Jump to content

News stories that remind you of Surly

Longboard Horn

By Longboard Horn
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

nnm

nnm 37894

Posted
Posted

Antique store shoppers see man put items in rectum then back on shelves, Texas cops say
 

Spoiler

A man in Texas was arrested after officials say he was seen inside an antique store placing items in his rectum then putting them back on the shelves.

Constable Mark Herman’s office in Harris County received several calls Feb. 15 about a man inside an antique mall in Spring, according to a Facebook post.

The man was seen taking items from multiple vendors and placing them in his rectum, officials said. Then, he would place those items back on the shelves, according to the constable’s office. 

The man was seen on surveillance footage grabbing items off the shelf and putting the items up his kilt, KPRC reported.

The items were disposed of, according to officials.

A warrant was issued for the man and he was arrested on charges of criminal mischief. He was given a $100 bond.

Spring is about 25 miles north of downtown Houston.

https://www.star-telegram.com/news/state/texas/article285631402.html

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Replies 2k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

RPM
RPM
Armybrat
Armybrat
Parliament
Parliament

Posted Images

Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8466

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, nnm said:

Antique store shoppers see man put items in rectum then back on shelves, Texas cops say
 

  Hide contents

A man in Texas was arrested after officials say he was seen inside an antique store placing items in his rectum then putting them back on the shelves.

Constable Mark Herman’s office in Harris County received several calls Feb. 15 about a man inside an antique mall in Spring, according to a Facebook post.

The man was seen taking items from multiple vendors and placing them in his rectum, officials said. Then, he would place those items back on the shelves, according to the constable’s office. 

The man was seen on surveillance footage grabbing items off the shelf and putting the items up his kilt, KPRC reported.

The items were disposed of, according to officials.

A warrant was issued for the man and he was arrested on charges of criminal mischief. He was given a $100 bond.

Spring is about 25 miles north of downtown Houston.

https://www.star-telegram.com/news/state/texas/article285631402.html

What an asshole thing to do.

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2248

Posted
Posted




It was his wife's chicken salad, and that shit is really fucking good! 

Seriously, it's a fucked-up story:  https://people.com/man-sentenced-murdering-target-coworker-accused-stealing-lunch-8553686

It’s weird that some random coworker can just be some fucked up psychopath waiting to snap. Or at least that’s how a bunch of guys I used to work with put it.
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TexasHooch

TexasHooch 5193

Posted
Posted

‘Deez-Nuts’ arrested, charged with battery

https://www.wfla.com/news/national/man-named-deez-nuts-arrested-charged-with-battery/

A man in Green Bay with a one-of-a-kind first name was taken into custody after an alleged disturbance on the city’s east side.

According to a criminal complaint obtained by Local 5, 42-year-old Deez-Nuts Kroll was arrested following an incident involving a gun. On March 5 around 10 p.m., officers were sent to the 900 block of East Walnut Street for a reported disturbance.

When officers got to the scene, two people were brought to a squad car and placed in the back. Additionally, officers took Kroll into custody and he was reportedly standing outside with no shirt on.

The complaint says that Kroll appeared to be highly intoxicated, but he did follow officers’ commands. It is always mentioned that authorities identified Kroll by his Wisconsin ID card which said ‘Deez-Nuts Lee Kroll’.

image.png.64ba03387fe6058f71cc40fbbf0f8663.png 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
nnm

nnm 37894

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

"The rats are eating all our marijuana ..."


https://www.nola.com/news/crime_police/the-rats-are--all-high-nopd-chief-says-of-vermin-infested-hq-evidence-warehouse-new-orleans/article_88bbef7c-dfc0-11ee-a110-dfcbe69db780.html

 

So the missing marijuana and cocaine is purely attributable to the rats. Ok, chief. 
IMG_2977.gif.29b7bdd41f76fc5eaef71e044447e487.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ScottS

ScottS 1125

Posted
Posted

I mean, there is kill, and then there is overkill.

2 Georgia men indicted on charges of setting off bomb at woman's home and plotting to release python to 'eat' her daughter

Quote

2 Georgia men indicted on charges of setting off bomb at woman's home and plotting to release python to 'eat' her daughter

The men allegedly used the internet to find the victim's home and plotted to mail dog feces to the residence, shoot arrows at her front door and release a snake inside, prosecutors said.
 

Two Georgia men have been federally indicted in connection with a "sinister" plot they allegedly hatched last year to release a python to devour the daughter of one of their ex's, prosecutors announced.

Stephen Glosser, 37, and Caleb Kinsey, 34, of Richmond Hill, were arrested in February 2023 on charges of setting off a homemade bomb at the home of a woman with whom one of them had a previous relationship.

On Thursday, they were indicted on multiple federal charges related to the bombing and their alleged plot — which included mailing dog feces to the ex's home, releasing a snake in her residence, and scalping her, the U.S. Attorney’s Office in the Southern District of Georgia announced.

They had plotted to acquire and release “a large python into the victim’s home to eat the victim’s daughter,” the release said.

The men face charges that include stalking, conspiracy to use an explosive to commit a felony, use of an explosive to commit another felony offense, and possession of an unregistered device. Kinsey was further charged with false statement during the purchase of a firearm and possession of firearms by a convicted felon.

The men had the victim under surveillance from December 2022 to January 2023 “with the intent to kill, injure, harass, or intimidate,” prosecutors said in a news release.

They conspired to shoot arrows into the victim’s front door, mail dog feces or dead rats to the victim’s home, scalp her and blow up her home. 

Glosser located the victim’s home using internet searches and mapped out a path to her residence, prosecutors said. Kinsey then allegedly acquired and built an explosive device at Glosser’s home using Tannerite, which he purportedly purchased online. 

Then the two used it to blow up the victim’s home on Jan. 13, 2023, the prosecutors said. 

On that day, Bryan County emergency services responded to a report of an explosion at a residential structure on Demeries Lake Court in Richmond Hill at 5 a.m., Georgia’s Office of Commissioner of Insurance and Safety Fire said in a release.

A multi-agency investigation found the cause of the explosion was an “IED comprised of a binary explosive compound.” 

No one was injured in the explosion, WTOC of Savannah reported at the time.

The agency announced Glosser and Kinsey were arrested in connection with the explosion. Kinsey had fled the state and was arrested in Louisiana, and Glosser was arrested locally. 

Bryan County Sheriff Mark Crowe previously described the attack as "sinister."

He told WJCL-TV of Savannah that a woman and child had moved into the residence the day before the explosion — and one of the suspects had a prior relationship with the woman.

Glosser and Kinsey are in custody awaiting further court proceedings. The docket for the federal case did not list lawyers for the men.

Prosecutors said that, if convicted, the conspiracy charge carries a statutory penalty of up to 20 years in prison, and the charge of using an explosive to commit a felony carries a penalty of an additional 10 years. The release noted, given these are federal charges, the men won't be eligible for parole. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
nnm

nnm 37894

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, RPM said:

 

That was my childhood. Except mine was on dirt roads. 
Love that he was wearing mom’s orange jumpsuit. And that he didn’t make it. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tex Long

Tex Long 4661

Posted
Posted
52 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:


Wow, they sure buried the Lead; it turns out the guy stole a bunch of stuff, kicked a cop, and ended up with a dozen charges.

Was that before, or after, the divorce?

And probably need pics of kicked cop...

Link to comment
Share on other sites
gofuckyourself

gofuckyourself 9064

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Born to Run said:
1 hour ago, gofuckyourself said:
Lede.
Burying the lead is what Turtle Tom would do.

The leads were weak?

No, HE was weak.

Oh, do I have your attention now?

He called himself a coach? That son of a bitch.

Donors and fans paid good money to get those leads.

You can’t close the leads you’re given, you can’t close shit, you ARE shit. Hit the bricks, pal, and beat it, ’cause you are going out!

(From the play and film: Tom Herman, Turtle Tom)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
locodos

locodos 5590

Posted
Posted

Mexican news channel accidentally airs man’s testicles instead of solar eclipse

 

RCG Media’s 24/7 news programme had been using clips submitted by viewers during their coverage of the rare celestial event. However, the show’s hosts realised that they had been pranked by the viewer, who had sent in a shocking video to the news programme.

While the presenter was discussing the cities which had sightings of the eclipse, images of the event were broadcast to viewers.

The show presented images of the phenomenon, in which the moon can be witnessed totally covering the sun.

The segment was quickly cut when the hosts realised they had instead shown a video of a man blocking the sun with his testicles.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Beau Vine

Beau Vine 55857

Posted
Posted
On 4/12/2024 at 6:36 AM, locodos said:

Mexican news channel accidentally airs man’s testicles instead of solar eclipse

 

RCG Media’s 24/7 news programme had been using clips submitted by viewers during their coverage of the rare celestial event. However, the show’s hosts realised that they had been pranked by the viewer, who had sent in a shocking video to the news programme.

While the presenter was discussing the cities which had sightings of the eclipse, images of the event were broadcast to viewers.

The show presented images of the phenomenon, in which the moon can be witnessed totally covering the sun.

The segment was quickly cut when the hosts realised they had instead shown a video of a man blocking the sun with his testicles.

tumblr_lryiuzBvAl1qdaig0o1_400.gif

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
RPM

RPM 26614

Posted
Posted

So who's a fan of Kulture in Houston?

Houston restaurant employee accused of putting his genitals in food items, possessing child pornography

A Houston restaurant employee is accused of sticking his genitals into open food items at a Harris County restaurant and possessing several videos of child pornography on his cellphone, according to charging documents.

Othello Larenzo Holmes, 27, has been charged with five counts of possession of child pornography and indecent assault.

othello-holmes.jpg?ve=1&tl=1

The investigation was launched on April 4 after a Harris County deputy arrived at the restaurant in downtown Houston to meet with the restaurant’s manager.

The manager showed deputies a video of Holmes placing his penis into open food items at the location, records show.

Holmes reportedly confessed to putting his genitals in jelly, stating “he had a sexual urge, however, he stopped himself before he ejaculated.” He also admitted to having these urges frequently and has a history of sexual offenses, saying he has a problem with these sexual urges and needs help, records show.

According to documents, investigators extracted over 100 images and five videos of child pornography. The videos contained children between the ages of infancy and teens engaged in sexual intercourse and various sexual acts, according to the documents.

Records show an image was also found in the device, showing a chat conversation on Telegram, a social media platform. The conversation was reportedly between Holmes and another username “Princess” in a chat room named the “Devil Lair.”

In the conversation, Holmes says, “Super pervy yesterday. I wish I had access to kids,” and Princess says, “I wish you did too (cry face emoji),” records show.

Two more videos were extracted, which show Holmes fondling his genitals while lying near an unidentified child, who appears to be under 6 years old, according to documents. Investigators stated he was identified as the man in the video by the tattoos on his arm and the bedding seen in other videos.

“We kept investigating this person. And, boy, I’m glad we did, because we got a subpoena for his phone, and we found some really horrible things on his phone. We found child pornography, and we are fearful that he potentially may have and at some point, molested young children,” Precinct 1 Constable Alan Rosen told KPRC 2′s Bryce Newberry.

“When the restaurant found out about this behavior going on, they immediately shut down, to everybody. They had not served a single patron of the restaurant. And they shut down and only had their staff, their cook staff go in and throw away items in the kitchen and or sterilize things and take the appropriate corporate responsible actions to fix the problem,” Rosen said.

Holmes has worked at several restaurants in the area, according to Rosen who also said investigators believe Holmes may have done the same thing at a hotel restaurant where he once worked.

https://www.click2houston.com/news/local/2024/04/26/houston-restaurant-employee-accused-of-putting-his-genitals-in-food-items-possessing-child-pornography/

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Beau Vine

Beau Vine 55857

Posted
Posted
On 4/27/2024 at 5:38 AM, RPM said:

Holmes reportedly confessed to putting his genitals in jelly, stating “he had a sexual urge, however, he stopped himself before he ejaculated.”

Oh, well then, no harm, no foul?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 12049

Posted
Posted

I can just see the defense attorney putting up 2 straight hours of videos of this:

 

 

Your honor and members of the jury, my client didnt train Pookie to drop bricks on people, its just that he, like all dogs, losses his FUCKING MIND when the doorbell goes off and he decided that the only way to stop it from happening was to end the threat.

this wasnt trained, this was instinct. Defense rests.

 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
baboso

baboso 6105

Posted
Posted
On 10/1/2023 at 10:44 PM, Parliament said:

I'm totally not complaining about that scene in the movie, but I can't figure out what the gratuitous nudity did for the story.

It allowed us to see Catalina from My Name is Earl nude.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...