONFERENCE MIGHT BE PAYING RECRUITS…” 

[nnm 36,735]

15 hours ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

Massage schools across the US are suspected of ties to prostitution and selling fake diplomas. Many remain open.


https://news.yahoo.com/massage-schools-across-us-suspected-100107791.html

[crash_davis 23,121]

https://www.blabbermouth.net/news/new-zealand-mother-names-her-three-children-metallica-slayer-and-pantera/

A New Zealand mother has reportedly named her three children Metallica, Slayer and Pantera.

[Patricio Swayze 17,058]

I’m pretty sure we know who was involved.

“Police need your help identifying the shooter who opened fire outside of a northeast Houston barbershop after arguing with another man over who won a previous foot race. Officials said the suspected shooter also shot two other innocent bystanders before he fled the scene.”

https://abc13.com/amp/3-people-shot-northeast-houston-shooting-scene-police/10877693/?ex_cid=TA_KTRK_TW&taid=60eb10d6fdc7d300011ff043&utm_campaign=trueAnthem%3A%20Trending%20Content&utm_medium=trueAnthem&utm_source=twitter&__twitter_impression=true

[Gatorubet 30,330]

I’m pretty sure we know who was involved.

“Police need your help identifying the shooter who opened fire outside of a northeast Houston barbershop after arguing with another man over who won a previous foot race. Officials said the suspected shooter also shot two other innocent bystanders before he fled the scene.”

https://abc13.com/amp/3-people-shot-northeast-houston-shooting-scene-police/10877693/?ex_cid=TA_KTRK_TW&taid=60eb10d6fdc7d300011ff043&utm_campaign=trueAnthem%3A%20Trending%20Content&utm_medium=trueAnthem&utm_source=twitter&__twitter_impression=true

“Be on the lookout for a man running from a footrace….”

[RPM 26,374]

1 hour ago, Gatorubet said:

 

 

“Be on the lookout for a man running from a footrace….”

 

 

[Parliament 14,357]

 

https://taskandpurpose.com/news/army-officer-affairs-women/

[RPM 26,374]

57 minutes ago, Parliament said:

 

https://taskandpurpose.com/news/army-officer-affairs-women/

Lt. Col. Richard Kane Mansir, a civil affairs officer based at Joint Base Langley-Eustis, Virginia, has had “serious, long-term relationships” with at least six other women over the last five years, while still married to his wife of 18 years, according to a Daily Beast report. The investigation was first reported by Army Times. 

According to Army service records, Mansir has served with the 91st Civil Affairs Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, and Army Special Operations Command. He commissioned as a second lieutenant in 2003, and has received the Bronze Star, four Meritorious Service Medals, Joint Service Commendation Medal, and three Army Commendation Medals.

Throughout the relationships, Mansir reportedly lied about being on deployments, going so far as to provide at least one woman with deployment papers the Daily Beast said appear to be fake, and receiving the Silver Star. According to his Army record, Mansir previously deployed to Afghanistan in 2011 and 2012; he has also served in Kuwait, Mali and Germany, according to the Army, though they did not specify when. The Daily Beast reported he has not been overseas since 2014.

He has also not received a Silver Star, according to his record.

Mansir reportedly rented a townhouse for one woman he was engaged to, Chelsea Curnutt, while he was living on base and she was pregnant with their child, went on trips with another woman he was engaged to, and even met the womens’ parents. He reportedly told women he was divorced from his wife at the time — whom he was very much still married to and had three children with, and said one of those three children, his daughter, had died. 

“He’s got this playbook,” one woman who was engaged to Mansir in 2017 told the Daily Beast. “He tells these lies about his dead children, about his [post-traumatic stress disorder], his deployments, and all the horrible things he’s had to do. He creates all these imaginary traumas to cloak his lies in.” 

In 2019, the crime of adultery under the Uniform Code of Military Justice was rebranded as “extramarital sexual conduct.” The maximum punishment is a dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of pay, and up to a year of confinement. Lesser punishments include administrative separations or court-martial with reduction of rank, lesser time in confinement, and punitive action.

 

[Gatorubet 30,330]

 
https://taskandpurpose.com/news/army-officer-affairs-women/

So a Sugar Babies app is like a gateway drug?

Also, “Civil Affairs” checks out.

[Blotto 23,598]

https://nypost.com/2021/07/09/turkish-bodybuilder-and-model-banned-from-flight-due-to-attire/

Quote

“I don’t deserve to be treated like the worst person in the world for wearing denim shorts,” Saypinar wrote. “What separates us from animals if humans can’t control even their most primitive impulses.”

 

Edited July 12, 2021 by Blotto

[Dbeasy 15,158]

On 4/1/2019 at 4:17 PM, Kyrie Eleison said:

Tickling Buttholes is not a bad name for a band. 

[General Specific 3,296]

Tickling Buttholes is not a bad name for a band. 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

20 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

arguing with another man over who won a previous foot race.

[ABSR 5,327]

3 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

If he had "Chose not to Run!" this all could have been avoided.

[elfenix 34,364]

https://nypost.com/2021/07/09/turkish-bodybuilder-and-model-banned-from-flight-due-to-attire/

“I don’t deserve to be treated like the worst person in the world for wearing denim shorts,” Saypinar wrote. “What separates us from animals if humans can’t control even their most primitive impulses.”

 
Followers++

['stache 21,895]

On 7/1/2021 at 8:31 AM, Blotto said:

https://www.fresnobee.com/news/local/article252455148.html

Officer McCombs must not spend much time  surfing internet porn. He probably also finds ketchup too spicy.

Quote

She allegedly cut a hole in her uniform to make it easier to have sex with the inmate she was involved with.

So they're saying she wears underwears with dickholes in them?

[Doc Reeves 6,434]

8 hours ago, Blotto said:

https://nypost.com/2021/07/09/turkish-bodybuilder-and-model-banned-from-flight-due-to-attire/

 

This country, man… 

[ScottS 1,076]

I know some on here will not care for all of the clutching of pearls by some of the parents quoted, but any article that has the phrase "Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey" really needs to be on Surly.  Also, "Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey" is some strong band name potential.

London library apologises for bringing actor dressed in bare-bottom monkey costume to children’s event

 

Quote

A London library has apologised for holding an event to encourage children to read during which an actor dressed in a bare-bottomed monkey costume with a fake penis.

 

Footage shared on social media on Saturday showed members of the Mandiga Arts Group at Redbridge Libraries Summer Reading Challenge event at Goodmayes Library in east London.

 

Three performers were filmed outside the event, with one dressed in an ‘inappropriate’ rainbow monkey costume, raising concern from residents.

Writer Janice Turner wrote: “I would really love a detailed breakdown of the commissioning process whereby Redbridge council commissioned the Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey as a means to teach children to read.”

 

Conservative campaigner Has Ahmed said: “Apparently this is meant to encourage kids in Redbridge to pick up reading for summer. Please tell me the rationale behind these indecent costumes that were shown to families and done so publicly. Is this really necessary?”

 

Images also showed the actor inside the library, causing an uproar among parents.

 

One parent said: “Someone needs to lose their job over this.”

 

A second asked: “This is unbelievable. Have we completely lost our moral compass as a society?”

 

Redbridge Libraries have since apologised, ensuring that “this will never happen again.”

 

“During an event put on at the library today there was a performance by a Carnival Arts Company.

 

“Unfortunately one of the animal costumes was inappropriate which we were not aware of at the time of booking,” they tweeted.

“We deeply apologise for the offence caused. This is being looked into.”

 

Redbridge Council said that they did not arrange the event and it was organised by Vision Redbridge Culture and Leisure (RCL), a registered charity and a non-profit organisation, who have “since apologised to residents”.

 

In a statement to the Standard, the council said: “We are utterly appalled by the unacceptable event at Redbridge Libraries on Saturday organised by our independent leisure contractor, Vision.

 

“The contractor had commissioned characters to support the start of the Summer Reading Challenge, but the costume in question was wholly inappropriate for the intended audience.

 

“A full and thorough investigation into how this incident happened has been launched and stringent action will be taken. We sincerely apologise for the offence and distress this has caused.”

 

Council leader Jas Athwal added that all future performances have been cancelled.

 

Mandiga Arts Group also apologised for the offence caused.

 

“We never intended to offend residents. We respect everyone’s individual opinion with no offence to any part,” they wrote.

 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

"Sorry, we thought Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey would be more wholesome than it was"

[Brisketexan 105,478]

Was it THE Rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey, or just A rainbow Dildo Butt Monkey?

['stache 21,895]

Pretty sure I saw him at Times Square handing out with Spider-Man and Winnie the Pooh.

[Sam Lin 3,564]

Handing out what? Mormon leaflets?

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20,537]

Cannabis was first domesticated 12,000 years ago in China, researchers find:

https://www.scmp.com/news/china/article/3141536/cannabis-was-first-domesticated-12000-years-ago-china-researchers-find

[Beau Vine 54,487]

https://www.wral.com/manager-at-rocky-mount-s-ichiban-on-leave-after-recording-onlyfans-video-inside-restaurant/19776189/

 

Quote

Health officials have responded after sexually explicit videos were recorded by a manager inside a Rocky Mount restaurant and uploaded to the internet.

A Rocky Mount resident alerted WRAL News this week to a series of sexually explicit videos on the website OnlyFans, a subscriber-based site where people pay to view content, much of which is sexual in nature.

The videos showed a woman using a banana to simulate sex, and the viewer said that he recognized the woman in the videos as an employee of Ichiban Japanese Steakhouse and Sushi Bar and that she appeared to be filming from inside the restaurant’s office.

A Japanese restaurant menu is visible in one of the videos, along with security cameras showing the interior of the restaurant.

The viewer told WRAL their biggest concern was the woman’s sexual use of a banana, which is served on the restaurant’s menu in its cinnamon banana dessert.

Quote

Restaurant owner Joon Lee said Friday that he had no knowledge of the videos. But after viewing them, he confirmed that they were filmed in his office and that the woman in the videos was Christen Colbert, a manager who has worked at Ichiban for 15 years.

Lee said he has put Colbert on leave while he considers what to do next.

Colbert couldn't be reached for comment.

Lee later told WRAL that Colbert had called him and admitted to filming the videos, adding that, afterwards, she ate the banana herself.

A state Department of Health and Human Services spokesperson said that all of the bananas in the restaurant have been thrown out and that the Nash County Health Department would be working with Lee to make sure “other action deemed appropriate” was taken.

https://www.instagram.com/chrissyamber1122/?hl=en

[Anastasis 23,471]

"...adding that, afterwards, she ate the banana herself."

 

[RPM 26,374]

Bananas Colbert?

You pay extra for that in Vegas.

[WhatTheBuck 28,821]

Not in South Bend. Frank Zappa wrote a song that fits here. Based on a true story.

 

[nnm 36,735]

3 hours ago, Anastasis said:

"...adding that, afterwards, she ate the banana herself."

 

So that banana has visited two of the major orifices, and will soon exit the third. Not bad for a fruit. 

[Doc Reeves 6,434]

https://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-just-caught-chimps-and-gorillas-going-to-war-in-the-wild-for-the-first-time

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

10 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:

https://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-just-caught-chimps-and-gorillas-going-to-war-in-the-wild-for-the-first-time

Hell yeah. I look forward to the 4th reboot of Planet of the Apes.

[DigglerontheHoof 21,263]

13 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:

https://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-just-caught-chimps-and-gorillas-going-to-war-in-the-wild-for-the-first-time

At least half a dozen surlsters would've fucked those chimps up. 

[Brothahorn 10,087]

[El Diablo 4,232]

On 7/22/2021 at 8:55 AM, DigglerontheHoof said:

At least half a dozen surlsters would've fucked those chimps. 

Accuracy. 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

1 hour ago, Brothahorn said:

 

 

Gotta go out on your own terms.

[nnm 36,735]

20 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

 

 

And linked in that story is yet another one that’s spot-on with the Surly crowd. Wonder what his Surly handle was?

Hospital worker dies from heart attack while watching porn

A hospital worker was found dead in The Bronx — with his laptop open and porn playing on it — after suffering a fatal heart attack while apparently masturbating, police sources said.

A colleague found the 48-year-old man on Tuesday morning at North Central Bronx Hospital.

He was naked and appeared to be pleasuring himself at the time of his death, the sources said.

Bronx Homicide was investigating, but said no foul play was suspected.

https://nypost.com/2016/06/08/hospital-worker-dies-from-heart-attack-while-watching-porn/

Edited July 24, 2021 by nnm

[Beau Vine 54,487]

On 7/23/2021 at 2:45 PM, Brothahorn said:

 

 

I'd like to remind everybody that I'm not Japanese. so this is definitely not about me.