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News stories that remind you of Surly

Longboard Horn

By Longboard Horn
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shadow_operative2.0

shadow_operative2.0 16030

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^ And here's one of the write-ups. 

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Well, there's really no way to put this delicately. A Florida driver distracted by receiving intimate services from his passenger lost track of his surroundings and crashed head-on (it only gets worse from here, folks) into a FedEx delivery vehicle in Ft. Lauderdale on Thursday, resulting in "injuries to his private area," WPLG Local 10 reports.

The driver and passenger were apparently driving northbound in an SUV on North Ocean Boulevard when the driver became distracted by his passenger's performance and crossed the center line, striking the delivery van as it traveled southbound near the intersection with Northwest 19th St. Neither occupant of the FedEx vehicle was injured; the only package harmed was the one being attentively gift-wrapped by the passenger of the SUV.

Aerial footage of the aftermath showed both SUV occupants being treated at the scene, pants around their ankles. Other reports indicate that the driver and his passenger were both injured in the collision, which happened while the deed was being done. Despite suffering perhaps the most predictable consequence in the world, the driver appears to have gotten lucky twice over, and the resulting injuries were not reported to be reproductively catastrophic.

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The Missouri Court of Appeals has affirmed that an insurance company must pay a $5.2 million settlement granted to a Jackson County woman who claimed she unwittingly caught a sexually transmitted disease from her former romantic partner in his car. In an opinion issued Tuesday, a three-judge panel found that the judgment entered against GEICO General Insurance Company through earlier arbitration proceedings was valid. The insurance companies sought to undo the action, claiming errors were made in Jackson County Circuit Court and the settlement agreement was not done in line with Missouri law. According to court papers, the woman, identified in court records only as M.O., notified GEICO in February 2021 of her intention to seek monetary damages, alleging she contracted HPV, the human papillomavirus, from an insured member in his automobile. She contended the man caused her to be infected with the STD despite being aware of his condition and the risks of unprotected sex.

 

https://www.kansascity.com/news/article262267902.html

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nnm

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2 hours ago, elfenix said:

Houston-area man arrested for allegedly groping IAH passenger while working as federal customs agent


https://www.yourconroenews.com/neighborhood/moco/news/article/Houston-area-man-arrested-for-allegedly-groping-17244187.php

Article is missing some key information needed to assess the perp’s motivation. 

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Vic Mackey

Vic Mackey 47157

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"A Texas man on a recent Southwest flight was confronted by a flight attendant after allegedly sending “photos of his peepee” to other passengers via AirDrop

In the video he’s seen telling the flight attendant he was “just having a little fun.”

Video of him being confronted on our Instagram"

290605647_558864739209644_60083734588113

 

Swipe right/click right arrow for the video

https://www.instagram.com/p/CfXI0OzuUY1/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y%3D&fbclid=IwAR2Q3feOv4_tAb7Rjlv2ulIE951my0DvxiuJIWIr0bF8wJJCVaREAQuaEIg

Edited by Vic Mackey
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9 hours ago, Parliament said:

Was that wrong?

According to the Karen with the phone, <in the stereotypical sorority up-talk voice> “It’s sexual harassment, it’s sexual assault, it’s disgusting.”

It’s a body part Karen. Larry is a 58-yo balding, overweight idiot <insert surly gag here>. Get over yourself. 

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25 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

So did he take the picture on the plane, or does he just walk around with pictures of his junk on his phone

That occurred to me also. I’m assuming he had a pre-existing photo on his phone. 
Not sure this is really possible, though. I don’t think AirDrop works like that. I’m sitting in an airport lounge and just selected a (non-junk) pic to see what the options were for airdrop sharing. It only gives you the option to select individual recipients, and my settings have “everyone” selected.
I’m throwing the BS flag on the whole thing. 

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Texas Man Dies After Lighting Firework on His Head While Celebrating Fourth of July

A 43-year-old man from San Antonio, Texas has died after he set off a firework on his head amid Fourth of July celebrations.

Per the Houston Chronicle, the Bexar County Medical Examiner confirmed the death of Pablo Ruiz of San Antonio, attributing his death to head injuries sustained during a fireworks explosion on July 5. As KSAT reported, authorities responded to the incident just after midnight on Tuesday. Ruiz was drinking with his friends when he decided to light a “mortar-type” firework off the top of his head.

According to the police report, the firework exploded from the bottom and pierced his head. When authorities arrived at the scene, Ruiz was unresponsive and had severe head trauma. He was pronounced dead there.

The news comes not long after it was reported that an 11-year-old boy from Indiana was killed in a “freak” accident. According to a press release from Indiana State Police, officers responded to calls on Monday that 11-year-old Camrynn Ray McMichael had suffered serious injuries in a firework-related accident. He was pronounced dead on the way to the hospital. 

“I’ll never see my son again over a fucking firework,” said the boy’s mother, Kyrra Lynn, in a Facebook post shared on Monday. “Don’t ever think it can’t happen to yours.” In an interview with WXIN-TV, she described the accident that caused his death as “a tragic freak accident,” and said he “died being a boy and playing with fireworks.” 
https://www.complex.com/life/texas-man-dies-after-lighting-firework-on-his-head-july-4

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4 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Does it remind you of Surly?

Surly 6 months ago. Now post the meme of the girl smiling with the house burning down behind her. bartscottcantwait.gif

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https://local12.com/amp/news/nation-world/man-arrested-after-attempting-to-escape-police-on-lawnmower-florida
 

Man arrested after attempting to escape police on lawnmower
by KAI DAVIS | WEAR Staff
Sunday, July 10th 2022
 

7ca18c51-cd29-4cea-b3ad-39373ea7d9b4-lar
 

A Florida man was arrested Saturday after trying to outrun Okaloosa County deputies by putting his lawnmower into high gear.

Dusty Mobley, 40, is charged with grand theft, grand theft of a vehicle, felony criminal mischief, two counts of resisting an officer, possession of a concealed weapon by a felon, carrying a concealed handcuff key, possession of drug paraphernalia, as well as other felony charges after a warrant was served for his arrest Saturday at 9:30 a.m. at a home on Pasco Broxson Circle.

___________________________

Although he’s a Florida man, he definitely could be surly.

 

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