Kids and chores

[midtown 3348]

What kind of chores do you kids do?  I have a massive disconnect from my ex because she is a massive enabler and doesn't require much in the way of chores from our kids.  We split 50%.  12 boy, 9 girl.

In my house when my kids are with me:

In addition to general cleaning up their crap.   Also garbage into the bin and recycles.  They also vacuum rugs and swifter mop sometimes.  They also put away all the groceries when I get back from the store.  Oh and they vacuum out the truck as needed..

They do laundry from start to finish.  My clothes are put in my room and I put mine away.

They are required to put dishes in the dishwasher and unload it.   Sometimes I ask them to hand wash a few things.

My son is starting to mow.

My ex thinks I'm asking too much.  What say the surly a-hole parents?

Edited December 12, 2018 by midtown

[txhorns 2413]

In my house...

14 year old boy - helps to mow, takes out trash, empties dishwasher, helps me with other random shit like putting up Christmas lights.  

5 year old girl - cleans her room and helps little brother clean his plus any messes they make around the house, sweeps sometimes, makes her lunch for school, puts up her folded laundry

3 year old boy - cleans up his messes, puts up silverware from dishwasher, cleans their Fisher Price picnic table they like to eat at, folds all towels after they have been washed

[B00M 6482]

6 hours ago, txhorns said:

In my house...

5 year old girl - cleans her room and helps little brother clean his plus any messes they make around the house, sweeps sometimes, makes her lunch for school, puts up her folded laundry

3 year old boy - cleans up his messes, puts up silverware from dishwasher, cleans their Fisher Price picnic table they like to eat at, folds all towels after they have been washed

My twin girls just turned 1 and this is unimaginable to me. Mind blown

[Spur08 382]

Still working on getting the 18 month old to change her diaper and not throw up on me

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

3 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

Still working on getting the 18 month old to change her diaper and not throw up on me

Same problem with my 9 year old.

[zork 629]

High but reasonable expectations yield results.  Low or no expectations yield not much.  Balance play, help, rest, friends, screen time, reading time, math practice, balanced and portion controlled meals, drinking plenty of water in the mornings and up till about 5pm to keep your digestive system flowing,   with the theory that all of it is necessary but you have to spread your time to all of it to live a healthy life.

Helping the family by loading the dishwasher.  Helping the family by unloading the car after grocery shopping, etc, etc.  Everybody helps and the quicker you focus to get the task done the quicker you can move on to the next fun or help task.

Learning to cook has been great for them as well.  Started by learning to put the biscuits from the can and onto a cookie sheet.  Reading the directions an setting the timer.  Learning about the oven, learning about the stove.  Getting help to put the cookie sheet into the oven the first few times.  Teach and they will learn, but of course you need to have supervision from one parent or the other and both generally give good and sometimes different ways of doing things.

We started that at 5 with both on the cooking.  Now, at soon to be 9 and 11, they can cook brownies from a mix, muffins, etc, etc.    They especially love to do it this time of year as they make stuff for their teachers for Christmas.  We do make your own pizza night on the weekends sometimes. 

Now they help make their lunches in the mornings by checking what is available and making a menu request from one of the parents before they actually make it.  Learning about portion control is key meaning teaching what a portion of XYZ is so they know not to put too much in the bag.

Same with reading, math, etc, etc.  High but reasonable expectations and encouragement can yield positive results.  

It is a mix of helicoptering with an emphasis on continually teaching them to fish, not giving them the fish unless it is absolutely expedient and necessary to do so.  This last sentence with virtually everything in their lives so they will be self sustaining early so they can make mistakes with less risk due to the supervision and honing all their multi-variant crafts.

Reduced or withheld desserts, occasional timeout, are decent negative consequences while extra movie time, more fun pizza type nights, the occasional monetary payment for bigger chores is coming.(mowing the lawn and helping outside for example)

TLDR: Start them very young with the expectation that everyone helps with what they can do and actively expecting the help to happen being ingrained early with decent adult supervision to teach what is to be expected.

[Mole 4333]

I try to focus on small mechanical repairs where the tiny fingers are an advantage.

The chores listed in the OP don't seem excessive as long as they're managed reasonably.

[Moby Ric 2058]

3 kids in my house.  2 girls one boy.  15, 12 and 12.  (blended family)

All kids are expected to make A's in school.  B's are ok, but an opportunity to do better.

All kids do their own laundry, make their own breakfast and clean up after themselves.  Rooms are always clean and beds made every morning.  We have a housekeeper but her job is not to pick up after them.  If wife and I are not around they are able to feed themselves for lunch or dinner and clean up like nothing happened.

They empty and load the dishwasher.  Clear the table after meals.  Take out the trash and recycling.  Feed the dog etc.  We have a yard crew so they don't mess with that.

They are given an allowance, under the understanding that if they do not keep up their end it can be taken away.  They all have bank accounts with debt cards, and I say this jokingly of course but I bet they have more in them than some posters here.  They are smart with money, because we have taught them to be responsible financially.  That is an ongoing lessons as things always change.  All three have expressed wanting a part time job once they are old enough.  Both the wife and I own our own businesses and the kids participate in things needed done from time to time and they are paid to do so.

Our house is structured, clean but relaxed when everyone does what they are expected to.  And that happens 99 days out of 100.  We strive for balance and we are a tight unit, we are a very close family.  My wife and I have a saying that we expect big, but we reward big too.  We feel our job is to teach them to take care of themselves so that when they are 18 they can.  

[midtown 3348]

Ok..seems like my chores are reasonable and its not like I do nothing.. I do the bulk of the work and I have a maid that comes twice a month for the deep cleaning.   My kids are GREAT kids but they are a handful.  They have everything they could possible need and then some.  They also get to travel a lot and have already been to 3 countries, and NYC twice so complaints about how hard their life is falls on deaf ears.   I've always read that kids who do chores score much better on tests, get better grades in college and are much better adjusted to life and it creates a sense of "family" which is especially important in a divorced situation.  Now off to continue having them scrub the decks

Edited December 13, 2018 by midtown

[RollLeft 5045]

Keep up the good work Midtown.  

[Helobious 9467]

My dad had me pushing around the lawnmower when I was 6. He'd leave the handle folded in so I could grab and walk with it. Of course I could hardly push it straight and he'd make me go back and even out the parts I'd messed up. I gained nothing from it other than a passionate hatred of lawn mowing for the rest of my life. I've always been a slow runner as well so all that leg-driving I was doing didn't pay dividends either. I think giving kids chores is good, but giving them a task they just can't handle yet can be very counter-productive. 

 

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

My 8 year old just changed the oil in her mom's car.

[TXLNGHRN10 341]

On 12/12/2018 at 10:21 AM, midtown said:

What kind of chores do you kids do?  I have a massive disconnect from my ex because she is a massive enabler and doesn't require much in the way of chores from our kids.  We split 50%.  12 boy, 9 girl.

In my house when my kids are with me:

In addition to general cleaning up their crap.   Also garbage into the bin and recycles.  They also vacuum rugs and swifter mop sometimes.  They also put away all the groceries when I get back from the store.  Oh and they vacuum out the truck as needed..

They do laundry from start to finish.  My clothes are put in my room and I put mine away.

They are required to put dishes in the dishwasher and unload it.   Sometimes I ask them to hand wash a few things.

My son is starting to mow.

My ex thinks I'm asking too much.  What say the surly a-hole parents?

My boys are 11 and 9 and you are doing the same thing I am. They struggle a little with laundry, but are good with all the others.

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

My daughters (9 and 13 no pics) clean their room and do barn chores.  I have a wife that doesn't pick up after herself and is a slob, so I can't expect too much from my kids.  

[William_Cannon 86]

Midtown, that sounds reasonable but I would never let my kids do my laundry for fear they would mess up my clothes. My only other suggestion is that you do chores along with them so you are working as a team. After dinner, everyone helps with clearing the table and washing the dishes. When it’s time to clean house, one dusts, one vacuums, and one does the floors, etc.

 

Also, this way you knock the work out faster so you have more time for fun...really good thing since you only have them 50%.

 

[Nueces River Rat 5548]

On 12/12/2018 at 10:21 AM, midtown said:

What kind of chores do you kids do?  I have a massive disconnect from my ex because she is a massive enabler and doesn't require much in the way of chores from our kids.  We split 50%.  12 boy, 9 girl.

In my house when my kids are with me:

In addition to general cleaning up their crap.   Also garbage into the bin and recycles.  They also vacuum rugs and swifter mop sometimes.  They also put away all the groceries when I get back from the store.  Oh and they vacuum out the truck as needed..

They do laundry from start to finish.  My clothes are put in my room and I put mine away.

They are required to put dishes in the dishwasher and unload it.   Sometimes I ask them to hand wash a few things.

My son is starting to mow.

My ex thinks I'm asking too much.  What say the surly a-hole parents?

Sound like you are on the right track man.    There is a reason your ex is your ex.

You need to have them learn to cook as well at their current age.   Not saying for your purpose alone, but in case something happens like you get ill or are late coming home, they can fend for their own and don't have to wait for you to cook something or order take out.  

And just simple stuff too like Spaghetti, burgers, tacos, etc.  Stuff that takes less then 20 mins to make and is not necessarily process food either.

 

[gsoda3 3283]

Huh, we're behind schedule apparently.

[Chewbacca 7787]

In my house, chores are met with a combined reaction of apathy and anger.  Drives me fucking crazy.

[Revolution512 1495]

Contemplating letting my 9 year old boy mow this next summer during which he will turn 10. Not sure he’s tall enough just yet

[zork 629]

13 hours ago, Revolution512 said:

Contemplating letting my 9 year old boy mow this next summer during which he will turn 10. Not sure he’s tall enough just yet

We started our ten year old on just pushing it straight to get a feel for it.  I'd turn it and let him go down the path.  Showing him how not to pull it back over your feet, duh.  We worked our way to letting him turn it some.  He's getting it but not yet ready for unsupervised mowing.

He wants to learn so he can get a few neighborhood yards for cash later on.  

[Nueces River Rat 5548]

17 hours ago, Revolution512 said:

Contemplating letting my 9 year old boy mow this next summer during which he will turn 10. Not sure he’s tall enough just yet

I was mowing grass at the age, maybe younger.   And push mowers were much heavier back then and didn't come standard  with self propelled.  

Just let him get the hang of it on a flat surface and then gradually introduce him to inclines.  Mowing in square like pattern vs back and forth is easier too.